Saving the Light Within
Chapter 10: Long Night
AN: I hope this is good, I mean, for a chapter where the main character is super tired, ha, ha. I feel like this chapter is just as important as the others, though.
Also, sorry if the dream part at the end of the last chapter threw you off!
Light blinked, abruptly finding himself in a dark room, on a bed. He sat up slowly, realizing he had been having an extremely bizarre dream...but then...how was he in bed?
He glanced over that L, who was leaning against some pillows and the wall, eating a lollipop, and staring at Light.
Light shook his head, wiping at his sleepy eyes, "You don't even try to sleep some nights, do you?"
"You know why I can't sleep."
Light laughed, but there was no real humor in it, "It's not insomnia unless you actually try to sleep."
"I'm...scared."
He froze at that, "Ryuzaki..."
"I hate losing. And I could lose any minute now...to my best friend...and my enemy."
Light bit his lower lip, "It's either you or me..."
"What was that?"
Light shook his head quickly, "Nothing...just...how did I get here?"
"I carried you."
Light looked back over to L, looking at him for a good long minute. He actually noticed that L's hair was messier than usual, his eyes looked weird...watery, or something and he had his free arm crossed over the one holding his lollipop stick.
L shrugged, "I asked you to get up so we could go to bed, because I thought sleeping on the couch would uncomfortable for you, but you said no and something about a special tear. I considered leaving you there, but I decided to carry you back instead."
Not really paying that much attention to what L was saying, Light instead asked, "Have you been crying?"
L glanced down for a minute, "What? I don't know what you meant by 'special tear'."
Light shook his head, "No, forget about that. Have you been crying?"
L shrugged again, and Light realized abruptly that he didn't do that often...was he really that...scared?
"L..."
"Don't say my name."
Light felt like he'd been slapped, a fresh stinging feeling washing over him, and yet, he also felt a pang of guilt, "Sorry..."
"No...I mean," L sighed, "Don't say it like that. I don't mind you saying my name... I don't want pity...or sympathy."
Light stared at him, shocked. He glanced down, "Well...as long as it could help you, I don't care whether or not you want it."
L shrugged, yet again, "Fair enough."
The longer Light stared, the more he found himself realizing... L was just eating a lollipop...no laptop in sight...and he noticed that L was shaking, the slightest bit. It hurt Light. It made him want to help L.
He reached over for a second, carefully touching L's arms, but L backed up the slightest bit, "Light...don't try to...comfort me. I'm on an edge here."
"Huh?"
L's glassy eyes looked down, "An...emotional edge."
It clicked then. L was holding back his emotions, as he often did. And right now, he was holding back tears.
Light sighed, laying back against his pillows, "You should let go...I'm here to catch you."
"Maybe I don't want to be caught. Maybe I don't want to fall."
Mumbling, Light said, "I do..."
"What?"
He shook his head, "Nothing. Ryuzaki...at this point, I know your actual name... You really have no reason to hide anything now."
L suddenly put his lollipop in a bowl on his desk, then he layed back too, "I know. It just...makes me uncomfortable."
Light thought about that, and decided that that was reasonable. Still, since either of them might die now, he decided he should at least know something about L, other than what he already knows. He hummed for a moment, then said, "Tell me about your past...when you were young."
L looked like he at least thought about it, but he quickly shook his head, "No."
Frowning, Light stared at L, "Why not?"
"Light," he started, "Just...not tonight...not right now. Ask me later."
Light was annoyed, but he nodded.
Silence overcame them then, and Light felt himself drifting once more.
He found it odd, that at any minute...he could kill L. Yet he didn't want to...well, a part of him did...but that part of him wasn't originally there, no, that was Kira, somewhere within him.
He wondered how that worked. Was Kira kind of...possessing him? If so, then how the hell do they beat him? Maybe...no...he would think about things like that later.
"Do you ever find that no matter how dark it is, or how comfortable you are, you can't be tired?"
Light smiled a little, his eyes still closed, "Sometimes, I guess."
"I hate it."
That was odd for L to say, Light thought. Maybe he was already asleep, and this was a dream? Well, whatever, he was still gonna go along with it, "It's all that sugar you eat."
"No, I have insomnia."
Light chuckled, "You wish you did."
"Why would I wish that?"
Light actually didn't know why...but it seemed like something L would do, "Because you're you. Do you want me to, I dunno, hug you to sleep or something? Ha, ha, ha."
"If you're referring to what I did...I am sorry."
Light felt some anger rush through his veins, "No, you're not. It was for the sake of the Kira case. You could never truly be sorry about something so important."
"You're right...but I am sorry that it hurt you. You do...understand the importance, though...so, you're not...angry?"
Light thought about it, then he almost laughed, "Are you asking me to forgive you?"
"Perhaps."
He couldn't help it...be burst out laughing. It was hard to say what was so funny about L saying that, but it was funny...or at least, it was to Light.
He put his hand to his upper stomach as he continued to laugh uncontrollably. Yet, he still felt so tired.
As tears from laughing escaped his eyes, he was reminded of how much his eyes hurt-probably from a lack of sleep- and he quickly got a hold on himself, wiping at his eyes, while trying hard to keep them closed.
"Sorry," he mumbled, slurring the slightest bit, "What was...um...the question?"
"Are you tired?"
He laughed a little, "Duh..."
There was a bit of silence, and part of Light realized too late that what he had said sounded stupid. Only part of him, though.
"Are you...gay?"
Why was he asking that? Light laughed a little at the thought though, "Gender preference..." he laughed some more.
"Are you?"
Unthinking, Light answered him, "I don't think so."
"Hmmmm. Do you...know how Kira controls you?"
That was random as... Wait. Light sat up a little, turning to L to glare at him, reality rushing through him, "Seriously? You asked me a test question to see if I was sleepy enough to tell you everything? You don't trust me at all!"
L opened his mouth to say something but stopped for a moment, then tried again, "No...it's not... Light...I do trust you-"
"Don't lie to me!"
They fell silent, then L glanced away, "I thought, if you were tired enough, you would explain what you otherwise wouldn't...for whatever reason. And I trust you have your reasons...but I want to know everything... I'm a dying man, can you blame me for being cautious?"
Light breathed in unsteadily, "Right. Sorry. Look...I can't. I'm way too tired for this, L."
L turned away then...angrily? Light raised his eyebrows, but realized that L had every right to be angry. He could die at any minute, as far as they knew...and Light...was too tired to explain his Kira memories?
He sighed, "It's...sort of embarrassing, actually," he stopped, thinking of how to word everything, and watched as L turned to stare at him, "I remember everything...but not everything makes sense. I mean...I know...what happened to me...but none of it..."
He trailed off, getting lost in dark memories, "It hurts...to remember. And I think I'm too...I mean, I'd rather run from it, than try to figure it all out..."
Looking down, he forced himself to stare at the blank, white sheeting of the bed, instead of meeting L's dark gray eyes, "I'm sorry. Being in the mind of a killer isn't as fun as it sounds..."
"Light," L began, "It's late and..."
"You think I'm weak, don't you?"
Light met L's eyes, and watched as he nodded, "I do...but I have no clue what you're going through. So...if you don't want to talk about it...it's not like I'll force you to."
Light nodded a little, too, lying down again next to L. He didn't say anything else, because there was nothing else to say. If he couldn't figure out more about Kira...then they couldn't stop Kira.
He was left with only one option.
He would have to-
"I'm sorry, Light."
He glanced over at L, "For what?"
L swallowed uncomfortably, "Everything... I know it's not just my life at risk. Yours has been at risk for a while now. Not to mention the pain you've suffered..."
"L, we really don't have to talk about this."
L nodded, "Goodnight..."
Light faked a smile, "Goodnight."