Frigga knocked on Loki's chamber door again, this time with urgency. Still, there was no sound. There was neither the rustling of fabric or the echo of footsteps, nor the telltale shadow beneath the door. A heavy weight dropped into the pit of the Queen's stomach, and she burst into the room and found it empty.
"Oh shit." Frigga said. The servant behind her stared at the back of the Queen's head slack-jawed. In all her years of working in the palace, she'd never heard the Queen talk like that. Frigga ran to the back of the room and into the hidden passageway there. She ran, out of sight from prying eyes that might become alarmed by seeing of the Queen of Asgard in a panic. She reached the door that opened up behind the throne and scurried up behind her husband and whispered into his ear.
Odin stood there listening, and though he kept a smile plastered on his face, Thor could tell something was wrong. Odin stood there for a moment, carefully considering his next course of action before gesturing to Laufey to approach him. Laufey bowed to his King and only approached further when Odin invited him onto the dais.
"Loki has fled." Odin whispered.
"Oh no." Laufey said.
"Where would your son go at a time like this?" Odin asked. Laufey stared into space as he considered Loki's circumstances. He knew his son best and at a moment like this, when he was lost and needing comfort he always went to the same place.
"Yes. He is visiting his mother. In the woods near our farmhouse there is a clearing. At the center of it Loki and I buried an idol of his mother and planted irises there. He goes there to mourn and to speak to her during times of distress."
"I'll send out the guard to fetch him." Odin said.
"No my King. Do not do that. Let me fetch him. He is need of my guidance and he won't hear a word of it if there are dozen guards dragging him to the altar."
"Very well." Odin said. Hoguinn and Muninn took flight and soared out of the palace on a mission. Frigga guided Laufey to the hidden hallway to make a discreet and hasty exit. Odin then gestured for Thor to approach him.
"What is wrong?" Thor asked.
"Loki has taken ill. No-do not charge off to the healing hall. The people of Asgard are watching and we do not want to alarm everyone. The healers are seeing to him now but the ceremony will be delayed. I know you are concerned about him but you will only get in the way and you wouldn't be able to do anything to help."
"What is wrong with him?" Thor asked. Odin had to quickly consider which lie to spew out.
"Chicken pox."
"What? But that is a childhood illness."
"Loki never got it apparently. His whole body is covered in the pox and he doesn't want you to see him in that condition. The healers are applying a lotion and giving him a potion but it will take time to take effect." Odin said. Thor had a gut instinct that his father was lying to him, but there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it. Odin gestured for Thor to take up his position again on the dais.
"People of Asgard! I have an announcement to make. I regret to inform you that our precious Omega has taken ill. Now it is a minor concern but your prayers are appreciated. The ceremony will be delayed until the healers can address the malady. In the meantime, I do not wish all of you to sweat and hunger in the sun. Therefore, I call on the food purveyors to begin selling their wears to the masses now, to pass the time. When the ceremony is ready to commence, the great horns will blow, signaling all of you to return to the hall. Stay close dear citizens. This should not take long." Odin said.
XxXxXxXxXxX
It did not take long for Loki to reach his home via horseback, and for that he was grateful. The city had been mostly empty since everyone in town was gathered at the palace for the festivities. He guided the horse to the forest, following the trails made by wild animals until he reached his secret place. Laufey came here too on occasion, when he was missing his wife, but Loki was the one that tended the flowers. He dismounted, not caring if the horse wandered off or not, and knelt before the flowers feeling stranded and lost.
"Mother, please help me. I don't know what to do. They want to make me Queen. I can't do it. It's too big. I'm a fucking peasant. Everyone wants to fuck me. I don't feel safe." Loki sobbed into his hands. It wasn't long before a familiar pair of birds circled down and landed in front of him, looking up at him intently.
"Oh, my friends. I am glad to see you. I feel like you are the only people I can talk to, I mean, you aren't really people, but you do listen. I wish someone would listen to me. Thor tries but I feel like he and I both are slaves to our baser instincts. What is going to happen when the babies are born and our sex lives comes to a crashing halt? Only then will he and I even figure out if we like each other. I think I like him. He is nice…when he isn't ordering me around. And then what happens when he becomes King and I'm, I'll be the Queen? King's Consort? I know I'm unique and that I'm special, but I feel like a fucking freak. I'm a man that can grow breasts and give birth. I'm a man that craves sexual subjugation, and I can't even find it in myself to share that with Thor. He's already an arrogant brute. I'm sure he'd love nothing more than to delight in humiliating me. How can we have a successful marriage when I can't even share that most intimate part of myself with him? He'd laugh at me, and then tell his friends I'm sure." Loki said. He wiped away his tears and blew his nose with his handkerchief feeling a little better. He sang a lullaby his mother used to sing when he was small. It made him feel close to her. He wished, more than ever, that she was here to give him some advice.
He sat there thinking about his predicament as the horror of his stupidity washed over him. What was he going to do now? As if to answer his prayers, or damn him to hell, the sound of a fast approaching horse pricked up his ears. Loki turned and saw his father. He felt a mixture of relief and dread. He expected the scolding of his life.
Laufey dismounted and strolled up next to Loki with his hands in his pockets. He was acting rather casual given the circumstances and it confused him. Loki sat there and waited for him to speak.
"Loki my son, you know I love you and will always help you to succeed in life. It's not like you to do something rash, so I'm going to ask this question. What do you want in life?"
"I want to succeed on my own merits. I want to be loved and fall in love with someone deeply. I want to make the world a better place. I want, as any man does, to be happy."
"You impressed the King, learning how to read though you had no formal education and the Queen speaks highly of you. Imagine what you'll be able to do after a decade of proper education, which they are providing."
"I don't know if Thor really loves me, and I don't know how I feel about him."
"Is he kind to you? Does he beat you? Does he mock you?"
"He is kind. We have both mocked each other but that was before…I'm afraid to share the deeper parts of myself with him."
"Ah, so it is a matter of trust. Has he shared any deep secrets with you?"
"No."
"Then that is a good place to start. Have you told Thor of your concerns?"
"Only partially."
"So no."
"To address my concerns is to confess them, and that requires a leap of faith."
"Then have courage my son. Marriage can be scary, especially one like yours. You aren't just marrying Thor; you are marrying the Kingdom. You must put away this childishness. You are young and this mistake is forgivable but this marriage is not just about you anymore. To some your actions might be seen as selfish, and to some extent they are. But you are a smart boy. You always were. I know you understand the gravity of these new responsibilities that have been thrust upon you. So to that concern I will speak, you must think about the babes growing in your womb. Thor has done the honorable thing. He is marrying you and giving you and your children the protection of the crown. You need it. A lot has happened to you in a very short time span and you are forgetting how your actions are hurting the people that care about you."
"It's too much too fast!" Loki cried.
"You are overwhelmed, and that is understandable. But again I say to you, have courage. You are not without support. The Queen has offered a guiding hand. She will not abandon you. She will see you grow into a suitable replacement for her. That you have earned her vote of confidence speaks volumes about your suitability for the role. As for Thor, have a care to how you are hurting him. He may be the strongest warrior in the realm, but great men like him need someone soft and doting to come home to, to ease their weary hearts. And as King he'll need a Queen who is also cunning and diligent. You can be all those things for him my son."
"What if he doesn't even like me? Once the babies are born all of his lust will evaporate and all we'll have left is empty time for conversation. And what if I can't stand him?"
"Loki, I've met the lad. I think he is exactly what you need. And if you disagree with that assessment then I'll put another question to you. What is your alternative?"
"There is no alternative." Loki said. There it was. He wasn't getting out of this.
"See, I knew you were a smart boy. Loki, should your marriage be a chore, should there be no love between you and Thor, try at least to understand him. Try to cultivate a friendship. If love comes that is a blessing. And remember, as Queen, you'll finally have the power to make the changes you'd like to see in the world. Throw your mind and worries into that. You'll find peace there I think."
"I've really fucked up haven't I?"
"Yes. Hopefully it is not too late. I don't know what kind of tap dance the King is doing to keep the citizens entertained; I just hope it is a time consuming one. We need to hurry back."
"What in the hell am I going to say? They're going to be so mad at me."
"You can make your explanations and apologies later in private, after the public ceremony. I recommend honesty when that time comes. You and Thor clearly need to talk." Laufey said.
"I'll need a milking too by then." Loki said.