I turn over onto my stomach on the bed in the nurse's office and cry. It's my entire fault, I pushed Austin away. Just because I didn't have the strength to tell him I'm moving, or about Thomas. I tried avoiding hurting him, but I hurt him anyway, in a worse way. I'm more alone now than ever. The nurse comes in a notice's me crying. She rushes over to my bed, "Are you okay? Does something hurt?" She asks in a panic.
I just shake my head that's shoved against the pillow. "Boy" I gasp through painful hysterical tears, "Troubles." I say.
She nurse rubs my back with her palm. "You can stay in here as long as you want hon. Do you want me to call the counselor?" She asks. I shake my head no and she walks out. When I hear the final bell ring, I slowly get out and walk out into the hallway. When people notice me or walk by, there expressions change. I must look awful. I slowly walk over to my locker and grab my books and shove them into my book bag. Susie walks over to me as I'm shutting my locker.
"Are you okay?" She asks.
I just shake my head and she hugs me. I start to cry again and now people are really starting to stair. Susie brings me outside and we start to walk towards town. "Thanks for getting me out of there." I say quietly, sniffling and trying to wipe my tears off my face.
"No problem." She says. We walk over to the bakery and sit down at a table in the back. "I'll go get us some cookies." She says. But I just shake my head at her.
"You need to eat Ally." She says.
"I ca-can't. You don't even know the half of it Susie." I say.
"Well maybe you should tell me. Keeping this all in side is obviously tearing you apart." She says.
"I… just can't." I say.
Susie shakes her head in frustration. "I'm really trying to be nice about this Ally, because you're my new friend and all, but Austin's been my friend for years and he's really torn up about this, why couldn't you just tell him?"
"I know. You don't even have to be nice to me at all. I don't deserve it. The last thing I wanted to do was push Austin away. But I did. And now I have nothing. But I was going to lose everything soon anyway." I say, and I realized I shouldn't have let that slip.
"What do you mean by that?" Susie asks. I start to get up, "Nothing. Never mind. Thanks for being a good friend Susie. I should go." I walk out of the bakery.
Susie follows me outside, "Ally, you really should tell Austin." She says.
"It doesn't matter now; he obviously doesn't want anything to do with me." I say.
"You think it was easy for him to end it? He just couldn't take the secrets anymore." She says.
"I was just trying to make things easier for him." I say.
"How?" She asks.
"It doesn't matter Susie."
I turn around and walk away.
I walk into my house and my father is standing in the kitchen, "I got a call from your school today." He says, with an angry tone in his voice.
"Yeah." I say and start walking up the stairs. "Stop." He yells at me.
I turn around and face him, "What?" I ask. "You fainted? Why? What's wrong with you lately?" He asks.
"You really have to ask that dad? I mean seriously? You're ruining my life, that's what's wrong with me." I say.
"You're so over dramatic." He says, rolling his eyes.
"You don't understand, you've never understood me." I say.
"That's a lie." He says.
"If it was, then you'd understand what I'm going through now. Everything's falling apart."
"It's not the end of the world Ally! Why can't you let me be happy?" He asks.
"WHY CAN'T YOU LET ME BE HAPPY!" I scream at him. I run up into my room and slam the door. It's dark outside and the lights are off in my room. I lean my back against my door and slide down to the floor and sit there. Tears start flooding my eyes and I let them pour out. I cry so hard my chest hurts. I'm waiting for something to happen, even for Thomas to appear and keep me company, I wouldn't mind. But I realize I've never felt so alone in the dark.