Youth - Daughter
(because Jessica asked for the song to be placed on top)
She didn't know how to react.
Honestly.
His voice was smoldering fire, making her bones stick and her mouth dry. The constraint of her camisole seemed to increase twofold as she stuttered to a stop, a mere foot away from Sokka. Toph suddenly became aware of the claustrophobia the room presented, and the heat of so many bodies pressing in on her, beads of sweat breaking out on her forehead as her insides burned from shame and hate and desire. She swallowed, the sand of lit organs grating her throat, wishing for the glass of cool drink she had left behind as her mind scrambled to think of how to respond. What did one usually do, anyway, when the man they (once) loved turned up, out of the blue, for the first time in eighteen moons? When they had been weaning themselves off him and nearly self-destructed in the process?
What was the socially acceptable, emotionally ambiguous way to respond then?
Toph thought of snubbing him, gliding past him in her evening finery without so much as a cool nod of recognition in his direction. She imagined him stepping back in surprise, hurt; she would leave him in the wake of her floral bath, grimly satisfied for being able to induce pain unto him, the way he did her. She considered punching him in the gut- hard- and continue pummeling him into the earth till someone pulled her off him. Beat him until he was bruised and broken and bleeding, the way she had been for nearly a year.
She deliberated simply walking into his arms, letting the weight upon her shoulders fall into his embrace. She could feel his heartbeat rolling off him in waves, and she longed desperately to let her body sway into the deep, let herself go. How comfortable would it be to close her eyes, letting all her hostility towards Sokka drain off into the flood of his arms and have him hold her close?
The proud, arrogant part of her bit back, refusing to relinquish her overwhelming hold. Toph was rock and she would not melt or yield to the water, no matter how persistent her hunger. She ended up averting her glassy eyes, pointing them in the direction of the solid, consoling marble tiles. She mumbled a greeting, awkwardly locking her short arms around his tall frame as he stepped in to give a hug that was both welcome and frightening. His touch had changed subtlety; the weather-beaten calluses had softened, refined from the lack of hunting they saw nowadays, nearly pillows on her exposed shoulders. His embrace was tighter this time, fierce and lingering like candle's flame, the strength in his arms brimming and overflowing into her small frame that she was afraid her ribs would crack under the pressure, both external and internal.
They had drifted back to the rest, her hand resting in his as she allowed herself to be pulled along, dazed and drunk, whether from the potency of the alcohol or his presence, she wasn't sure. Indecision flooded her brain as she tried to participate in the ensuing conversation, the corners of her mouth straining upwards as Sokka mocked-tackled Aang upon learning of his sister's pregnancy. Discomfort lurked in her gut, her shoulders drawn upwards and tense in her position. She felt so uneasy, unable to pinpoint her exact emotions as her heartbeat spiked when Sokka hooked her arm through his, making light of all the nobles around them and whipping out his worst puns.
He was here in person, after so long. After months of waiting, tears, rushed letters and fists slamming into stone, he had his arm entwined round hers, discreetly slipping dashes of beer into their punch glasses just like old times, just what she wanted.
Toph admitted it would be lying to herself if she claimed to be over Sokka. A small chunk of her heart still resided in his careless, clumsy hands, strong and oblivious enough to squeeze it till water dripped and her eyes brimmed. He was without a care in the world now, physically linking his arm with hers; she could feel his torso twist to look down at her, engaging her in conversation as she took nonchalant sips from her glass.
Toph was pleased when her cheeks didn't flush, that she remained unruffled and was able to direct a well-aimed dig at him once or twice, eliciting the familiar smile in his voice she loved. Yet it felt strange, two adults playing games from childhood. She was wary of Sokka, guarded against the speed of her heart, conscious of the watchful gazes on the two of them from the others. The entire experience was unreal, his corporeal existence abruptly replacing the ghosts he had left behind for eighteen moons without so much as a warning to soften the blow. The space had shrunk in that time, tamed and obedient, now monstrously alive and bursting with Sokka, her head unable to accommodate the change in mass. She couldn't help but replay the last time they had seen each other, feeling ever troubled. His empty promise echoed around her head, the intoxicating smell of panda lilies rising to her nostrils, mingling with the scent of burnt papers and the sound of falling stone.
She had told herself once that they could be friends if she tried. Now, as the hurt surged through her veins, she wasn't so sure.
She was roused from her silent contemplation by a loud bang. The world snapped back into focus as she pressed her feet into the marble tiles; the guests seemed to be converging onto the balconies protruding from the ballroom, their wooden slides thrown open to reveal the studded night sky. Toph heard more bursts she now recognized as fireworks, wincing at the onslaught of noise mercilessly attacking her eardrums; she had forgotten King Kuei set the lavish decorations off every special occasion, beginning with the end-of-war celebrations held nine years ago. She began backing away to the doors, to respite, the crowd cooing appreciatively at the visual spectacle around her.
Sokka's hand tightened its grip on hers, questioning her movements, then finding the answer as she opened her mouth to reply.
'Let's go someplace quieter,' he suggested, helping her push through the advancing mass of people. It was reminiscent of the way he had guided her countless times in preceding years, causing a pang in Toph's stomach and a confused sigh in her breath.
Suddenly she was twelve and young again, her body innocent and clean of all her demons, Sokka a thread weaving across the falling debris on airships and Earth Kingdom nobles, a guide to sanctuary. She felt the same hand that was different, larger and stronger with the palm bearing softened scars and healed wounds; but they were still hanging on to her own tightly, no hesitation in those long fingers, an old tendency carrying on.
They adjourned to the gardens. The leafy canopy above deadened the bangs and whistles, the chirps of horse crickets foremost in their realm. The appreciative cheers of the crowd were reduced to a soft hum, their surroundings hushed, save for the occasional stirrings of windswept vegetation beneath her feet. He had let go of her hand by now, Toph leading the way to a wooden bench off the garden pathway. He helpfully wiped the damp seat with his handkerchief, presenting it to her with a flourish and a smile she did not return. She avoided facing him, a worry line crinkling her porcelain face. Toph perched on the edge of the bench gingerly, allowing her short legs to reach the ground while Sokka plopped himself down, making the beams creak beneath his weight. Silence hung in the air between them, interrupted by firework bursts at intervals, thickening the invisible wall that had risen from the moment they had met.
'I forgot you didn't like fireworks,' he commented, folding the cloth neatly and slipping it into his breast pocket.
She shrugged. 'Too loud, and nothing for me to see, anyway.'
Sokka waited. The horse crickets chirped. 'So… I see you kept the space rock I got you,' Sokka glanced sideways at his companion, hesitantly gesturing towards the band circling her arm, attempting another jab at conversation.
She started, jerking her hand up to brush across the accessory self-consciously, protectively, then dropped her hand back to her lap, giving a defiant nod. 'Yeah.'
'It looks nice on you.' Sokka paused, receiving no more than the drawing of her penciled eyebrows together over those sightless eyes. He continued, relentless: 'I grew a beard. Did you know?' He stroked the aforementioned fuzz, the obvious pleasure seeping through his tone annoying Toph.
She rolled her eyes, her tongue whipping out for an acid attack. 'It's probably even more pathetic than Haru's moustache.'
She could sense the clenching of the muscles in his jaw at her short, snide comments, hurt although he had been prepared for her usual barbs, trying to work out what was going on. In turn, she balled her own fists up, infuriated at both their attitudes. Sokka gave an audible sigh, tilting his head up, admiring the dazzling display visible from a gap in the canopy as Toph continued her blank gaze, carefully pointed forwards. Splashes of colors filtered through the canopy, the fireworks forming various shapes by the skilful wielding of earthbenders. As one firework exploded into a familiar outline, he prodded his companion excitedly, pointing upwards and urging, 'Toph! They made a firework of Aang, look!'
The last of the fireworks faded just as Toph deigned to turn to him, her lips parted in disbelief; his ocean met her mint, one ironically warm and confused, the other narrowed and icy. It took a long, awkward moment for the animated expression on Sokka's face to slide off like paste, leaving behind features arranged in guilt.
'Uh,' he began. She knew he was reaching behind his head to fiddle with his wolftail, a habit of his, another little prick edging its way through her chest.
'Sorry. I guess I forgot that…' He paused, frenetically searching for a more eloquent phrase before finishing lamely, 'You're blind.'
'Give the man a prize!' Toph snapped back, crossing her arms and wheeling around so that her back faced Sokka's bewildered gaze. Her unforgiving curls smacked her in her face, but she was so incensed the sharp sting hardly registered. Angry blotches of red disfigured the shimmer of blush across her cheeks, her compact muscles shaking in their yearning to chuck some rocks at Sokka to alleviate the growing tension within her.
Through the film of rage hung around her, she felt the stirring of his sinewy frame as he moved along the bench closer to her, the inhaling deeply that signaled an impending speech. She knew his arm was bending over backwards once again to run his lean fingers through his hair before it even happened, knew even before him that his mouth was opening to speak.
'Look, Toph,' he sounded frustrated, tugging at a few longer strands. 'I don't mean to be offensive, but what's wrong with you? What's going on? Did something happen? You haven't even punched me once since I got here.'
She breathed fire, the air rushing in through her trachea, fanning the flames that were already burning. 'My punching people,' she growled, barely civilized, 'Is a sign of affection.'
'What does that have to do with any….' He sprang up from his seat, weight firmly balanced in his shoes, arms flailing in wild, indignant gestures; she felt the spurt of energy slow, his stance gradually losing confidence. Again she could practically feel the cogs in his brain as they worked furiously, processing the deliberate inflection on her final word, slower than and catching up to their owner's mouth as comprehension eventually dawned.
'Oh.'
Toph felt his body slump back down onto his vacated seat, his heartbeat vanishing for a second as his legs swung upwards before thudding back down in a motion reminiscent of a flopping fish. Sokka groaned, doubling over to balance his head on a hand. When he spoke, his tone was cautious and steeped with guilt. 'What did I do this time?'
She uncrossed her legs, removing her arm band in a fluid action and running her thumb over the smooth surface, turning it serrated. Toph kept her expression neutral, almost blank as she replied, as carefully as she could, 'You broke your promise to me.'
Sokka blinked. 'Promise? What promise?'
To Toph, that innocent answer felt as if Zuko was burning her all over again, the blaze writhing up from her feet and consuming her entire body. She fought to subdue the dull constriction of her throat as she heaved, inhaled smoke filling her corrupted lungs. A detached part of her brain wanted to laugh, to imbibe the moment with a sarcastic, cutting remark at Sokka's expense at how characteristic it was for him to forget such a thing. The rest of her felt numb, upset but not surprised at the fact that her best friend had apparently no notion of, in her opinion, what was the most important pledge he had ever sworn to her.
Toph took a breath to steady herself, smoothing out the jagged surface of her space rock with her bending. 'The South Pole?' she suggested, arching an eyebrow. 'Your wedding? Something about, I don't know, how you were my best friend and that you'd always be there for me?'
Her voice was clear and cutting, metal blades dashing out from behind a mockingly thoughtful intonation. A familiar scorching feeling in the region where her tear ducts were located; her stomach flipped over with the growing anger she felt as she spoke, reliving the painful memories originating from that moment. She didn't have the patience to await his excuse- he had had eighteen months to explain, failing to make use of them to satisfy her, aiding and abetting the worst instances in her short life. Toph plunged on, riding on the waves of lava seeming to erupt from the volcano that had remained dormant for so long.
'Eighteen months, Sokka,' she spat, a muscle leaping noticeably in her jaw as she bore down on the Water Tribe Ambassador. 'That's how long it took for you to come and see me- and before that? Yeah, barely any letters till Sparky got on your back about it, and even then they were all short and Dear My Most Precious Diary-like entries. You hardly ever asked about me, or offered to come and see your supposed best friend. I had to stay in the same place for weeks at a time, terrified that I'd miss your letter when in actual fact, there wasn't even one to send anyway!'
She stopped for a breath, before launching back into her rant as she felt the muscles around Sokka's mouth work. 'Don't even think about trying to save your sorry ass with some miserable, well-thought out excuse,' Toph snarled, digging a finger into his chest. 'You've had plenty of time for that, and what have you done? Zilch, zero, absolutely nothing!' Her fingers flew, manipulating her space rock into a dagger, stabbing it dangerously close to Sokka's leg in the bench, splintered wood falling to the grass beneath.
She felt the thin trail of wetness sliding down her cheek before she realised she was crying. Toph brushed it off angrily, smudging the mascara into a dark, malevolent streak, turning away from Sokka, who reached out for her arm and let his hand fall on empty air. The only times she had dared to shed her tough exterior in front of him occurred when she was twelve, when he had listened to her seethe about her mother and when only he stood between her and death.
Toph missed the sweet, thoughtful fifteen year old warrior she fell in love with, who cracked bad jokes and invented ridiculous words, tickling her and making her feel like one of the family. She used to marvel at his intelligence, the innovative methods he came up with to save them more than once. She wondered now if he missed the girl he knew nine years ago, all sarcasm and independence, always striving to prove her worth. Time had passed, modifying their nascent identities into something she felt was so divergent from their friendship ages ago. Sitting here, listening to his evolved heartbeat in her evening garb and heavy hairstyle, Toph felt aged and jaded, sentimental over lost youth and its accompanying adventures.
His fingers closed around her hand, his touch sorrowful and warm. 'Toph…'
She flexed her fingers, wriggling out of his hold and clasping her hands together, forcing air through the blocked passage of her nose. 'I get that you have a family. I get that you're busy with your job. But would it have killed you to write to me regularly, or just made me feel like I was worth your time?' Her voice was slightly nasal, cracking towards the end, her eyes swimming but defying gravity. 'I wanted to see you during so many events, but you weren't there. Earth Rumble sucked without my best friend. And you know I hate flowers- panda lilies? Really?' Her laugh was harsh, at odds with the sickened expression on her face.
'Don't even get me started on what happened- or didn't, actually- on my birthday. Best friend- I sure didn't feel like any kind of friend for the past few months. You just made me feel like the seventh wheel in everyone's life, the Avatar's earthbending teacher who had overstayed her welcome.' Toph bit her lip, painfully aware of the can of worms she was opening up; still, she intended to finish what she had started.
'It was hard for me, Snoozles, to go through all that, especially when you promised me you'd be there. And you turning up tonight… Maybe you shouldn't have come,' Toph finished, shaking her head, curls swaying. Her lashes left black imprints on her upper cheek as she let her eyes close, running through the sensations he had evoked.
'It's not that I'm angry.' She caught herself. 'Well, I kinda am, but I can't stay mad at my best friend forever, right? I'm just… hurt.' She gave a pensive smile and contemplated the word, nodding; it fit. 'That's all.' Her voice was low and quiet, devoid of the previous venom spurring her on, the sheer simplicity of her sentence rising in a tremor before fading off.
Silence settled over them; she attempted to repair the damage done to her face in a subtle fashion, thumbing away the downward path of soot, mentally cringing and berating herself at the aberrant neediness of her monologue. Momentarily engrossed in her thoughts, she was surprised to find that Sokka had slid down from the seat beside her, kneeling in front of her in the slick grass and prying her hand away from her face. Toph's eyebrows knitted together, her face ducking down. Despite her blindness, she had no doubt Sokka was looking at her straight in the face, and she was uncomfortable with letting him do so.
'I'm sorry, Toph,' his voice was regretful and pleading, his hands anchoring her flyaway ones down. 'I don't have a right to just waltz back into your life after so long. What with Suki, the travelling the job brought, Koda being born… I got so caught up in my life that I didn't spare a thought for yours. I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am at being such an idiot; there's no excuse for the way I've treated you.'
He paused, peering up into her hidden face and intensifying his hold on her hands as if to express how truly contrite he was. 'I know I can't erase what's done and have a perfect friendship with you, but I'd like to fix this. Our friendship is too important for me to throw away, no matter what my actions have said, and I hope…' Sokka made a gargled noise, then cleared his throat and tried, 'Uh, I hope that-'
Toph finally turned her face to him, cocking her head to the side as she considered his incoherence. 'Spit it out, Snoozles,' she said, impatient.
'I hope that's the way you feel, too, and I'm really sorry and I beg for your forgiveness, oh-almighty Toph Bei Fong,' he answered in a rush, stringing the words together in one breath and kowtowing comically.
Toph felt herself hesitate, then immediately questioned it. Monitoring his steady pulse, she knew Sokka was penitent and sincere in his apology. So why continue being bitter and resentful, when she could repair the damage done between them and clear the smoke choking and aging her?
Seeing her falter, he added hopefully, 'So, best friends?'
She smiled, a glint appearing in her eye; did he really think it was that easy to earn her forgiveness? With a few agile arm movements, Toph heaved a rock from the ground, making it cannon into Sokka. It caught him in his gut, driving him backwards till he hit a tree, its leaves shuddering at the impact as horse crickets resentfully voiced their distress.
'That,' she chaffed as she made her way towards his prone figure, 'Was the cheesiest, most cringe-worthy apology I have ever received. If you think that's going to cut it, you have some serious brain damage.' She helpfully rolled the stone off his chest, returning it back to the earth. Sokka sat up, his hands checking for broken ribs, spluttering and gasping for breath as he eyed her warily. Toph had shifted into a commanding position, her legs spread firmly apart with her arms akimbo as she glared down at the warrior.
As she felt the quickening pace of his heart, she allowed her expression to dissolve into a smile. 'But I guess I could make an exception,' she shrugged, bending down to offer a hand. 'Just this once.' She failed to observe the complementary sheepish grin breaking out across Sokka's face as he took it, pulling himself upwards, however.
'You still owe me, though,' she huffed, stabbing her finger into his chest. They stood there for a fleeting second, Toph looking away pointedly with her arms crossed, Sokka now grinning openly as he dusted grass patches off the back and knees of his formal suit. He hadn't missed the transient blush appearing across her cheeks, knowing she was relieved that she had aired her grievances and that the awkward moment was now over, with their friendship back on track.
Flicking a stray horse cricket off his shoulder, Sokka looked towards the palace they had left, then down on the stubborn form of his best friend. 'You know, this party's a total bust,' he stated casually. 'No alcohol, and all.'
Toph inclined her head towards him, her false scowl vanishing; she took up a disinterested air as she dissected the meaning behind his words. 'I could use a good drink right about now…' she murmured, strolling back to the bench and removing the dagger with a strong upward force. As she bended it back into its rightful place on her arm, she continued, 'There's a bar down in the lower circle. The Clucking Chicken. Stupid name, really, but they serve great beer, and they play a mean game of arm-wrestling down there.'
Sokka tucked her arm around his, winking happily. 'You read my mind. Let's go, quickly, before they realize we're gone.'
Under the brilliant night sky, the stars illuminated the two shadowy figures as they vaulted the palace walls, one using a well-placed jump, the other earthbending. Their tailored clothes hardly fluttered, and their footsteps were hushed in the bustling nightlife as they stole down haunted alleyways, arm-in-arm, adjacent pieces of the same puzzle. The night stretched out before them, their years excruciatingly eternal as the lives of a thousand glowing stars spread out above the darkness of their heads. They switched easily from bantering to bickering, rhythmically in sync in their verbal tango and the fluttering of impish hearts. They were young and carefree, bonded in their quest for drink and renewal, eagerly contemplating the prospect of abandonment that lay ahead. Tonight, Toph swore to herself to bask in the company of her soulmate, her best friend, to drown her bitterness in the bottom of her bottle and celebrate the luck of others' successful love.
'You're buying.'
'No way!'
Silence- then the unmistakable thump of colliding flesh sounding through the darkness.
'Ow! Geez, Toph! Okay, okay, I'll buy.'
Even though he'd vehemently deny it if she asked, Toph knew Sokka was secretly pleased when she finally showed him just how affectionate she was.
A/N: I'd just like to thank TiaBolt, Invaderk, Blanc Expression, limegreenwordmachine, tomboy_26, Ignorant Sparrow, The Joker's Eyes and Ears, 13designershoes, fukaimoriMidori, and especially Sokka's Fan-Lawyer for being such wonderful reviewers and giving constructive, encouraging feedback :)
For this chapter, I've taken all opinions into account and I hope you all enjoyed the end result! I didn't intend for Sokka to be stringing Toph along (erk, adultery? Awkward), so I made it clearer here that she understands she is his friend first and foremost, despite her unrequited feelings (which are now under control!). Every pair of best friends goes through some trouble, and Toph and Sokka are no different; in this case, it's one feeling neglected and left out, because they're pining for the past while the other is continuing on with their future.
I also hope you guys liked the ending- I just realised it's quite like the Tales of Ba Sing Se episode, when Toph and Katara are on the way back from their spa session. Here, though, I wanted to show the re-ignition of their friendship because Toph and Sokka are just awesome together (even more so when they sneak out to raid some bars), and it'd be a pity to have them driven apart because of Toph's proud nature, or Sokka's naivety.
I took a leaf out of Sun's Daughter's fic, Summer's Day, to improve characterisation and dialogue. Let me know if any of the characters are OOC or something, though I really did try to bring out what we saw in the canon in both Toph and Sokka. I tried to link some stuff to The Promise, where Sokka comes up with new words like 'oogie'- who else is as excited as me for that awesome graphic novel, by the way? ;D
Oh, and if anyone likes Zutara, please check out Tales of The Fire Prince and the Water Maiden by my good friend, fukaimoriMidori!
All right, that's all! :) Don't forget to R&R if you can- all feedback, concrit and suggestions are welcome. x
P/S My exams are over. In the immortal words of Wescott, party on~~