Dagian sat across from Archie in his office, "So you're pretty good with this hypnotizing thing, right?"
Archie watched her carefully. She had told him about what she'd been seeing of this captain named Killian Jones as Rumpelstiltskin had told her his name was. (Which was weird because she thought Hook's first name was James) and her apparent history of him.
And she told him that she wanted him to help her remember.
Archie sighed and folded his hands together nervously, "Well it's not an EXACT science, but-."
"You don't even have to do much," she said quickly, "Just…the memories are there and they're starting to bleed through. I just sort of need you to get in behind them and give them a good solid push."
"I'm not entirely sure it works like that," he said, "And hypnotism doesn't always work, sometimes it confuses the subject even more."
Dagian shook her head, "I don't care. I can't sleep if I'm wondering what I'll see when I wake up is real or not. My baby might be coming home soon; I want to start working on my problems so that I can be better for her. I want control of my life. I haven't had it in a very very long time."
"I see," Archie said.
Dagian wiped a stray tear from her eye, "I want to get these memories back on my own terms, otherwise you can't help me move forward until I have a full scope on what I've gone through."
"If you go forward with this….," Archie warned her, "There's no going back."
"I'm well aware," Dagian said, "But I also know that there's no other way."
She laid down and closed her eyes. She was going to regret this in the end. The last thing she wanted to remember was being a pawn in yet another chess player's game, "Let's just get this done."
0000000000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000
Dagian was hunched over the laundry tub outside when the recruiters came through town. She hadn't heard horses in the eight months that she'd been here so to hear the thunder of the hooves and the sounds stopped her dead in her tracks.
She looked up in terror. She'd left her village before she was conscripted, which made her a criminal. It'd been a year but she still worried…her husband's supposed 'cowardice' and the backlash that it provided had hit her as well and several people would've liked nothing more than to see her serving her year and a half.
But she was a coward herself, far more than her husband could ever hope to be. Well that was wrong. Dagian never thought of him as a coward for running. Rumpelstiltskin wasn't even meant to be on the lines. When he was recruited, Dagian had been obviously pregnant at the time, which was the only thing that saved her life. Anyway, the king's law stated that men of pregnant women or young children were not to fight. They would stay home and take care of the crops and the villages but the Duke had no regard for the law. Her husband went anyway and he returned so broken and terrified that it took weeks to even get him to speak more than a few broken sentences."
Remembering how traumatized Rumpelstiltskin was sent waves of guilt through her and she averted her gaze as the recruiters rode past her. The scarf she used to keep her hair out of her face hid the red curls that usually identified her. She didn't see a recruiting wagon which meant that they were just here to rest and eat everyone out of house and home.
So she was safe for now. As long as she stayed in her small house. Dagian was certain that she had enough food hidden so that she didn't' have to come out of the house unless it was really necessary and she had plenty of work to do. Her…friend or whatever he was Filib had brought her here to be the laundress, it was one of those villages that were so small that everyone had at least two jobs. Dagian helped bake and she was the laundress, she worked her fingers to the bone every day for enough coppers to eat.
"Lady."
Dagian froze and looked up. Her heart was hammering in her chest when she saw the pair of legs standing in front of her.
Filib smiled down and held out an apple, "Missed you."
She let out a terrified gasp on air that she hadn't been sure that she was hiding, "Curse you, Filib."
She stood and gathered the laundry that she'd gathered and tried not to be charmed by his playful smile. He had a different sense of humor, it put people off. But she knew at the end of the day that he would have her back if she was ever actually in danger.
But she wasn't in danger today. She went inside the small hut with him and put the laundry down, "I'll set up a cot for you."
He nodded and examined the small room, cluttered with her work that she was becoming backed up on. Some of the men had returned from war and she had been working tirelessly to get the blood and grime out of their clothes, but the more she cleaned it seemed like the more piled up.
"They're talking about sending over recruiters at the end of the year," he told her and held out the apple again, "You hungry?"
Dagian smiled, "I haven't had one of those in ages."
"An old woman was selling them."
Dagian took the apple from him and peeled off part of the skin but kept some of the fruit underneath so that it crunched when she bit into the piece, "How long are you staying?"
"Just overnight," he said and leaned on the table, "We're going to a new village."
Dagian tensed. Another village another load of casualties. Another population ripped apart. She could still hear own screaming when they dragged her husband away from her arms. She remembered his terrified eyes as he tried to understand what was happening…the cries of those around her…
And all of a sudden, his visit wasn't as welcoming, "I have work to do."
"When was the last time you had a good meal?" he asked, "Or sleep?"
"I have to work," Dagian repeated and put the apple on the table.
"Well you don't have to," he told her gently.
"Yes," she said, "I have to."
She knew that he was trying to ask her to marry him and this was her refusal. She couldn't do that. How was she supposed to provide a family to Filib when she already had a family that she'd run from? That was cruel to everyone and if she married him while her first husband and son were alive then she knew she was dooming her second marriage from the start. Every day she was with him she'd feel so guilty that it'd ruin the relationship and if she somehow overcame that then she'd lose a part of her that still had some compassion.
Dagian crossed her arms, "I want to go back to him."
Filib stopped, "You what? As in…his wife?"
Dagian swallowed nervously, "I wouldn't expect him to take me back. No. I just want to…I want to see him again. I want to see my child. I want to make it right."
"And what if he does want to take you back?"
Dagian looked down, "I still care about him."
"Do you love him?"
"I don't know," Dagian said, "Maybe. In my own way. And I have a son with him."
"So you'd go back to him for honor."
"He's my husband," she told him, "And I was wrong to leave, I know that now…I shouldn't have done it."
"They'll put you in the army. They'll conscript you."
"Then they'll conscript me," she said, "It's better than living on the edges of the land working my fingers to the bone and moving whenever I get scared. I can't live like this and I can't…I can't be with you. Not when I have another family that I already abandoned."
He was quiet, she knew that he was going over every possible argument in his head but finally he sighed and looked up at her, "Would this make you happy?"
"Yes," she whispered. She used to be a woman of honor. And now that was all but gone but hopefully she could restore some dignity to her family name, "I Need the chance to make this right."
He nodded, "Then I will take you."
She looked towards the door, "What about them?"
"The recruiters don't need me; I only came to see you anyway."
Dagian nodded, "I can have my things packed by morning."
He nodded, "I should report in at the tavern and tell my men what's going on."
Dagian followed him to the door and opened it; Filib stopped and opened his mouth, but then shut it and turned, "I'll be back soon."
Dagian nodded and leaned on the doorframe. She was going home…she was going to make it right. Even if Rumpelstiltskin didn't want to talk to her, maybe he'd at least let her see their son.
And then she spotted something…or…someone.
The hooded figure was standing in the shadows, sending her a glare so dark that she felt her insides go cold just looking at him.
Someone passed in front of him and then he was gone.
Was that her imagination or…was it something else?
She stepped inside and shut the door.
And bolted it.
Just in case.
0000000000000000000000000000 000000000000000000000
In order to be safe, they left before sunset. Dagian kept the scarf wrapped around her hair as they rode back to the village and thanks to the winds, she was certain that she'd made a smart decision. Patrols were constant, the recruiters were gathering to tear the villages in their path apart.
Dagian had placed her face on Filib's back as they rode down the path. The journey was quiet and tense. He didn't want her going back, she knew that this was going to be painful for him but it was the best for everyone involved.
Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad. Perhaps she and her husband would make peace but decide that it wasn't best if they renewed their relationship.
But she imagined Filib would be insulted if she suggested that he be her second choice and he'd be right to be angry.
They reached a village by the docks that afternoon. Filib climbed off and helped her down as well, "We need a fresh horse. And probably another one to carry supplies. Why don't you go to the market and get some food?"
Dagian nodded, "Meet back here?"
"Yes."
She gave him a small smile and walked toward the village stables. Dagian pulled her cloak over her dress and fastened it; it was such a cold dreary day. It even looked like rain.
She walked over to the first booth she saw and examined the bread. It looked fresh and the smell made her mouth water. They could eat it on the way….she'd even put in a little extra for the kind that was hooked with honey.
"Quite the choices."
Dagian jumped and looked at a handsome man smiling behind her. She took in his outfit; the tight leather pants, the silk shirt and vest and the sword and earring…he was a seafaring man. She'd seen a couple like him in her lifetime.
And the way he was looking at her, she seen PLENTY of men like that.
"Yes," she said quickly and turned back to examine the booth.
Where was the booth owner? She was hungry.
"Anything I can buy the lady?"
"No," she turned back to the man again, "I have money."
"Sorry love, where are my manners? Killian Jones and I hope you aren't offended. I don't believe in forcing a girl to buy her own food," he smiled, "Besides, you're going to need something that won't spoil when we're on our way."
She felt a cold sense of dread at the words and took a step back. She didn't like the way he was looking at her and she was hoping she could play it off, "Quite the flirt, you are. What makes you think I'll go with you?"
"What makes you think you have a choice?" he said, "Your hooded friend sends his regards though, he ask that I take care of you for a while."
Dagian threw her saddlebag in his face and took off towards the stables. Someone stepped in her way and so she had to take a sharp detour to her right into the many booths of the market, hoping to lose them.
The booths Dagian ran through were a maze and every time she tried to reach the north road, she always got turned around by this crew that seemed to surround her. She knew they were trying to herd her into a corner but she wasn't going to slow down. Maybe she could find a way to get out…maybe she could find a weakness in their armor then she could get through.
How was she going to go home now?
She spotted a large block of wood, grabbed it, turned and slammed it in one of the faces of the pirates as he grabbed for her. She made a snatch for his knife, but the captain…the man that talked to her at the bread booth grabbed her and used the momentum of his speed to pull her away from one of his crewmen and shoved her against a booth. She hit it with her back and then straightened up. If he was going to take her then he was going to get a fight on his hands.
He seemed to sense her decision because he crouched with a knife in his hand. His smile was vicious and mischievous and mocking as he tried to figure out her next move.
"Come here," he said and crept forward.
Dagian's heart rose to her throat and she clutched her block of wood as tightly as she could in her sweaty palms. She was terrified but she tried her best not to show it. She knew what happened to women on board those ships. She'd always been taught to avoid port towns for that reason alone but she hadn't thought to tell Filib that because this was the shortest way home.
She heard someone give a command and it sounded like a guard. They must be responding to the disturbance. Dagian turned her head to call for help but the pirate grabbed her wrist, yanked her back against him, placed his hand over her mouth and pressed a knife to her throat, "You scream and I'll snap your neck."
She drew in a few frightened breaths when he took his hand away, "Don't hurt me. Please. You don't have to do this; you don't have to hurt me."
"Can't happen darling," he said and pulled out a small bag, "We're getting paid far too much to let you go wandering."
She tried to make sense of what he was saying. It was the hooded one, it had to be but she still found herself confused, "What? Who-."
He opened the bag and her world started to swim. Her legs went out from under her and the last thing she remembered was him catching her before she hit the ground.
0000000000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000000
Dagian opened her eyes with a start and looked around the room to find that she was lying on the couch of the therapist's office.
She was safe. She was safe. She was safe.
"Are you alright?" Archie asked her.
Dagian tried to process what was happening, "No, I'm not done yet. I didn't see everything. Put me back under."
"I can't, you were going too far in and you were screaming."
Dagian sat up and put her head in her hands. It was like waking up from a horrific nightmare. Her heart was pounding in her chest and she had been sweating. It wasn't until she sat up that she realized she was clutching Archie's hand and immediately let go.
"What did you see?"
Her mind was going a million miles a minute, "Zoso paid the pirates to grab me. Rumpelstiltskin wasn't lying."
"Do you know how long you were there?"
"I know that the dark one drove me away so that he could manipulate Rumpelstiltskin. I knew that for years. I just thought that he destroyed my things and planted seeds of doubt in my head but I was more of a pawn in his game than I thought. I've been a pawn in everyone's game. Zoso's, Rumpelstiltskin's, Regina tried to turn me against my ex and I was a pawn in what Jefferson wanted from me. And he's still trying to do the same thing with using my feelings with Rumpelstiltskin and Regina to get what he wants out of the paper. Well I'm not doing it, at least not in the way that he wants. This is my paper now. I'm going to do it my way. The way I originally wanted to and no one else's. And if he doesn't like that then that's just too bad. I'm not playing this game. I'm not going to be thrown in the middle of this war of power. I just want to raise my daughter and find my son."
She grabbed her purse and coat, "So, same time next week?"