Written to You Make Me - Avicii, crosspost from AO3
Oniochalasia: Buying or shopping as a method of stress relief or relaxation.
Wedding planning was indeed just as hard as those Midgardian romantic comedies would lead him to believe, and with the royal wedding only a few months' time away, Loki was thrown into a full fledged panic. There was still so much to do and so much to plan, and Thor wasn't helping matters at all.
Loki snaps when Thor asks him if they could include phoenix downs in the wedding favours bags.
"No, definitely not!" Loki shrieks, tugging at his hair. Loki had been getting rather fond of Asgard's slowly growing phoenix population, lovely as they were, and he would absolutely not see them plucked bald and wrinkled and featherless like common poultry. And just the thought of Anthony Stark using a phoenix down to pen a letter (if he could stoop to that level, heaven forbid he get his hands stained with ink) made Loki see red.
"Loki, fairest," Thor calls over, trying to placate him. "It was just a thought."
"Well, you would be wise to keep your thoughts to yourself next time," Loki snarls rather viciously before disappearing in a puff, and leaving Thor rather confused on the nursery floor, surrounded by glossy catalogues.
"Your mama is a little bit crazy," Thor informs Modi, who looks at him with big blue eyes from his bassinet. Modi just gives Thor a long-suffering gaze that looks altogether like Loki reincarnate, before sighing, stuffing his thumb in his mouth, and taking a nap.
"You have to promise you won't cause a scene," Darcy tells him as she backs carefully out of her driveway. Loki had, not even half an hour ago, popped into her bathroom with a little puff of green smoke and commanded her to take him to the shoppes. "There's no other H&Ms in a 50-mile radius."
Loki examines his nails and rolls his eyes. "If that is what you desire."
"What's gotten into you?" Darcy asks, eyeing him out of the corner of her eye. Loki had had the good graces to send her a wedding invitation, and Darcy was well aware of the impending wedding. "Shouldn't you be planning your wedding?"
Loki snorts, looks out the Honda's window at the tall skyscrapers of New York. "It's difficult to plan a wedding with an imbecile for a husband. He wanted to pluck phoenix downs and give them out as favours. Can you imagine? Phoenix downs! I know you Midgardians have no concept of value, but a single phoenix feather is worth more than tens of millions of your petty birds."
"Would they bring people back from the dead?" Darcy asks. She had been an avid Final Fantasy fan since high school.
Loki stares at her in disbelief. "No, of course not," he says, as if it were obvious. "Don't ask such asinine questions."
Darcy makes a mental note to herself to somehow get her hands on one of the feathers.
"Loki, I'm pretty sure this is illegal," Darcy tells him as he walks out of yet another shoppe laden down with bags. "You can't just counterfeit money like that, it'll ruin the economy."
Loki smiles cheerfully as he sits down beside her, adding his bags to the giant pile beside Darcy and taking a sip of Darcy's latte.
"Your economy is trashed anyway," he informs her sweetly, before gesturing down at himself. "And I look amazing."
Darcy looks, and has to grudgingly admit that Loki looks better in black skinny jeans than she ever will.