Chapter Eight: Thanksgiving
"That old hag." Shinpachi griped, blowing gingerly on his blistered palms. His usually wild hair was matted down with sweat and a light sunburn covered his face. Giving up on his hands he leaned back, "She's trying to work me to death, I know it. She hates me."
"She does have fairly good reason." Suzu pointed out reasonably. "You DID try to run her over with the school car."
"I was going to the raccoon." Shinpachi muttered, "She just got in the way. It's not like I hurt the old biddy."
Suzu, Tetsu, Sano, and Shinpachi were all in the school kitchen, waiting for their food to finish baking. The term food could only loosely be attached to the lumps of dough that Sano churned out. Most of it landed on either the ceiling or his short companion, who didn't seem to notice at all. As for Tetsu's, well, he wasn't going to actually let any of it near his mouth. Even if he didn't set it on fire this time. Apparently bachelorhood was going to be a bit hard on him, but that was why they made instant noodles and frozen tv dinners.
"All you have to do is rake leaves, right? That's not hard." Tetsu yawned. This bitching session could go on and on. If he were particularly motivated and clever he would distract the short senior. Being neither of the above he blinked unsympathetically and gave his measuring cups a half-hearted scrub.
"Rake and bag the damn things. She only has five huge trees and they dump a ton of leaves on the ground. Oh, and there are spiders. Lots of spiders. I hate spiders; they scare me."
"Really?" Sano blinked and made a small 'o' with his mouth. "Then maybe I shouldn't tell you about my tarantula hidden in the closet by Heisuke's doujinshis."
"You better be kidding." Shinpachi blanched.
"Why would I do that? I meant to tell you when I got him, but I forgot. He's an early present to me." Sano said, scratching his head, "Would you like to meet him after class? He's really pretty nice. I named him Webber."
"Sano." Shinpachi moaned, "Please tell me you're kidding! Does Heisuke know about him?"
"Yeah. I didn't know he could scream that loud. He sounded like a little girl."
Tetsu really regretted missing that little moment.
Now he wanted to see the spider! Behind glass of course. Thick, safe, uncracked glass that the spider couldn't jump through and latch onto his throat, draining the blood out of his body. Yeah. A few yards' distance couldn't hurt any either. Still, Webber sounded awesome.
"Sano, get rid of it." Shinpachi urged, "Get rid of it or we're throwing you out. The fish were okay. They don't—don't crawl around on hairy, thick legs or have sharp, big fangs or fat, rotund bodies—just get rid of him."
"He was so lonely." Sano protested.
"I bet he's cool." Tetsu opined.
"Sounds like a snack for my kitten. She likes eating spiders." Suzu remarked, pulling his cookies from the oven. "Besides, you cannot throw him out. Not without Hijikata's direct approval."
"Great." Shinpachi said, rolling his eyes. "Sano, just get rid of it."
"No." Sano replied, crossing his arms across his chest stubbornly. "I'll just move out."
Shinpachi snorted and shook his head skeptically, "Where would you go?"
Sano thought about it before turning to Tetsu, "Puppy likes Webber." He considered it a second longer, "Can I stay with you guys?"
"Absolutely not." Suzu interjected. "No. Not while that is my dorm as well."
"Hardass." Tetsu snorted. As much fun as he found Sano, he figured the big guy could get rather… well, he took up space and he snored… loudly. Plus, this would break up the Trio. Still, the freshman couldn't help giving his roommate a hard time. It was almost like it was a natural reaction programmed into him. He had to contradict Suzu, no matter what.
Shinpachi sighed, "Let me see that… thing and we'll talk, okay?"
Sano nodded in agreement and offered a black lump, "Cookie?"
The rest of the class was rather unorganized, but there were no emergencies and disasters. Amazingly, it was a rare occurrence. The original teacher had taken leave due to pregnancy and their new sub. was a rather crazy, familiar guy. He tended to do more damage to the kitchen than the students actually. Tetsu learned a very important lesson: flour and heat mixed together was very dangerous. A big no-no. At least Okita wasn't in the class.
After the class ended Sano started begging and dragging his smaller companion towards the Trio's dorm.
Suzu smirk and mouthed to Tetsu, "This I have to see."
Was it just him, or was the white haired freak getting a bit… vicious? He certainly was getting a bit more… sad… sadisc… sadistic! Yeah.
The two freshmen hung around the door, not quite willing to go in where a giant spider might be lurking. Tetsu superstitiously checked the ground and walls every once in a while. No escapist spider was going to sneak up on him, no way.
"What is that!" Suzu exclaimed, pointing to Tetsu's shoulder and jumping back slightly.
"What what what?" Tetsu shrieked and danced around swatting at all available body parts in a frenzy. "Where? Kill it kill it kill it!" He wailed.
"There was nothing there." Suzu said, leaning against the wall calmly. Bastard! He didn't even look like he enjoyed giving Tetsu a near-fatal heart attack.
Shinpachi looked over, "What are you wussies so nervous about? Why don't you stop loitering in the door and come in."
Suzu shrugged and slid into the room, still keeping a good distance between himself and the rooting Sano. Tetsu was a little less cautious. He walked in and seated himself on one of Heisuke's favorite chairs to see the action.
"Here he is!" Sano exclaimed and Shinpachi gave a nervous little gulp before saying, "You had to find him? Please tell me it was because you lose everything and not because he was wandering around freely in our closet."
Sano turned around with a small plastic container. It was furnished with dirt and a few bare twigs. There was gelled water and a few crickets. Unfortunately, there wasn't the main attraction.
"Uh—Sano, where IS the spider?" Suzu said, edging towards the door slightly.
Sano blinked and stared into the clear plastic container in confusion. He looked at it from all angles before shrugging and saying, "He must have escaped."
"E-sca-ped?" Shinpachi stuttered and turned paler than he already was. "What do you MEAN?! Sa-no! Why did you bring it home! You're worse than a person who brings in bums off the street. At least you can't LOSE them!"
"I didn't lose him. I left him right here." Sano retorted, holding up the empty container to remind them all that a giant spider was loose in the room.
"I suppose we should find it." Suzu said sensibly, "Unless, of course, you wish to have it crawl over you in your sleep."
Shinpachi's eyes widened at that thought and he started looking at the floor. "No, I'd rather wake up with Heisuke in my bed than a spider."
"Glad you think so highly of me." Heisuke remarked, ignoring the freshman and flopping down on his bed.
"Heisuke, don't do that! Sano's pet escaped! He could be crawling around your bed right now!" Shinpachi panicked.
"I didn't know fish could crawl." Heisuke retorted sharply and put the pillow over his head.
Shinpachi grabbed the back of his shirt and dragged him off the bed forcefully, "Not the damn fish!"
"Hmm, let me go!" Heisuke whined, "I want a nap. And I could arrange waking up in your bed if you don't stop bugging me." He struggled out of the smaller boy's grip, but Shinpachi wrapped himself bodily around him and started hauling backwards.
"The spider Heisuke!" Shinpachi shouted in his ear, "It's running around loose!"
"Wha- SHIT!" Heisuke yelped in surprised and let go of his resistance. The two tumbled back in a heap of limbs. While they were untangling Heisuke was shouting, "Sano! You promised it would stay locked up! And you said it would be in the cage in the closet, so I wasn't to tell Shinpattsan! Now it's somewhere in this room?"
"By now it could be out of the room." Suzu added helpfully.
"We should warn the students!" Tetsu yelled. "It could be anywhere!" He stopped to think about that and grinned evilly. There were a few places he would love for it to go.
Needless to say that between the trio and Tetsu, it didn't take long to start up a mass hysteria spider hunt. And that said, it didn't take that long for a very grumpy demon to come investigate.
"What is it." Hijikata asked, looking annoyed, "There must be a reason that you people around running around like paranoid SWAT team members looking for a bomb."
"Sano's tarantula got out."
"That's it?"
"Uh, yeah?"
"And that constitutes a mass spider hunt that involves most of the student body." Hijikata said, making their actions sound completely stupid. Well, Tetsu wasn't discouraged. They needed to find that spider!
"Absolutely. Webber must be terrified, all alone in a new place." Sano remarked firmly.
"Harada, you are aware that spiders do not care."
"Yes they do! They have feelings too!"
"I will not argue with you. Obviously you and Souji are just blinded. Animals are on this earth to be used as food, not pets. Spiders and pigs do not have feelings."
"Saizou does too have feelings!" Okita protested, jumping the older man and yanking his ponytail sharply. He nimbly pranced out of reach and stuck his tongue out as Hijikata tried to put his hair back in place. "You're just too selfish to realize that pigs are people too."
"Souji, we had an agreement. Actually, Harada, we had one too. The two of you were supposed to keep your pets under control at all times." Hijikata glared at them equally, "Now, the fish are rather confined, but I do not remember approving a spider."
"I was going to ask." Sano replied, lifting up a heavy desk and setting it down with a thud.
"Yeah, after you graduated." Shinpachi grumbled.
"No, right before Christmas." Sano replied honestly. "He was supposed to be my Christmas present to myself."
"And that makes it all better." Shinpachi said with a sigh. A Christmas present to oneself sounded like a pretty good idea actually. Tetsu would have to remember that.
Hijikata ignored the banter between the two and looked towards Suzu, "I suppose Yoshida has approved your cat. I personally have no problem with that animal. I have not heard any complains and it seems to remain under your control. Just make sure it stays that way."
"Yes sir!"
"I am going back to my office. Let me know when you find the thing." Hijikata commanded.
"Of course." Heisuke replied smoothly, "Immediately."
"And if you never find it?" Suzu asked.
"Then poor Webber was simply swallowed by the depths of this hell. It can't be helped." Heisuke replied with mock sadness and earned a hard punch from Sano. Heisuke rubbed his shoulder, "It's the truth."
"What's going on?" Tatsu asked, walking up cautiously. He pointed to them, "What did you do?"
Tetsu jerked back and growled, "Why do you think I did anything?"
"Because it's always you." Tatsu replied. "Hijikata looked very irritated, and he usually looks like that after you've played a prank."
"I didn't do it! Honest." Tetsu said, being unfairly accused. There was no way in hell this was his fault in any way, shape, or form. He was about to give Tatsu a piece of his mind when his mouth froze in terror.
"There it is." Suzu said blandly, looking eerily similar to Saito when he was predicting something about the dead.
"There what is?" Tatsu grouched and Heisuke started laughing. It wasn't a nice laugh. It was more like a slightly edged, hysterical laugh when something was funny, but it really wasn't. Tatsu gave his patented big brother glare, "What?"
"A… a…!" Tetsu sputtered and Okita decided to help, "Ah, Tatsu, you have a very large spider sitting on your shoulder. I suggest you don't move."
Sano lumbered up happily and advised, "Don't scream, whatever you do. It scares them. They're very sensitive to vibrations and when you scream they get scared. When they get scared they bite."
Tatsu looked at them like they were all speaking Swahili.
"Sano, tell me that thing is harmless."
Sano cocked his head in confusion and said, "What?"
"It's not poisonous, is it?"
"Dunno."
"You don't know!" Shinpachi yelped, "You bring this big spider that could probably kill someone and you DON'T know!"
"Now now Shinpattsan, calm down. After all, it's not on your shoulder, so I don't know what you're worried about." Heisuke soothed.
By that time Tatsu had cautiously craned his head towards his left shoulder. All the blood drained out of his face and he bit his lip, making small whimpering noises.
"I'll catch it." Sano said confidently. Despite his warning that loud noises scared the spider, he didn't seem inclined to lower his naturally booming voice. The closer he got to Tatsu the more the guy shook. Tetsu felt sorry for his poor brother. Now that he could see the spider he decided it was pretty good size. You could use it for a softball almost. "Just. Don't. Move. Okay?"
Tatsu gave a slight nod.
"Gotcha!" Sano shouted and lunged. The spider gathered its legs and managed a hasty escape. At the same time Tatsu dropped into a dead faint, just barely missing being trampled by the focused Sano.
It sailed through the air and hit the ground with a squishy plop. Regaining wits and legs quickly the little beast bolted. With all eight legs scuttling overtime, the arachnid was doing its best to leave its pursuers behind and find a safe place. If it had known America was such a scary, brutal place it would have never hitched a ride in with the crates of bananas. Apparently illegal aliens weren't very welcome.
"Catch it!" Shinpachi urged, keeping his distance. It was rather surprising that the runty senior was easily outpacing his taller companions. Which didn't really help, since he stayed two yards to the side of the fleeing spider, shouting.
Suzu, jogging along in the back, muttered, "And how ironic is this? That a group of boys are chasing a spider down the halls of school, which they do not want to actually catch, yet cannot seem to let out of their sight for fear it will come after them later."
"Aaaaaaaaah! It disappeared!" Shinpachi wailed from up ahead. Suddenly it seemed like no one wanted to get there. Not when it was out of sight.
"Sano do something!" Shinpachi demanded when they all caught up. He was trying his hardest to shake the big senior.
"What do you want me too do?" Sano demanded, looking crushed that his pet was gone. "He doesn't come like a dog."
Heisuke brushed his companions off and remarked, "At least we know it's not in our room anymore."
Shinpachi loosened his hold, still not appeased and retorted caustically, "Who knows where that thing will go."
Heisuke smiled and offered gallantly, "Don't worry about it Shinpattsan. If you're really that scared I'll sleep with you."
Shinpachi gave a hood expression, "Don't you have a dinner to go to?"
"But of course." Heisuke said innocently, "Don't you?"
Shinpachi's eyes narrowed, "I hate that old hag. Where does she get off ordering me to have Thanksgiving with her?"
"Oh come on. The old lady's just lonely. You should be nicer to her." Heisuke protested, rubbing the back of his head, "Show some charm."
"Why don't you lend me some."
Heisuke ignored that bit of sarcasm, turning to Tetsu, "What are you doing for dinner?"
Tetsu sat there for a good minute. He had to think about it. Just what were he and Tatsu going to do? Usually Thanksgiving meant a cheeseburger at some local, little stand. Tatsu's last attempt at turkey had been somewhat edible and successful… except for little things. Tetsu would never look at drumsticks the same way, ever. It was because of that little incident the take-out tradition was adopted by the Ichimura brothers.
"Umm, nothing." Tetsu said and Heisuke turned to Okita, "No wonder the boy's so skinny. He doesn't get Thanksgiving dinner."
Okita smiled apologetically, "I do need to get dressed for my dinner. You guys have a good evening, okay?"
Heisuke watched the senior's retreating back, "How cold. He didn't even invite you."
"Why would you offer to drag someone in the middle of a battle field?" Shinpachi commented, noticing Tetsu's slightly hurt look. He gave a sly smile of vicious glee, "Ayunee better put the kitchenware up."
"Yeah, we wouldn't want another hospital visit." Sano chimed in.
"Dare I ask?" Suzu asked.
Sano took it on himself to explain, "Apparently Okita and Susumu got in a fight, but Hijikata tried to break it up, and no one was listening, so he got in the middle of it too. She had to use a frying pan to stop them."
"Have any of you hear of the term rhetorical?" Suzu grumbled, looking slightly disturbed by the short story.
Tetsu didn't know what that was, but it sounded insulting.
Heisuke looked pensive, "You and Tatsu could come to dinner with me."
Shinpachi gave a sly grin, "You forgot something Heisuke. Don't you have to ask permission of the host first?"
"I believe that it would be perfectly fine with me if Tetsu and Tatsu joined us for dinner. Isn't that part of the holidays? Being together." Sannan remarked mildly.
Heisuke ventured and pointed to Sannan's left hand, "And by being together, I hope you don't mean him."
Sannan blinked.
"Uh, I don't think he'd like mashed potatoes."
"Only blood." Sano nodded in agreement.
"Your pet." Sannan said, holding a very quiet Webber in his palm like a baby chick. The spider had dust all over it, but it looked intact. Spiders had ten legs, right? Wait, nope, two of them must be fangs. Sano took him back, placing him in his home and securing the lid tightly. Sannan smiled, "He's surprisingly nice. He didn't even try to bite me. I found him keeping my betta company on my desk."
Suzu grumbled under his breath from beside Tetsu, "And if I walked in to find a spider that big on my desk, I think I would smash it with my betta bowl."
"Ditto to that." Heisuke chuckled.
"You boys are welcome to join us." Sannan reiterated, looking at Tetsu, "I promise the food will be edible and nothing too weird."
"Er, I have to ask Tatsu." Tetsu said, scratching the back of his head with his stubby fingers. Free food was appealing and this WAS Sannan, so nothing too bad would happen. Besides, Tatsu liked Sannan. So maybe he'd say yes.
"I'll go ask!" Heisuke yipped and dashed off. If Tetsu were a little sharper he would have noticed that Heisuke was acting like a kindergartener who had just asked over a bunch of friends to play. As it was, his only thought was that he hoped the potatoes weren't too lumpy.
"And what are you doing Nagakura?" Sannan asked kindly.
Shinpachi slouched and made a face, "Eating with Missus Kim, but she won't let me cook."
"You could invite her." Sano said rather sensibly, hand protectively over the cover of Webber's cage. It wasn't like the thing was going to get out.
"We wouldn't mind another cook." Sannan nodded, "Would you like to use my phone to call?"
Shinpachi sighed, "I guess you guys want to met her. Who am I to fight the inevitable?"
The three walked off in the direction of Sannan's office, and Tetsu was struck by a thought. What was he supposed to wear to dinner? The vague memories he had of holiday dinners involved a strict dress code (which Tetsu and his father did their best to thwart). He had long since grown out of that old suit and since money was so tight, Tatsu hadn't had the chance to drag him out and buy a new one.
Giving up on that, he dug out a (relatively) clean pair of khaki pants and a loose polo shirt. It was the best he could do.
There was a slight knock and Tatsu's head poked around the corner. He sighed in relief and commented, "At least you look presentable. We need to get you another suit."
"Uh-huh." Over Tetsu's unconscious body.
"It was really nice to be invited to dinner. I hope you remember your please and thank yous." Glare, "You better."
"I will." Tetsu retorted, "I have manners."
Tatsu sighed in defeat, "Let's just go, okay?"
"I do!" Tetsu insisted.
Sannan's house wasn't nearly so big as Kondou's, but it was a little further out of the city and sat on a decent sized lot. To the side of the house was a small pasture and barn. A pair of brown horses peered mildly over the gate and a goat stuck it's head out between the slates between them.
A woman came out from the barn with a good-sized lassie at her heels. The dog stared at them for a moment before growling.
"Hush." The woman commanded and the dog stopped. That didn't mean it relaxed or stopped staring at their throats.
There was brief flurry of introductions, which Tetsu largely ignored.
"Trinket, go get Saya." Akesato told the vicious lassie. The collie gave one last reproving glare at the intruders before loping off.
The blond woman turned towards them and explained, "Saya's about Tetsu's age. She doesn't speak, but she understands people quite well. She's really a very sweet girl. Trinket's her dog and very protective."
Uh-huh.
Another car pulled up the gravel lane with a very disgruntled Shinpachi behind the wheel. He disembarked with the grace of a one-footed turtle and clopped over to the other side to let out the most… wrinkled old lady Tetsu had ever seen in his short like. The lady was just one mass of wrinkly, floppy skin! She looked like one of those funny Chinese dogs. Her chin even had an overbite and her eyes were sharp.
She said something to Shinpachi and he glowered, but obediently followed her as she strode up. She had a cane with her, but the only thing she seemed inclined to use it for was occasionally prodding Shinpachi with the tip of it.
"Introduce us boy!" She ordered, giving him a sharp jab to the ankle. "And be quick about it. This cold wind is messing up my hair."
Tetsu wondered if she had hair under the big hat that flopped over her forehead. He stared and found that there were stray wisps of gray that floated like a static halo around the edges.
Shinpachi moved away from the cane's reach and said, straightening his back and looking blankly over their heads, "This is Missus Kim Taylor. Missus Kim, there are some of my classmates and one of my vice principals and his family."
Heisuke gave a slick smile that he seemed to reserve solely for new acquaintances and butted in, "My name is Heisuke Toudou and we've heard quite a bit about you Missus Kim."
The old lady gave a bark that Tetsu supposed was a laugh and retorted, "I'm sure you have. What has this little disrespectful runt been saying about me? It can't be that nice. I just wonder if it's any worse than what he says to my face."
"Shinpachi!" Heisuke cried while Sannan fixed the short senior with a stern look, "Nagakura…"
He didn't defend himself or look the slightest bit ashamed about the accusation.
"I apologize for his rude behavior." Sannan started and the old lady broke in waving her hand, "The boy is old enough to take responsibility for his own actions. It's not your fault he's a sullen brat. You must be his teacher?"
"Of sorts." Sannan offered, adjusting his glasses, "Where are my manners? My name is Keisuke Yamanami and this is my wife Akesato. Our foster daughter Saya is right there with her dog."
"It is a pleasure to meet all of you." Amy beamed, crinkling up her face even more. She looked at the brothers, "And you two are?"
"Tatsu Ichimura, and this is my younger brother Tetsu, ma'am." Tatsu said with a respectful bow. He tried to drag Tetsu down with him, but the younger boy twisted away.
"Oh-ho, a polite one." She chortled, then fixed Tetsu was a shrewd look, "And a not-so-polite one. Perhaps you've been taking lessons from your friend over there." She jerked a finger in the direction of Shinpachi, who had moved away from her.
Tetsu scuffled his foot in the dust and narrowed his eyes. Adults didn't like it very much when he talked back and Tatsu would surely do something, probably going as far as to shift into "prevention" mode.
Aw, to hell with it. He would say whatever he wanted.
"Tatsu's polite enough for the both of us. It's sickening. Don't you get tired of being kissed up to? Bah."
She looked vastly amused by this statement, "My dear, when you're as old as I am, you CRAVE people kissing up to you. It's a potent form of validation."
"Huh?"
"You need to feel worth it." She simplified. "When you get older your outlook on life changes vastly. Besides, politeness will never serve you false."
"Uh-huh."
"You'll learn, or not. If you don't, you'll find life will be far more difficult. Just don't piss off three people: your postal person, your secretary, and your waitress. They'll screw you every time."
Tetsu decided he liked the cantankerous old woman. Shinpachi just looked relieved that she had shifted her sights off him. He slipped off with Akesato to the kitchen.
There was a slight tug on his shirt sleeve and he looked over at the girl.
"Oh, hi. You're Saya right?"
She nodded shyly.
"Oh, heh." He grinned, "I'm Tetsu. Living here must be pretty cool, huh."
Saya gave him a small smile and Tetsu continued, "I bet living with Sannan is really cool too. He's really nice."
If Tetsu had realized that he had an audience, he might have been a little more stand-offish. But as it was, he was just enjoying a peer's company. A peer who didn't mind his big mouth or his odd notions and seemed amused by his jokes. Really, what more could one ask for?
"Wow, he really hit it off." Heisuke commented idly to his fellow watcher. "You going to freak out now that he's consorting with the opposite sex?"
"Haha, very funny."
"You find it preferable. Well, if I recall, you moved Tetsu to an all-boys to avoid this situation. I think that's deplorable. The boy needs to experiment a bit."
"Tetsu is not old enough to… do those things." Tatsu trailed off uncomfortably.
Heisuke grinned, "What things? Kiss? Oh no, too late for that. I'm 100% sure he's still a virgin. You look so worried!"
"I am worried." Tatsu replied stiffly, "He's a teenage boy."
"You're not much older you know. Just because you're out of high school. When's the last time you went to a party or went out with a girl?"
"I don't have to answer that."
"Exactly!" Heisuke preened, "I think it's time you stop running your brother's life and start ruining your own!"
"You meant running, right."
"Not a chance. I meant ruining. As in screwing up, making mistakes, being daring. Live a little will you? What sort of example are you right now?"
Tatsu looked thoughtful at that last remark, but didn't say anything as Heisuke excused himself to the kitchen.
Somehow Tetsu ended up sitting between Tatsu and Missus Amy. The old woman had corralled Shinpachi and Heisuke across from her.
"So, Shinpattsan's being a bit of a pain?" Heisuke prompted with a devilish grin after they said grace. The short senior squirmed at the mild glances.
"A bit? My boy, I've never met such a rude young man. Now mind you, I've met quite a few in my younger days, yet I rarely get out of the house nowadays. I was beginning to believe it was just the youth of today."
"Hmm, he must have been really awful. Well, on behalf of him and in no way in his defense, I apologize for his behavior. He shouldn't take his inability to handle stress out on the people around him."
"What! You are my stress! If anything the old bid- er, Missus Kim should be blaming you!" Shinpachi squawked indignantly.
Tetsu gaze between them before saying, "Then why do you live with him?"
"Oh-ho, an honest boy." Missus Kim chuckled, "Boy, you've put some pieces in the puzzle. I like you. What was your name again? I'm afraid my old memory is rather selective. It doesn't have room to store as much trash as it used to."
"Er, Tetsu?" He said, blinking. Was her liking him a good thing?
"I just don't see how, with such polite friends, he turned out that way." Missus Kim said mockingly.
"Well, that's just because Tetsu and I are the cream of the crop." Heisuke winked, "Sano has the manners of a mule and Okita just can't seem to know when to quit. A tragic flaw if I've ever seen one."
"Yes, it sounds very troublesome. I hope the child has a personality that smoothes it over a bit. My late husband always got into trouble then wiggled right back out with a bright smile and his fingers crossed behind his back."
"Smart man."
"Too smart for his own good I'm afraid. We were separated in the most horrible way."
"Is it too painful…?"
"Painful? For him I suppose. Especially with all that buckshot. Never cheat on a woman who knows how to use a rifle. And don't expect to wiggle out when you've been caught being a total ass."
"I hope you didn't kill him." Tatsu said stiffly, scooting his chair over slightly.
"Oh no, I let his stupidity do that for me. A week after we divorced he was smashed by a trailer because he tried some silly shortcut to fix a flat. He never did have the luck with machines. You can't manipulate them like you do people you know."
"Manipulation is a skill that I unfortunately do not possess." Heisuke said, regretfully shaking his head. Shinpachi muttered under his breath, "Sure you don't."
"You're better off for it boy. You just remember that intelligence is not a synonym for commonsense. You'll live a lot longer. Take it from the old lady."
"What if you don't have either?" Tetsu asked, thinking of Sano.
"Well, then you better be damn lucky!"
Shinpachi snorted.
Heisuke made a face at him then turned saying, "I can't do anything with him. I'm trying to teach him to be civil, but it's a losing battle sometimes."
Shinpachi, who was taking the gravy from Saya, made an indignant noise. There was one brief moment where there was bated breath as the hot substance slipped out of his hands. The silence was broken by a very heartfelt scream and every guy in the room, including Tatsu, winced in sympathy.
With a very still mask, Heisuke purposefully grabbed his napkin, which had caught some of the gravy, and set it aside. Then he grabbed Shinpachi's and started dabbing without a word.
"I'm sorry…"
"What a low thing to do." Missus Amy sniffed, "Scorching the poor boy in his lap. Disgusting."
"But I didn't…"
"Nagakura, I believe you owe Heisuke a sincerely apology." Sannan reprimanded sharply, looking slightly angry.
"It was an accident! Doesn't anyone believe me?" Shinpachi pleaded, truly look sorry.
"I knew you could be spiteful, but really, I was just telling the truth." Heisuke said coldly, smacking away his hand when he tried to help. He reached up, grabbed a handful of potatoes, and smashed them in Shinpachi's face. "So you won't have any grounds to protest this!"
Shinpachi sputtered, trying to wipe the offending food out his eyes and still not breath through his now clogged nose.
He turned really red, "Now who's being spiteful? I said I was sorry!"
"Technically, you didn't." Missus Amy said coolly, "You said it was an accident and not your fault. Besides, I don't think sorry and a kiss would make that right anyhow."
Shinpachi's mouth dropped and Sannan sighed. His wife and Saya were simply going on with their meal, paying minimum attention to the antics of their guests. Tetsu wondered how often things like this happened around here.
"Shake it off crybaby! At least it wasn't hot down there." Heisuke mumbled, cramming a mouthful of cranberry sauce.
"Why is everything you do an accident and everything I do on purpose?" Shinpachi raged, his hands inching towards a buttered roll.
Heisuke, not noticing the danger he was in, retorted coldly, "Because you're a vindictive little bitch sometimes."
Tetsu decided now was a good time to act.
He lobbed a spoonful of peas at the enraged Shinpachi. They hit dead on. Hey, all those food fights in the cafeteria at his old school were really paying off!
"Puppy, you just made a fatal error." Shinpachi growled, snatching up a salad fork.
"Aw, calm down."
Thunk.
Heisuke looked at the fork embedded in his turkey and gulped.
"Reminds me of my forth husband. He always did have an uncontrollable temper. It killed him the day he decided to take it out on a black bear in Yellowstone Park." Missus Amy tsked. "The poor bear ended up suffering."
"Tetsu! What are you doi—?" Tatsu's cry of outrage was cut off by a well-aimed dill pickle.
Tetsu grinned and shot a thumbs up across the table, "Thanks Saya! That was an awesome shot!"
"Akesato, dear, I'm sorry all your lovely food is going to such spoils, but I believe the boys need to be defused." Missus Amy explained, right before she smacked Tetsu in the face was a roll, "Food fight!"
Tetsu didn't really remember much of what happened after that. He did remember nailing Tatsu a good one with some pitless black olives and that Saya made a great partner.
Surprisingly it wasn't Sannan who called a ceasefire but Heisuke.
"Okay, okay, we've had fun." He said, a bit of turkey hanging from his nose, "But I think we owe our hosts a big apology. After all, we just ruined their meal and trashed their dining room."
Sannan chuckled, "I haven't had that much fun in quite awhile. I think it was worth a bit of clean up, don't you Akesato?"
The woman gave a tolerant smile, probably thinking of the mess she was going to have to clean up.
"Well, we won't leave you like this, will we guys?"
"Absolutely not." Missus Amy said, amazingly clean considering the massacre that had been taking place a few moments before, "Heisuke, you and the brat do dishes. Tetsu and your wimpy brother will clean walls. Saya, would you please clear the table? I will wash down the table and chairs."
"What do you want me to do?" Akesato asked, starting to get up.
"Nothing. I believe that the cook should never have to clean. Why don't you and your husband go out in the living room and enjoy your temporary slaves?"
The longer he was around her, the more Tetsu respected and feared the old lady. He really wanted to see how his demon-boss would stand against this ferocious old lady.
Somehow, Tetsu ended up helping Saya clear off the table. He wasn't sure how that happened except that Tatsu suddenly proclaimed that cleaning the walls was no problem and that he could do it all himself.
"Heh, that was a lot of fun. Are dinners usually this eventful? You and Akesato didn't seem very surprised."
Saya shook her head and giggled.
"Anyway, you did a great job shutting Tatsu up. He has issues."
She looked at him curious.
"Heisuke says he needs to get laid, whatever that means."
Her eyes widened and she covered her mouth with her hands.
Tetsu eyed her, "Hey! You know what it means, don't you?"
She nodded and smirked playfully.
"You're not going to tell me, are you?"
Head shake.
As they approached the kitchen they heard the two-thirds of the Trio arguing loudly. There was a sharp crack and a yelp.
"…Don't hit me with the towel like that!"
"Why not? It was intended to go lower, but you moved. Now I'll just have to hit you again!"
"Don't you… hey!"
"Quit moving."
"I'm going to pummel you."
There was a pause and Heisuke then said, "Pummel isn't all that far from ravish."
"I… grr!" There was a sharp slap, "Just dry the dishes? We still have dessert when all of this is cleaned up."
Tetsu looked at Saya and she made a face. He laughed, striking a hero pose with the empty gravy boat as a sword and the turkey platter lid as a shield.
"Never fear, I'll protect you from those two." He promised and she laughed.
They walked into something that might seem out of place in any other kitchen.
There was a livid slap-print on the side of Heisuke's face and he was trying to lay his injured head on the shorter boy's shoulder, complaining that he was now to dizzy to hold it up straight. Shinpachi wasn't buying it and he kept shrugging his shoulder violently to little effect.
"Ah, er, Puppy and Saya, it's not what it looks like." Shinpachi stuttered, noticing them in the doorway.
Heisuke looked up with hooded eyes, "Just what does it look like? I can't use my friend as a prop when I'm down?"
"Heisuke! Get off!"
The taller senior shrugged and straightened up. He grabbed a dish and started drying it vigorously.
He looked at Tetsu and Saya from the corner of his eye, but said nothing.
Tetsu carefully eyed him before placing some dishes on the counter next to the two seniors.
As he was walking out with Saya he heard some whispers.
"Eh, so you think Puppy swings both?"
Shinpachi's voice was softer, "What are you doing with that cell?"
"Why nothing…" Pause. "Nothing at all."
"You're calling someone."
"Yes, that's what phones are for Shinpattsan."
"…Hey, how's dinner going? Oh… really?" There was an interested lilt to his tone and another long pause, "The doctor, you don't say? I never knew you could get your head stuck in a turkey… Wow. Oh, it was fun. Shinpattsan's old lady was here, she's great. Yeah, she said you remind her of a dead husband… er, number one I think. Anyway, we had a killer food fight and now we're cleaning up. No… no, nothing much else happened. I'm sure Akesato will be glad we're gone. Tetsu and Saya seemed to hit it off really well to. Hehe, now that's not nice. Talk to you tomorrow then after Kitty's tutoring lesson. Bye."
Tetsu faintly heard Tatsu sputtering at Missus Amy as she replied, "No, my forth late husband had appalling luck. He fancied himself a hunter and contracted monkey pox from some prairie dogs."
"You didn't just…?" Shinpachi sputtered, then his tone turned mischievous, "That wasn't nice."
"Just giving an update. Besides, I want to know how Susumu's head managed to fit in a turkey!"
Saya nudged Tetsu's shoulder bringing back to reality.
"…Oh, Heisuke just called Okita. Who's he? He's, er, sort of my boyfriend."
She cocked her head.
"Well, Tatsu doesn't really like it too much…"
"…Listen boy, you learn to be tolerant of a lot of things in your life. If you stress out about everything then you'll be too tired to react properly when the big things hit. My third husband and I went on a 14-day cruise because he worked in the stock market. All the man wanted was some peace and quiet. To bad he never could hold his liqoir. One day he got a tad too tipsy and decided to show off his tight rope walking skills. Needless to say he fell overboard."
Tatsu gasped, "Did he die?"
"No, we fished the sodden bugger out, but he died of that heart attack his doctor warned about not two hours later."
From the kitchen there was a ringing to the tune "Baby Got Back." Now that had to be the only nasty song Tetsu actually knew and by that deduction he assumed it was Heisuke's cell ringing.
"…What? No, I didn't hang up on you, you hung up on me." Heisuke said, clearly enjoying having the scoop, "What do you mean? Good lord, well at least you guys are at the doctor's office already. It's fine, really. As much as Tatsu wants it, I don't think anything's happening. Saya's a great kid…. Hey, no! Would you stop? I can picture you foaming like a rabid chipmunk. Yes… yes, we're having some… no, I'm not saving you a piece. If you want to protect what's yours, you need to do it yourself… Aw crap, my phone went dead."
"Geez, taunting him like that." Shinpachi sighed, "You really do want to die young."
"What? It's not my fault he doesn't like to share."
"True, hey starting drying! I don't want to be here all night."
"You're right. We need to get to bed sometime soon." Heisuke leered and even Tetsu could hear the implication in his voice.
There was a metallic clang and a snort.
Eventually all traces of the food fight were eradicated and they sat down to some pie.
"Mmm, this is really good." Tatsu complimented politely. "You're a wonderful cook Akesato."
She blushed and pointed to her husband who also turned slightly red.
"Who cares who made it?" Heisuke chirped, seated in Tetsu's old spot next to Missus Amy and across from Shinpachi to prevent further "accidents."
"Not me!" Tetsu shouted enthusiastically. Sweets generally weren't his thing, but this was really, really good! From beside him Saya nodded in agreement.
Missus Amy stood up, "May I ask where your phone is? I need to call a cab to get home."
"Nonsense, Nagakura will drive you. Won't you?" Sannan requested.
"Absolutely not! Haven't you been listening to the horror stories about the men in her life? If I drive her home I'll end up as red asphalt! Has she told you about number six in the swimming pool during a thunderstorm? That's not pretty!" Shinpachi said with determination.
"I'll just call a cab. I don't trust that boy not to dump us in a canal."
"There are no canals around here!"
"Precisely."
"Old hag."
"Rude brat." She snapped back and followed Akesato out of the room.
After a few moments she returned and sat down.
"Did you know your phone was unplugged?"
"Was it."
"Oopsie." Heisuke laughed nervously, "And I bet someone was trying to call. I just hope I'll live through tomorrow."
A/N: So it took awhile to get out, so shoot me (please, don't, I can't write that way). I blame the hamsters! My fingers, my freakin' fingers were waaaaaaaaaaaay too sore after being bitten several times. Sore and puffy, yeah. Anyway, hope this is worth the wait. Oh, and the BEST thing about this chapter? We had potatoes and gravy during a "family" dinner this evening after I wrote this!!! I kept looking at the gravy and laughing (much to my family's unease).
Fyyrrose: Rereading Drifter was a blast. And now that I've put up TT, it might go somewhere. Since school starts soon. Who do you respect? ... Uh-huh, short list. LMAO, Kerry voted PRO-GAY MARRIAGE and threatened me if I didn't also. Until I told her I'd steal the keys and drag her myself - Apparently we have a very similiar political standing. Gee, wonder why the driving sounds so familiar... I was thinking, you know how I base characters off people? Heisuke is spun loosely off Miroku. Heisuke, Tetsu, Hijikata, Yoshida, and Susumu are all characters I have no part in. There's bits and pieces in everyone else (esp. Saito and Suzu --;;). Like I said, you're Tetsu and Sano. I want a piccy of Ryouma-doggie! Killing defenseless animals is not the answer...! This is nothing. TT and Drifter are 100x worse. Two words: snake bite. Head cheese is nasty shit makes face Yeah, that was some sick-tasting stuff. I liked shark tho drools. Hey, I've dissected sharks, two pigs, a frog, and a worm. I'm assuming I'll be doing cats or something in zoology. Teachers don't decide when it happens ;; Set times of the year. Heisuke knows just how to push it without getting killed. Now if he thought Hijikata would let go... LMAO. I had to put up with Alex and it was almost normal! She didn't say anything related to body functions!!!
MissBehavin: His blood pressure must be WAAAAAAAAY up there. But that's what smoking is for, right? Yes, a very good thing. And it's good that Tatsu didn't know either XX Boys and their toys (aka machines they treat better than their g/fs). Gee, I don't know grins and sticks out tongue Maybe that was on purpose just for you Sharp as a needle... or tack... or however that saying goes. He hasn't heard the last of the coon stories, poor guy. Goats are probably too big. Sharks are fun! (but really oily and stinky ;;;). Why don't they do computer programs? It's cleaner and more humane. Saito is just creepy. LOL, and I can imagine lots of stuff for him because that's how I was in HS. Ask anyone from my class who I am. They don't know. Always lurking in the bg, quiet. The kitten was a favor to Suzu ;) Tetsu's got a wild imagination, er, a manic imagination. Yes, poor Hijikata. And when he's hospitalized for it we'll all bring him flowers and get well (and run away) cards.
"That old hag." Shinpachi griped, blowing gingerly on his blistered palms. His usually wild hair was matted down with sweat and a light sunburn covered his face. Giving up on his hands he leaned back, "She's trying to work me to death, I know it. She hates me."
"She does have fairly good reason." Suzu pointed out reasonably. "You DID try to run her over with the school car."
"I was going to the raccoon." Shinpachi muttered, "She just got in the way. It's not like I hurt the old biddy."
Suzu, Tetsu, Sano, and Shinpachi were all in the school kitchen, waiting for their food to finish baking. The term food could only loosely be attached to the lumps of dough that Sano churned out. Most of it landed on either the ceiling or his short companion, who didn't seem to notice at all. As for Tetsu's, well, he wasn't going to actually let any of it near his mouth. Even if he didn't set it on fire this time. Apparently bachelorhood was going to be a bit hard on him, but that was why they made instant noodles and frozen tv dinners.
"All you have to do is rake leaves, right? That's not hard." Tetsu yawned. This bitching session could go on and on. If he were particularly motivated and clever he would distract the short senior. Being neither of the above he blinked unsympathetically and gave his measuring cups a half-hearted scrub.
"Rake and bag the damn things. She only has five huge trees and they dump a ton of leaves on the ground. Oh, and there are spiders. Lots of spiders. I hate spiders; they scare me."
"Really?" Sano blinked and made a small 'o' with his mouth. "Then maybe I shouldn't tell you about my tarantula hidden in the closet by Heisuke's doujinshis."
"You better be kidding." Shinpachi blanched.
"Why would I do that? I meant to tell you when I got him, but I forgot. He's an early present to me." Sano said, scratching his head, "Would you like to meet him after class? He's really pretty nice. I named him Webber."
"Sano." Shinpachi moaned, "Please tell me you're kidding! Does Heisuke know about him?"
"Yeah. I didn't know he could scream that loud. He sounded like a little girl."
Tetsu really regretted missing that little moment.
Now he wanted to see the spider! Behind glass of course. Thick, safe, uncracked glass that the spider couldn't jump through and latch onto his throat, draining the blood out of his body. Yeah. A few yards' distance couldn't hurt any either. Still, Webber sounded awesome.
"Sano, get rid of it." Shinpachi urged, "Get rid of it or we're throwing you out. The fish were okay. They don't—don't crawl around on hairy, thick legs or have sharp, big fangs or fat, rotund bodies—just get rid of him."
"He was so lonely." Sano protested.
"I bet he's cool." Tetsu opined.
"Sounds like a snack for my kitten. She likes eating spiders." Suzu remarked, pulling his cookies from the oven. "Besides, you cannot throw him out. Not without Hijikata's direct approval."
"Great." Shinpachi said, rolling his eyes. "Sano, just get rid of it."
"No." Sano replied, crossing his arms across his chest stubbornly. "I'll just move out."
Shinpachi snorted and shook his head skeptically, "Where would you go?"
Sano thought about it before turning to Tetsu, "Puppy likes Webber." He considered it a second longer, "Can I stay with you guys?"
"Absolutely not." Suzu interjected. "No. Not while that is my dorm as well."
"Hardass." Tetsu snorted. As much fun as he found Sano, he figured the big guy could get rather… well, he took up space and he snored… loudly. Plus, this would break up the Trio. Still, the freshman couldn't help giving his roommate a hard time. It was almost like it was a natural reaction programmed into him. He had to contradict Suzu, no matter what.
Shinpachi sighed, "Let me see that… thing and we'll talk, okay?"
Sano nodded in agreement and offered a black lump, "Cookie?"
The rest of the class was rather unorganized, but there were no emergencies and disasters. Amazingly, it was a rare occurrence. The original teacher had taken leave due to pregnancy and their new sub. was a rather crazy, familiar guy. He tended to do more damage to the kitchen than the students actually. Tetsu learned a very important lesson: flour and heat mixed together was very dangerous. A big no-no. At least Okita wasn't in the class.
After the class ended Sano started begging and dragging his smaller companion towards the Trio's dorm.
Suzu smirk and mouthed to Tetsu, "This I have to see."
Was it just him, or was the white haired freak getting a bit… vicious? He certainly was getting a bit more… sad… sadisc… sadistic! Yeah.
The two freshmen hung around the door, not quite willing to go in where a giant spider might be lurking. Tetsu superstitiously checked the ground and walls every once in a while. No escapist spider was going to sneak up on him, no way.
"What is that!" Suzu exclaimed, pointing to Tetsu's shoulder and jumping back slightly.
"What what what?" Tetsu shrieked and danced around swatting at all available body parts in a frenzy. "Where? Kill it kill it kill it!" He wailed.
"There was nothing there." Suzu said, leaning against the wall calmly. Bastard! He didn't even look like he enjoyed giving Tetsu a near-fatal heart attack.
Shinpachi looked over, "What are you wussies so nervous about? Why don't you stop loitering in the door and come in."
Suzu shrugged and slid into the room, still keeping a good distance between himself and the rooting Sano. Tetsu was a little less cautious. He walked in and seated himself on one of Heisuke's favorite chairs to see the action.
"Here he is!" Sano exclaimed and Shinpachi gave a nervous little gulp before saying, "You had to find him? Please tell me it was because you lose everything and not because he was wandering around freely in our closet."
Sano turned around with a small plastic container. It was furnished with dirt and a few bare twigs. There was gelled water and a few crickets. Unfortunately, there wasn't the main attraction.
"Uh—Sano, where IS the spider?" Suzu said, edging towards the door slightly.
Sano blinked and stared into the clear plastic container in confusion. He looked at it from all angles before shrugging and saying, "He must have escaped."
"E-sca-ped?" Shinpachi stuttered and turned paler than he already was. "What do you MEAN?! Sa-no! Why did you bring it home! You're worse than a person who brings in bums off the street. At least you can't LOSE them!"
"I didn't lose him. I left him right here." Sano retorted, holding up the empty container to remind them all that a giant spider was loose in the room.
"I suppose we should find it." Suzu said sensibly, "Unless, of course, you wish to have it crawl over you in your sleep."
Shinpachi's eyes widened at that thought and he started looking at the floor. "No, I'd rather wake up with Heisuke in my bed than a spider."
"Glad you think so highly of me." Heisuke remarked, ignoring the freshman and flopping down on his bed.
"Heisuke, don't do that! Sano's pet escaped! He could be crawling around your bed right now!" Shinpachi panicked.
"I didn't know fish could crawl." Heisuke retorted sharply and put the pillow over his head.
Shinpachi grabbed the back of his shirt and dragged him off the bed forcefully, "Not the damn fish!"
"Hmm, let me go!" Heisuke whined, "I want a nap. And I could arrange waking up in your bed if you don't stop bugging me." He struggled out of the smaller boy's grip, but Shinpachi wrapped himself bodily around him and started hauling backwards.
"The spider Heisuke!" Shinpachi shouted in his ear, "It's running around loose!"
"Wha- SHIT!" Heisuke yelped in surprised and let go of his resistance. The two tumbled back in a heap of limbs. While they were untangling Heisuke was shouting, "Sano! You promised it would stay locked up! And you said it would be in the cage in the closet, so I wasn't to tell Shinpattsan! Now it's somewhere in this room?"
"By now it could be out of the room." Suzu added helpfully.
"We should warn the students!" Tetsu yelled. "It could be anywhere!" He stopped to think about that and grinned evilly. There were a few places he would love for it to go.
Needless to say that between the trio and Tetsu, it didn't take long to start up a mass hysteria spider hunt. And that said, it didn't take that long for a very grumpy demon to come investigate.
"What is it." Hijikata asked, looking annoyed, "There must be a reason that you people around running around like paranoid SWAT team members looking for a bomb."
"Sano's tarantula got out."
"That's it?"
"Uh, yeah?"
"And that constitutes a mass spider hunt that involves most of the student body." Hijikata said, making their actions sound completely stupid. Well, Tetsu wasn't discouraged. They needed to find that spider!
"Absolutely. Webber must be terrified, all alone in a new place." Sano remarked firmly.
"Harada, you are aware that spiders do not care."
"Yes they do! They have feelings too!"
"I will not argue with you. Obviously you and Souji are just blinded. Animals are on this earth to be used as food, not pets. Spiders and pigs do not have feelings."
"Saizou does too have feelings!" Okita protested, jumping the older man and yanking his ponytail sharply. He nimbly pranced out of reach and stuck his tongue out as Hijikata tried to put his hair back in place. "You're just too selfish to realize that pigs are people too."
"Souji, we had an agreement. Actually, Harada, we had one too. The two of you were supposed to keep your pets under control at all times." Hijikata glared at them equally, "Now, the fish are rather confined, but I do not remember approving a spider."
"I was going to ask." Sano replied, lifting up a heavy desk and setting it down with a thud.
"Yeah, after you graduated." Shinpachi grumbled.
"No, right before Christmas." Sano replied honestly. "He was supposed to be my Christmas present to myself."
"And that makes it all better." Shinpachi said with a sigh. A Christmas present to oneself sounded like a pretty good idea actually. Tetsu would have to remember that.
Hijikata ignored the banter between the two and looked towards Suzu, "I suppose Yoshida has approved your cat. I personally have no problem with that animal. I have not heard any complains and it seems to remain under your control. Just make sure it stays that way."
"Yes sir!"
"I am going back to my office. Let me know when you find the thing." Hijikata commanded.
"Of course." Heisuke replied smoothly, "Immediately."
"And if you never find it?" Suzu asked.
"Then poor Webber was simply swallowed by the depths of this hell. It can't be helped." Heisuke replied with mock sadness and earned a hard punch from Sano. Heisuke rubbed his shoulder, "It's the truth."
"What's going on?" Tatsu asked, walking up cautiously. He pointed to them, "What did you do?"
Tetsu jerked back and growled, "Why do you think I did anything?"
"Because it's always you." Tatsu replied. "Hijikata looked very irritated, and he usually looks like that after you've played a prank."
"I didn't do it! Honest." Tetsu said, being unfairly accused. There was no way in hell this was his fault in any way, shape, or form. He was about to give Tatsu a piece of his mind when his mouth froze in terror.
"There it is." Suzu said blandly, looking eerily similar to Saito when he was predicting something about the dead.
"There what is?" Tatsu grouched and Heisuke started laughing. It wasn't a nice laugh. It was more like a slightly edged, hysterical laugh when something was funny, but it really wasn't. Tatsu gave his patented big brother glare, "What?"
"A… a…!" Tetsu sputtered and Okita decided to help, "Ah, Tatsu, you have a very large spider sitting on your shoulder. I suggest you don't move."
Sano lumbered up happily and advised, "Don't scream, whatever you do. It scares them. They're very sensitive to vibrations and when you scream they get scared. When they get scared they bite."
Tatsu looked at them like they were all speaking Swahili.
"Sano, tell me that thing is harmless."
Sano cocked his head in confusion and said, "What?"
"It's not poisonous, is it?"
"Dunno."
"You don't know!" Shinpachi yelped, "You bring this big spider that could probably kill someone and you DON'T know!"
"Now now Shinpattsan, calm down. After all, it's not on your shoulder, so I don't know what you're worried about." Heisuke soothed.
By that time Tatsu had cautiously craned his head towards his left shoulder. All the blood drained out of his face and he bit his lip, making small whimpering noises.
"I'll catch it." Sano said confidently. Despite his warning that loud noises scared the spider, he didn't seem inclined to lower his naturally booming voice. The closer he got to Tatsu the more the guy shook. Tetsu felt sorry for his poor brother. Now that he could see the spider he decided it was pretty good size. You could use it for a softball almost. "Just. Don't. Move. Okay?"
Tatsu gave a slight nod.
"Gotcha!" Sano shouted and lunged. The spider gathered its legs and managed a hasty escape. At the same time Tatsu dropped into a dead faint, just barely missing being trampled by the focused Sano.
It sailed through the air and hit the ground with a squishy plop. Regaining wits and legs quickly the little beast bolted. With all eight legs scuttling overtime, the arachnid was doing its best to leave its pursuers behind and find a safe place. If it had known America was such a scary, brutal place it would have never hitched a ride in with the crates of bananas. Apparently illegal aliens weren't very welcome.
"Catch it!" Shinpachi urged, keeping his distance. It was rather surprising that the runty senior was easily outpacing his taller companions. Which didn't really help, since he stayed two yards to the side of the fleeing spider, shouting.
Suzu, jogging along in the back, muttered, "And how ironic is this? That a group of boys are chasing a spider down the halls of school, which they do not want to actually catch, yet cannot seem to let out of their sight for fear it will come after them later."
"Aaaaaaaaah! It disappeared!" Shinpachi wailed from up ahead. Suddenly it seemed like no one wanted to get there. Not when it was out of sight.
"Sano do something!" Shinpachi demanded when they all caught up. He was trying his hardest to shake the big senior.
"What do you want me too do?" Sano demanded, looking crushed that his pet was gone. "He doesn't come like a dog."
Heisuke brushed his companions off and remarked, "At least we know it's not in our room anymore."
Shinpachi loosened his hold, still not appeased and retorted caustically, "Who knows where that thing will go."
Heisuke smiled and offered gallantly, "Don't worry about it Shinpattsan. If you're really that scared I'll sleep with you."
Shinpachi gave a hood expression, "Don't you have a dinner to go to?"
"But of course." Heisuke said innocently, "Don't you?"
Shinpachi's eyes narrowed, "I hate that old hag. Where does she get off ordering me to have Thanksgiving with her?"
"Oh come on. The old lady's just lonely. You should be nicer to her." Heisuke protested, rubbing the back of his head, "Show some charm."
"Why don't you lend me some."
Heisuke ignored that bit of sarcasm, turning to Tetsu, "What are you doing for dinner?"
Tetsu sat there for a good minute. He had to think about it. Just what were he and Tatsu going to do? Usually Thanksgiving meant a cheeseburger at some local, little stand. Tatsu's last attempt at turkey had been somewhat edible and successful… except for little things. Tetsu would never look at drumsticks the same way, ever. It was because of that little incident the take-out tradition was adopted by the Ichimura brothers.
"Umm, nothing." Tetsu said and Heisuke turned to Okita, "No wonder the boy's so skinny. He doesn't get Thanksgiving dinner."
Okita smiled apologetically, "I do need to get dressed for my dinner. You guys have a good evening, okay?"
Heisuke watched the senior's retreating back, "How cold. He didn't even invite you."
"Why would you offer to drag someone in the middle of a battle field?" Shinpachi commented, noticing Tetsu's slightly hurt look. He gave a sly smile of vicious glee, "Ayunee better put the kitchenware up."
"Yeah, we wouldn't want another hospital visit." Sano chimed in.
"Dare I ask?" Suzu asked.
Sano took it on himself to explain, "Apparently Okita and Susumu got in a fight, but Hijikata tried to break it up, and no one was listening, so he got in the middle of it too. She had to use a frying pan to stop them."
"Have any of you hear of the term rhetorical?" Suzu grumbled, looking slightly disturbed by the short story.
Tetsu didn't know what that was, but it sounded insulting.
Heisuke looked pensive, "You and Tatsu could come to dinner with me."
Shinpachi gave a sly grin, "You forgot something Heisuke. Don't you have to ask permission of the host first?"
"I believe that it would be perfectly fine with me if Tetsu and Tatsu joined us for dinner. Isn't that part of the holidays? Being together." Sannan remarked mildly.
Heisuke ventured and pointed to Sannan's left hand, "And by being together, I hope you don't mean him."
Sannan blinked.
"Uh, I don't think he'd like mashed potatoes."
"Only blood." Sano nodded in agreement.
"Your pet." Sannan said, holding a very quiet Webber in his palm like a baby chick. The spider had dust all over it, but it looked intact. Spiders had ten legs, right? Wait, nope, two of them must be fangs. Sano took him back, placing him in his home and securing the lid tightly. Sannan smiled, "He's surprisingly nice. He didn't even try to bite me. I found him keeping my betta company on my desk."
Suzu grumbled under his breath from beside Tetsu, "And if I walked in to find a spider that big on my desk, I think I would smash it with my betta bowl."
"Ditto to that." Heisuke chuckled.
"You boys are welcome to join us." Sannan reiterated, looking at Tetsu, "I promise the food will be edible and nothing too weird."
"Er, I have to ask Tatsu." Tetsu said, scratching the back of his head with his stubby fingers. Free food was appealing and this WAS Sannan, so nothing too bad would happen. Besides, Tatsu liked Sannan. So maybe he'd say yes.
"I'll go ask!" Heisuke yipped and dashed off. If Tetsu were a little sharper he would have noticed that Heisuke was acting like a kindergartener who had just asked over a bunch of friends to play. As it was, his only thought was that he hoped the potatoes weren't too lumpy.
"And what are you doing Nagakura?" Sannan asked kindly.
Shinpachi slouched and made a face, "Eating with Missus Kim, but she won't let me cook."
"You could invite her." Sano said rather sensibly, hand protectively over the cover of Webber's cage. It wasn't like the thing was going to get out.
"We wouldn't mind another cook." Sannan nodded, "Would you like to use my phone to call?"
Shinpachi sighed, "I guess you guys want to met her. Who am I to fight the inevitable?"
The three walked off in the direction of Sannan's office, and Tetsu was struck by a thought. What was he supposed to wear to dinner? The vague memories he had of holiday dinners involved a strict dress code (which Tetsu and his father did their best to thwart). He had long since grown out of that old suit and since money was so tight, Tatsu hadn't had the chance to drag him out and buy a new one.
Giving up on that, he dug out a (relatively) clean pair of khaki pants and a loose polo shirt. It was the best he could do.
There was a slight knock and Tatsu's head poked around the corner. He sighed in relief and commented, "At least you look presentable. We need to get you another suit."
"Uh-huh." Over Tetsu's unconscious body.
"It was really nice to be invited to dinner. I hope you remember your please and thank yous." Glare, "You better."
"I will." Tetsu retorted, "I have manners."
Tatsu sighed in defeat, "Let's just go, okay?"
"I do!" Tetsu insisted.
Sannan's house wasn't nearly so big as Kondou's, but it was a little further out of the city and sat on a decent sized lot. To the side of the house was a small pasture and barn. A pair of brown horses peered mildly over the gate and a goat stuck it's head out between the slates between them.
A woman came out from the barn with a good-sized lassie at her heels. The dog stared at them for a moment before growling.
"Hush." The woman commanded and the dog stopped. That didn't mean it relaxed or stopped staring at their throats.
There was brief flurry of introductions, which Tetsu largely ignored.
"Trinket, go get Saya." Akesato told the vicious lassie. The collie gave one last reproving glare at the intruders before loping off.
The blond woman turned towards them and explained, "Saya's about Tetsu's age. She doesn't speak, but she understands people quite well. She's really a very sweet girl. Trinket's her dog and very protective."
Uh-huh.
Another car pulled up the gravel lane with a very disgruntled Shinpachi behind the wheel. He disembarked with the grace of a one-footed turtle and clopped over to the other side to let out the most… wrinkled old lady Tetsu had ever seen in his short like. The lady was just one mass of wrinkly, floppy skin! She looked like one of those funny Chinese dogs. Her chin even had an overbite and her eyes were sharp.
She said something to Shinpachi and he glowered, but obediently followed her as she strode up. She had a cane with her, but the only thing she seemed inclined to use it for was occasionally prodding Shinpachi with the tip of it.
"Introduce us boy!" She ordered, giving him a sharp jab to the ankle. "And be quick about it. This cold wind is messing up my hair."
Tetsu wondered if she had hair under the big hat that flopped over her forehead. He stared and found that there were stray wisps of gray that floated like a static halo around the edges.
Shinpachi moved away from the cane's reach and said, straightening his back and looking blankly over their heads, "This is Missus Kim Taylor. Missus Kim, there are some of my classmates and one of my vice principals and his family."
Heisuke gave a slick smile that he seemed to reserve solely for new acquaintances and butted in, "My name is Heisuke Toudou and we've heard quite a bit about you Missus Kim."
The old lady gave a bark that Tetsu supposed was a laugh and retorted, "I'm sure you have. What has this little disrespectful runt been saying about me? It can't be that nice. I just wonder if it's any worse than what he says to my face."
"Shinpachi!" Heisuke cried while Sannan fixed the short senior with a stern look, "Nagakura…"
He didn't defend himself or look the slightest bit ashamed about the accusation.
"I apologize for his rude behavior." Sannan started and the old lady broke in waving her hand, "The boy is old enough to take responsibility for his own actions. It's not your fault he's a sullen brat. You must be his teacher?"
"Of sorts." Sannan offered, adjusting his glasses, "Where are my manners? My name is Keisuke Yamanami and this is my wife Akesato. Our foster daughter Saya is right there with her dog."
"It is a pleasure to meet all of you." Amy beamed, crinkling up her face even more. She looked at the brothers, "And you two are?"
"Tatsu Ichimura, and this is my younger brother Tetsu, ma'am." Tatsu said with a respectful bow. He tried to drag Tetsu down with him, but the younger boy twisted away.
"Oh-ho, a polite one." She chortled, then fixed Tetsu was a shrewd look, "And a not-so-polite one. Perhaps you've been taking lessons from your friend over there." She jerked a finger in the direction of Shinpachi, who had moved away from her.
Tetsu scuffled his foot in the dust and narrowed his eyes. Adults didn't like it very much when he talked back and Tatsu would surely do something, probably going as far as to shift into "prevention" mode.
Aw, to hell with it. He would say whatever he wanted.
"Tatsu's polite enough for the both of us. It's sickening. Don't you get tired of being kissed up to? Bah."
She looked vastly amused by this statement, "My dear, when you're as old as I am, you CRAVE people kissing up to you. It's a potent form of validation."
"Huh?"
"You need to feel worth it." She simplified. "When you get older your outlook on life changes vastly. Besides, politeness will never serve you false."
"Uh-huh."
"You'll learn, or not. If you don't, you'll find life will be far more difficult. Just don't piss off three people: your postal person, your secretary, and your waitress. They'll screw you every time."
Tetsu decided he liked the cantankerous old woman. Shinpachi just looked relieved that she had shifted her sights off him. He slipped off with Akesato to the kitchen.
There was a slight tug on his shirt sleeve and he looked over at the girl.
"Oh, hi. You're Saya right?"
She nodded shyly.
"Oh, heh." He grinned, "I'm Tetsu. Living here must be pretty cool, huh."
Saya gave him a small smile and Tetsu continued, "I bet living with Sannan is really cool too. He's really nice."
If Tetsu had realized that he had an audience, he might have been a little more stand-offish. But as it was, he was just enjoying a peer's company. A peer who didn't mind his big mouth or his odd notions and seemed amused by his jokes. Really, what more could one ask for?
"Wow, he really hit it off." Heisuke commented idly to his fellow watcher. "You going to freak out now that he's consorting with the opposite sex?"
"Haha, very funny."
"You find it preferable. Well, if I recall, you moved Tetsu to an all-boys to avoid this situation. I think that's deplorable. The boy needs to experiment a bit."
"Tetsu is not old enough to… do those things." Tatsu trailed off uncomfortably.
Heisuke grinned, "What things? Kiss? Oh no, too late for that. I'm 100% sure he's still a virgin. You look so worried!"
"I am worried." Tatsu replied stiffly, "He's a teenage boy."
"You're not much older you know. Just because you're out of high school. When's the last time you went to a party or went out with a girl?"
"I don't have to answer that."
"Exactly!" Heisuke preened, "I think it's time you stop running your brother's life and start ruining your own!"
"You meant running, right."
"Not a chance. I meant ruining. As in screwing up, making mistakes, being daring. Live a little will you? What sort of example are you right now?"
Tatsu looked thoughtful at that last remark, but didn't say anything as Heisuke excused himself to the kitchen.
Somehow Tetsu ended up sitting between Tatsu and Missus Amy. The old woman had corralled Shinpachi and Heisuke across from her.
"So, Shinpattsan's being a bit of a pain?" Heisuke prompted with a devilish grin after they said grace. The short senior squirmed at the mild glances.
"A bit? My boy, I've never met such a rude young man. Now mind you, I've met quite a few in my younger days, yet I rarely get out of the house nowadays. I was beginning to believe it was just the youth of today."
"Hmm, he must have been really awful. Well, on behalf of him and in no way in his defense, I apologize for his behavior. He shouldn't take his inability to handle stress out on the people around him."
"What! You are my stress! If anything the old bid- er, Missus Kim should be blaming you!" Shinpachi squawked indignantly.
Tetsu gaze between them before saying, "Then why do you live with him?"
"Oh-ho, an honest boy." Missus Kim chuckled, "Boy, you've put some pieces in the puzzle. I like you. What was your name again? I'm afraid my old memory is rather selective. It doesn't have room to store as much trash as it used to."
"Er, Tetsu?" He said, blinking. Was her liking him a good thing?
"I just don't see how, with such polite friends, he turned out that way." Missus Kim said mockingly.
"Well, that's just because Tetsu and I are the cream of the crop." Heisuke winked, "Sano has the manners of a mule and Okita just can't seem to know when to quit. A tragic flaw if I've ever seen one."
"Yes, it sounds very troublesome. I hope the child has a personality that smoothes it over a bit. My late husband always got into trouble then wiggled right back out with a bright smile and his fingers crossed behind his back."
"Smart man."
"Too smart for his own good I'm afraid. We were separated in the most horrible way."
"Is it too painful…?"
"Painful? For him I suppose. Especially with all that buckshot. Never cheat on a woman who knows how to use a rifle. And don't expect to wiggle out when you've been caught being a total ass."
"I hope you didn't kill him." Tatsu said stiffly, scooting his chair over slightly.
"Oh no, I let his stupidity do that for me. A week after we divorced he was smashed by a trailer because he tried some silly shortcut to fix a flat. He never did have the luck with machines. You can't manipulate them like you do people you know."
"Manipulation is a skill that I unfortunately do not possess." Heisuke said, regretfully shaking his head. Shinpachi muttered under his breath, "Sure you don't."
"You're better off for it boy. You just remember that intelligence is not a synonym for commonsense. You'll live a lot longer. Take it from the old lady."
"What if you don't have either?" Tetsu asked, thinking of Sano.
"Well, then you better be damn lucky!"
Shinpachi snorted.
Heisuke made a face at him then turned saying, "I can't do anything with him. I'm trying to teach him to be civil, but it's a losing battle sometimes."
Shinpachi, who was taking the gravy from Saya, made an indignant noise. There was one brief moment where there was bated breath as the hot substance slipped out of his hands. The silence was broken by a very heartfelt scream and every guy in the room, including Tatsu, winced in sympathy.
With a very still mask, Heisuke purposefully grabbed his napkin, which had caught some of the gravy, and set it aside. Then he grabbed Shinpachi's and started dabbing without a word.
"I'm sorry…"
"What a low thing to do." Missus Amy sniffed, "Scorching the poor boy in his lap. Disgusting."
"But I didn't…"
"Nagakura, I believe you owe Heisuke a sincerely apology." Sannan reprimanded sharply, looking slightly angry.
"It was an accident! Doesn't anyone believe me?" Shinpachi pleaded, truly look sorry.
"I knew you could be spiteful, but really, I was just telling the truth." Heisuke said coldly, smacking away his hand when he tried to help. He reached up, grabbed a handful of potatoes, and smashed them in Shinpachi's face. "So you won't have any grounds to protest this!"
Shinpachi sputtered, trying to wipe the offending food out his eyes and still not breath through his now clogged nose.
He turned really red, "Now who's being spiteful? I said I was sorry!"
"Technically, you didn't." Missus Amy said coolly, "You said it was an accident and not your fault. Besides, I don't think sorry and a kiss would make that right anyhow."
Shinpachi's mouth dropped and Sannan sighed. His wife and Saya were simply going on with their meal, paying minimum attention to the antics of their guests. Tetsu wondered how often things like this happened around here.
"Shake it off crybaby! At least it wasn't hot down there." Heisuke mumbled, cramming a mouthful of cranberry sauce.
"Why is everything you do an accident and everything I do on purpose?" Shinpachi raged, his hands inching towards a buttered roll.
Heisuke, not noticing the danger he was in, retorted coldly, "Because you're a vindictive little bitch sometimes."
Tetsu decided now was a good time to act.
He lobbed a spoonful of peas at the enraged Shinpachi. They hit dead on. Hey, all those food fights in the cafeteria at his old school were really paying off!
"Puppy, you just made a fatal error." Shinpachi growled, snatching up a salad fork.
"Aw, calm down."
Thunk.
Heisuke looked at the fork embedded in his turkey and gulped.
"Reminds me of my forth husband. He always did have an uncontrollable temper. It killed him the day he decided to take it out on a black bear in Yellowstone Park." Missus Amy tsked. "The poor bear ended up suffering."
"Tetsu! What are you doi—?" Tatsu's cry of outrage was cut off by a well-aimed dill pickle.
Tetsu grinned and shot a thumbs up across the table, "Thanks Saya! That was an awesome shot!"
"Akesato, dear, I'm sorry all your lovely food is going to such spoils, but I believe the boys need to be defused." Missus Amy explained, right before she smacked Tetsu in the face was a roll, "Food fight!"
Tetsu didn't really remember much of what happened after that. He did remember nailing Tatsu a good one with some pitless black olives and that Saya made a great partner.
Surprisingly it wasn't Sannan who called a ceasefire but Heisuke.
"Okay, okay, we've had fun." He said, a bit of turkey hanging from his nose, "But I think we owe our hosts a big apology. After all, we just ruined their meal and trashed their dining room."
Sannan chuckled, "I haven't had that much fun in quite awhile. I think it was worth a bit of clean up, don't you Akesato?"
The woman gave a tolerant smile, probably thinking of the mess she was going to have to clean up.
"Well, we won't leave you like this, will we guys?"
"Absolutely not." Missus Amy said, amazingly clean considering the massacre that had been taking place a few moments before, "Heisuke, you and the brat do dishes. Tetsu and your wimpy brother will clean walls. Saya, would you please clear the table? I will wash down the table and chairs."
"What do you want me to do?" Akesato asked, starting to get up.
"Nothing. I believe that the cook should never have to clean. Why don't you and your husband go out in the living room and enjoy your temporary slaves?"
The longer he was around her, the more Tetsu respected and feared the old lady. He really wanted to see how his demon-boss would stand against this ferocious old lady.
Somehow, Tetsu ended up helping Saya clear off the table. He wasn't sure how that happened except that Tatsu suddenly proclaimed that cleaning the walls was no problem and that he could do it all himself.
"Heh, that was a lot of fun. Are dinners usually this eventful? You and Akesato didn't seem very surprised."
Saya shook her head and giggled.
"Anyway, you did a great job shutting Tatsu up. He has issues."
She looked at him curious.
"Heisuke says he needs to get laid, whatever that means."
Her eyes widened and she covered her mouth with her hands.
Tetsu eyed her, "Hey! You know what it means, don't you?"
She nodded and smirked playfully.
"You're not going to tell me, are you?"
Head shake.
As they approached the kitchen they heard the two-thirds of the Trio arguing loudly. There was a sharp crack and a yelp.
"…Don't hit me with the towel like that!"
"Why not? It was intended to go lower, but you moved. Now I'll just have to hit you again!"
"Don't you… hey!"
"Quit moving."
"I'm going to pummel you."
There was a pause and Heisuke then said, "Pummel isn't all that far from ravish."
"I… grr!" There was a sharp slap, "Just dry the dishes? We still have dessert when all of this is cleaned up."
Tetsu looked at Saya and she made a face. He laughed, striking a hero pose with the empty gravy boat as a sword and the turkey platter lid as a shield.
"Never fear, I'll protect you from those two." He promised and she laughed.
They walked into something that might seem out of place in any other kitchen.
There was a livid slap-print on the side of Heisuke's face and he was trying to lay his injured head on the shorter boy's shoulder, complaining that he was now to dizzy to hold it up straight. Shinpachi wasn't buying it and he kept shrugging his shoulder violently to little effect.
"Ah, er, Puppy and Saya, it's not what it looks like." Shinpachi stuttered, noticing them in the doorway.
Heisuke looked up with hooded eyes, "Just what does it look like? I can't use my friend as a prop when I'm down?"
"Heisuke! Get off!"
The taller senior shrugged and straightened up. He grabbed a dish and started drying it vigorously.
He looked at Tetsu and Saya from the corner of his eye, but said nothing.
Tetsu carefully eyed him before placing some dishes on the counter next to the two seniors.
As he was walking out with Saya he heard some whispers.
"Eh, so you think Puppy swings both?"
Shinpachi's voice was softer, "What are you doing with that cell?"
"Why nothing…" Pause. "Nothing at all."
"You're calling someone."
"Yes, that's what phones are for Shinpattsan."
"…Hey, how's dinner going? Oh… really?" There was an interested lilt to his tone and another long pause, "The doctor, you don't say? I never knew you could get your head stuck in a turkey… Wow. Oh, it was fun. Shinpattsan's old lady was here, she's great. Yeah, she said you remind her of a dead husband… er, number one I think. Anyway, we had a killer food fight and now we're cleaning up. No… no, nothing much else happened. I'm sure Akesato will be glad we're gone. Tetsu and Saya seemed to hit it off really well to. Hehe, now that's not nice. Talk to you tomorrow then after Kitty's tutoring lesson. Bye."
Tetsu faintly heard Tatsu sputtering at Missus Amy as she replied, "No, my forth late husband had appalling luck. He fancied himself a hunter and contracted monkey pox from some prairie dogs."
"You didn't just…?" Shinpachi sputtered, then his tone turned mischievous, "That wasn't nice."
"Just giving an update. Besides, I want to know how Susumu's head managed to fit in a turkey!"
Saya nudged Tetsu's shoulder bringing back to reality.
"…Oh, Heisuke just called Okita. Who's he? He's, er, sort of my boyfriend."
She cocked her head.
"Well, Tatsu doesn't really like it too much…"
"…Listen boy, you learn to be tolerant of a lot of things in your life. If you stress out about everything then you'll be too tired to react properly when the big things hit. My third husband and I went on a 14-day cruise because he worked in the stock market. All the man wanted was some peace and quiet. To bad he never could hold his liqoir. One day he got a tad too tipsy and decided to show off his tight rope walking skills. Needless to say he fell overboard."
Tatsu gasped, "Did he die?"
"No, we fished the sodden bugger out, but he died of that heart attack his doctor warned about not two hours later."
From the kitchen there was a ringing to the tune "Baby Got Back." Now that had to be the only nasty song Tetsu actually knew and by that deduction he assumed it was Heisuke's cell ringing.
"…What? No, I didn't hang up on you, you hung up on me." Heisuke said, clearly enjoying having the scoop, "What do you mean? Good lord, well at least you guys are at the doctor's office already. It's fine, really. As much as Tatsu wants it, I don't think anything's happening. Saya's a great kid…. Hey, no! Would you stop? I can picture you foaming like a rabid chipmunk. Yes… yes, we're having some… no, I'm not saving you a piece. If you want to protect what's yours, you need to do it yourself… Aw crap, my phone went dead."
"Geez, taunting him like that." Shinpachi sighed, "You really do want to die young."
"What? It's not my fault he doesn't like to share."
"True, hey starting drying! I don't want to be here all night."
"You're right. We need to get to bed sometime soon." Heisuke leered and even Tetsu could hear the implication in his voice.
There was a metallic clang and a snort.
Eventually all traces of the food fight were eradicated and they sat down to some pie.
"Mmm, this is really good." Tatsu complimented politely. "You're a wonderful cook Akesato."
She blushed and pointed to her husband who also turned slightly red.
"Who cares who made it?" Heisuke chirped, seated in Tetsu's old spot next to Missus Amy and across from Shinpachi to prevent further "accidents."
"Not me!" Tetsu shouted enthusiastically. Sweets generally weren't his thing, but this was really, really good! From beside him Saya nodded in agreement.
Missus Amy stood up, "May I ask where your phone is? I need to call a cab to get home."
"Nonsense, Nagakura will drive you. Won't you?" Sannan requested.
"Absolutely not! Haven't you been listening to the horror stories about the men in her life? If I drive her home I'll end up as red asphalt! Has she told you about number six in the swimming pool during a thunderstorm? That's not pretty!" Shinpachi said with determination.
"I'll just call a cab. I don't trust that boy not to dump us in a canal."
"There are no canals around here!"
"Precisely."
"Old hag."
"Rude brat." She snapped back and followed Akesato out of the room.
After a few moments she returned and sat down.
"Did you know your phone was unplugged?"
"Was it."
"Oopsie." Heisuke laughed nervously, "And I bet someone was trying to call. I just hope I'll live through tomorrow."
A/N: So it took awhile to get out, so shoot me (please, don't, I can't write that way). I blame the hamsters! My fingers, my freakin' fingers were waaaaaaaaaaaay too sore after being bitten several times. Sore and puffy, yeah. Anyway, hope this is worth the wait. Oh, and the BEST thing about this chapter? We had potatoes and gravy during a "family" dinner this evening after I wrote this!!! I kept looking at the gravy and laughing (much to my family's unease).
Fyyrrose: Rereading Drifter was a blast. And now that I've put up TT, it might go somewhere. Since school starts soon. Who do you respect? ... Uh-huh, short list. LMAO, Kerry voted PRO-GAY MARRIAGE and threatened me if I didn't also. Until I told her I'd steal the keys and drag her myself - Apparently we have a very similiar political standing. Gee, wonder why the driving sounds so familiar... I was thinking, you know how I base characters off people? Heisuke is spun loosely off Miroku. Heisuke, Tetsu, Hijikata, Yoshida, and Susumu are all characters I have no part in. There's bits and pieces in everyone else (esp. Saito and Suzu --;;). Like I said, you're Tetsu and Sano. I want a piccy of Ryouma-doggie! Killing defenseless animals is not the answer...! This is nothing. TT and Drifter are 100x worse. Two words: snake bite. Head cheese is nasty shit makes face Yeah, that was some sick-tasting stuff. I liked shark tho drools. Hey, I've dissected sharks, two pigs, a frog, and a worm. I'm assuming I'll be doing cats or something in zoology. Teachers don't decide when it happens ;; Set times of the year. Heisuke knows just how to push it without getting killed. Now if he thought Hijikata would let go... LMAO. I had to put up with Alex and it was almost normal! She didn't say anything related to body functions!!!
MissBehavin: His blood pressure must be WAAAAAAAAY up there. But that's what smoking is for, right? Yes, a very good thing. And it's good that Tatsu didn't know either XX Boys and their toys (aka machines they treat better than their g/fs). Gee, I don't know grins and sticks out tongue Maybe that was on purpose just for you Sharp as a needle... or tack... or however that saying goes. He hasn't heard the last of the coon stories, poor guy. Goats are probably too big. Sharks are fun! (but really oily and stinky ;;;). Why don't they do computer programs? It's cleaner and more humane. Saito is just creepy. LOL, and I can imagine lots of stuff for him because that's how I was in HS. Ask anyone from my class who I am. They don't know. Always lurking in the bg, quiet. The kitten was a favor to Suzu ;) Tetsu's got a wild imagination, er, a manic imagination. Yes, poor Hijikata. And when he's hospitalized for it we'll all bring him flowers and get well (and run away) cards.