Still don't own it, nor do I own "Ever the Same" by Rob Thomas.
Amazing song!!
So, thanks for not wanting to kill me with the JuPe kiss in the last chapter and I know LP left things terribly, but this chapter will open some things up, for a bit.
Drama packed; and a bit . . . adult (catch the drift?)
Enjoy!
We were drawn from the weeds
We were brave like soldiers
Falling down under the pale moonlight
You were holding to me
Like a someone broken
And I couldn't tell you but I'm telling you now
She doesn't know what propels her forward. It could be the seven drinks she had tonight. It could be the fact that he left his jacket here. It could also be the fact that she is incredibly pissed.
After he left her in TRIC she stood in that same spot and stared at the stairs he had descended. She shook her head and walked over to his seat to grab his jacket. She knows it isn't possible, but in the blink of an eye she's standing in front of his door. She takes a deep breath and barges in.
"You have a lot of nerve!" she yells. He's lying in bed with a book in his hands and for a moment she's speechless. He looks so much like the teenage boy she fell in love with that she forgets why she's even here to begin with.
He stands and walks over to her and she can feel every muscle in her body tense. His arms extend and he takes the jacket from her shoulders. It got a little cold on the way over. The warmth leaves her shoulders and so does his smell.
"You have nothing to say now?" she barks. She needs to stay angry because otherwise she'll crumble and he doesn't deserve to get away with anything he's said or done. He tosses his jacket onto the chair in his room and looks at her. He really looks at her.
She's in a little black dress that shows off all her best assets. Her hair is perfectly curled and her makeup is minimal, but flawless. He looks past that – sees past that – for the first time . . . well ever maybe. He hasn't wanted to acknowledge the fact that he hurt her. He knows he did, but he's never dared to look for it. As he does, he wishes he didn't.
She's broken.
Totally and completely broken.
"Say something!" she demands as she pushes against his chest. He's been full of words tonight, he's had something to say for the past few days, but now he's empty? Void of words? She laughs bitterly.
He isn't proud of how he's acted. He never in a million years thought he would say the things he's said to her and he never thought he'd do the things he's done. He just can't stand to see Peyton with other guys.
He can't stand to see Peyton move on.
"I'm sorry", her eyes fly up to meet his blue ones and she's stunned into silence. He's apologizing? She definitely isn't expecting him to say that. "I never wanted this for us, Peyt. I never wanted to be so far off base with you –"
"Could have fooled me", she grumbles. He shakes his head. She takes a deep breath and glances to the floor. "You can't say things like that to me, Luke", she whispers. "Telling me that none of them are good enough for me . . . it isn't fair and you have no right to –"
"Why can't I?" it's an honest question. He doesn't know why he isn't allowed to feel the way he feels.
She stares at him in shock and shakes her head. "You got married, Lucas", she whispers and he feels the pain in her words. It's been hard to hear other people say those words, but hearing them leave her perfect lips causes his head to drop and his heart to ache.
"It's not fair that you can go off and get married and stay married for over a year, but the slight glimmer of me trying to move on causes you to freak out!"
"Peyton –" he's trying to stay calm and be rational, but she cuts him off before he gets the chance to speak.
"This wouldn't even be happening if I hadn't brought Julian home", she doesn't know why she says it, but the second she does his entire mood changes.
"Where is your boyfriend?" he questions through a locked jaw. She folds her arms over her stomach and looks at him with a wounded face. That fades away and she's angry again. He's so resentful and he doesn't have any right to be.
"He isn't my boyfriend!" she barks out. They're standing a few feet apart and Lucas takes a step in her direction; she takes one step back.
"Then why were you kissing him?" he growls out. Her anger still lingers and as childish as it may be she wants to see him cringe.
"What does it matter, Luke?" she taunts. "Scared his kisses might do more for me then yours ever could?" she doesn't know if on some unconscious level she's challenging him, but Lucas sees it as a challenge.
He stalks towards her and the second he's close enough for her to feel his body heat she shivers. He smirks and she hates it. He doesn't need to kiss her.
His very presence sends her body into overdrive.
"Could have fooled me", he echoes her earlier words. She glares at him; her greens eyes turning cold. This is suddenly too much.
"I should go", she mutters and takes two steps diagonal from him. That's as far as she gets because his hand grabs her wrist and pulls her back. She doesn't know what it is exactly. Maybe he pulled a little too hard. Maybe the alcohol she drank is finally kicking in. Maybe she wants to have no way out of this. Whatever the reason; she makes contact with his closed bedroom door.
And that's when he kisses her.
It doesn't last for more then five seconds, but in those five seconds he feels everything he could ever need to. Those five seconds make the world seem brighter and safer. He feels complete in every possible way.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" she questions loudly as she pushes him away. Her face is flushed and her lips are pouty. "You can't just kiss me and make it all better!"
He stays silent because he's knows she's right. He's fucked up more times then he should be allowed and he's so incredibly sorry. He's an ass and a fool and a total moron! He goes to say all of these things, but is stopped short.
Because she's suddenly tugging at the bottom of his white t-shirt.
Just let me hold you while you're falling apart
Just let me hold you and we'll both fall down
She seriously thinks she has something wrong with her. She's just screamed at him for kissing her and now she's trying to rip his clothes off; she just can't explain it. That kiss leaves her wanting more. She needs to feel the warmth of his body.
Once the shirt's discarded she balls it up and throws it somewhere else. She looks at his body and sighs inaudibly. He's so much of a man that it makes her ache to be with him. Lucas watches with clouded eyes as she raises her hands and rakes her short nails up his abdomen and to his broad shoulders. They trail down his arms and over his biceps; they stop at his wrists. Before she can pull away he grabs her hands and interlocks their fingers.
He doesn't know what this is. He doesn't know what this means. He just doesn't want to give her the chance to run. So, he holds her hands and leans into her body. Her heart pounds in her ears.
"I love my Christmas gift", she whispers so softly if he wasn't as close as he is he wouldn't have heard it. But, he is close and he does hear it and he grins.
All he's wanted for the past few days was for her to bring it up. He kept it for months and only recently thought to make it known. It was clear that it was about their love and he wasn't sure he wanted that displayed, but after he came back from LA and that meeting with Julian he knew he needed to do something. He went to Thud the very next day and submitted the drawing. That's why he thinks she appreciates it more. She knows it wasn't done the night of Christmas Eve in a desperate attempt to keep her from being mad.
"I'm glad", he whispers back. He licks his lips and leans his head down to hers. This kiss is slow and sensual. And Peyton loses herself in it. They stand like that for hours . . . minutes . . . seconds; neither really knows.
Kissing in his bedroom with only their lips and hands touching; interlocked.
It still isn't enough though. This time it's Lucas that makes the move. He unclasps their hands and wraps his arms around her waist. They trail up her back and stop at the small zipper. She can feel his eyes on her so she meets them in the darkness of his room. They keep their gazes locked while his thumb and pointer fingers grasp the tiny piece of metal and drag it down the length of her body.
Once it's completely unzipped he steps back and watches as it falls to the floor. She's not wearing a bra and he can feel himself stop breathing. Her black thong is the only piece of clothing left and with the need to feel her, he pulls her close. He groans at the feel of her naked chest pressed against his.
She lifts her head and kisses him frantically. Her tongue slips into his mouth and it dances with his in a fiery manner. He's pressed against her and she's more then aware that he's in the mood to continue this. Their bodies are slick with perspiration and before this can go on she needs to know something which is why she unhooks his arms from her waist and takes a step back.
"Why'd Lindsey leave you?" she asks breathlessly. It's one of the most random questions she's ever asked him and she isn't expecting an answer; well, actually she is. She wants to hear the answer straight from his mouth.
"I couldn't get my ex-girlfriend out of my mind", he husks between pants of air. It wasn't until she stopped kissing him that he realizes he hadn't taken a breath. She closes her eyes and thinks that's the best thing she's heard in years. Regardless, she can't help but to spew out a witty comment;
"Brooke?" she teases.
For the first time in a long time it feels like it used to. When they were kids and in love. Her backs pressed against his door and one foot is also, causing her knee to bend outwards. He's leaning into her and one hand is against that same door. They used to stand like this in the halls; only not half naked. She would be in her cheer uniform and he'd either be in his dress shirt and slacks or his basketball uniform. She'd run her hands through his hair or thread his undone die through her fingers. He'd run one of his fingers along the exposed flesh where her shirt and skirt met.
He shakes his head; those same thoughts standing out. "No, the other one", he teases back. "Gorgeous girl – crazy blonde curls, intense green eyes, and killer legs", he says with a thick voice. His free hand lands on her kneecap and she bites her lip at the feel of his calloused hand working its way up to her thigh.
His touch sparks a fire that's been smoldering for years. Her hands reach out and she unties the drawstring of his flannel pajama pants. He bites his lip to keep his the noises from escaping his mouth. The clothing pools to the floor and he hooks her leg around his waist. His erection presses against her core and she throws her head back before finding his lips.
Its pain and pleasure wrapped into one. It feels so unbelievably good to be this close to him again, but it's still not enough. She wants to become him. To be one with him. Which is why she leaves his lips and moves down his neck.
"I need you Luke", she whispers between kisses.
He pushes further into her and she lets out a cry of delight. The friction is too much and causes Lucas to grunt loudly. He kisses her neck and his other hand leaves the door in order to massage her breast. It's great, but she still needs more. She hooks her fingers into the brim of his boxer briefs and whimpers almost in pain;
"I need to feel you."
Fall on me
Tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you forever in me
Ever the same
He stops his actions and cups her face in his large hands. His nose nuzzles against her own and he places gentle kisses to her cheeks and lips. He wants this to mean something.
He needs this to mean everything.
"I'm still in love with you", he whispers passionately.
Her eyes instantly water and she opens her mouth. The words are there, at the back of her throat. She loves him. Obviously she loves him. But she doesn't say them back. Instead she rocks her hips forward and kisses his neck slowly. He makes a small amount of space between their bodies and she pushes the underwear down to his thighs; it's up to him to remove them the rest of the way and he accomplishes the task flawlessly.
He trails his hand up her leg and to her thigh before cupping her ass and moving his hand inwards. She's as wet as he is hard and he lets out a deep breath. His hand grabs her other leg and once both her feet are off the floor he carries them to his bed. He lays her atop it and her hair creates a halo around her head that makes him suck in a breath.
When she came here tonight she never would have guessed that they would be doing this. Or about to be doing this. Lucas crawls up the bed and along her body. His two fingers dance along the rim of her thong. She arches her back in a swift motion they're off and thrown somewhere.
She needs more.
She'll always need more.
She lifts her head and kisses him again. It isn't lost on him that she never said it back. He told her he loved her – he was still in love with her and she tried to deflect it. He wants to ignore the pang in his heart, but he can't. Lucas reciprocates the kiss because really, how can he not?
Her nails rake down his back and the muscles quiver under her touch. His mouth lays kisses over her collar bone and the hollow of her throat before working down. The cleavage of her breasts and her stomach are showered with hot, open mouth kisses and then his tongue trails its way back up. Her lotion is mixed with her sweat and its quote possibly the most delicious thing he's ever tasted.
He takes one of her breasts into his mouth and she's lost. After that it's a haze of kisses and touches and gasps. Strokes and moans. Panting and the best kind of giggles.
But it all stops when he enters her.
It's been five long years since they've done this and he has no idea why. They fit together so perfectly that it just makes sense. She sighs. This is exactly the closeness she's needed.
He pushes in and out of her and she moans his name like a song a repeat. It's his own personal soundtrack that he'll never get tired of hearing.
She moans louder and her breaths quicken. When he feels her tighten and then relax around him it fills him with such a blissful hysteria that he cries out and bites down near her collar bone. Two strokes later he's calling out her name and desperately trying to keep his steady arms locked so that he doesn't crush her.
He rolls to the side of the bed and takes her into his arms. They're breathing heavily and already sore in the best way. They don't speak a word, opting to let their breaths even and sleep to come.
He holds her close, petrified of what the morning will bring.
We would stand in the wind
We were free like water
Flowing down
Under the warmth of the sun
Now it's cold and we're scared
And we've both been shaken
Hey, look at us
Man, this doesn't need to be the end
The morning light peeks in through the half open curtain of the room. The birds chirp and a few cars drive the streets. Peyton groans at it all. The lights right in her eyes and the birds sound like they're on the damn windowsill. She goes to move away from the light and the twittering birds, but stops when she doesn't get too far.
Lucas's arm is draped across her bare stomach.
At first she relishes the feeling. Thinking that she could do this everyday. Wake up to this everyday. And then last night rushes back to her like a harsh wind. Him and her. The fighting and the yelling. The quiet words and whispers. The kisses and love making.
Him telling her he loved her.
Her body tenses and Lucas feels it, but he doesn't move. If she's tense it's bad. He acts like he's still sleeping. He lets her move his arm and squirm from his weight. When she tries to leave the bed he glides his hand to her wrist and grabs a hold of it.
"Come back to bed", it would sound like pleading if his voice wasn't filled with sleep. She shakes him off and shakes her head. He hears her mumble that she has to go.
"Don't freak out", he begs, no longer caring if he sounds pathetic. She gives him an incredulous stare as she stands in his room. She's still naked and his eyes fill with lust as they rake over her form. She searches for that black material desperately.
"Don't freak out", she mutters to herself while crossing the room. "You were married up until two weeks ago! How can I not freak out?" she trips over her shoes and makes a mental note to grab them before she leaves.
"Because I –"
"This was a mistake", she mumbles while looking for her dress. She had to cut him off because she knew what he was going to say. She doesn't watch the way his eyes fall.
He sits up in a rush and the sheet falls to his waist. He hates this. He hates that she does this. Last night was beautiful, everything he remembered it to be and more.
"No", he growls. "Do not say that!"
She ignores him and slips into her dress, not bothering to look for the only other article of clothing she wore. She grabs her shoes and heads for the door.
It doesn't close behind her and so Lucas sits in bed and watches as she run – flees – from his house . . .
From him . . .
From what they could be.
Just let me hold you while you're falling apart
Just let me hold you and we'll both fall down
She makes it the whole way back to Nathan and Haley's without crying. She still hasn't put on her shoes and her hairs a mess. This is the ultimate walk of shame. She walks up the driveway and is more then thankful that Julian's car isn't there. He insisted on getting a rental car because Peyton would freak out if he even mentioned driving the Comet.
She tiptoes into their house and heads straight to her room. Luckily, there's an adjoining bathroom so once she closes her door she heads to the shower. She does the whole thing without thinking or focusing. She's on autopilot.
She steps out of the shower and dries off. After putting on some old sweats she shuffles into the room and lies on the bed. It didn't help. She walked home and showered, but she can still smell him.
Everything about him floods her mind after that. The way he held her. the way he looked at her. The things he said to her. Her throat feels like its closing and her eyes sting. Her body shakes and she hugs a pillow close.
She breaks down.
She hears the front door open, but doesn't think it matters. She simply holds the pillow closer and buries her face into it to try and muffle the sobs that attack her body. She's so lost in her tears that she doesn't hear the door open.
When Brooke steps into the room the smile she wears disappears and her maternal instincts for Peyton kick in. she kicks off her heels and rushes to the bed. The second it dips down Peyton raises her head and Brooke frowns.
Her eyes are bloodshot and her face is blotchy. She can only assume that Peyton's been crying for hours – it's only been minutes. The brunette doesn't ask questions. She simply pulls the blonde into her arms and cradles her head against her chest; much like a mother holds her child.
She's only ever seen Peyton like this one time. When Lucas proposed to Lindsey. Brooke hopes he didn't do something to royally screw up, but she knows it has something to do with him. It always does. But, she still doesn't ask questions.
This is what Peyton needs.
Fall on me tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same
Call on me
I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me
Forever it's you
Forever in me
Ever the same
The next day she's sitting at the kitchen table with Haley. They're sipping coffee and talking quietly. It's still early and they don't want to wake any of the men in the house.
The petite brunette watches Peyton as she twirls the spoon around in the mug and rests her head in her other hand. She's been like this for a full day and it's odd. Peyton hasn't really shown the 'emo' side of her since she's come back.
"Is everything alright?" she asks because she cares for her friend and because it's her instinct as a mother to want to help. Peyton looks up, almost shocked, like she forgot Haley was sitting there.
The blonde nods. "Yeah", she sighs and then adds. "I'm just kind of sad about leaving", it's not a total lie. Her plane is set to leave in two days and she's dreading it. She doesn't want to leave Nathan or Haley or Brooke and Owen.
Haley knows on some level that's the truth, but it's not the only thing on Peyton's mind. She just wishes her friend would open up.
"I'm sad about you leaving too", she really doesn't want to leave the boy that just walked into the kitchen. He climbs into her lap and she rests her head atop his.
"I know, buddy", she whispers. Haley watches the scene with a heavy heart. Her son is so attached to the blonde women that it makes her want to cry for him whenever Peyton leaves.
"You know . . . you don't have to leave", she draws out. Peyton's eyes widen and so do Jamie's, but for different reasons. Haley shrugs innocently. The groups been talking in the recent days and all her friends have decided that she should stay in Tree Hill, it's her home.
"Oh, but I have a job to get back to, Hales", Peyton says with a fake smile. She knows the game she's playing. Haley purposely brought this up in front of James because she thinks it'll make Peyton cave.
It's working.
It's not even so much everything Haley's been saying or her little tactic now. She really does hate leaving. These people are her family. This place is her home.
"Can't you work from your studio here?" Jamie asks with his big doe eyes. Peyton sighs. She can, without a doubt. But she has a lot of things she would need to take care of in Los Angeles before she made any big decisions like moving.
"I'll think about it", she says softly and James grins before looking at his mother. Haley smiles at him and winks at Peyton. The blonde figures that she could get a head start on the logistics for it in Tree Hill and when she gets back to LA she can talk to Chelsea. Right now, renovations are on her mind.
"I'll stay for another week."
Jamie's eyes light up and he jumps from her lap. He takes her larger hand into his smaller one and pulls her from the kitchen. They need to celebrate and a few games on his Wii is the way to do it.
Once they leave Haley's on the phone with Brooke.
You may need me there
To carry all your weight
But you're no burden I assure
You tide me over
With a warmth I'll not forget
But I can only give you love
It's halftime as she walks the halls of her high school. She's here for the first game back after Christmas break. It's been 9 days since she and Lucas have slept together and 9 days since she's spoken to him.
The Raven's are doing great and it's all because of Lucas; with help from Nathan and Skills. But she sees Lucas in the way the players run and shoot and laugh on the court. He's an amazing mentor and coach and she's proud to be able to see him in his element.
She's so used to watching Lucas Scott the star player that watching Lucas Scott the coach makes her realize how far they've all come.
She feels daring and so after passing her old locker she timidly steps into the coach's office – Lucas's office. She's instantly hit with a memory.
She sat in the chair for fifteen minutes in silence. Coach Durham wasn't a man of many words. She still didn't know why she was here. She was more then glad when she heard his voice.
"You wanted to see me coach?"
"Take a seat next to your partner here", Whitey motioned to the empty chair beside the blonde and Lucas stepped into the room. Peyton glanced at him and he tilted his head in confusion until the realization set it.
He sat beside her and they both ignored the chill they felt when Lucas accidentally brushed against her elbow.
"Well now Bonnie and Clyde", she laughed to try and break the mood. "I guess you're wondering why I called you here?" they could only share a look.
Lucas loosens his tie slightly and walks into his office. He stops short and holds his breath. He hasn't talked to her in over a week and he needs to talk to her. He's seen her in the stands and he's grateful that she's here, but he knows it has a lot to do with his godson.
"Hey", he says and she spins around to face him. A small smile makes its way across her face and Lucas can feel his heart pound in his ears. "I've wanted to talk to you."
That smile falls. He doesn't waste any time. She clears her throat and says; "I don't know that there's anything to talk about", he rolls his eyes.
"Peyton, I want to be with you", he says simply. Her eyes widen and she swallows back the sudden burn in her throat. She doesn't want to talk about this, but she knows it's way past the point of childish.
"Luke, there's just so much – you're newly divorced and Julian –" she doesn't know why she brings it up; he hasn't even been in Tree Hill for days; he left the day she was supposed to.
"You said you and Julian weren't together?" he cuts her off with a pensive stare. She shakes her head.
"We're not, but it's still complicated", she doesn't know any other way to say it. She isn't with Julian, but he wants to be back together. Of course she can't tell Lucas that.
His frustration boils over. He's tried to be patient because he knows it's hard for her to trust him, but she hasn't given him a legitimate reason. He's got a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach and that's what sparks his outburst;
"I don't get it, Peyton! You're mad that I get married and you're mad that I tell you I love you? Why can't I ever win with you and why does Julian play such a big role if you're not together?!"
She closes her eyes and the words spill from her mouth before she can stop them.
"We used to date", the wind is knocked out of him and he runs a hand through his hair.
"Was it serious?" he doesn't know why he asks or if it'll make a difference, but he wants to know. She bites her lip and looks at him. She's already too far in to back out or lie now.
"We were in love."
Fall on me tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same
Call on me
I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me
Forever it's you
Forever in me
Ever the same
He stares at her in shock. She had been in love with another person. He swallows hard and looks away – not wanting her to see the tears.
"I have some plays I need to go over", he mumbles and walks away from her. She makes a face and shakes her head.
"Lucas, it was –"
"I really need to get these plays down", he cuts her off with a hard look and she backs away. She thought he might take it hard, but she didn't expect it to go this badly.
As she walks through the hallway she passes Nathan and he tries to say something to her, but she keeps moving. The dark haired Scott makes it to Lucas's door in time to see his brother hurl his coffee – and sometimes whiskey – mug across the room.
"What's going on?" he questions, although he guesses it has everything to do with Peyton. His brother shakes his head.
"Nothing, let's go", he snaps and walks out the door with Nathan following. By the time he's back on the court and ref has blown the whistle he's completely furious. She's been in love before. She's brought Julian around Tree Hill. Julian is working on his movie. He looks up and catches her eye. She tries to smile, but he turns his head.
After that it all hits the fan.
She stands in the bleachers as the boys run along the court in their white and blue uniforms. Quentin, the player Haley had told her about gets fouled and it's even more serious because he's already got a cast around his wrist.
The ref, for whatever reason doesn't call foul – it's out of bounds. Lucas marches to him and yells something that none of them can here. It's serious though because he's got his hand raised and he's pointing to the court. The ref doesn't respond and the next thing she sees is the basketball hit the ground and fly into the air – almost making contact with the ceiling.
Her heart stops as the ref calls a technical foul. They still can't hear the words being passed and the gym is dead silent. The other player; the one who fouled Quentin, walks past and says something that sets Lucas off because he grabs the kid but his jersey and gets in his face.
It quickly becomes a flurry of players and whistles and coaches. Nathan charges over to his brother and Skills stays with Jamie. She, Haley, and Brooke exchange concerned and confused glances and they begin to walk down the bleachers. Peyton has a bad feeling that this has something to do with her.
Nathan pulls Lucas from the crowd and drags him away. He shrugs him off and when he looks up to his wife Haley raises and brow and Nathan shrugs. The girls stop and talk quietly about what they think could be the problem. Peyton leaves out the fact that she's told Lucas she was in love with his producer.
They're so engrossed in the conversation and the tidbits from Jamie; who's joined them, that they barley notice the volume in which the gym has taken. It's loud again and she doesn't know why. The fight's under control and she can assume that the game will begin soon. It isn't until Nathan takes off in a full sprint that her heart stops beating. Her green eyes follow him and once he stops her legs start moving.
Lucas is on the floor.
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same (Ever the same)
Let me know what you think!