Day 5

I smashed through the shrubs and branches, creating a direct path to the crash site. I thought I could just give up—give up on being recused, give up on Lovino, give up trying to be the hero, but I can't. Giving up was too painful; it was much worse than the pain of trying my best and failing.

"Alfred, slow down!" I heard Eliza shout behind me. "We all want to get back to the camp site, but we don't have to be reckless. Come on, let's take a break."

"No," I replied simply. "I need to get back there, they all have to know how much a fucking fail this mission was."

I slammed my fist into the trunk of a tree to express my anger. I felt the bark dig into my knuckles—the pain was refreshing to say the least.

"Wow calm down," Arthur said in an irritated voice.

"I'll calm down once we get back to camp!" I yelled childishly.

Leaning against the tree, I let out a deep sigh. This forest was hell, and I just wanted to leave.

"I think something's gotten into him," I heard Arthur whisper to Eliza. "It's like he's going crazy!"

I whipped around to face them, my jaw clenched and my features locked in a cold glare. "I can hear you Arthur, I'm not crazy! You're crazy for not reacting like me!" I accused. "Don't you see? Our only plan to get out of here failed, how are you not seeing red?"

Eliza looked at me sadly. "I am angry, and frustrated, and disappointed, but getting worked up about it isn't going to help anyone. Don't give in Alfred."

My expression changed, to that of determination. "I'd never give in, or give up. I'm going to get up out of here, I swear I will," I exclaimed. "I was close to giving up after the plan failed—I was going to give up on rescue, and on Lovino, even on myself. But things have changed and I'm not going to let this tear me down!"

Once we returned to camp, the sun had began to set. The walk had succeeded in calming me down, and I was ready to just sleep. Unfortunately fate had other plans, as I walked into the clearing I noticed two figures standing across from Ludwig and the others.

"What are they doing here?" I shouted to Ludwig.

"Right on time," I heard Ludwig yell back sarcastically.

Arthur, Eliza, and I ran over to Ludwig and the others. I made sure to sent Ivan the nastiest glare I could muster.

"Alfred," Lovino called.

I whipped my head around to face him. "Yeah?"

I noticed his hand was linked with Antonio's, but I kept my composure.

"Did your plan work?" he asked. Hope was gleaming in his eyes, and I felt my stomach drop as I realized I had let him down.

"No, it didn't," I answered, before turning away.

I focused my attention on Ludwig, who seemed to be having difficulty deciding what to do next. "What are you waiting for? Shoot him!" I commanded, gesturing towards Ivan.

Eliza gripped my arm, "Alfred no, we aren't savages."

The cool breeze of the wind blew against my face, and the dying grass crunched under my feet. I was so sick of being outdoors. I knew I wasn't in my right mind—after my failure and the exhausting walk back to camp it would be impossible for me to think straight. The serene nature surrounding us was a prison. My thoughts were clouded with feelings of containment. We couldn't leave here, we couldn't survive, all we could do was fight.

Without thinking, I snatched Ludwig's hand gun, and I fired.

As I squeezed the trigger, the loud bang of the gun was like an explosion in my ears. I watched in fascination as the bullet ripped out of the gun, and slammed into Ivan's chest. The euphoric feeling in my own chest begged me to fire again, so I did. I ran towards Ivan, pulling the trigger with every step. Five more bullets embedded themselves into his body. Each time blood erupted from the entrance wound. Seeing the red liquid stain his clothes made me smile in satisfaction.

"Alfred!" Someone screamed my name, but I ignored them. My eyes were on Ivan's prone form, I didn't want any distractions from the sight.

"You fucking psychopath!" I heard someone else shout—no, it wasn't just someone, it was Lovino.

I whipped around to face him. "What the fuck did you do?" he yelled, tears dripping down his cheeks. "How could y-you kill someone?"

"I'm not going to give up on getting us rescued!" I replied, my voice raspy. "He would have stopped us from getting home, he would have stopped things from going back to normal!"

Lovino was backing away from me, fear evident in his eyes. "You don't know that, you don't know anything! We could have negotiated something with Ivan, but you over reacted! He didn't deserve that Alfred; it's not your place to decide who lives and dies!"

"Ludwig," I heard Eliza shout. I turned my head to face her, but just as she entered my vision something was slammed against my head, and all I saw was darkness.

Day 6

The next morning I woke up next to Antonio. Had yesterday been a dream? No, it was real. Alfred shot an unarmed man, and practically went crazy. Being trapped here must have gotten to him, because the man who shot Ivan was not the Alfred I had come to know. Ever since we arrived here he was acting like someone different, and I guess yesterday he cracked.

"Is everything okay?" I heard Antonio ask, as he put his hand on my shoulder.

"Yeah, I'm just thinking about Alfred," I replied.

Antonio smiled sadly at me, "don't worry Lovi, I'll keep you safe no matter what."

"I don't doubt that," I commented, smiling shyly. "But what I was actually thinking about is how different Alfred's been acting. You know, he was never like this before."

"Yeah, a plane crash can do that to someone," the Spaniard shrugged.

I drew my knees up to my chest, and rested my chin against them. "What if when we get rescued Alfred gets taken away to some insane assylum?" I wondered out loud.

Antonio chuckled. "Is that your biggest worry about rescue?" he joked.

But I wasn't in the joking mood. The event of yesterday scared me. Alfred had been an asshole ever since we crashed, but he was still my roommate. At the end of the day, he was still my best friend, and I cared about him. But after what he did, I was scared. At the thought of living with him again, of him never going back to normal, and I guess just him in general.

"No, there's so much I'm worried about bastard," I replied.

Antonio ruffled my hair. "Hey, everything's going to be alright," he said confidently.

His words of encouragement were nice to hear, but that was the thing—they were just words. "You don't know anything for sure you idiot," I replied half-heartedly.

The Spaniard just pulled me against his chest in response. "Stop worrying Lovi," he whispered into my hair.

I felt myself being shaken awake. My eyelids were heavy and I was having trouble forcing them open. I tried to move my body, and force myself to get up, but as my blurry vision came to I found that my arms were restrained. I struggled against the bonds, viciously trying to get my arms free.

"What is this?" I roared. "You're going to tie me up like an animal—what, cause I killed someone who deserved to die?"

Ludwig entered my vision. "Alfred, calm down, stop struggling," he commanded. "We're getting saved."

"Bullshit!" I yelled, my raw throat protesting at the action.

There was no way we were being saved; it just wasn't possible. Ludwig had to be messing with me; he probably wanted to get my hopes up, and then smash them to pieces. My mind wandered to Lovino—yeah just like what he did I thought bitterly.

"I'm completely serious Alfred," he said sternly. "I shot the flare a few moments ago, and their coming this direction." Ludwig gestured towards the sky.

I craned to search the sky. At first I saw nothing, but suddenly the roar of an engine, and unmistakable hiss of propellers hit my ears. My heart was racing—finally, I could go home.

"I'm going to untie you now," the blond informed. "I pray you'll behave," he added, as if I was some mischievous kid.

Within about twenty minutes, the chopper landed in the clearing. And from that moment on, everything felt like a blur. The man in the uniform shouted orders into his radio, he asked an enormous amount of questions regarding our situation. He helped Antonio with his stab wound. The next thing I can recall is being loaded onto a helicopter—a different one than the original that landed, the man must have called for back up.

I can vaguely remember the flight back to Toronto. and the bustle of the hospital we were taken to. I can remember the interrogation. Everything from that point is blurred out of focus—maybe the memories are repressed, or maybe I just can't recall. But one thing that never faded was the guilt. Once I got out of that forest, what I did no longer seemed justifiable. I went against all my values, and was reduced to what I could only describe as a feral animal.

I deserve to be punished. I'm done with the delusion that somehow my actions were necessary—I know I'm no hero.

"Lovino!" I heard someone scream, before I was practically tackled to the ground. "They said I couldn't see you cause you were getting checked my the doctor but it's okay cause I can see you now! I was so scared, I thought you were dead! When I heard your planed crashed I-I could only think of the worst but you're here, and you're okay, and I'm just so happy my brother is safe!"

It was the unmistakable high pitch voice of my brother. He always talked too much, but this time it didn't bother me. I tried to roll my eyes and shrug him off, but instead I found myself smiling. I turned around and faced him. For the first time in ages I found myself happy to see my younger brother. "Feliciano," I said, trying to suppress my smile. "I-it's good to see you," I mumbled.

Immediately, he wrapped his arms around me in another hug. I awkwardly patted his back, "I'm just so relieved," he said quietly against my shoulder.

"Yeah, so am I," I said.

It felt like maybe, just maybe, I'd be able to feel the normality that I used to have once again. No matter how I imagined it, things would be different. I looked towards Alfred, who was struggling against the handcuffs restraining him, and then to the room where Antonio was getting treated for his injuries.

Things would definitely change, some for the worse and some for the better.

Thank you for reading my final chapter! I'm sorry if it seemed rushed, or didn't end in the most preferable way. To be honest, I had trouble writing this because I lost motivation to write this fanfic, but still wanted to end it somehow. I hope it was to your satisfaction.