Jack's POV
October 1998
Talk about child labor. Orban is all about child labor. These kids range from six or so to maybe twelve years old. They are chipping away at the walls with Daniel. I think about little Davie. Kids shouldn't have to work. We've got an exchange program. Teal'c's knowledge of the Gou'ald for a little girl's knowledge of Naquada generators. She's been studying them her whole life. Her life may not have been that long, but she works hard that she's already an expert. Works hard, and is smart. Smart like Sam. Smart like Davie.
A few hours ago I delivered this little girl Merrin to Sammy. I know Sam well enough to know she isn't going to notice when the kid gets tired. She's going to be working on getting knowledge out of that kid until one or both of them collapses from exhaustion. That won't be happening on my watch. I walk into the lab where they have started to work.
"How is our little rocket scientist doing?" I ask.
"I'm not a rocket scientist," Merrin protests.
"You're a reactor expert aren't you?" Sam asks laughing.
"I just meant that you were very smart," I say.
"You find my intelligence level unusual?" Merrin asks.
"No, there are lots of intelligent people around here. Just not as young as you. How old are you anyway?" I ask.
"I'm eleven. How old are you?" Merrin asks. Before I can answer (although let's be honest, I wasn't really planning on answering) she continues, "Do you mean that you were not always as smart as you are today?"
"No. We spent a long time in school to get to this point," Sam says.
"Please explain what 'school' is," Merrin says with a crinkled eyebrow. We've met a lot of aliens. Most of them have known what school is. I mean it's not like I've actually asked, but…
"Uh, school is a place where you go to learn. A teacher gives you information and you take different classes to learn different subjects."
"So this is how you and Dr. Fraiser became scientists?" Merrin asks.
"Yep," Sam says.
Merrin turns to me, "You are not a scientist?"
"Defiantly not," I say.
"Then you are not as smart as Major O'Neill and Dr. Fraiser." Merrin says.
Sam is laughing. "Nobody is as smart as Sammy," I say with a smile.
"But Jack was my teacher once, he helped me learn in school," Sam adds.
"So you're smarter than Major O'Neill?" Merrin asks.
"No, I know some things she doesn't, and she knows a whole lot of things I don't. One of the things I'm an expert at is having fun."
"So this is what you taught Major O'Neill in school?" Merrin asked.
"No, he started teaching me that after I graduated," Sam says. Oh, cheeky!
The little girl looks confused, "You do know what fun is, don't you?" She shakes her head. Unbelievable, they have those kids working way too hard, "Ok, fun is…what you do to make yourself happy. Like music, games. It's whatever you do when you're not learning to be a rocket scientist."
"I am here to…'teach' Major O'Neill about the reactor." Merrin says slowly like she isn't quite sure but thinks this is what I mean.
"Sounds like fun to me," Sam says with a grin. I give her a glare.
"Whatever. Yeah, go ahead, knock yourself out," I say. I may be retreating from this battle, but certainly not from the war.
-0-
Ok, it's been long enough. This is ridiculous! Did my wife forget that Merrin is a little kid? She's been working enough hours. Her home planet might not have any child labor laws but earth certainly does! I head down to the lab. As I enter Merrin is standing on a chair reaching for something.
"Merrin. What are you doing? Get down," I scold lifting her down from her perch.
"Colonel O'Neill, I need fifteen sheets of paper, at least 48 cm by 23 cm," she says and she sounds like a tiny little scientist. I mean my kids are smart, but when they talk they still sound like kids. Well Jonny doesn't, Jonny sounds like and alien. But he is an alien, and alie raised by another alien. Ok, so Merrin is an alien to, but she's also a HUMAN. A human child.
"Well, that's fine, why don't you just ask…?" Oh, Sam's sleeping. "Major O'Neill!" I shout in my best drill sergeant voice. I've never yet got to call Sam "Major." We don't use the military ranks very often. She got promoted over a year ago when she saved the world (and me) from that damned Hathor and her freaking hormone laced breath. But like I said we stay away from ranks. Even when we're at work we usually just "sir" and "O'Neill" it. It cracks me up to refer to her by the name she got from me while we're at work. But sleeping on the job is totally worth freaking her out with a military rank.
She jumps about four feet in the air, "Oh, Merrin I am so sorry." She blushes, and doesn't look at me. Oh come on Sam, I think, how many times have I fallen asleep at a briefing? She looks at Merrin's drawings and I can see her getting all excited, "Wow. These are amazing."
Both of them are spewing technobabble faster than I've ever heard anyone before. This is worse than when Sam's looking over the projects of her under geeks, "All right! Will you two give it a rest? Both of you. You've been at this for twenty-four hours. You need rest."
"I do not need to. Urrone children require little sleep," Merrin says.
"Ok, now I'm jealous," Sam says. I grin at her. The woman is wife, mother to four (if you count one who lives on another planet with his Grandpa-and we do), leading scientist, Air Force major, and all around exciting that's with sleeping six hours a night. I wonder what she'd do if she required less sleep? We'd probably end up with a Stargate in our basement made out of spare parts or something.
"All right, Carter, you sleep," I say, "Young lady, if not sleep…fun."
She shakes her head, "No, I need fifteen sheets of paper, at least 43cm by 28cm."
"Fifteen?" I repeat. How on earth does she know she'll need fifteen? Not fourteen, not sixteen, but fifteen?
"Colonel O'Neill? I require some of these 'pencils' as well."
-0-
My blood is boiling. Daniel has given me at least a million lectures on other people's cultures being different than ours. About how we can't interfere with other people's cultures. But you know what? Screw that. That's advice you give when they want you to eat truly nasty food. That's fine when they want you to stand a certain place or wear a certain kind of clothes. That's not advice you give when they want you to hand over an eleven year old girl to have her genius brains sucked out. Damn it! Damn them! So not happening.
Daniel is off to figure out a way to diplomatically get them to not suck out the girl's brains. Not sure how he's going to do that. I mean the guys a dad himself. If I was across the table from those people right now pretty sure I'd wring their necks. I'm not letting them suck out the girl's brains!
I burst through the door both Sam and Merrin are staring at me. Sam didn't make it to the briefing so she doesn't know what this averium consists of.
"Merrin you don't have to go back to Orban. If you ask to stay they will let you. They will protect you," I tell her.
Sam is still staring at me like I'm nuts, and Merrin looks confused, "Protect me from what?" she asks.
"The averium," I say.
"The Averium is a great honour," she says.
"Merrin, I know that's what the adults have told you. But when they take out these…nanite things, they also take out everything that makes you…you," I don't want to be too blunt with her. It would hurt if she understood what these people she loved and trusted wanted her to do. But I needed to be l blunt enough so that she would know. So that she wouldn't go back.
"But my people will have my knowledge," she says with a smile.
"But you won't," I say. Sam's eyes are concerned and confused behind her. "They are going to suck those robots out of her head Sam. And then she gets to play baby for the next seventy years."
Sam's eyes are huge, and she turns the kid toward her, "Merrin, we just don't think you realize what you'd be giving up by going through the Averium."
"It is a great honor to be chosen," she repeats.
"Will you please…stop saying that?" I say, and my voice is faint and pleading.
"Please return me to Orban," she says. The last time a kid was pleading with me it was to keep him. Keep him even if he was going to die. Now this kid is pleading for me to let her go, let her go even if she is going to die. Or at least be brain dead. What is with these kids and their death wishes?
"You do understand we're trying to help, right?" I ask.
"I don't need your help," is her quick reply. Oh, sweetie, you do.
-0-
"Kalan has come to escort Merrin back to Orban. Before you say anything, know that I've already granted his request," Hammond says.
I glare at Daniel. I was counting on him. Really counting on him. I figured there was absolutely no way in hell he could look at Merrin and not see Hesina, his own little daughter. I thought there was no way in hell he'd even consider sending her back, and I thought he had the diplomacy skills to save her life.
"I don't like it either, Jack, but…you don't know the effect this is having on the Orbanians," he says not quite able to meet his eyes. He's raising a kid with a disability. He'd loves Aki, but Aki also breaks his heart. Doesn't he know that Merrin is going to be an Aki without her brain? No way worse. Way worse because she'll have everything removed, and no one to teach her.
"What about the effect it's having on Merrin?" I spit out leveling my eyes on his. A challenge.
"Your Dr. Littlefield has come to realize Merrin's importance to her people," Kalan offers.
"Her importance as a vegetable?" I ask, and I see Daniel flinch. Good. I hear Hammond offer me a curt warning. Don't care, the little girl matters more.
"If you would try to understand…" Kalan says diplomatically.
"No! I won't. The way you treat your children is absurd. You don't deserve them," I sputter.
"Colonel O'Neill!" Hammond shouts.
I'm not going to win this argument, but I'm also not going to let them turn that little girl's brain into mush, "Request permission to be excused, sir," I say as an attempt at protocol. But I'm already out the door going down the hallway to get that little girl the hell away from this place.
-0-
I'm lucky when I get to the room. Sam and Merrin have just caused an explosion. Sam is on the phone trying to calm down the General, and I escort Merrin from the room. Not that Sam is a big fan of the whole brain suckers concept, but she's a good soldier. I know, being married to me this long you think I'd have that trained out of her, but good soldier still she is. She wouldn't help me kidnap an alien, even under these circumstances.
"You are taking me to the surface?" Merrin asks. She's a super genius so she's probably already got this all figured out.
"Yes. Look, you came here to learn right? There's something I have to show you, but I have to take you off the base for it."
"You don't have permission do you?" she asks.
"No," I say. But she comes with me anyway.
-0-
"Is this a school?" she asks.
"Part of it. We call this the playground," I say with a grin.
"What is it for?" she asks.
"Well, just watch," I say.
Charlie and Cassie's old classmates came pouring out. I could have taken them to the junior high school the kids go to now, but there is no playground, and the kids are way older than Merrin. Could have taken him over to Daniel's house where Davie goes to school. But I there is no playground there either (although there are lots of toys) and I don't want to get Sha're in trouble. Besides I know this teacher well, and these kids are the perfect age.
One of the kids, what is his name? One of those goofy modern names staring with a c or k or something says, "Colonel Jack, what are you doing here?"
"Playing hooky. Kids, I want you to meet my friend. Her name's Merrin. Think you can show her around while I talk to Mrs. Struble?" I say. I grin as they obey dragging her off to teach her a game.
"Colonel O'Neill! The kids have been asking when you're coming back to see us. How's Cassandra and Charles enjoying Junior High?" she asks.
"Oh, they're doing fine. Love it. Listen, do you have room for another student this afternoon? She's visiting, from out of town," I say. The teacher probably heard enough strange things coming from Cassie's mouth to know I mean way out of town. But it's a base school. Base teacher. She knows what "classified" means.
"Well, we have art scheduled after recess," she says with some hesitation.
"Perfect," I assure her.
-0-
I think I've finally got Merrin to think of something creative. She's finally painting something that doesn't look exactly like it does in real life. I see Sam slip into the back of the classroom, and move over to talk to her.
"Did you bring the cavalry?" I ask.
She shakes her head, "I think that little girl has too many people trying to rescue her, not too few," she says with a sigh.
"I was gonna bring her back, I just wanted to give her a reason to live first," I mutter.
"And here I thought this was about your insatiable need to adopt every orphan in the galaxy," she mutters.
"She's got parents," I mutter.
"No, people who use their kids as science experiments aren't parents," she mutters.
"So, if she stays…" I begin.
"I think you are going to have to accept that Marrin doesn't want to stay. Unless you plan on making this kidnapping a more permanent thing…" Sam says.
"Sam I need to know if I can go over that little girl a home as well as sanctuary," I say.
She shuts her eyes, "I'm serious about you not bringing home every kid in the universe," she says.
"But…" I say, because I could hear the but in her voice.
"But you can offer that little girl a place in our family," she says shoving me forward.
I walk across the room and look at Merrin's picture, "It's beautiful," I say.
"Thank you Colonel O'Neill, for teaching this to me," she says.
"Merrin," I glance around. No one appears to be within ear shot just in case she lets something drop, "You don't have to go home. If you ask for sanctuary. I'll find a way to make it happen. You could come live with Major O'Neill and I. You'd have three brothers, and a big sister. We'd never let anyone hurt you," I say carefully.
"I have a duty to my people. My knowledge is important to them," she says.
"You're important too Marrin," I say. She looks at me for a long time, before she puts down her paint brush and goes like a lamb to the slaughter.
-0-
We get the call to go back to Orban for a visit. This is not on my list of things I want to do. I'd rather not see Marrin post-op. Then suddenly there she is. Drawing all over the wall. All her people drawing, playing, having fun.
I bend town next to her, "Hi Merrin," I say. But she doesn't recognize me. She doesn't know who I am. I think about Daniel and his son. My heart breaks a little bit for him.
"Ok. I guess we'll just have to get to know one another all over again," I say with a smile.
-0-
"So Sam," I say as she smiles at the kids playing, "About Merrin."
"She has parents Jack," she says shaking her head.
"They let them suck her brains out," I point out. Sam makes a face.
"But they wouldn't hurt her again," she says.
"No," I don't know what else you could do to a kid.
"And they are teaching her," Sam continues.
"Yeah," I admit.
"Jack, how would you feel if someone asked you for one of your kids?" she asks.
I groan, "They let their people suck her brains out!" I protest.
"Jack, we have four children, she won't be hurt, the answer is…" she says.
"…No, yeah I know you're right, Carter, but it just…" I continue.
"Breaks your heart," she finishes for me.
"Yeah," I say.
-0-
Jack's POV
November 1998
Sam's got her good soldier face on. She's not fooling me.
"Hey," I whisper, "What happened?"
She doesn't answer, just points me to the chair in the briefing room. Damn, it must have been bad.
Daniel walks in talking about something he found. He was with another team looking at some such thing. Sam tries to stop him, "Daniel. There's been an incident." I wish I knew what the incident was so I could spare her having to tell him.
"Yeah, I know, I got your message, but this is really important. There is this light in this amazing…" Daniel continues.
"Barber's dead," she says in an even voice. I just loaned Daniel out to do research on this place. Loaned him out to Barber's team. Daniel's just spent the last three days with the guy.
"What?" he asks in disbelief. As the briefing continues I get more information. Barber threw himself into gate while it was doing that swish thing it does. He's dead. He killed himself, and Sam saw it. I give her hand a little squeeze under the table. She pushes my hand away. I know it's not even about professional behavior. It's about the good soldier routine. At work she doesn't want anyone to know this death affect her. Actually she probably doesn't want anyone to know at all.
But when I get her home, and tell her about some time when someone died in front of me, she'll let herself feel. Only after she sees me do it.. Only then can she believe it doesn't make her a bad person, a bad soldier. Then I'll hold her and reassure her and remind her it's ok to feel, and it doesn't just hurt, because she's a woman.
-0-
The next morning the phone is ringing. I get up and hear Sha're's voice. I'm a little miffed at her by proximity. Yesterday, Daniel was impatient, annoying, and yelling at the General. I don't want to have to deal with Daniel. At least not before my morning cup of coffee.
"Jack…Dan'yel…" and her voice cuts off in a sob.
"What happened, Sha're?" I ask. My annoyance turned to worry in an instant. I'm pulling on my pants as I try to listen.
"This morning I wake up, he's not in bed, so I go to see where he is. He's standing on the balcony, over the railing…"
I almost say Jesus, but I'm talking to Shar'e. She's almost unoffendable, but that is one word that would offend her, "He alright?" I ask in panic.
"I got him inside, but Jack?" she asks.
"Yeah, I'll be right over," I say.
-0-
Sam is geared up. Heading that damn planet that makes everyone who sets foot in it want to die. I don't want her to go. I don't want to lose Sam any way. But to lose her to suicide…it would hurt so much more.
"Don't go…" I say softly enough only she can hear.
"Sir," she says, "I have my orders."
"Please, Sam," I say.
"I'll be careful," she says with a smile and a nod, "Make sure Cassie finishes her history paper."
-0-
"Sam," I said. Yeah, I know it should have been "O'Neill" or "Major" because we're still at work. But I just watched a whole team of people who had been on that planet die pretty horrific deaths. She's on that planet. Right now she's not Major, he's my life.
"What's wrong, sir?" she asks. Her words may be professional, her voice not so much.
"Uh, SG-5…they didn't make it," I say.
"How is Daniel?" she asks.
"He's in a coma right now, Fraiser doesn't…it doesn't look good," I say.
"We've got the medical samples," she says.
"You bringing them?" I ask.
"Sir…" she says.
"Someone has too, you could check on Daniel," I offer.
"Or I could baby my husband the wuss," she replies.
"Whatever it takes O'Neill."
-0-
I laughed when Janet told me. Laughed. I thought there was absolutely no way that Sam freaked out in the infirmary. Yelled. Threw things. Swore. But it wasn't a joke. Apparently this is the first sign of the illness. So not so funny. Her brain chemicals are all out of wake and she wasn't gone that long. She was just gone for a couple of hours.
I sit down on the infirmary bed Sam's on, and Fraiser tells us together. Sam's addicted to that planet. One hour and she's addicted like it is some kind of a drug. She says Sam might not have been there too long. The addiction might go away.
Daniel starts to flat line.
Damn it.
"We have to get him back to that planet," Janet says.
I know. They roll him right up to the ramp of the active gate. I start to pick him up.
"No, sir, I'm already addicted it has to be me. And you have to stay—" she pauses, and I know what she means. We have to make sure one of us survives to take care of the kids. We've been more careful about one life threatening thing at a time ever since the time when Sam was off world while I had the ancient knowledge in my head. I don't actually remember this incident, but we can't leave our kids without any parents.
"Go," I nod to Sam.
Sam is a strong woman, but Daniel's a pretty big man. She heaves him over her shoulder, and runs toward the gate. She makes it look like he weighs nothing at all. She's a damn good soldier.
-0-
"Sam," I say with a grin. The control room techs are giving us as much room as they can while I talk to her over that thing, "I hear you found a way to get away from that nasty addiction."
"Yeah, it's going to take a few weeks though," she says with a sigh, "Don't let Cassie hide her history homework from you. And make sure Davie wears his helmet when he…maybe you can just convince him to wear it all the time until I get back…"
"Sam," I stop her.
"Yeah," she says.
"I've got it under control. So tell me about Loran. I hear you found the kids parent's."
"Or what was left of them," she pauses, "Jack, do we need to have the not bringing home every orphan in the universe conversation again?"
"Carter, the kid is all alone…" I begin.
"No, he's not," she says.
"What?" I ask.
"Jonas, has…got pretty attached to the kid. Actually the kid got really, really, attached to Jonas. Unless Janet says no…He's not alone," she says.
"Oh," I say trying not to let the disappointment get into my voice. I mean I've never met this kid. Don't know anything about him but a shadow on a video and a few words at a briefing. But I feel like I lost a kid.
"Jack," she says softly, "You ok?"
"'Course, O'Neill," I reply flippantly.
"Jack, when I come back maybe we should talk about number five," she says.
"What?" I ask.
"I think maybe your desperate desire to scoop up a kid…I mean…maybe we should talk about having another kid. We meant to have two kids together. We had Davie, and started adopting. Maybe we should get around to hypothetical baby number three."
The technicians have stopped pretending not to be listening.
"Sam, let's talk when you get home," I say.
"Seven and three fourths more weeks, Jack. Make sure Charlie does his math by himself. If you let him and Cassie 'work together' Cassie will do all the work."
"Got it Sam," I say.
-0-
Jack's POV
December 1998
"Jonas," I say with a smile. I was worried when Hammond called me in without any information. But if Jonas is here it must be ok. He's on her team.
"Jack," he says looking like someone just slapped him. "She…" his voice is shaking, "She…went back for the kid."
"Kid?" I ask.
"Laira is this single mom on the planet, she had a son…Garren. There was an asteroid shower. Laira couldn't find Garren. He was off with his girlfriend. Sam went to go get her," Jonas says.
"So we need to go search the cave," I say.
"Jack," Oh God, she can't be dead. She can't be dead. "The gate is gone."
I blink, "Gone?"
"Uh, or buried, we can't make a lock," he says.
"So we need a ship," I say.
Jonas stares at me.
"We have allies, we'll get a ship. Dial Thor," I say to Walter.
"Sir?" Walter asks.
Jonas puts his hand on my shoulder, "Jack, why don't we go sit somewhere."
"We have to get Sam back first," I say.
"We're working on it Jack. We don't leave people behind. You were the one who told me that. We'll find her Jack. Right now you need to calm down."
"Thor?" I ask, "Thor likes me. And tell her Dad. Her Dad can get the Tok'ra's but in gear. The Tok'ra have ships."
"Yes they do, Jack," he says.
"Ok," I say.
"Want to come to my office?" Jonas asks still talking me down.
"No, I'll….I'll be in Sam's lab if someone needs me," I said.
-0-
Jack's POV
January 1999
A month ago we were talking about expanding our family. Now it looks like our family is striking. Four weeks. Four weeks of dialing the gate with no results. Buried, or blown-up, or something. If it was fixable Sam would fix it by now. Unless…
But that's one think I actually can't deal with. Sam safe in a cave somewhere I can deal with. Even if it means she isn't with us. Sam dead I cannot deal with. No, Sam doesn't die easy. She's fine. She's fine and waiting for us to save her. And wondering what the hell is taking us so long. No man get left behind. But she did.
"McKay!" I shout entering his lab. He cowards.
"I don't have any lemons, today," I say.
"Decided it was wrong to threaten a man with something he's allergic too?" McKay asks.
"No, but it is ineffective," I say, "You figure out how to get her back yet?"
"I can't do the impossible. What do you want me to do make a stargate and beam it over to Sam?" he asks in exasperation.
"If necessary," I growl.
"I want Sam back too," he says.
"Not badly enough or she'd be here," I glare at him. If Sam was here and McKay was there she'd have saved him by now. I'm sure of it. But I've probably terrified him enough for now. On to my next sight.
-0-
"Daniel!" I shout. He doesn't cower. That just isn't Daniel's style. It's pretty obnoxious.
"Yes Jack," he says with a smile.
"You know perfectly well what, Daniel!" I bellow. It has no effect on him.
"No word from Thor or the Tok'ra, Jack," he says with sympathy. I much prefer McKay's cowering to Daniel's sympathy.
"Did ya call 'em again?" I asked.
"No, Jack, I've just been sitting on my ass, while my friend is missing," he says sarcastically. Then his eyes get all soft, "I know she's your wife. Trust me I'm trying," he says. I don't say anything, "Jack how are things going at home?"
"I'm fine," I say turning to leave.
"'Cause three kids is a lot for one person. You know if you need some help…"
"We're fine, and it's four kids Daniel, four kids," I say.
"I know, but every night you go home to three kids. All by yourself. You know, Sha're and I can help…" he says.
And I try to be nice. Mostly because I'm never going to fool Daniel with my grumpy general routine. He knows I'm in pain. "Thanks," I murmur.
"We'll find her, Jack," he says.
-0-
"General," I say, looking at Hammond. He has the grace to flinch when I enter a room. Why can't Daniel be more like him?
"Don't have any news, Jack," he replies before I ask.
"Ok," I must try to be nicer to people, "Uh…I actually wanted to talk to you about something else," I say.
"What is it son?" he asks.
"I want to be reassigned," I say.
"You want off SG-1?" he says obviously confused.
"Yeah…uh…something administrative maybe," I say.
The General is staring at me. "Administrative?" he asks.
"She's been gone a month sir. My parents are old. Her Dad lives off world. I have to think about…about what would happen to my kids," I say.
"Jack," he says looking at me, "You know we'd take care of you kids."
"We?" I ask.
"Me, your team, this whole freaking base. We'd all make sure someone took good care of them," he says softly. I know he's telling the truth. Hammond has been checking on us a lot since Sam went missing.
"I know that, but these kids…they've lost enough parents," I say.
"I understand that, son," he says placing his hand on my shoulder, "I'll see if I can find something for you Jack."
"I appreciate it, sir," I say.
"Hang in there Jack, we'll bring her home," he says patting my back.
-0-
Strange I grump at people all day, and then I get home, and I'm not grumpy. I'm grinning, tickling, playing, helping with homework, and making supper. I'm being super dad. Super mom too. This is the best part of my day. The part between the yelling at people at work and the empty bed.
God that bed is empty. I've added pillows. Lots of pillows. Three fourths of a bed worth of pillows. But it's still empty. I spray her perfume on the pillow, use her lotion, her shampoo, but somehow the smell that is Samantha is none of these things, or rather all of them and more.