Chapter ten.
Instead of flipping everything on its side in one night Paul decided it was best to do something he'd never done with a woman before…tread carefully, cautiously and go slow. Even if it was physically painful to come that close to release, he obviously had learned something from his years with Rachel, she had taught him a lot, he had respect for himself and for the woman he was currently falling all over himself for, he knew that although Bella was a ticking time bomb when it came to her own needs, she wasn't ready and he wasn't so sure he was there yet either.
Although he thought he probably should have felt guilty and ashamed even thinking about anyone other than Rachel, he didn't. If it had been her left behind he'd want for her to have someone to take care of her again, someone to love her and comfort her. Did he miss her? Of course he did. If he could turn back time and have her back, he would but he couldn't and life had to go on.
The morning wasn't as awkward as he thought it would be, Paul woke up to the smell of something burning and hauled himself off the uncomfortable air mattress Bella set up for him the night before, he laughed to himself as he noticed it was half deflated and thought he might as well have slept on the floor. He got up to stretch and move toward the smell and there in the kitchen was his daughter stirring a small bowl beside Bella, both looked up at him and smiled, he noted that the feeling of seeing them together was back, something or everything about it made him feel happier.
"Daddy we're making pamcakes for you." Sierra was concentrating on the small bowl she was mixing while Bella supervised, he looked around the kitchen, stopping on the blackened pan near the sink and raised an eyebrow at her. Shrugging her shoulders Bella smiled at him before turning back to Sierra and helping her down from the stool she had been perched on.
"Go stick this bowl in the sink and then we can choose shapes for our pancakes okay?" It took all of his self control not to walk up to her and put his arms around this woman's waist because it just felt like something he should do. Snapping himself back to reality where Bella was now smirking at him he moved over to the other side of her tiny kitchen and looked at the floor.
"Whoa…" Was all he could say, there were broken eggs and flour and a bunch of other wet and sticky things dripping from the counter, where Sierra had been sitting. Bella looked up again and smiled.
"Its alright, I think since she did such a wonderful job making her daddy breakfast, its only fair that you help with the clean up, don't you think?" Bella winked at Sierra as she nodded along, Paul looked between the two of them in disbelief, of course he'd help clean up but he didn't want to look like a pushover. Letting out a sigh he turned to his daughter and nodded.
"This better be the bestest breakfast in the whole wide world pup, that's a big mess to clean up." Sierra nodded her head and put her hand over her heart.
"I promise it is." Both him and Bella chuckled at her serious expression, she reminded Paul of Rachel and it wasn't so painful anymore, she left all the best parts of her behind in their daughter and it still stung but it wasn't as bad as it was. When she was all done putting her dirty dishes in the sink Sierra turned back to Bella to help her pick out shapes.
The funny thing about Sierra was she might have only been four and a half but she had moments that made him believe she was much older, she understood a lot of the world around her. When he caught her smiling as she looked between himself and Bella at the table he figured it was probably going to be a long drive home with lots of questions, he hoped she'd at least wait until they left before asking…
After the three of them were done eating Sierra went to watch cartoons and he and Bella got to work on cleaning the kitchen. It amazed him that she was so relaxed about it, she had absolutely no problem letting Sierra break eggs and spill flour or milk, she was incredibly patient and even happily humming along to whatever song was playing from her small radio, while she scrubbed and wiped everything down.
"You're supposed to helping me Paul. Not watching while I do all the work." Her tone was light and teasing. Instead of fighting himself again, he moved over to her side and grabbed her hand. The small smile on her lips as he leaned in gave him that last little push he needed. Kissing her against the counter while she still had a scrubber in her hands was sort of hot, she smiled before pulling back and letting out a breath, he thought maybe he wasn't the only one trying to keep things from flying off the tracks before they even had a real chance of going anywhere.
The door to the kitchen swung open and he tripped over his own feet and nearly fell on his ass as Sierra walked in. Again he could tell by the way she was looking at him, that she probably had it all worked out in that mind of hers already.
It was a long day and he was paranoid that his daughter was going to blurt out something he wasn't so sure of yet, every other moment. When they were finally ready to leave Bella hugged Sierra and kissed her on the head before doing the same to her stuffed tiger, she surprised him when she turned to him and wrapped her arms around him.
"Can I call you later?" He wanted to throw her in his truck and take her home with him but that would have probably raised a lot more questions that he wasn't sure he had the answers to, so phoning her was really the safer option. Bella nodded and stepped back as he buckled Sierra in.
"I'll be visiting Billy tomorrow." He wondered if Billy had the 'talk' with her as well, he didn't doubt it, the old man was unstoppable when it came to finding new ways to bring them together. Paul nodded and then pulled her in again, he liked that she didn't push him away and she seemed to be comfortable enough to be in his arms. Instead of kissing her like he wanted to he brushed his lips along her jaw to her ear and smiled as he felt her shiver, pulling himself away he looked to the window where Sierra was watching them, Bella noticed and pulled herself together and blew her a kiss before waving to the both of them.
As he expected the drive home was full of questions from Sierra, he could see her mulling them over from the rear view mirror.
"Is Bella your girlfriend now?" Her little eyebrows were pulled together as she waited for him to answer.
"She's my friend and I like her but she's not my girlfriend." He could see her nodding her head from the back as she thought over his answer.
"Do you want her to be your girlfriend?" There would never be a day he'd underestimate his little girl in his life. She was smart and every question she ever asked was something she was genuinely concerned or curious about, she wasn't just a kid asking them to have the attention of grown ups, there was an order she went by and he was positive she had a mental checklist and she probably ticked off each question according to category, today's category was Bella and he wasn't sure if it was a good idea to be honest with his daughter, especially if he wasn't sure what he wanted yet.
"I don't know." Nodding her head again she moved onto the next topic which was thankfully Billy's girlfriend Laura.
"If she's my papa's girlfriend is she my nana?" Paul silently cursed Billy for even teaching her the word girlfriend and decided that he could be the one to answer these questions.
"I think you'll have to ask him yourself baby." Letting out a tiny sigh of impatience Sierra nodded and moved along.
"Can I be Chad's girlfriend?" It was a good thing they were almost home because Paul could feel the blinding headache coming on. Imagining his daughter being anyone's girlfriend was painful. Imagining one of Sam and Emily's boys with his daughter was even more painful. The odds of the boys phasing probably wasn't likely but if the Leeches ever decided to come back they would probably be the first to phase and if his daughter was unfortunate enough to end up with one of them and not be imprinted on…he didn't want to think about it. They pulled up to their house just then and he turned around to answer her.
"No baby, you can't be anyone's girlfriend until you're 34 years old." Sierra giggled as she unbuckled her self. "Now no more questions about girlfriends or boyfriends for the rest of the night."
Not long after he and Sierra were done eating dinner, Jacob barged through the door, he looked more irritated than usual, that is until he looked at Sierra. Paul rolled his eyes.
"How was your sleepover sweetheart?" As Sierra gave him a play by play of their evening and morning, Jake seemed to relax a bit. There was this tiny part of him that refused to let go of Bella and it was almost pathetic but Paul wasn't going to push it, he was a grown man and he could sort through his issues all on his own.
Sierra went upstairs to brush her teeth and get ready for bed and Jake moved to sit directly across from Paul, he wasn't sure why the idiot thought he could still intimidate him after all these years, it was ridiculous.
"What happened?" Raising an eyebrow at Jake Paul stayed silent. "So you're not going to tell me then?" Shaking his head Paul grunted, the quicker he got this over with the better.
"I kissed her, she kissed back. She went to bed. I went to bed…separately. I woke up and she was helping my daughter make me breakfast." Jake stopped glaring at him and let his body slump forward as he put his face in his hands.
"Fuck. I know I'm doing it again and dad said to get over it but I, I can't. I don't even like her like that its just…" Paul kept quiet, this was obviously something he needed to get out of his system and it was better that he did that without his input. "…I'm trying to stay out of it but she's like family or…I don't even know anymore I just feel like I still need to look out for her." Instead of being insulted as he could have been Paul nodded in understanding.
"I'm not just going to fuck her and chuck her Jake and you're a bigger asshole than I thought if you believe that. You should be proud of her for being able to take care of herself, she's been doing it a while you know…" Jacob looked up at him and nodded. "I'm not going to hurt her so you don't have to worry about that."
Sierra came back down the stairs and threw herself back into her uncle's arms effectively ending that conversation to Paul's relief, he didn't want to be spilling his guts all over the place for Jacob to see, it was bad enough all his friends were going to know what was going on as soon as they phased with this big mouth and then the rest of the rez would know when Billy found out.
The next few days were as torturous as he expected them to be. Leah was the first to show up and grill him after Jacob, she wanted to know exactly what his intentions were with her (step)sister, to which he responded that he really wanted to test her out and see where it went from there, Leah didn't seem to find the humour in it but she let it go and then there was everyone else that wanted to offer their support or wish him luck. It was painful and he knew it wouldn't have been like this with any one else but since they all knew Bella and her past they felt it was their right to stick their noses in his business and protect her, or him or both of them.
Although he still talked to her and texted her, he hadn't seen Bella in a week. It actually made him nervous when he thought about having to see her again because he knew things had changed and eventually they would change again and at some point it would turn into a more serious relationship. Mentally kicking himself in the ass he shook the thought from his head, when the hell did he turn into a sixteen year old girl?
When Bella asked him straight up why he hadn't asked her on a date yet he realized the woman had more balls than he did and asked her out. There wasn't a plan because he wasn't really good at that sort of thing and he wasn't about to ask Leah or someone to help him cover those bases, it seemed weird and it bothered him that she'd think about it when she phased and everyone would know. He seriously needed normal friends.
When he picked her up he took one look at her and wanted to haul her ass back inside her house and forget about his half assed plans. In all of his memories, or Jakes or anyone else's memories of her, he couldn't remember her looking so…sexy. Of course he was attracted to her but he'd never seen this part of her and it made him want to forget about the 'taking it slow' thing and strip everything but the boots she had on, off of her.
Locking her door she turned back around and looked him over, she was killing him and she knew it. Releasing her lip from her teeth she smiled sweetly at him.
"Ready to go?" Nodding his head dumbly because he seemed to be incapable of much else, Paul led her to his truck and helped her in. The drive wasn't all silent, she talked to him about dinner at Charlie and Sue's and how weird her dad got when Seth brought up the sleepover and how Seth called her to tell her that he'd been gossiping to Billy about it. He told her about the pack and all of their 'concerns'. The people in their lives needed to be reminded that they were adults, sure they had both been through some bullshit but they were still standing weren't they? They could handle their own lives.
After they ate dinner, he had to stop it from becoming a cheesy date and they went to a pool hall instead of going to a movie or a walk along the water or something equally ridiculous. It reeked of cigarette smoke and stale alcohol but Bella didn't seem to mind, she kicked his ass on the break but eventually he won the first game. While she racked the balls, he noticed that there were several pairs of eyes on her, not that he could blame them, she was wearing the tightest jeans he'd ever seen her wear and her boots made her legs look a mile longer than they were, it didn't help that where her shirt wasn't clinging, it was exposing a sliver of her stomach and the neck line was plunging so her tits were on display…yea of course he wasn't going to be the only man to notice.
Bella caught him looking, she waited for him to meet her eyes and then winked before leaning over to take her shot. Shaking his head again, for the millionth time that night, Paul decided it was time to get her out of there and somewhere she couldn't taunt him.
It might have been his best or worst idea, he couldn't be sure yet, when they got to his truck Bella moved from her side to his and then onto his lap so quickly he didn't have time to think, she was kissing him and moving her hips dangerously close to his.
This woman was clearly trying to find a release and did he want to give it to her? Fuck yea but he wasn't sure he trusted himself to stop and he did not want to be on a list of her regrets or whatever later. Paul gripped her sides and pulled his head back to stop her for a minute. He noticed that her eyes were welling up with every second that went by.
She was feeling rejected and he felt bad but he knew he'd feel a lot worse if he just went along with something she wanted to have over and done with. He tilted her chin so she was looking at him.
"Hey…look where we are for a second." He gave her a moment to actually look around her before continuing. "I'll probably kick myself for this later but its not the best place to do what you're thinking of doing Bella." She nodded her head before resting it on his chest.
"I know and I'm sorry, its just…I've been thinking a lot about you. And I promised myself I'd be patient but I just kept thinking, I'm not really sure what I was thinking to be honest." Paul chuckled and she lifted her head up to narrow her eyes at him.
"I'm not laughing at you. I just know exactly what you're feeling. I thought I was the one who needed to be patient." Bella laughed and then rested her head against him again. They sat there, her on his lap, in a comfortable silence for a few moments before she pulled herself up and moved back over to her seat.
"Paul will you stay with me tonight, we don't have to do anything, I just want someone to be there…" she paused to take a breath. "…when I wake up." He had to get himself together before nodding, he understood that need for comfort. It cut at him a little bit to look at her. Even when she was married she was alone and it wasn't just about sex or having a warm body to wake up next to, she wanted to be loved, wanted and cared for, he understood that.
Sierra was spending the night with Leah and Embry and he knew she'd be fine but he called to let them know where he'd be. Of course it earned him a line of questioning from Leah and he promised to answer each and every one of them another time, he hung up and found Bella in the kitchen. The house seemed a lot bigger and quieter without Sierra there and he was really starting to see Bella. He remembered seeing her on the beach and wondering why she'd be out by herself, it was probably to get away from all this silence and emptiness.
Pulling her up from the chair he led her to her room and lay down beside her. Both of them were still dressed and he held her until she fell asleep, her tiny body never left his arms. It didn't have to be anything because neither of them had to be anything for the other, he breathed her in and noticed that it was easy, simple and right without his senses being clouded over by his past, this was where he fit.
As always thank you for reading :)