Crazy trouble with love part 2
Scorpion and Mantis
Series: Kung Fu Panda
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-Valley of Peace, outer borders-
Scorpion was currently wandering around the ground while picking up more supplies she needed to resupply on. More specifically, some of the toxins and venom from a certain plant she used to hypnotize her enemies. However, there was a lack of red flowers with that toxin anywhere in the immediate area.
"Oh poo, seems I'll have to check farther out." frowned Scorpion as she started heading out farther from her territory. As she walked out of the territory, she noticed a large flower with pink and yellow leaves next to her claw. And by large we mean HUGE, about the size of a certain Dragon Warrior. "Wow, I've never seen a flower that big before."
The flower moved with the wind as Scorpion walked up the flower's large stalk and right towards the bulb.
"Mmm, looks like I'll be taking you home." she smiled. She then uncurled her stinger and jabbed it into the flower only to feel light headed and very confused at seeing flying trees in the sky. Ok...moving on from the hallucinogens.
Her legs trembled and she fell off it while groaning and rubbed her head while the clouds seemed to spin in her vision. That and the sun turned a bright pink and started tap dancing in the sky. 'What the?' she looked at the flower and rolled on her front before trying to stand on her legs. 'The pollen must be….causing my body…..to hallucinate and feel weak.'
As to prove her case, a large pink elephant walked by while holding a mini Dragon Warrior in his trunk, as it danced the conga in lady's robes.
She shook her head and tried making her way back to her home. Only to turn the opposite direction which lead straight to the village.
-Valley of Peace, Village, Noodle shop-
"Po, hurry up! Tables two and seven are still waiting." spoke Mr. Ping.
"Right dad!" Po called out while running towards the tables with trays of noodles and soup. Only to slip on a noodle and fall to the ground as the trays, miraculously, landed safely at the tables. "I uh, meant to do that."
Just as Po got himself up, he saw that the Furious Five just walked in and saw the event unfold before them.
"I don't even wanna know." spoke Tigress.
"Same." Crane said utterly surprised.
"Slip on a noodle?" asked Viper.
"Well I um….yea." Po admitted.
"Wow. Now that's expected." Mantis said with a chuckle. "What next, a dumpling?"
"Oh now you're just jinxing it."
"How so?" Mantis asked before slipping on a dumpling and landing on his back. "...don't say anything Po."
"Then I will." snickered Monkey. "Have a nice trip?"
Mantis glared at him before the sounds of screaming rabbits rang out in the dozens.
"AH!"
"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"
"THE RED MENACE IS BACK!"
Po and his friends ran out and saw near the entrance Scorpion, but she seemed to be wobbling and delirious as she walked down the road.
"Uh. Is that a new Kung fu move?" Po asked confused. "Like...Dance of the Delirious Evil Doer?"
"I don't think so." remarked Crane.
"Maybe she's drunk?" Monkey said before Scorpion walked up to them.
(Cut to Scorpion's vision)
'Woah, this is really weird.' Thought Scorpion as she saw a huge monster with the features of the Furious Five and the Dragon Warrior looking at her with its eyes, which were in its shark like stomach mouth. "Wow, I've never seen you before."
"Gillga garg." It spoke. "Baugh gill gaga?"
(Normal vision)
"Um, what's she saying?" Mantis asked Tigress while confused at why Scorpion was talking backwards for some reason. "Because I can't understand a word she's saying."
"I have no idea." replied Tigress with a shake of her head.
"She said, 'Wow, I've never seen you before'." Spoke Po while the five Kung fu masters looked at him confused and bewildered. "Um, I sometimes do that in my sleep."
"You speak backwards while you sleep?" Crane raised an eyebrow.
"Yes. But only after eating a big bowl of hot dumplings. At night, while using Viper as a stick to grab said dumplings from Monkey's secret stash-" he clamped his mouth as the two mentioned fighters glared at him. "Uh, I mean, we need to tell Shifu about Scorpion!"
"And how do we do that? You know…" Mantis said before yelling. "WITHOUT GETTING STUNG!?"
"We could use that." Monkey said pointing to two empty bowls right next to Tigress.
Tigress grabbed them and crouched as she slowly approached Scorpion.
"Sey? Retsim retsnom?" Scorpion asked her before getting trapped inside the bowls. "Tuo em tel!"
"Translation?" Crane asked Po.
"She said, 'Yes? Mister monster?' and 'Let me out!'."
"Let's just get her to Master Shifu before she gets out." spoke Viper.
"Right. Shifu has to know what happened to her!"
-Jade Palace-
"What do you mean you don't know?!" Po asked in shock.
"I just said I don't know." replied the master while looking Scorpion over. "I'm not familiar with these symptoms."
"Yffulf?" Scorpion said while looking dazed and confused.
"Again," Crane said. "Translation."
"...she just called Shifu, 'fluffy'." Po said while trying hard not to laugh.
The others tried to keep from snickering while Scorpion rubbed her claws against Shifu's face with a smile.
"Ok, besides the speaking backwards part," Mantis said with a little snicker. "What other symptoms is she experiencing?"
"It seems hallucinations and dizziness."
"So no toxic touch?" Po asked. "No turning innocent bunnies into exploding fireworks powers? Ok that one would be awesome!" He got glared at again. "I mean awesomely evil that is."
"I'm fairly certain her poison is unaffected, but at the moment she seems harmless."
"...your joking right?" Crane asked. "Scorpion, one the most feared villains in the valley, is now harmless?"
"You're free to touch her tail if you don't think so."
"Um, I nominate Po for that job."
"Why me?"
"You faced her venom before and came out unscaved. So you are the best choice."
Po sighed at that logic. "Fine."
"Good luck." Monkey said as Po moved his paw towards her stinger and….didn't get stung at all.
"Hey, I feel fine." he smiled with relief. Only to get his fingers crunched by Scorpion's claws.
"Taf woc!"
"I'm not a fat cow!" Po cried in pain. "I'm a fat panda!"
"Maybe locking her up would work." suggested Mantis.
That was when Scorpion looked at him, unclasped Po's fingers, and sped towards the insect before hugging him. "Ym evol!"
"Uh….why is she hugging me?" asked Mantis to Po.
"Well she um...well you know how you're afraid of females that like you?" Po asked while looking away nervously.
"Yea so?"
"Well….she said 'My love' before she hugged...you. He he… *gulp*."
"Say what?"
"Yea. But hey, it's not like scorpions eat the males right?"
"Um Po." Viper said. "Female scorpions do eat the males."
"Oh." Po said as Mantis went pale at the mention of getting eaten. "Nevermind."
"S'tel elam evol." Scorpion said as Po went wide eyed at the sentence.
"Translation?" Mantis asked with a nervous sweat.
"...well. She um said….'Let's make love.'." Po gulped as Mantis started to panic.
"No way!" he cried before slipping away from her claws and started running down the steps of the palace.
"Emoc kcab!" Scorpion called out while stumbling out of the palace. "I t'now tae uoy!"
"She says she won't eat you!" Po called down.
But they were out of range of Po's voice.
"Master Shifu, should we go after them?" Crane asked the red panda.
Shifu was about to respond when a loud scream from down the mountain pierced the sky.
"AAAHHH! GET AWAY FROM ME!"
"Yes, just in case."
All five nodded before running out of the palace. Well four of them did, Po was 'speed jogging'.
Mantis was hopping along the roofs while Scorpion followed as fast as she could.
"Emoc kcab! I tnaw ot ekam evol htiw uoy!" She called out while maneuvering over the rooftops and the occasional shop signs.
"I can't understand you!" he called back turning to the left and running down an alley.
"Erehw era uoy?" She said while landing in the alley as Mantis hid behind a wooden box. "Ho oop. S'eh enog. Ebyam s'eh hiding somewhere?" She said as the backwards speaking returned to normal speech.
'Just keep quiet and she'll go away.'
"Maybe he's," she said while turning over a nearby basket. "In here!...oh poo."
'At least now I know what she's saying.'
Scorpion walked towards Mantis' location and looked around. "Hello? Are you here? If so come out so we can make love."
'Should I try and make a run for it?' He thought before the box got lifted up and was thrown to the side.
"There you are. Hiding from little old me are we now?" Scorpion asked with a sickly grin.
"Uh, yes!" he replied before quickly hopping away.
"Hey!" She yelled while scuttling after him. "Get back here!"
"No way! I'm keeping my head!" he called back while dodging goats and pigs as he ran down the road.
"What are you talking about?!" She yelled while also dodging the now terrified people. "I'm not going to hurt you."
"Yeah right!"
"I'm serious!" She yelled as she caught up to Mantis and grabbed him. "I'm not going to hurt you."
"Is that why you chased after me and started saying you wanted to….you know what I mean."
"No. What made you think that?"
"Uh, you said you wanted to make love to me."
"Yes I want to but," she looked him in the eyes. "What's this nonsense of me taking your head?"
"Well, usually the girls of my kind do that when they find that right guy."
Scorpion sighed. "My species does that as well, but it's VERY rare."
"So…..you wouldn't have done that?"
"Of course not. I'm cruel yes but not that cruel!" she frowned.
"Well you can't blame me for thinking that."
"Yes, and you ran because of something so silly as a fear of cannibal females." She chuckled as the Furious Five and the Dragon Warrior ran into the alley.
"Mantis did you lose your head?!" cried Po before seeing the two. "Oh, I guess not."
"So the bet is off?" Monkey asked as Mantis looked at him in shock.
"You had a bet if I lost my head?!"
"No," Crane said. "It was a bet on how long you could keep your head on."
"Gee, thanks. That's so much better." he replied with sarcasm.
"If it makes you feel better," Po said pointing to Tigress. "Tigress was betting on you keeping your head after two minutes."
"And Po here betted you were going to lose your head after you ran off." spoke Tigress.
"What me?" Po said in mock shock. "I never said that. That was Viper's bet. I betted that Mantis would keep his head after three minutes."
"Can we drop the stupid bet?" frowned Mantis.
"Yes," Scorpion frowned. "Or should I just hypnotise you into walking off a cliff?"
"You forget we outnumber you." frowned Viper.
"And your master is fluffy." She said as some of the pollen in her system started to take a effect again. "Yluffy taog."
"Oh boy, there it goes again." sighed Mantis.
"Could be worse." Po chuckled. "She could have said-"
"Xes emit!"
"...that." Po blushed while slowly walking away. "Mantis I'd run if I were you."
"Um, why?"
"Because she um...just said 'Sex time'." Po said while running away. "See ya at the Jade Palace!"
"Wait what?!"
"Well look at the time." Monkey chuckled nervously as the four of them followed Po's example. "It's time to cook dinner, right guys?"
"Yeah, big time." remarked Crane.
"Sorry Mantis." Viper said. "But don't worry, I will keep Tigress and Po from eating your meal."
"How about you just help me!" he cried out while trying to push Scorpion away from him.
"Sorry Mantis. But I, um have to do the dishes." Tigress called out as the four ran away from the two arthropods.
"S'tel kcuf!"
"Yikes!" he slid away from her claws and started hopping away again.
"Teg kcab ereh!" She said before chasing him again. "S'ti xes emit!"
'I wonder if having my head eaten would be better.' he thought while hopping.