10. A Violent Silence
The morning was over, and you hadn't left your bed ever since your break down earlier. The morning breath taste lingered on your tongue, and you kept drinking old water to wash it down any time it became almost overbearing. Your stomach had chose many moments to growl, but when the time hit exactly 1 in the afternoon, it bellowed and you could have sworn an animal lived in you.
That was the time you decided that it was best to get up, rinse your face and brush your teeth and hair, then make a quick breakfast. You didn't have much of an apetite, however you knew that your body needed to eat.
Groggily, you got off your bed, went out to the hallway and into the bathroom. There was water around the sink, and as you bent down to splash your face, your t-shirt touched it and got wet.
You hummed to yourself, the song from last night, although you had forgotten the words. Tadashi's voice singing it entered your head, but they became muffled and unrecognizable before your brain could fully translate them.
After you dried your face, you were wide-awake.
The smell of remaining honey and cinnamon floated around from the kitchen, and it drew you in. There were mildly burnt pancakes on a plastic plate for you, with cold coffee next to it. You assumed it had been laying there, waiting for you from the moment your parents left the house. Which was hours ago.
You ate it all anyways, eating it right there as it laid on the counter. No syrup, because opening the fridge would just make you colder. The house was already cold enough.
"Why is it so cold?" You gave a long sigh, and slowly put a smile on your face. There was nothing joyful at the moment, you were still shivering and the pancakes were tasteless without syrup. The smile was to brighten you up, since you were told that simply smiling could bring the mood up if done a lot.
Once you were done, you threw away the plastic plate, and gulped down the coffee. It was bitter, and you knew that your dad made it because he loved to drink bitter coffee. You still drank it all, and carefully put the mug into the sink.
You needed to distract yourself, because the thoughts of Tadashi wouldn't go away. As you washed the dishes, you imagined how Tadashi would have splashed you with water and sang some song off-key.
"'Cause you're a sky, you're a sky full of stars." You hummed, and then blinked a few times as you realized what you were singing. However you couldn't stop, the song was on replay in your head. The more you thought of the lyrics, the more you thought about Tadashi, and by then you couldn't stop thinking.
You kept singing, until you reached a certain point in the song. That part was when Tadashi's voice gotten softer, and he sang in almost a whisper.
"I'm going to give you my heart," you crooned, "And I don't care, go on and tear me apart."
The warm, salty tears were edging at your eyes, and you wiped them away before they could come down your cheeks. This was not going accordingly to your break day plan, which was to sit in bed all day while surfing the internet. Recently, nothing had ever went as planned.
Ever since you began working at the Lucky Cat Cafe, everything in your life became chaos. A slide down a snowy hill until you realized it was a mountain. You only started working their to pay for your supplies and to help your home. You didn't work expecting to have the Hamada family get close to yours, to stay out until eleven at night with Tadashi, to find the injuries on him, and especially not to fall in love with him.
Tadashi got a total of three hours of sleep, and was awoken by Hiro's shoving. Hiro's hands pushed at his painfully sore shoulders, and he woke up with a pant.
"You alright? You were sweating so much and moving around every thirty seconds!" Hiro stated, and then his lips pinched in as Tadashi weakly sat up.
Tadashi's shirt dragged more to the side, revealing his bare shoulder and collar bones. Prominent collar bones, with a claw marks near it, going all the way to his back.
"She did it again, didn't she?" Hiro asked, concern thick in his voice.
The instant Tadashi heard the pain in Hiro's voice, his face pinched in together and he let out an unsteady breath. He brought one hand to his eyes, and couldn't say anything.
"It hurts so bad. My whole body hurts." Tadashi cried out, feeling the need to say more but the words choked at his throat.
Hiro dropped down onto the bed, wrapping his arms around his older brother. No words exchanged, and the only sounds were Tadashi's sobbing. This had been going on for weeks now, and Hiro had tried to help. But Tadashi threatened that if he did, he would never forgive Hiro. It was a hard decision, and it was even harder as Hiro complied.
"I didn't mean to get her jealous, I thought she would be okay with it. She said she was sorry, but why did she hurt me again?" Tadashi desperately questioned, eyes half-open while more tears came out.
"She apologizes you through what? Sex?" Hiro inquired, pulling away from him gently.
Tadashi's eyes grew big, and he rolled his shoulders back as they tensed up even more. It was the first time he heard Hiro say that, although Hiro was a lot smarter than he would ever know. Also, at this point, nothing surprised him too much. Besides you.
"[Y/N] knows about it too." He whispered, then Hiro and him made eye-contact.
There was a certain type of sadness in Hiro's eyes that Tadashi known them all too well. Hiro had those eyes on the anniversary of their parents' death, on the time before he got accepted into SFIT, on the days Tadashi came home with new injuries. It also reminded him of your eyes, which made matters worse.
Once again, you came into his mind. His hands dropped onto his lap, and then lowered his eyes down to his hands. It was always easier for him to direct his eyes away from reality instead of facing it.
But his hands were pink with imprints from his wrinkled bedsheets and blankets when he had slept.
"She seen the bruises," Tadashi started, pressing his thumb nail against the skin between the index finger and thumb, and then continued, "She was so angry, so worried. I had never seen anyone so upset. Her face was pink and I swore she was going to cry," he chuckled shamefully, "and I. . .I made her want to cry."
Hiro frowned, but then replaced it a small, comforting smile instead.
"I'm sure that she's doing fine, Tadashi. Have you tried talking to her?" He asked, raising his eyebrows even though Tadashi still hasn't brought his eyes back up yet.
Lately, Hiro had to be the strong one out of the two. Tadashi had spent most of his life masquerading his pain with smiles that came along with blank eyes, and it took awhile for Hiro to recognize it but when he did, it hit him.
At last, Tadashi's swollen eyes moved up from his hands and met Hiro's eyes.
"I think it's best if we stop being friends." He quietly said, his voice was almost inaudible. It was a lie, every single word he spoke was a wretched lie. Tadashi didn't want that at all, but someone else did. It was best if he did as told, for his safety and yours. Somehow, you had seeped into a crack in his heart that he kept hidden. A tiny crevice not meant to be there but after he had endured so much, it formed. And because of that, he was afraid of letting you go. Terrified that if you were gone, he'd be left with the same crack again.
"It'll be good for the both of us. Besides, if I hung out with her anymore then I'd"—Tadashi's voice cracked—"Never mind."
The old blankness in Tadashi's eyes had returned, yet this time it didn't come alone. What it brought back with it made Tadashi's chapped lips curled downwards, and his body felt numb. The tears weren't coming out anymore, but the need to piled up in him. Perhaps it was the emptiness, or a fascination being abandoned. A bird going back into its cage.
With much difficulty, Hiro kept looking at Tadashi. Why did the worst things happen to the best people? The mere glint from the upcoming tears in Tadashi's eyes caused Hiro to let out an exasperated breath.
"I hate her." He growled, his hands rolled into tight fists and he ground his teeth.
"Who?" Tadashi questioned, seeing that it could be two people. It was unlikely that it would be you, but there was still that chance.
"You know who." Hiro seethed, "All she has done was hurt you. And you won't do anything about it! You won't let me do anything about it, and do you understand how hard it is to see you like this? You told me that you would handle this, and that you'll be okay, but you're obviously not."
The tiredness in Tadashi weighted him down as Hiro spoke, and he fell back onto the bed. He was beyond sad, he was far from exhausted, the distance he wanted to be from where he was at that second was further than the moon and back. It was difficult for him to admit, however Tadashi knew that it was his fault. The courage to get help came with risks, and he was too much of a coward.
"Am I a bad person, Hiro? Be honest." Tadashi sniveled, bringing his hand to his forehead.
When his eyes reached the ceiling, he realized that the sun was up. The sunlight shined through the window, touching the end of his blanket, and a little bit past his side of the room. Dust was visible, and it floated around. He hadn't acknowledged the weather until now, and he found it quite relaxing.
Hiro wasn't sure how to respond exactly. He wasn't too good with words, struggling to say something without worrying. Always shy, frightened. Also, he felt like his response would either break or make Tadashi. Though, that wasn't the case at all. Tadashi was already broken, and it was going to take a lot more than some words of sympathetic support to fix him.
Hiro cautiously selected his words before answering.
"I think you're a really good person, Tadashi," he paused for a moment, "It's just that a lot of bad things have happened to you."
Several silent seconds followed after Hiro's answer, and Tadashi's was speechless. He didn't know what to say, because no one had ever told him that before. No one had ever explained to him in just a couple of words that Tadashi was still a good person, even if his life wasn't so good.
"Though you do smell pretty bad right now." Hiro joked, while scrunching up his nose.
Tadashi laughed lightly, and then got the will to swing his legs to the side of the bed, sitting up. With his hands holding onto the bed, he exhaled out a deep breath and slowly stood up. His legs still hurt, so he swayed slightly, having to rest his shoulder against the wall to hold himself up.
Hiro stood up, and lifted up Tadashi's hand by the wrist, wrapping it around his shoulders.
"I'll help you this one time, but that's it." Hiro said, and then the two started to walk to the stairs. Tadashi had a grin on his face, because that wasn't the first time Hiro had said that.
Time seemed to have drifted by in your oblivion, and now it was almost eight. Eight o'clock was when your whole family came home. You only had a little bit of alone time left, and you weren't too sure on how to spend it. You had already wasted majority of it laying in bed, taking naps every now and then.
Consequently, the more naps you took, the more tired you felt and the messier you appeared.
Maybe your family coming home soon was not such a bad thing, you needed company. You needed your dad to joke on your hair becoming a nest, and Lilly asking if she could fix your hair for you. It was important to taste your mom's delicious cooking again, because the only taste on your tongue was bitterness and something else that you couldn't put your finger on yet. But it was just as distasteful.
For the next fifteen minutes, you laid supine in bed. After a while, you got sick of staring at the ceiling, so you spun around and laid on your chest. You slid your arms under the pillow, and your lips rumbled against each other as you heaved out a breath.
Throughout the day, when you were awake, you kept checking your phone. At one point typed a message to Tadashi before deleting it.
He did say he didn't want to talk to you anymore, and he probably didn't even want to see you tomorrow. If that was true, Tadashi would wake up earlier and leave to class before you arrived to the cafe. If that was true, his reply to your text could be 'Who's this?' because by then he might've deleted your number already.
Yet, you were still insistent on stopping him from getting abused. It didn't matter if he pushed you away, as long as you found out who his abuser was. Whoever it was, you planned to stop them no matter what.
You pensively let out a single hum, narrowed your eyes, and scratched your chin. What if his abuser was someone strong and aggressive? What if they were a complete psychopath? Or someone so sweet that no one would ever believe you? Now that you thought about it more, there were many possibilities that this could go wrong.
You weren't too much of a fighter, never actually having problems with many people. The most aggressive you had ever gotten with someone was giving them a hostile glare, and a flick to Danny's forehead.
"Jeez." You mumbled, frustrated. It was more difficult than you thought, since now you were not just thinking about Tadashi in the plan.
Your train of thoughts were broken by a loud creaking coming from one of the doors in the house, and you knew that your family was home. Suddenly, laughter erupted throughout the house, and your heard heavy, quick footsteps heading towards your room. It was sort of terrifying, it reminded you of a bear chasing after you as you hid from it.
"Are you home, [Y/N]?" Lilly questioned right outside the door. She knew better than to barge in.
"Yep, I'll be out in a minute!" You responded, dragging yourself off the bed. Your left foot turned out to be asleep, and with each step you took, you felt that you would fall. You groaned, and finally opened the door.
Lilly had her hair in two tight braids, a red marker smudge next to her nose.
"We brought home some Chinese food, since Mommy said she was too tired to cook tonight." She reported to you, and then skipped away back into the kitchen. Her braids flopped against her shoulders and she started to sing a song you have never heard of before. As you watched her from behind, you smiled. Lilly was such a happy person.
Your mom wasn't in the kitchen when you entered, it was just your dad and Danny opening the cartons of food on the table.
"Where's Mom?" You asked your dad, and then take a seat right by your dad. His eyebrows knitted together so tightly, it was as if he had a unibrow.
"She has to rest, she's very tired, [Y/N]." He told you, not looking at you. On a typical day, even if your mom wasn't around, your dad would greet you with a smile. The corners of his eyes would crinkle because he would smile so wide, and the creases on his forehead would form. Now, the creases were already there but there was no smile.
It was clear that there was more to your mom than just tired, and you felt worried.
"Don't worry too much about it, your mom's just tired." Your dad reassured, glancing at you and then focusing back on the food. Now, you were anxious and extremely concerned. All the food opened, the plastic plates were placed on the table with forks next to them, and you remembered that you wanted to taste your mom's cooking.
"Mom?" You called out, dashing out into the hallway.
"I'm napping, [Y/N]." Your mom wearied, poking her head out of the bedroom door. Had she been standing there the whole time? There was no way she could had made it to the door right away if she had been resting.
"Are you okay? Do you want me to make some tea for you?" You inquired, raising your eyebrows and then walking to her.
Your mom nodded her head, and offered you a warm smile. She could tell how worried you were, and made the smile even wider.
"That'd be nice, [Y/N]. I'm going to go back to bed, just leave it on the nightstand." She told you, and then slowly, limply went back to the bed. You made sure she got tucked in before you went back to the kitchen to make her tea.
In the kitchen, Danny was slurping lo mien and your dad stabbed his fork into the beef. Lilly was eating cupcake, not paying attention to anything besides the sweetness on her tongue. No one talked, joked, or made a mess. Your family would have looked normal to strangers, but on your eyes, the picture was out of place without your mom. An absence of care.
You made the tea, and your dad didn't question you. Sometimes, you two believed that you were more of the parent than your mom or him. When you finished, you carried it back into your mom's room, and placed it on her nightstand.
You swore she was asleep, until her eyes opened and she jerked her head to face you.
"You ready for work tomorrow?" Your mom asked, and then sat up to sip her tea. The teacup slightly shook in her hand, and she gulped down the hot tea without a flinch.
"Yeah." You replied, shrugging your shoulders.
"You sure?" She questioned, and then brought the tea cup back onto the nightstand. A skeptical expression on her face, and you believed that maybe she knew more than you thought she did.
Again, you shrugged your shoulders while nodding your head. You weren't lying, you were full on ready for work, but were you ready to face Tadashi?
"Alright, now go eat dinner. Thank you for the tea, angel." She said, the smile back on her face and she lowered herself down to the bed.
You exited the room, shutting the door carefully to make sure she didn't hear anything. You stood outside the doorway for a few moments, a frown on your face and your eyes stared down at the floor.
At last, you walked back into the kitchen, and sat down between your dad and Lilly.
"You good, champ?" Your dad asked, chewing obnoxiously on what looked like to be chicken. He swallowed, and spun the lo mien on his fork.
"Yeah, pass me some lo mien, please." You said, and gave your plate to him. He dumped a large quantity of chicken, lo mien, and two egg rolls onto the plate, then handed it back to you.
It was silent again, yet that was good, because it gave you more time to advise your plan. Tomorrow, you were going to confront Tadashi. You were going to get to work earlier than usual, just in case he decided to escape before your arrival. And if he wasn't going to tell you then, you would bluff about reporting it to authorities. Then if he still didn't tell you, you would pretend cry and break down right then and there until he did.
Yep. That was the plan. In that moment as you slurped up the lo mien, it seemed like a pretty good plan.
A/N: My apologizes for always including in a mother's love, I never really felt motherly love as much as I should have and.. I don't know. I haven't seen my mom in years. Also, I know I said I will keep it PG, and I mean, but more of PG-13 haha! Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed! (In case you haven't noticed, it usually takes a week for me to update.)
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