Update, update! I've been sick for a few days so I've taken to writing when I can't sleep. So here's the next chapter. It's kind of filler, but I like to think it's good filler. Reveals a lot about James and Lily at any rate. So read on! And don't forget to review on your way out!!!!!

Chapter Ten

He was pinned against the wall. His arms were useless and his wand was nowhere to be found. In his ears, the sound of malicious and fanatical laughter reverberated through his ears.

He had been foolish to arrive before his parents. These weren't young Death Eaters; they were very experienced and had dealt with him easily. He growled low in his throat at his weakness. He had trained for this significantly and had blown his first chance at a real fight. He'd be kicking himself for days even after his parents had finished with him, especially if the young woman in front of him died because of him.

She was kneeled, pleading in front of the ominous form of Lord Voldemort. An extremely powerful witch, and Muggle born at that, she'd been on the run for weeks. Apparently the dark wizard had finally caught up with her.

He winced as the girl fell to the ground literally vibrating with the pain of the Dark Lord's curse. He couldn't stand watching the poor girl suffer.

"That's it," a high, silky voice reached his ears as he struggled against the rising bile in his throat. "Enjoy it, boy. You will join me and do it yourself one of these days. I promise you."

"Never," he snarled and he saw out of the corner of his eye the bloody red eyes of the Dark Lord regard him in amusement.

"We shall see about that. Avada Kedavra!"

"No!" He shouted and watched in horror as the young woman collapsed with eyes staring wide and blank into his own. He struggled against invisible bonds as those soft brown eyes turned into a small girl he hadn't known, then became the blue eyes of Alice McCoy, and countless others he knew before finally resolving into those emerald depths he had come to love so much.

He felt his stomach rising in his horror and grief but couldn't tear his eyes from the still form of the beautiful red head, dead at his feet.

"No…"

James sat straight up in his four-poster bed, quite alone, but visibly shaking and covered in sweat. It wasn't the first time he had dreamed of the girl he had fought so hard to save the previous summer, but since his last meeting with Bellatrix the dream and morphed, included people he loved and cared for. He didn't know if the Dark Lord could reach him, deep within Hogwarts as he was, but he felt confident that Lord Voldemort would have been very pleased with the grief that continually haunted him every night. He was equally as sure that if he had to look into Lily's dead, unseeing eyes another night he was going to go completely mad.

He fisted a hand in his hair and laid back into his pillow. His hands still shook as he rolled onto his side. He was positive he wouldn't be getting anymore sleep that night.

Lily sat with Bella in the Gryffindor common room staring dismally at her essay. It felt wrong to be doing something so normal when everything going on inside her was so very NOT normal and completely chaotic.

After a single peaceful night's sleep in James arms after their ordeal, her dreams had returned with a vengeance and now included a play by play of watching that poor innocent child die at her feet and reliving the nightmare of Bellatrix's curse that had made her dream she had killed her own family. But the worst ones by far were the ones where she ran to James for comfort and protection and he turned her away, words of blame and accusation falling from his lips…always, always telling her she had been a mistake.

She had woken every night since that night with James with tears standing out in her eyes and a horrible guilt and embarrassment sitting in her gut. Needless to say, she wasn't getting much sleep.

"Lily you need to talk to someone," Bella interrupted Lily's tired thought process and looked directly into guarded emerald eyes. "This is going too far. You look like you haven't slept in days."

Lily sighed and ran her fingers through her hair, "You're right, Bels. Of course, you're right. I just can't seem to get the nightmares to stop. I keep seeing that little girl every night, always just out of my reach."

"Well that at least shows you're still human," Bella said exasperated, though her heart was breaking a little for the sadness in her friend's eyes. "Stop trying to be so strong. You watched someone die, for Merlin's sake. It's okay to grieve."

Lily looked at her best friend blankly. Grieve? She hadn't even considered grieving for herself. She was too busy being angry with herself for not being able to do more and then weakly allowing herself to give in to James. It had never occurred to her to grieve. Suddenly she felt her eyes fill with tears and she stared blankly at her friend's sympathetic gaze.

"Oh my god," she whispered quietly and let the tears come.

Bella stood and silently climbed into the chair with her best friend. She wrapped her arms around her and let Lily's tears dampen her shoulder. She was relieved to finally see emotion from her best friend. For days, it had been nothing but a confused and empty stare that might has well have belonged to a zombie. It had been almost unbearable, especially when she had seen Lily nearly crumble every time James Potter sent her any kind of look.

"Oh Bella, I'm sorry," Lily whispered, speaking between the hitches in her breathing. "I didn't know. I wasn't prepared for this. So much has happened."

"You don't need to tell me that or apologize," Bella said and hugged her friend tight. "I've seen the look in your eyes these past few days, and that scared me enough. You've been through a lot. More I think than you're letting on."

Lily finally lifted her head and smiled at the comforting brunette who was her best friend, "Have I ever told you how lucky I am to be your friend?"

"Nope," Bella grinned and waggled her eyebrows, "But now that I have been told I expect a little more appreciation now and then."

Lily let out a watery laugh and hugged her best friend; unaware of the silent scrutiny she was under.

James watched in jealousy, as the two girls curled up in the chair shared some much need comfort and laughter. He had watched in pain as Lily finally got the release he knew would never come for him. She was lucky she had someone as perceptive as Bella, and as understanding. Dealing with the guilt and grief of failing to save someone's life was a heavy load to bear. Add to it the fact that the person you loved was in pain as well and you couldn't do a damn thing about it, well, it left a person pretty torn up.

"Why don't you just go talk to her?" Somehow or another, Sirius had found his way up behind him and, as usual, knew exactly what was running through his mind.

"It's more complicated than that, Padfoot," James sighed and run his hands through his messy hair as he turned away from the girls. He turned with Sirius and headed up to the seventh year dormitory with him.

"This isn't just about the fight is it?" Sirius said concerned, remembering the look James had worn at breakfast the only days before when Lily had walked in. He glanced behind at the dark look on his friend's face, "What happened between you two?"

James shrugged and followed Sirius into the dorm they had shared for seven years, "What I had meant to happen all along, only it got a lot more complicated. I think I might love her, Padfoot."

Sirius let out a low whistle, well aware of what it had taken for his best mate to admit that to him. James Potter didn't fall in love, and certainly not with the girl he had declared unshaggable in their fifth year. Poor James, he thought. Every time they turned around something else was happening to force his playful friend to grow up.

Sirius had experienced the aftermath of James' first fight with the Death Eaters, and had for the first time seen weakness and devastation in the eyes of someone he considered his brother. He had been there in the nights when James had woken from disturbing dreams, and taken many a midnight fly with him as James desperately tried to outrun his guilt. He had been there also when James had received his letter congratulating him on being Head Boy. He had been the only one who had seen the depression beneath the excited front he had shown to his parents. Since the day James had welcomed Sirius into his home when he had finally left his, they'd always been there for each other.

All jokes and pranks aside, Sirius always knew when it was serious for James. And this time he was more than certain, with the red head downstairs, it was serious. Lily was it.

"What happened?" Sirius regarded his friend sympathetically as James ran frustrated fingers through his hair again.

"I don't know," he just shook his head. "I brought her back to my room after the fight. I just needed to keep her safe, know that she was all right. I know what it's like to go through what she went through. I didn't want to her to be alone. She woke up when we got there. She wanted to have sex."

Sirius looked at him in shock, "She what?"

The side of James' mouth lifted in an unmistakable smirk, "Watching people die does strange things to you. The only thing was it wasn't just about fucking her anymore, Padfoot. It didn't feel right. For the first time in my life, I wanted something more out of it."

"Okay, so you shagged her but you love her," Sirius replied trying to lighten James' mood. "Obviously you weren't your normal uninterested self the next morning. Was she upset?"

James frowned, "That's just it. She played it off like it was nothing, like it didn't matter. She made it clear she didn't want to get attached."

Oh boy, Sirius thought. And for the first time in your life, James, you do want to get attached. Sirius had to refrain from shaking his head in pity. His friend was probably in for some heartbreak, but he tried to be hopeful, "Why don't you go talk to her about it. Give her a hint about how you feel."

James snorted and his lip lifted in a sneer, "As if she'd believe me. She thinks my only goal in life is to shag every attractive female under the sun."

Sirius laughed outright, "Well it was at one point, if I recall."

James couldn't help his grin, but it saddened as he became thoughtful again, "And anyway, she's dealing with a lot right now. Knowing what she's going through, the frustration of dealing with the guilt and the grief…I could never bring myself to heap something else on her. That's the last thing she needs."

Or maybe it isn't, Sirius thought but decided it was better to keep quiet as James' mood turned black again.

"Besides," he scowled at himself in the mirror. "Miss Know It All made it quite clear she didn't want me or need me. I should be the giving soul and oblige her, being in pain as she is."

Sirius knew James better than anyone else in the world. He was stubborn, as stubborn as they came. And so was Lily Evans. Both of them were obviously in pain at the moment, and both incredibly put out by each other's reactions to something neither of them had intended to happen. Sirius had a feeling the rest of term would be…interesting, to say the least.

"Damn it, James!" Lily was seething as she stared around the common room that she shared with the boy she regretfully called Head Boy.

She hadn't slept well again and she had been desperate for a hot shower, with lots of pleasant steam and blissful silence. But unfortunately, articles of clothing were strewn about the room, obviously female, and conveniently within plain sight of her room. It had set her off immediately. She glared around her. It was as though they were strategically placed, like he had done it on purpose.

"Bloody prick," she muttered and whipped out her wand just as James' door opened and a giggling blonde girl shuffled out wearing a pair of his boxers and a t-shirt.

Lily felt her face go crimson and waited in silence while the girl tried her best to hide her smile as she collected her clothes and beat a quick retreat from Lily's black stare.

"Morning Evans," James said sounding rather grumpy himself. The twittering little fool that had just left his room had been worse that he'd expected. His plan had been to forget things for a while, bury himself in something soft and curvy. But the poor little blonde hadn't compared to his crimson haired siren, and he had spent yet another sleepless night with the sixth year wrapped annoyingly around him. It said something about how distracted he was that he had actually let her spend the night. It just wasn't his style.

"Think you're funny, do you?" she snapped and her eyes slightly resembled green fire. "Rub it in my face that you've already moved on to bigger and better things. Think you're clever? Next time you bring someone home to play with, do me a favor and have her strip where I can't see the aftermath. I'd prefer not to wake up to someone else's panties and bra staring me in the face!"

James frowned at her, was he really in love with this girl? Her breath huffed out after her speech and had her looking adorably angry and embarrassed. Yes, yes he most definitely was. Too bad she hated his guts. He winced slightly, and he had to admit that not cleaning up after himself had been a mistake. He wasn't going to get anywhere with her if she thought he hadn't changed.

"An apology might be what you're searching for in that sex crazed brain of yours," Lily suggested, her words dripping with sarcasm. It was his fault she was so worked up, she reasoned. All she'd wanted was to start her morning with a hot shower. It wasn't too much to ask.

And it had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that he had slept with someone else. Absolutely nothing.

He smirked slightly but had the decency to look apologetic, "Sorry, Evans. Didn't mean to get in your way or ruin your morning."

"Right," she ground out through her teeth and wanted desperately to slap those damned lips off his face. "Well make sure your good intentions actually work next time."

"I'll do that," James hid his grin and headed towards the bathroom. "Maybe if you had someone else's underwear lying around once in a while you wouldn't be so cranky in the morning."

Picking at her, he decided, wasn't the best way of getting her to come around, but he just loved seeing that temper spark in her eyes. He'd get around to wooing her sooner or later. James Potter always got his way, one way or another.

Lily stared after him in outrage, her mouth gaping as she struggled for words.

Inspiration finally struck, however, and she let out a string of names that had even James raising an eyebrow and turning back to look at her bright red face.

"Careful, Evans. There's a little vein sticking out in your forehead," he sniggered as she clenched her fists in fury. "I've heard that's not healthy."

"Unbelievable! You callous, low life excuse for a human being!" she was pushing and she knew it but he was pushing, and all the right buttons damn him.

"Why thank you," he turned and went into the bathroom his mood much improved. There was nothing like stirring her up in the morning to put him on an even keel. He'd get around to thinking about how he was going to make her fall in love with him, but at the moment he was pleased to see that passionate emotions had replaced the dull, blank look she'd taken to wearing lately.

Lily stared after him speechless. Wasn't it just like him to not give a damn? He'd gotten under her skin, made her start bloody falling in love with him, and he was already shagging another girl. She wondered vaguely why it surprised her. Turning with a sigh she made to go back to her room and only then realized where she had been headed.

She turned back around to glare at the firmly closed door to their only bathroom. That did it. He had officially ruined her morning.

….and somehow managed to make her forget her nightmares.

Gosh, they're so in love I can barely stand it and neither of them realize. They're both so hardheaded lol BUT, I love them and am totally caught up in this at the moment. So, let me know what you thought, there's a resolution coming soon I think. I'm never entirely sure what my brain will come up with next...but they have to get together eventually right?? lol

please, please, please, please, please, REVIEW!!!! My goal is ten new reviews for this chapter (I'm currently at 29). So help please!!

Thanks bunches.