Prepare for major AI and Fourth wall breakage... And Having-a-girlfriend-bashing.

For future reference, Italics mean that the author has decided to speak to people in the story.

Chapter 10: Conversation With Brother

Link hid behind a bush, wondering where to go now. He definately couldn't go to the Gerudo. They'd have their well-known Aphrodisiac darts that Nabooru would use. And he wasn't too keen on being shot in the ass by them. He couldn't go to the Kokiri Forest, since Saria and Fado were after him. Definately not to the Zora's Domain, because that was a little obvious. And if he tried to walk into Kakariko Town or Castle Town, it'd be like handing himself over to Zelda on a silver platter.

Which left Goron City.

It was still something of a risk, due to its passage to the Lost Woods, which both Ruto and Saria could exploit. But he'd be safe from Zelda or most others.

He played the Bolero of Fire and was whisked off to the Crater.

When he landed, he made his way into the city.

He saw Hot-Rodder Goron rolling around, then turned toward Darunia's room.

He went in to see the huge Goron reading a massive stone slab, which he supposed was a Goron book.

He looked up.

"Brother!"

He ran around the table and gave Link a bone-crushing hug. It was so painful that Link lost 43 hearts and 3/4. His three fairies assisted in saving his life there, but he dared not use his Great Fairy's Tears. He had plans for those.

When Darunia finally set him down, he wobbled a bit, then fell into a chair.

"What's my sworn brother doing here. I've been hearing about you turning Hyrule's women into an angry mob of lovestruck fangirls, but why come here?"

Link explained briefly about his encounters that first day, then about his time in Lon-Lon Ranch's Feed silo.

"I see. Did the girl offer any advice?"

"Not really. She just said to pick someone and fast. But there's another problem. You remember Ruto?"

"Kinda hard to forget her whiny attitude toward being stuck in a temple in the Sacred Realm."

"Yeah. Her love potion, the Amortentia, is poisoned by something rather powerful, and I guess she doesn't know it's there. Any advice on covert operations that I could try to un-poison it at night?"

"Does it cause fainting and much forceful vomiting?" asked Darunia.

"Yeah... How'd you know?"

"I was poisoned by this once. This poison is called Skilna Bragh. It is a moderately weak poison that only does a small amount of internal damage. Basically, it is an excellent way to sicken a target, particularly for assassins."

"I see."

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but you wouldn't happen to have Great Fairy's Tears on you, would you?"

"Right here." said Link, showing the bottle.

"Good. Tonight, you need to go to the cauldron with the potion in it, measure out a bottlecap's worth of the Tears, and pour it in. I know how strong the Tears are, and if I've learned one thing about Ruto, it's that she holds grudges. If you turn her potion into a harmless substance, and people stop buying, she'll be ticked off at you, because she really does kinda have a way at finding things out, and she could do some terrible stuff. Maybe even find a way to kidnap you again."

Link shuddered at the thought.

"So, one last thing. Do you have any advice about what to do about these girls?"

Darunia sat in thought for a brief moment.

"I would say that you have to pick one and quickly. It may not be the answer you want to hear, but it's probably the best idea. Also, did the Princess happen to organize this?"

"Yeah."

Darunia looked at the ceiling, in thought for another moment.

"It's probably a good idea to take her. Keep in mind that she is royalty, and as such she can make your life a living Dark World should you spurn her."

"Oh great. If I go with her, she'll get spurned anyway, because I'm not interested in becoming her boyfriend. I'm happy single."

"You won't always be. Take my advice as your brother: I was once a lot like you. Stubborn, proud, and a happy bachelor-"

"But I'm not stubborn or proud!"

"I'M NOT SAYING YOU ARE!"

Outside Death Mountain, the Gorons were seeking shelter and the residents of Kakariko Town were hiding because the mountain was trembling from the strength of Darunia's yell. Many feared eruption.

"Now as I was saying, I was a lot like you, when it came to my Facebook Relationship Status."

"You had Facebook?"

"Yeah, but it was a much more primitive version. We used other Gorons to deliver the News Feed. Needless to say, after a good few Gorons died of exhaustion, we abandoned the practice."

"Cool! I wonder if they'll start it again."

"As I was saying, I once refused to ask a girl out. My father Darui actually went so far as to ground me from Mud Wrestling until I had a girlfriend. Needless to say, I wasn't happy about it. In time, I met my wife and we started going out. Then we were happily married."

"So you're saying that my happiness depends on me having a girlfriend? That if I don't have a girlfriend, I'll be mocked or something like that?"

"NO! What I'm saying is that having a girlfriend is for losers! Men are much happer single! I can -hic- testify!"

"Oh great. He's drunk." said Navi, sweat-dropping.

"Umm, Darunia, how much alcoholic milk have you been drinking?"

"JUST FIVE COWS' WORTH! IT'S FAR TOO WEAK ON ME!"

He started to walk out to the crater, swaying heavily. Before Link could tell him that he was going to fall off into the lava, he slipped and rolled into it.

"Well, THAT was entertaining." said Navi, who had a video camera.

"Where'd you get a video camera?" Link asked, perplexed.

"Oh. Rytex gave it to me."

"Rytex? Who's Rytex?"

I am.

"Who?"

Me. The author.

"What the Dark World! I'm in a story!"

Yep. And that means Author Powers.

"No! Don't use author powers on me! Please!"

Oh, this is gonna be fun. And then Link suddenly felt a strange urge to sniff his own armpits.

"Oh no!" said Link as he immediately began to start smelling.

Navi was laughing and videoing the whole thing.

"This is going on YouTube, right?"

Totally.

Let me know what you think of the awesomeness known as Author Powers. R&R, so that way I know whether I should do it in future chapters. Just one thing, there's another chappie with it next, so dont be hatin' till after you read it.