Note: This chapter was supposed to have an EXPLICIT scene, which has been cut due to FFnet rules. To read, go to or livejournal - I writer under the penname sarcastic_fina.
Chapter Word Count: 4,997
Overall Word Count: 58,680

I Climbed The Tree To See The World (When The Gusts Came Around To Blow Me Down, I Held On As Tightly As You Held On To Me)
-Novel-

XI.

Darcy wasn't even surprised when she climbed off the plane and found Coulson himself holding up a sign that read her name. She laughed and walked toward him.

"Lewis?" he asked.

She quirked an eyebrow. "Maybe. Who's asking?"

"Agent Phil Coulson," he said. He reached for her bag. "I have a job proposition for you…"

Grinning, she shook her head and bumped his shoulder with hers. "You're one of a kind, Bossman."

"You're not too bad yourself, Darcy." He tipped his head. "So? How was the trip?"

"You mean you didn't bug the house?" she asked in mock-surprise.

He merely raised an eyebrow.

"It was… enlightening."

"Good." He turned to look at her. "I hope you got enough rest…" He smirked. "Because Tima's waiting on you. She has a few drills she wants you to run; think of it as last minute prep before you dip your toe in political espionage."

"Can Tima wait until after I've had lunch with Jane?" she hoped.

"Sure." He paused for effect. "If you want to run drills on a full stomach…"

Darcy frowned. "Fine. Tima first, Jane second."

"Steve third," he added.

She glared. "You are way too involved in my life."

He laughed under his breath. "It's crossed my mind a few times, actually."

She smiled. "It's because I'm your favorite, right?"

He turned to look at her. "One of," he agreed.

"Top three?"

"Easily."

She felt it was definitely a fist-pump worthy situation.

…

Apparently, the drills Tima wanted to run were of the shooting guns variety.

This time, the rest of the class wasn't present. It was just her and Tima at the gun range.

"What am I asking you to shoot, Darcy?"

She frowned. "Paper?"

"And?"

"Eventually people? If, y'know, I have to…"

"And?"

She sighed, shoulders slumping. "Why can't this be multiple choice?" she complained.

Tima shook her head and reached over, pushing a button that brought the target in. "I believe Coulson gave you some advice once…"

"You kidding? He gives me advice all the time; only it's usually in a subtle, droll way, like he doesn't want to play the Miyagi card too obviously."

Ignoring her, Tima gripped the target as it came in close. "Each of these rings will represent something. Anything you want to fight. A fear of some kind; I don't care what it is. But when you shoot these targets, that is what you're destroying. Not an imaginary person, but the fear you have inside you. You're shooting your fear of death or heights or clowns," she listed, waving a hand. "The point is, when you shoot that target, you're shooting something inside you. Something that hurts you. Something you don't want to eat at you anymore."

"And when it's a person on the other side of my gun?" Darcy wondered, staring down at it.

"The only time you will pull that trigger is if somebody is trying to kill you first," Tima reminded. "And if they made that mistake, then they deserve to be shot."

She cracked a faint smile.

Tima detached the target, folded it, and handed it to her. "You're a capable person, Darcy… But only if you think you are." With that, she took a step back. "Lesson over."

"What, that's it?" She scoffed. "I haven't thrown up or shot anything…" She tipped her head skeptically. "I think you're losing your edge, Ti."

She rolled her eyes. "I can only teach you so much, Darcy. Eventually you have to put it into action."

"So… I'm done? Darcy is complete? I'm a real girl?" Her eyebrows hiked.

Tima smiled at her. "You're as prepared as I can make you for this mission… If you feel like you still need training or anything happens, then I will help you prepare for the next time… Until then?" She nodded. "Class dismissed."

"Okay…" She hugged her target to her chest. "Wow, I thought I'd be more excited when I didn't have to run drills anymore… But mostly I feel like my security blanket was taken away."

"I'm always here if you need me, Darcy."

"Oh my God and you didn't call me Lewis!" Darcy pointed at her. "This is wrong!"

Chuckling under her breath, Tima turned to leave. "I have molded you quite nicely, I think, with all your rough, snarky edges very much intact."

Darcy snorted. "Yeah, no buffing was taking that out."

When she was left alone, she took a look around to make sure the range was still empty. Finding it was, she unfolded the target and laid it down on the counter.

She stared down at ring after ring.

Digging in her purse, she came up with a black marker and uncapped it with her mouth.

She held it over the paper as she frowned down at it; thinking, thinking, thinking.

There were four rings; red, white, blue, black.

Darcy scrawled something out on each one.

Her fear of growing up; marked Peter Pan.

Her lack of direction; shown in a wonky compass rose.

Her long-held belief that she wouldn't be good enough, with ENOUGH written in black bold lettering.

And lastly, she wrote her own name.

For always getting in her own way; always running when she should have stayed; and for standing up for everyone but herself.

Finally, she folded the paper up, tucked it in her bag, and left.

…

Not at all surprising, Darcy found Jane in her lab. She was poring over notes, muttering to herself, chewing on the rock-hard crusts of an old Pop-tart.

"I made her a new one but she ignored it," Peter told her. "Oh, and welcome back."

"Thanks." Darcy sighed and walked over to Jane. "Hey, Genius, remember who promised who lunch?"

"Darcy?" Jane blinked up at her. "Is it Monday already?"

She snorted. "Yeah…" She shook her head. "Okay. Sleep first and lunch tomorrow then, sound good?"

"Oh, but I was just…" She reached for her work but Darcy slapped her hands. "Let's go."

Jane deflated and followed her out. "Pop-tart?" she wondered hopefully.

Peter passed her the new one as they walked by and Darcy left it in Jane's hands. "There ya go. Problem solved."

After she got Jane set up in her room and tucked into bed, visions of Pop-tarts dancing in her head, she left. She considered going back to the lab and catching up with Peter, but instead she gathered her resolve and rode the elevator down.

She could hear the sound of his fists hitting the punching bag from as far as the hall around the corner. She walked silently and slunk inside, keeping to the wall, just watching for a moment.

Déjà vu washed over her as he traded jabs, left and right, and the bag wobbled from each hit.

Sweat collected on his brow and his shirt stretched with each movement. His face was flushed, his mouth set in a hard line, and his shoulders were hunched with tension.

When she walked forward, she swallowed, knowing what was coming.

He was mid-hit when he paused, every muscle in his body strained. And then he turned his head, his eyebrows flared, eyes a little wide. "Darcy…" he said, though it was deflated now, no longer that bright, excited exclamation.

"Hey…"

"I thought you weren't going to be back until tomorrow…" He looked down at his hands. "And then you were leaving with Agent Coulson for business…"

"I was. I—I am." She nodded. "I came back a day early, so…"

"Ah." He started untaping his fists. "You had a nice visit with your family?"

"It was cool. My mom and I buried a hatchet of repression and my long-held fear of not being good enough, so…" She shrugged. "Probably something to go down in the Lewis family history books."

He offered a faint smile. "I'm glad then."

He started walking away, toward the gym bag he had waiting by the bench.

She watched him go.

"So this is what it's going to be like?" she wondered. "Really awkward small talk?"

He sighed. "I don't know what you want from me," he murmured, taking a seat on the bench.

She chewed her lip.

"When we met, you wanted to be friends. Things… changed, and there was a connection there. Something I haven't felt in… ever. And when I wanted to see where that went, you decided that you weren't good enough for me…" He rested his elbows on his knees. "So I'm trying to respect your decision not to be with me, but it's difficult…" His jaw ticked. "It's difficult because you are so beautiful and funny and… alive and when I'm with you I feel like I—I'm real and here and… You were the only person I really had; the only person I trusted. And I was… falling for you, even when we were just friends. I—I was falling for you when you looked up at me, that first time we met, and you told me you were planning on taking over the world. Which—" He laughed. "Should've been a deterrent but instead all it did was make me want to know you… And the woman I got to know was incredible. She couldn't see it in herself but she was wonderful.

"Darcy—" He stood from the bench and walked toward her, staring at her searchingly. "You are the most real person I have ever met. You are unapologetically yourself, even when you put yourself down… You light up a room when you walk into and it just—it changes everyone. I can see it in people when they see you. You just, you bring this energy with you and people are helpless to it. I was helpless to it…" He smiled softly. "I don't like reality TV, I like spending time with you. I liked knowing that every night, I'd be hearing your laugh and your voice and seeing your smile… And I'd feel you looking at me when I wasn't looking at you and I'd hope that maybe you felt the same way. So that night… That amazing night at the bar, when we were dancing and it all just came together, that… That was the best night of my life and…" He sighed, his eyes dropping. "Then you were leaving and it felt like you were breaking up with me before we'd even started. So…" He put his hands up. "Yes. This is what it'll be like. Really awkward small talk… Because being around you and not being with you is painful… And I don't know how to go back… I don't want to go back. I…" He licked his lips. "I want to go forward."

Darcy opened her mouth to reply but her voice failed her. Her throat was tight with emotion and her stomach was flip-flopping, her heart beating out of her chest. She walked toward him slowly and stared up at him.

She took his hands into hers and rubbed her thumbs over his knuckles and finally she put those hands onto her waist and she slid her arms around his neck, and she said, "Then let's go back and I'll do it right this time, okay?" Her hand slid in behind his neck and guided him down, bringing their heads closer.

He paused. "You're sure this time?" he worried. "You won't…?"

She nodded, smiling. "I'm sure."

He stared searchingly at her before finally, he smiled, and crossed the last bit of space between them.

It was even better than she remembered.

His mouth and his hands, his teasing tongue and scraping teeth. The way he pulled her into him, arms banding tight around her, gripping her shirt tight in his fist.

She dragged her fingers through his hair, curled her nails down neck, and smiled as he bit her lip reactively.

There was no music this time; no test in the morning; no niggling fears that ate away at her.

And no dress to keep her from hitching her leg over his hip. He grunted against her lips and smoothed a hand down the length of her leg, squeezing and kneading her thigh.

They stumbled back, barely missing the punching bag, and she paused, pulling away. "Okay, so this fantasy I have about the training mats? Usually they're super clean or I just don't think about it but these things get walked on a lot, don't they?"

He nodded.

"Okay, so my room then?"

He swallowed tightly.

She grinned and gripped his shirt, tugging him along behind her.

!CUT SEX SCENE!

She fell against his chest, their skin clinging together in sweat, and tried to catch her breath. "Gold star, Cap," she murmured, patting his chest.

"Same to you," he said, rubbing his hand up back and tangling his fingers in her hair.

"Y'know… Originally I was just going to stop in and ask you to forgive me for being a jerk… Maybe ask you out for a drink or something…" she admitted.

"You weren't a jerk," he argued. "You were… insecure."

She snorted. "Yeah, story of my life."

He sighed. "I don't know why… I wish you could see yourself the way I see you."

She looked up at him. "Post-sex, I bet I look even more amazing than usual." She stretched up and kissed him before rolling over onto her side. "We should nap," she told him, yawning as she curled up into her blankets.

Steve climbed off the bed, made a stop at the trash can and her tiny bathroom, and then joined her in bed, wrapping himself around her and burying his face at the nape of her neck. His body was warm and swamped her.

"We could go out tomorrow… Your last night before your trip with Coulson," he suggested.

She covered his hands with hers and squeezed. "I know a little jazz bar…" she said.

She could feel him smiling as she drifted to sleep.

…

Darcy met Jane for dinner that night; she walked into the restaurant and found her favorite physicist waiting at the bar, sipping a bright pink drink from a tiny red straw.

"You look better. Get a good sleep?" she asked as she took the seat next to her.

"You had sex!" Jane accused, pointing at her.

Darcy rolled her eyes. "Thank you. Please announce it to the whole restaurant next time," she muttered.

She glared at a few staring people before turning back to Darcy and grabbing her hand. "Please tell me it was Steve and you've fixed things."

"Who the hell else would I be sleeping with?" She raised an eyebrow. "I'm offended by how little you think of me morally, Jane! I'll cry myself to sleep tonight."

She snorted. "Whatever, just fill me in so I can live vicariously through you."

Shaking her head, she hopped off the stool. "Later. Right now, why don't we have something to eat and you can tell me what breakthroughs you made while I was dealing with twenty-plus years of emotional, family stress."

"Have you talked to your mom since you got back?" she wondered, following her over to see the maître d' about their reservation.

"Yeah, I called her when I landed. So far, so good." She shrugged. "I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop, but I guess for right now things are looking up."

"You're a pessimist," Jane told her.

"Can you blame me? I've never seen a double-rainbow, Jane! What is the meaning of life?" she exclaimed.

Laughing to herself, Jane bumped Darcy's shoulder. "Is it so hard to believe maybe things are really turning around for you?"

"Yes. Absolutely." She nodded. "I'm telling you, something is going to go wrong."

She rolled her eyes and sighed. "Fine. But not tonight…"

"I dunno; food poisoning would be pretty awful," she mused.

Jane glared at her.

"What? I'm just saying!"

Contrary to Darcy's fears, the night finished off without a hitch.

In fact, after she got back from dinner, she dropped Jane off at her room (not the lab! Score!) and then called Steve. Who just so happened to still be on SHIELD property so they had their first naked overnight sleepover. Wherein she felt it was necessary to make him watch When Harry Met Sally; he was a good sport though. Although that could've been because he was using her boobs as a pillow; one might never know.

[Next: Part X.]