First of all I'd like to thank every single one that has reviewed but I would like to especially thank Takayelie, ismehk and ninnypants for reminding me that I've taken far too long to update. To be honest I hit a gigantic writer's block and couldn't continue since I thought that I've actually outdone myself. If I continued on it would only get worse and everyone would hate me for destroying a story that they loved. Yeah, I know I'm a bit dramatic but depression does that to you. But now I'm back with another chapter!
Now on to business this chapter is totally dedicated to Jenna and is entirely from her POV. I know that everyone hates her and I may have a personal grudge against her but I have to let you at least understand her reasons a bit. So hopefully it won't get to confusing for you.
Narrator
-"Talking"
"Recalling a conversation"
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Disclaimer: Own nothing but the plot, got it?
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Love is labeled as many things. It can be gentle as the wind, sweet as honey, cruel as fate, alluring as a lullaby and hurtful as a snare stubbornly clinging onto whatever is left of you. We can want it and at the same time hate it. The things it makes us do which always comes with a certain price and the delusions we sometimes may believe, clearly influenced and still unaware. It is difficult to see the whole picture while your heart believes one thing when the brain knows another. When we are confused we often weigh the pros and cons against each other, hoping to shed light upon the problem we are facing, yet secretly wishing in our minds for one side to win. There is so much work put into being impartial and still covertly a side has already been taken before it all started.
We humans are social creatures, sticking together as a pack. We often need confirmation from our surrounding people. Someone who tells you that what you have done was right, what you have thought is correct and that you have not unmistaken anything. If you do not receive affirmation of your actions suddenly you begin to grasp for whatever little reason there is left. We are willing to sacrifice plenty before we choose the way of admitting to an error because if we do then that must mean that whatever hardship we are currently going through could have been different. That suddenly it was something within our power to change and that fact alone alters everything. All of a sudden we have no one to blame. Just like that we are not any longer victimized and just like that our conscience weighs so much more heavier than before.
Therefore I dare you to be neutral and stay that way, because it is so much harder than you can ever imagine.
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When Jenna was little she was always told by her mother that "Love is blind" while crying over her father. She would then ask her father what mother meant and he would answer "When you truly want something, you just have to take it yourself" then he would go out through the front door to meet one of his countless mistresses. Since Jenna idolized her father and pitied her mother for being weak, she always held her dear father's words high. She vowed never to become like her mother.
Throughout childhood and the beginning of adulthood she lived true to her father's words. Everyone was a challenge and if she wanted something she simply took it, by force or manipulation. She was determined and ruthless. Jenna sharpened her seduction skills and to her satisfaction it paid off. She never backed down from a dare and the more difficult target the more fun for her. She got used to the envious and drooling eyes which is why a certain raven caught her eyes. This loner gave her nothing. She did not seem to care about Jenna and when one of her followers told her about the loner called Kuga Natsuki, Jenna had found her new target.
Natsuki proved to be a bit more difficult than any other she had encountered. Jenna still managed to persuade her but then something else happened. Most people she dated demanded something from her and always questioned her relationship to others. Natsuki never demanded anything. The raven was satisfied with giving and getting whatever she could. She never questioned and always put Jenna's well-being before anything else. She started to stir unknown feelings within the stone-hearted Asian. Jenna suddenly started to feel less and less interested in other people. She actually looked forward to the meetings with Natsuki. The mere thought of Natsuki brought a smile to her face. She felt this fluttery feeling when Natsuki smiled and when she asked Jenna something she would feel complied to answer, honestly. So one day it hit her, to Jenna's horror the roles now felt reversed. She was slowly becoming her mother, this blindly and weak in love character that were always left heartbroken in the end. That was when Jenna decided that it had to change, she had to change.
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Now several years later Jenna was in her apartment, the very same where her lies were exposed, and reminiscing her past. It was absurd that she would feel sad over what happened. She took control over her own life. She turned from weak to strong and yet after Natsuki left there was only a bitterness remaining in her. Jenna tried so hard to replace whatever she had with the lone wolf but to no avail. No matter what she did and who she was with it always reminded her of Natsuki to the point of driving her insane. So she might had some genuine feelings towards the bluenette and perhaps there was a slight chance that she felt a bit lonely after their break-up. But she was going to take back what she lost, just like she always does. Her father's words would never fail her.
Just as Jenna anticipated the new girl, Fujino Shizuru, could not take the pressure and a few minutes after confronting Natsuki the weak girl ran. Being the smart girl she is, Jenna made sure to watch from a safe distance and follow the upset brunette. She could see the overflowing tears that came from the red pair of eyes and somehow she felt a pang in her heart, which was strange. She ignored the unknown feeling of sadness and continued to follow the upset girl's path. They soon came to a stop in front of "Sakura Garden". "What a surprise." was the bitter thought that went through Jenna's mind. Everything just had to come back to this place. This café brought back both happy and unpleasant memories. With a deep sigh Jenna started to slowly walk towards the sad singer.
-"I told you little girl. It's a dangerous game you're playing."
The brunette quickly turned around with a pair of shocked eyes. Upon seeing who had started taking to her those eyes were dulled with sadness again. The sad aura that surrounded the singer surprised Jenna a bit. Taken in the appearance of the girl in front of her Jenna would never have thought that this was the same popular singer. In front of her was simply a brokenhearted little girl. A sudden anger started to boil in her, this image in front of her. The clouded dull eyes with slumped over and defeated position and that frail look was the exact image of her mother. She was the weak human and those who always were the losing ones.
-"If you want something you have to fight for it otherwise you'll end up just like this again and again."
-"But I don't want to fight."
Jenna chuckled darkly to this comment.
-"How else are you supposed to get what you want?"
-"But...Jenna-san...have you obtained whatever it is that you have wished for?"
That little timid voice had rendered her speechless. Had she gotten what she has wanted? What was it she wanted? This was confusing her. She was playing her! How dare she! What did this little naïve girl know about anything?
-"That's none of your business. At least I'm happy since I managed to break you two up, my mission is complete."
Jenna smirked at those teary red orbs. She would never end up that way.
-"Are you happy then?"
Was that concern in the singer's eyes? No, that was not possible. There is no reason for her to be worried.
-"Of course I am! Now that I've made Natsuki's life miserable everything is perfect!"
-"Why would you do something as horrible as that to someone you love?"
Jenna's heart was pounding. She did not love Natsuki, of course not, that would never happen! She simply wanted revenge for...for...
All of a sudden it was empty in Jenna's mind. What did she want revenge for? What was her reason for doing this?
-"Are you going back?"
-"No."
-"Why not? You know that I set you up, why wouldn't you?"
Jenna did not even know why she even cared anymore. It all became a blur of things, feelings and thoughts. She could hardly distinguish her own from her parents. She was so confused over her behavior and her reason. But the words from the singer would continue to haunt her.
-"I would never do anything to make Natsuki unhappy. If she is unhappy with me then I hope she finds happiness in someone else. It does not really matter if you "set us up" as you put it or not, because if we did not match each other, in the end it would have all been the same."
The encounter with her supposed rival left her empty inside. It all seemed wrong somehow. Since when did she care about others? Since when did she question the undeniable truth which she has lived by ever since she was little? She came here because she thought that Natsuki must also have realized that they belonged together. Jenna did not feel comfortable without Natsuki so what made Natsuki all good without her? She was so dead set on being right that there was no room for being wrong, well that is until everything hit her straight in the face that is, because now she finds herself walking towards the apartment where her ex lived and she was out of excuses of why. So she thought "screw that" and just kept walking. All this thinking gave her a headache and she was tired of all these million theories bouncing around in her head. Perhaps it was time to clear the air, or so to speak, because this was not leading her anywhere.
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She could faintly hear a repeatedly banging in the halls after exiting the elevator that took her to Natsuki's flat. Sometimes between the loud bangs an upset voice could be heard, probably swearing. Jenna thought to herself how amusing it is that some qualities in her ex still have not changed over the years, still the violent one when upset. Suddenly Jenna felt herself being nervous. It is true that it was not long ago since their last encounter but you could hardly refer to it as a "happy" one. She was not expecting a pleasant one this time either, not since Natsuki actually cared for the singer. Slowly she made herself walk over to the door, which seemed so much more intimidating than before, and knocked while steadying herself. She could hear rushing footsteps towards the door and quickly it swung open to reveal a very hopeful raven. As expected when Natsuki saw that the visitor was her the smile was swiftly dropped and Jenna was greeted with her back. The biker loudly made her way towards the couch and grumpily sat down waiting.
-"I see your manners haven't improved, Natsuki."
Jenna confidently made her way towards her ex.
-"What the hell do you want this time, Jenna?"
Natsuki spat her name in disgust.
-"Just checking up on my battered puppy. How are you feeling?"
-"Like shit and now I feel even worse, so why don't you do me a favor and get lost."
Okay, so the sarcasm was intact, time to try a different approach.
-"I suppose you have every right to be upset-"
-"Upset? Upset?! What the fuck makes you think that I'm just upset!"
The pair of emerald orbs were dangerously dark. It almost made Jenna retreat a step, notice the word "almost".
-"So you're not going to run after her? Explain?"
-"And why do you care? You've won, okay? So go away and throw yourself a fucking parade, or something, and leave me the hell alone!"
-"How can you just let her go like that? I don't understand..."
This was so surreal. The situation was so familiar to her. This was like the spitting image of her when she first realized that Natsuki truly left, so empty and angry. Since Jenna was so stubborn she refused to run after a mere pet of hers and instead opted to wait. She thought that this was only temporarily and there was no chance that she depended on Natsuki. She was the stronger part and thus she would prevail. But as the days passed into weeks and somehow into months she started to feel more and more frustrated. Even though every fiber of her being kept screaming that this was against everything she had believed in she still could not ignore the nagging feeling of emptiness and that resulted in this big mess. Now she was even further away from Natsuki than she ever thought possible. The defeated voice of Natsuki awoke her from her inner turmoil.
-"Because unlike you Jenna...I actually care about her. I'm nothing but trouble scribbled all over me so maybe...it's better this way."
"I would never do anything to make Natsuki unhappy. If she is unhappy with me then I hope she finds happiness in someone else."
Perhaps Jenna was crazy all along or she just suddenly just cracked because all of a sudden she was laughing. Thinking how stupid she was for thinking that it was as simple as black and white, the weak and the strong, the right and the wrong. There clearly was no such thing. In that exact moment was where Jenna learned something. Love may be selfish when stripped of all the reasons and explanations as to why some actions are done as they are. But there are thoughts that actually begin as something unselfish and honest. Supposedly that was the first time she understood the meaning when people said to her that "it's the thought that counts".
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See Jenna isn't as bad as you thought. She's human after all. Okay, nervous babbling since I'm afraid of any hostile actions taken towards me for my lack of update. So if there are any readers left with the kindness to drop this poor stressed out author a line it would be much appreciated.
Thank you for your support and I hope you enjoy this chapter! *bows awkwardly*