NOTE: I'm really sorry it took so long to get this chapter up. I've been working on it this whole time, but I also had college graduation and some other stuff going on. Hope it's worth the wait. I warn you, though, this is headed straight into major angst land.
"What the hell do the little triangles mean?" Robin asked, pointing to the score-card on-screen.
"Dude, it's because I got a strike," Barney said matter-of-factly. This was the kind of play-argument they'd had a thousand times before. They were hanging out as casually as they ever had. And yet, there was a strange tension in Barney's whole body. He was practiced at trying to be his normal self at this point. But after his argument with Ted, there was something more to it than just pulling the wool over Robin's eyes. It was almost like feeling self-conscious, which of course was ridiculous since that was impossible to feel without a shame gland. He hoped that extra tightness he'd had in his chest all afternoon was something simpler, less threatening. Like tuberculosis.
"Why doesn't it just show your points?" she asked, still clearly confused.
He furrowed his brow and stared at her incredulously. "Do they seriously not have bowling in Canada?" Barney couldn't help it. It was like Robin came with an inexhaustible number of easy jokes by virtue of her country of birth. Besides, he secretly found her little Canadian ticks endearing.
She rolled her eyes. "Of course we have bowling. I just never really went. Isn't it kind of a white trash thing?"
He was about to counter that his mom used to be in a bowling league, but closed his mouth. Actually, that might just prove her point. Besides, even though he was trying not to take what Ted had said to him the day before too personally, there was still a part of Barney that was suddenly uncomfortable with any and all of his weaknesses and self-conscious of his past. Which was totally ridiculous, because he was awesome. And they were just two normal friends hanging out without ulterior motive. What was so difficult about that? Clearly Ted underestimated him.
Still, it was best not to bring up uncomfortable topics anyway. Instead, he deflected by poking fun at her. "It's okay, Robin. It may be too cold to leave your igloo most of the year up there, but thanks to Nintendo all the little Canadian children can experience the wonder of bowling anyway. They won't have to go through what you did." Barney bit his lip in concentration as he lined up the controller for his next throw.
Just then, the door opened and a lilting voice broke in with a cheerful, "Evening, Robin." Barney's face twitched a little at the sound of Alistair's voice, and he remained looking straight ahead at the screen as he threw his whole arm into his next turn. Unfortunately, it was a little too hard and the ball went spinning wildly off into the gutter.
"Hey," Robin said, giving Alistair a hug as he walked over towards them. "Please tell me you can help me out here." She gestured to the screen, causing her character to accidentally throw the ball sideways. "Dammit! See what I mean?"
Barney and Alistair laughed at the same time. Which killed Barney's amusement and brought a grimace of disgust to his face instead. Robin seemed to notice and gave him a questioning look, which prompted him to speak up to distract her. "Yeah, Scherbatsky could really use a hand, and eyes, and coordination. Preferably in some combination that works together..."
Alistair smiled politely and said, "Sorry, I'm no good at video games. Never really played." He was so self-effacing and genuine. God, Barney wanted to wipe that look off his face.
"Too busy playing real sports," Robin said, shooting Barney a look that was only supposed to be a joking challenge. Like the kind she'd have given to Ted in the same situation, just ribbing her friends for being a little indoors-oriented. And Barney was no different, no special case. Just another one of her friends. Definitely not someone who would feel self-conscience at such a comment coming from her.
"Whatever," Barney muttered, "You're not getting out of this crushing defeat that easily, Robin." His heart wasn't even really in the bravado, which was clearly a bad sign. What was wrong with him? It was like Ted's talk the previous day had completely deflated his well-developed confidence. And that confidence was the only thing keeping him from unravelling.
Robin's tone shifted a little as she glanced at Alistair. "Actually, we kind of wanted to watch a movie..."She started.
Barney looked between her and Alistair, noticing for the first time that he was holding a box of chocolates and a bottle of wine. "Oh," Barney said,
"You can finish your game first," Alistair quickly jumped in.
Barney shot him a suspicious glance, not exactly sure where this guy got off being so nice. The look on Robin's face as she eyed Alistair made it clear she was thinking the same thing. Okay, maybe not in those words. But it was obvious she recognized Alistair's unusually indulgent manner with Barney, and from the slight huff she let out, thought it was unwarranted. She shot Barney a look that clearly said 'dude, get out so I can get laid'.
Loud and clear. He'd heard her loud and clear. "I just remembered," Barney said with extremely obvious affectation, "an important international business meeting that I have to get to." He scrambled to grab his jacket and throw it on as he practically dashed for the door.
He didn't look back. Not when he flew out the door, or ran down the stairwell, or broke out into the night air, or hailed and stepped into a cab. Barney didn't look back behind him even one time. Because he knew what was chasing after him, begging him to come back - nothing. No one.
"You in a hurry to get somewhere?" the cabbie asked, noting Barney's breathlessness.
"Atlantic City," Barney replied in a way that sounded firm and confident, but with an undercurrent of resignation.
The cabbie scoffed. "You nuts? That's 100 miles away, pal. I'm not even licensed to drive my cab in New Jersey."
Barney rubbed the bridge of his nose in frustration as he reached into his pocket with his other hand and pulled out his wallet. Fumbling almost angrily, he pulled out five hundred-dollar bills and practically tossed him in the driver's lap. "There."
The driver's eyebrows shot up, and he stuffed the bills into his pocket. "You got it," he said, shifting the car out of park and pulling out into the street. Barney just closed his eyes and sank down into the seat, not looking back at the apartment. Not able to look back at the empty sidewalk.
*****
Two days later, Lily was awakened with a start when their phone blared to life at four in the morning. Her eyes shot open, and beside her Marshall practically fell out of bed as he woke up with a yell. "Holy crap!" he exclaimed, holding a hand over his chest to keep his heart from beating out of it, evidently.
Lily groaned and tried to bury her face in her pillow. "Who in their right mind is calling at four a.m.?" Especially when she had to wake up at 6 for school, and now would probably never be able to get back to sleep before having to get up again. Fantastic.
It took Marshall a moment of fumbling in the dark to find the phone on its cradle. "Hello?" he said, sounding as edgy and annoyed as Lily felt.
She closed her eyes and muttered. "If that's Ted drunk dialing again, tell him I hate him."
She could feel the bed shift as Marshall sat up straighter. Into the phone, he said, "Wait, slow down Barney." Lily's eyes snapped open suddenly, just as Marshall turned on the lamp by the bed. She mouthed 'Barney?' to Marshall as she sat up. It had been two days since anyone had seen Barney. He had apparently left Robin and Ted's apartment kind of suddenly and not said where he was going. They'd gotten some cryptic and drunken-sounding text messages from him, but Marshall and Ted said he hadn't even shown up for work yesterday. Suddenly, Lily was very awake. She tried to lean in towards Marshall to hear what Barney was saying, but she couldn't hear. Marshall held up his hand, asking her to wait as he tried to listen to Barney.
"Okay... um, do I want to ask exactly why you need us to wire this money to you in New Jersey?" Marshall asked, and Lily made a face. How the hell had Barney wound up there of all places? She tugged anxiously at Marshall's sleeve and indicated the speaker phone button on the phone. After a moment, he obliged, hitting it and setting the handset on the bed between them.
"-ong story. I sort of... lost some of mine." Barney's voice on the other end sounded small.
"Wait," Lily joined in. "First of all, I'm glad you're in one piece. Secondly... are you in Atlantic City?" Marshall seemed to catch her drift and gave her a worried look of realization.
"Hey Lily," Barney said. He let out a sigh before saying softly, "yeah. I'm in Atlantic City."
Marshall did his best to remain calm, though Lily was pretty sure he was panicking as much as she was. Barney had promised to stop gambling months ago, and as far as they knew, had been doing a good job of it. He'd just been accepting 'challenges' instead, which were often of a ridiculous nature but at least didn't involve money. "Look, dude," Marshall said, "We'll do our best to help you out. We can loan you whatever you still owe."
Barney laughed humorlessly. "Seriously doubt it, dude. Unless you've got a lot of money you've been hiding from the rest of us."
"Barney," Lily ventured hesitantly, making nervous eye-contact with Marshall. "How much did you lose?"
There was a long pause on the other end, which was only making things worse on Lily. Finally, Barney replied self-consciously, "Um... eighty. Thousand... eighty thousand." Marshall covered his mouth with one hand, presumably to keep himself from letting out a string of expletives. Lily was having the opposite problem, her eyes going wide and her voice suddenly leaving her. Barney must have sensed the shock on their end, because he added, "But don't worry about it. I've got it covered. I mean, my checking account's drained but I can move some over from savings and I'll be able to pay the rest off. Then I can cash in some stock... it's... really, don't worry about that."
Lily saw Marshall bite his lip to keep from screaming. She knew him well enough to know he was going crazy inside hearing Barney had lost more money in one night than he made in a year. But she also knew he was too good a friend to say that, even though it was completely warranted. She would have said it herself if she'd been able to speak, but her mind was still reeling.
"Anyway..." Barney began, sounding distinctly uncomfortable, "That's, ah, not what I needed money for. I mean, it's kind of because of that. I need to write a check for two thousand dollars and I'm all out right now."
Marshall cleared his throat. "Barney, no offense, but if we wire you this money, how can we be sure you're not going to just go blow it at the craps table?"
"That definitely won't be happening. Trust me, I'm nowhere near any kind of gambling establishment."
For the first time, Lily noticed that Barney sounded really tired, and she wondered if, wherever he was, he'd gotten any sleep since he left. Because she was kind of starting to suspect that he hasn't. Finally finding her voice, she prompted him gently, "Barney, where are you?"
The line was silent for a lot longer than last time. Then, meekly, Barney responded, "The county jail." He let out a ragged sigh. "I got in this fight and they charged me with assault... I don't know. I wasn't exactly sober at the time, and the doctor here just finished cleaning the cuts and everything, so I could finally call. Maybe I should have waited until morning, I just really wanted to borrow some money for bail." He was starting to ramble, maybe partly because neither Marshall or Lily knew what to say. But Barney mistook their silence, sounding deeply embarrassed when he added, "Not that you guys have to... Oh God." He let out a truly miserable-sounding groan, "Now I feel like an even bigger dick. You know what, I'm sorry, don't worry about-"
"Barney, no," Lily cut in decisively, her tone leaving no room for questioning. "Of course we'll get the money to you."
"Yeah, man," Marshall added, "We're sorry, I think we were just really shocked is all."
"Right," Barney said quietly. "Sorry about that."
"Good God, man, stop apologizing!" Lily burst out, some of her pent up shock coming out all of a sudden. "We're not about to let you stay in some jail cell in New Jersey. Even though jail cell in New Jersey is kind of redundant." She tried a little humor, because that's just how they are. Barney even chuckled a little, though she could tell his heart wasn't in it.
"We're coming to get you," Marshall jumped in, and Lily nodded to him encouragingly.
"What? No. You guys don't even have a way to get here," Barney pointed out.
"We'll rent a car," Lily added, knowing she and Marshall were completely on the same page. They didn't even need to say anything for both of them to step out of bed and start throwing on jeans and shirts, looking around for their shoes.
Barney sighed heavily into his end of the phone line. "I'll pay you guys back for all of this..."
"Okay, seriously, shut up Barney," Lily replied. "I thought we went over this. This is what friends are for. It's not like you wouldn't do the same for us."
"Lil, I kind of doubt I'm ever going to have to bail you out of jail for getting in a fight at a casino," Barney stated matter-of-factly.
"Oh, you'd be surprised," Marshall quipped, affecting lightness even though Lily could see the intense worry behind his eyes. They had both finished jamming their shoes on and grabbed their wallet and purse from the nightstand. "Hang tight, buddy," Marshall said, "We're on our way. Get there as soon as we can."
"Thanks, guys," Barney replied with the weight of full sincerity.
"We love you, Barney," Lily added on a whim. For some reason, it just seemed like the thing to say. Like something he needed to hear. She couldn't see him, but knew that tone of voice Barney got when he was starting to feel incredibly self-loathing. They had just dealt with this with his birthday party. She couldn't help but wonder what in the world had happened to change the apparent high he'd been on. She had a couple guesses, but didn't want to think about any of them too long.
Barney wasn't responding, and Lily exchanged looks with Marshall. "Hey, bro, you still there?"
There was the sound of Barney clearing his throat, then he started, "Yeah, I... I need to hang up, though."
Lily wished desperately that they could just keep talking to him until they got there. Though at the same time, what on earth would they say? "See you soon Barney."
"Bye," Barney replied, then clicked the phone down gently.
Marshall gave her a forlorn, troubled look. "Baby..." he began, shaking his head. He didn't seem to know what to say after a phone-call like that. But Lily knew exactly what he was feeling, felt the same things, but couldn't express them any better. Her heart ached so badly for Barney, but she was running out of ways to try to support him. And Marshall, Marshall was such a great friend, but if Barney didn't even tell him that he was skipping out on work, what could he do to stop him?
"I know, Baby," she replied with a nod. "Let's just go, okay? I don't want him sitting there any longer than he has to." Marshall gave her a curt nod, looking lost as he turned and led the way to the front door.
*****
The cell was cold and hard, and Barney had his eyes shut tightly so he wouldn't have to look at his surroundings. Or any of the other miserable men sitting on the benches along the walls, waiting to be turned loose or booked into a private cell. Barney felt sick, probably because he hadn't eaten much in the last day and had drank a large amount of alcohol. He was utterly exhausted, but Lord knew he wasn't going to lay down for a nap here. He was doing his best not to touch anything.
"Stinson," a voice called sharply, and Barney quickly snapped to life, opening his eyes and standing up. The guard looked at his clipboard, then at Barney, his face set in a scowl. "You're free to go."
Barney let out the biggest sigh of his life, his body relaxing as the gate was rolled back and he stepped outside. "Oh thank God," he said, rubbing his face wearily. He winced when his bruised knuckles brushed his black eye and swollen lip. He'd almost forgotten about those in his attempts to force himself into an out-of-body state. Guess it had worked.
The woman at lockup slid an envelope of Barney's possessions to him and handed him the sign-out sheet. He barely glanced in to look at his wallet and watch. At this point, he didn't really care if someone had decided to steal his stuff. He would even have gladly abandoned his suit just to get the hell out of here. It was that bad.
As soon as the electric door locks slid open and Barney stepped into the lobby, he was nearly bowled over by a dual hug from Marshall and Lily. It was unexpected to say the least, and he didn't quite know what to make of it. Besides realizing the pain of his bruised ribs being squeezed. "Ow, ow!" he hissed through his teeth. "Guys, haven't I been pummeled enough for one day? ...two days," he corrected himself.
They both stepped back and looked at Barney's state, and he suddenly wished he hadn't mentioned it. Stupid. He was beyond mortified already, couldn't believe they'd rented a car to drive all the way down here, and now had drawn attention to the fact that he looked like he'd been run over by a bus. Again. "Barney!" Lily gasped, and he thought this was probably the voice she used when one of her kindergarteners scraped a knee. "Are you okay? Do you need some ice or something...?"
Shrugging it off, he just said confidently, "Hey, you should see the other guy." But he didn't have enough energy to keep up his typical cockiness even for a second. His face fell and he muttered miserably, "Okay, that's not true. He hardly had a scratch on him."
"Well I hope they arrested his ass, too," Marshall said.
Barney gave him a withering look. "No, they didn't. He's... kind of a security guard for the casino." He didn't even want to look to see the expressions on either of their faces, so he became very interested in the pattern on the floor. Besides, their silence said enough. That heavy, disappointed silence. Normally there were more exclamations and condemnations of how outlandish or inappropriate he was. Those were the sorts of reactions he normally lived for, but Barney felt no pride this time. besides which, Marshall and Lily were silent, not seeming to find anything remotely funny about it, either.
Finally, Marshall cleared his throat, probably after a telepathic conversation with Lily during the silence, and said, "Okay, let's just get going, man."
Barney barely looked up, nodding quietly as he followed them out onto the sidewalk. He caught a glimpse of Lily staring at him with a troubled expression, and that was more than enough to make him look back down. When they arrived at the rental car, Marshall opened the back door for him, and Barney slid in without a word. Marshall and Lily both entered the car in utter silence, strapping on their seat-belts and exchanging glances, but never looking up in the rear-view mirror to meet Barney's eyes.
Now he was watching them, waiting for a reaction, something. He felt oddly like a kid who'd been picked up from the principal's office by his disappointed mother and father. At least, he was guessing this is what that felt like. When his mom had to pick him up for getting in fights (which were always more like just getting pummeled without provocation than a real exchange of blows), she would just get pissed at him. Barney didn't blame her. Raising two boys on her own was nearly impossible, especially for someone with little to no natural nurturing ability. But he was starting to think this silent treatment was even worse than the yelling. He couldn't take it, and realized that he had been chewing his nails nervously. God, his manicurist would have a fit.
So instead Barney put his hands down and blurted out, like a scared kid, "Are you mad at me?"
Marshall's eyes flashed to the mirror briefly, then back to the road. "No, why would we be mad?"
Barney gestured to his bruised face, then out the window. "This... and in New Jersey... just the whole thing. Because you're not saying anything."
"We're just tired, Barney," Lily ventured, though there was something else clearly hanging in the air.
"I'm sorry, guys," Barney said, sounding exhausted and desperate. "I just thought I could do with some binge bimbo-ing and drinking." He tried to smile, but it was clearly false and fell away almost instantly. "Guess I got carried away." As usual, he added silently. Was it really this bad all the time? Had he just not noticed before?
Lily turned around in her seat so she could look at him. "Barney, you don't have to apologize to us. I think we're just disappointed because things seemed to be going better for you lately." Her voice became a little lighter. "I mean, I know how much Robin likes bruises, but this isn't exactly the way to win her heart."
Barney's eyes widened in panic and darted to Marshall. "Oh," Marshall said, glancing at him in the mirror reassuringly, "I already know."
Barney's jaw was slack as he looked at Lily in horror, feeling a stab of betrayal. "Lil! You told him?"
"No!" Lily insisted, "I promise I didn't."
"It's true," Marshall said with a nod of his head, getting into his casual 'trying to prove a point' mode. Unfortunately, he usually became carelessly truthful in these situations as well. Which must have been what led him to add, "Alistair's the one who told me." As soon as it was out, Marshall realized his mistake and whitened. "I mean... zitch dog! One nothing! Wow, even in the dark I can own you guys at this game. Ha... Haha."
The forced laughter started to sound like a nervous question there at the end, and Barney couldn't help but break in once he found his voice. "Alistair? Alistair. He's the one who told you I...?" Barney let out a groan that was akin to a dying animal. He wasn't feeling so great all of a sudden. Much more sick at his stomach than he had been back at the station. Barney laid down in the seat, feeling the cool leather on his face. "Great," he mumbled, sounding wounded and utterly mortified. "I bet he's told Robin, too."
"He said he wouldn't," Marshall insisted.
Barney lifted his head just slightly as he stared incredulously up at Marshall in the reflection. "Oh, great. Well if Robin's boyfriend said he wouldn't tell her that her pathetic mess of a friend is in love with her, we should probably take his word for it, shouldn't we?" He dropped his head back to the leather seat, whimpering miserably. "How did he even find out in the first place?"
Lily gave him a forlorn look. "It's his job to read people... plus, it's kind of obvious."
"Fantastic," Barney shut his eyes and rubbed the heel of his palm against his eye, forgetting that it was currently blackened. A stab of pain ran through his eye, down the back of his neck and his spine. "Ow," he said flatly, unable to even muster enough energy to be properly in pain and feeling completely and utterly pathetic, more so now than probably at any point in his life. "God, Ted's right," he sighed under his breath.
"What do you mean, Barney?" Lily asked, again like you might ask a child. A stupid little kid, and no wonder she felt the need to talk to him like that, Barney thought. He was immature and selfish and just downright pathetic. He had run away in rebellion against Ted's insistence that he wasn't good enough for Robin, but had wound up just proving him right instead. And suddenly Barney was just feeling very cold and numb.
"Nothing," he said. "It's just..." he could feel his throat tighten and a shiver run down his spine. Barney curled up and rolled away so he was facing the seat back instead of Marshall and Lily. "Please, can we just drop it. Please."
He didn't need to look to know that the couple was exchanging those famous concerned looks, worried over their poor fuck up of a friend. The material of the seat-back was looking more and more appealing. Finally, Lily just said softly, "Sure, Barney." Even though she didn't sound sure at all. But at least they spent the rest of the ride back to the city in silence.
*****
Day had broken by the time they reached Marshall and Lily's apartment. Barney had insisted that they could just drop him back at his place, but they'd practically dragged him up and forced him to take a seat on the couch. "If not for you, then for me," Lily had said. She and Marshall had both taken the day off to stick around, which wasn't helping Barney's feeling of childishness.
"I don't need to be babysat," Barney countered, though in honesty he could see how that might not seem true from their perspective. He was having much too hard a time keeping up his self-deception. Which meant his outward defenses were crumbling, too.
Marshall returned from his room and gently tossed a night shirt at Barney. "Here. You gotta be sick of that suit, man. And you need to get some sleep."
He did and he was, but how could he say that? "Fine. Whatever," Barney said, tossing his jacket aside and unbuttoning his shirt. He didn't even bother trying to head to the restroom to change, instead slipping the night shirt on over his head then sliding his pants off underneath and kicking them haphazardly onto the floor along with his shoes. Finally, Barney sat down heavily on the couch, head in hands.
Marshall exchanged glances with Lily, who seemed to get some telepathic message from him, because she said, "I think I'm going to go back to bed for a while. You guys come get me if you need anything." How Marshall knew that Barney was in need of bro talk, Barney had no idea. But he looked at his friend gratefully as he sat down in the chair next to the couch. As completely mortifying as the means of discovery was, Barney was extremely relieved to know that Marshall knew his secret. At least it was one other person he didn't have to hide from.
Marshall just sat there, eyeing Barney carefully, waiting to see if he'd say something. But after a few moments, Marshall seemed unable to keep quiet any longer. "So," he said hesitantly, "Robin?"
"Yeah," Barney replied, looking down at his scraped-up hands.
"I guess that helps explain you acting all weird."
"Well I was trying not to... But I'm kind of sick of it, you know? The whole thing with trying so hard to be my normal, awesome self so she won't notice anything's wrong."
Marshall gave him a sort of gentle big-brother look. "Barney, nothing is wrong. You have feelings for her. That's a completely normal thing."
Barney didn't even have the energy to shake his head. "Yeah, well, kind of a moot point. Neither my normal, awesome self or this blathering idiot I sometimes turn into around her is doing much for her, is it? Guess I've gotten a little too good at pretending. It's kind of back-fired."
"I don't know... maybe she's just thrown by the giant mood swings. Because, you know, I can see it. You and her," Marshall said, a tenor of encouragement in his tone.
Barney glanced up at him seriously. "Maybe you can tell that to her, then. Or her boyfriend." He sounded extremely bitter, but couldn't even maintain that for long. He shook his head and sank back into the couch. "I don't know, though... Ted was talking to me the other day. Laying it all out there." He drew a ragged breath.
"What do you mean, exactly?"
Barney tried to shrug but couldn't force his body into the snonchalant gesture when he felt anything but easy-going. But he also couldn't bring himself to talk about the things Ted had said to him. It was harder now that he was starting to see the logic in them, made them hurt all the more. Marshall was a great bro, and it really did mean a lot to Barney that he was sticking this out. But a small voice in the back of his mind wondered if Marshall would be so supportive of him if he knew about the latest sexual harassment case or if anyone ever pointed out the things Ted had about all the reasons Barney wasn't up to Robin's standards.
Besides which, just thinking about it made Barney's chest tighten and his throat sting a little. There was no way he would be able to articulate his feelings right now in an even remotely calm or man-appropriate manner. He was terrified of word-vomiting all over the place if he even started to hint at what he was thinking. And that would be a very, very bad idea. So instead, Barney closed his eyes and said, "Never mind. Seriously, it's not a big deal."
"Well, that's clearly false," Marshall said, and Barney looked at him, a little edgy. "But I'm not gonna push you either, bro," Marshall added. "You deserve a nice, long nap."
"I don't know if 'deserve' is the right word. Kind of brought this on myself, dude."
"Okay, but you still need it." Marshall stood up. "There's a blanket behind the couch if you want it."
"Thanks," Barney said, his eyes returning to his hands, sliced up and bruised from his failed attempts at inflicting damage on the other guy. No matter how hard he'd swung and flailed around, it was like punching a brick wall. He was only hurting himself.
He felt Marshall's hand briefly on his shoulder as his friend walked past and in the direction of his room. "Come get us if you need anything. And please, please don't run off to any more casinos, dude. Seriously."
"I know, that was stupid. I just..." Barney stopped himself again, glanced up at Marshall and smiled sadly. "Thanks for the help, Marshall."
"Hey," Marshall said with a shrug, "What are brothers for?"
Barney's eyes stung a little as he dropped his gaze quickly to the floor. He sniffed a bit, attempting to cover with a cough, as though he were just coming down with something. Sick from the lack of sleep, rather than sick straight down to his core. "Yep. Thanks," he replied tightly. And Marshall, God bless him, didn't say another word, turning and heading back to bed instead.