This is dumb. This is really dumb. Like really fucking stupid. I'm not doing this.
"I'm not doing this." Kevin called through the changing room door, his eyebrows scrunched in disgust and his breathing constricted in the tight costume. "Like not happening at all."
"Why the hell not?" Nazz opened the door and glared at him as she leaned on it. "This was your idea, why you bitching out?"
"I mean I tried to before I saw the costume and now it's even more of a no." He frowned harder as he glared at his reflection. "Like no. Edds gonna laugh at me. Also it's a boys only dressing room so fuck off."
"It's cute tho!" Nazz fought for her straight face. "I think he'll love it. And it's nothing new, I've seen you in dumb costumes before." Nazz winked as she fluffed out his cape.
Kevin was currently squeezed into the tightest superman costume imaginable, the collar pushing his Adam's apple somewhere near his gallbladder and making his crotch area a little more than uncomfortable. "Yeah I'm not down Nazz."
"Ugh you're such a child. If you don't do it we won't match" she pouted as she shoved him aside with her hip to admire her wonder woman costume in the mirror. "We always match."
"Go find out what Eddys gonna be and then match with him then." Kevin laughed as Nazz face instantly turned scarlet and he dodged the slap she aimed at his shoulder.
"Just for that, you're wearing it."she said vindictively as she snatched the tag off his costume. "Im gonna go buy these while you change."
She had danced out of the changing room before he could stop her and he sighed, convicted to his fate as he struggled to peel himself out of the damned costume.
He had always wanted to throw a crazy Halloween party, invite all the kids he grew up with, give Johnny a reason to leave his house here and there, but his dad had never let him. This year, Nazz had managed to coax the thought out of him and ran with it, deciding against Kevin's better judgment to actually throw it and was currently in the process of humiliating him in every dumb costume she could find.
But, all in all dumb costume aside, it really wasn't what was making Kevin so reluctant about the entire thing.
No, reluctant wasn't the right word, nervous, apprehensive? Kevin didn't even know the meaning of that word before Edd. Maybe protective.
Kevin knew he was in love with Edd, knew he had been for years, it had just become something he had accepted about himself, just a fact. He had red hair, hated khaki pants and was in love with Eddward Vincent. It was always strange though, growing up with such a metaphorical distance between himself and the younger boy, watching his wide blue eyes and soft white skin from across the lane or on the other side of the park, separated by social circles, he always burned with such a deep heat that never was really soothed by his brief interactions with him, and he had always wondered if they had been close if the burn would have been soothed, like a calming balm.
But, as Kevin had learned in an irritatingly painful lesson, his new blossoming friendship with Edd had done nothing to calm the fluttering of his heart at the sweet boys proximity, had merely fanned the flames that engulfed him when he was graced with a gapped tooth smile. He wasn't a balm, he was gasoline, feeding into Kevin's sleepless nights and constant yearning.
Kevin sighed as he finally got the costume off and pulled on his hoodie, laziness prompting him to wear it in lieu of an actual shirt. No, spending all his time with him had done nothing to help him.
Kevin knew Edd was fragile. Anyone with eyes could tell the kid was made of glass, the way he shivered in his giant sweaters and the way he twitched whenever anyone so much as looked his way. Kevin found it more endearing than anything, an excuse to place a hand on his thin shoulder and feel the heat radiating through his thick sweater whenever he was lost in his thoughts. He still found his throat constricted when he thought about how he managed to gather enough balls to rest his arm across Edds shoulders. But when he found Edd alone, nearly coming to pieces on himself in the midst of what Eddy called an "anxiety attack", it tugged on something deep inside Kevin he had never really felt for anyone. An insane need to hold something close and protect it, and tear off the arm of anyone who threatened to come near it. Kevin was beyond fucked and he knew it at this point.
He knew he was being irrational around Edd now, constantly checking on him though he hadn't moved off his couch for an hour, texting him nearly constantly through the day to make sure he was alright, almost sitting in the poor kids lap during lunch. He didn't know how Edd was handling his sudden shadowing but he couldn't help himself. Edd drove him fucking crazy and he would almost hate it if Edd didn't smile at him the way he did.
Which made Nazz's insistence about this stupid party all the worse in Kevin's mind. Sure it was just kids from school and around the cul-de-sac, but there would be loud noises and people in masks and alcohol and as much as Kevin hated being a mother hen the idea of Edd anywhere that could emotionally upset him made Kevin's stomach churn.
Swallowing his doubt, he instead left the dressing room, the dumb costume back in its bag and Nazz leaning against the door of the cheap costume shop, about twelve bags of junk surrounding her and she looked up with a too bright grin when she saw him.
"The hell did you buy?" Kevin toed one of the bags open to reveal an unhealthy amount of candy to drop the costume on top.
"Decorations, candy, like thirty bucks of plastic spiders, essentials." Nazzy's smile began to drop as she looked up at him. Kevin tried to cover it by bending and picking up as many of her bags as he could, only to have her tiny foot step on them to stop him.
"What's wrong?" Her face actually looked serious for once in her life. "Are you seriously that bummed about the costume?"
"No, I don't care about the costume." Kevin nudged her foot off and stood taking all of Nazz's nonsense to her mothers car parked outside the store. "I'm kinda still nervous about Edd even being there."
"Why? He'll have you there all night. Plus Eddy and Ed will be there, so it's not like he's gonna be alone or anything." Her lower lip disappeared into her teeth as Kevin avoided her gaze as best as he could, shoving bags into the car. "Are you still freaked out over that one time he panicked at school? Eddy said that happens, plus you'll be there, and he usually does so well around you, you know?"
"I mean I guess." Kevin slammed the door and walked over to the passenger side. "I don't know why I'm so twisted up about it tho. I'm willing to bet money he's never been to a party before too."
"Nah, Eddy throws them all the time. I'm sure he'll be fine Kev." Nazz flung herself into the drivers seat and looked back at him. "We must have faith young grasshopper."
"You're annoying." Kevin answered her, smiling as she let out a bark of laughter and pulled out of the parking lot. "And you would know about Eddy's partying habits wouldn't you? You're obsessed." Kevin laughed as Naz's face flushed scarlet and her eyes narrowed in his direction.
"Oh I'm obsessed? That's rich coming from someone who's panicking about his crush being at a party." Naz took a turn too sharp and laughed vindictively as Kevin's arm slipped off the door and the side of his head hit the window.
"That's what you get." She giggled again as Kevin scowled at her, the anxiety gnawing it's way back up his throat.
"Whatever."
Oh lord. It's ridiculous, it's ludicrous it's absurd!
" I'm not entirely comfortable!" Edd called through his bedroom door, staring at his full length reflection at the horrific costume Eddy was trying to coerce him into.
"It's not even that bad Sockhead!" Eddy barreled into the room and stood next to Edd in the mirror in a matching costume. "Were skeletons! Plus it's funny because you're actually a skeleton."
"It's hard for me to put on weight Eddy, and I don't appreciate your insensitive commentary on the fact." Edd narrowed his eyes at his short friend as Eddy turned and admired his reflection in his mirror. "Must it be so form fitting? I never thought I'd feel so exposed with so much fabric on."
"Don't be a baby Double Dee." Eddy was practically vibrating with energy beside him and Edd felt a momentary flash of envy the way he usually did when his friends were excited about something that filled Edd with dread to his very core. He of course was thrilled to be invited to Kevin's Halloween party, more thrilled on a personal level at how Kevin had smoothly slid the flyer into his hands as he left their study session the week before, all green eyes and low gravelly voice telling him he better be there or else, dork.
"I'm trying Eddy." Edd finally answered him, sighing with resignation, choosing to ignore the apology forming on Eddys face and turning away to carefully collect his phone and house keys, refusing to ruin his friends night by being over sensitive. He was saved the talking to from Eddy by Ed bounding into the room, his matching costume slightly rumpled and his red hair wild on his head. Edd could tell he had already consumed a ridiculous amount of candy and a touch of the alcohol Eddy had smuggled from his parents house and he laughed as Eddy let out a growl of frustration when Ed collided with him, messing up his hair in the process.
"God Lumpy, take up some space why don't you." Eddy shoved Ed with a bony hip that barely came up to Ed's mid thigh and didn't seem to faze the taller boy at all.
"You can't stop the pre-game Eddy!" Edd bellowed in return, returning the hip check that slammed into Eddy's upper arm and sent him flying through Edds room and into his desk. Edds anxiety instantly flared up at he remembered the ant farm incident and all but shoved his essentials into the pockets on his ridiculously tight costume.
"Alright lads, out. We need to get going anyways." He ducked under Ed's arm and all but frog marched Eddy from the room, closing it carefully as Ed bounded out behind him.
"Damn Double Dee, is someone a little eager to go be a degenerate with the rest of us?" Eddy's grin was nearly maniacal as he danced down the stairs ahead of Edd. "You know we're all gonna make you drink right?"
"I firmly refuse Eddy" Edd threw back with a dirty look. "You know I am the last person who needs to have a lowered control of my mental facilities-"
"Alcohol is fun Double Dee!" Ed interrupted him him as he slid down the banister and landed on the ground floor. Edd could practically hear his parents having an aneurysm over how his friends behaved in their absence. "Plus you need to loosen up! It's Halloween!"
"Come on man, you need to at least take a shot with us." Eddy pulled out his phone as his ringer began to screech an annoying top 40's song and he all but shoved Edd out his front door into the night as he answered his phone. "Yo."
"One shot." Edd answered with eyes narrowed even as Ed nearly exploded with joy. "Im not going to lose track of myself. I still need to escort you and Eddy home, and lord knows you two don't have an iota of self control at these things."
"Self control is for chumps!" Ed agreed loudly, looking so happy Edd even cracked a smile.
"We're going, we're going, literally across the street." Eddy hung up and moved his short legs quicker, Edd hurrying to keep up. "C'mon, Naz is already buggin, we gotta go."
A pale knot of anxiety suddenly attacked Edds windpipe and his vision went fuzzy along the edges as his feet carried him closer to Kevin's front door. His costume was much too tight, he would never be able to breathe-
Though before he could finish his worrying thought, the door swung open and the loud music and blinking lights assaulted Edds senses, momentarily wiping away his panic. Naz stood is he doorway, her bright costume catching the flickering strobe light and her smile just as blinding as she grinned at them. "Eddy! You're finally here! I'm so glad you guys could come! Come on in!" Mega watt smile still in place, she snatched Eddys arm and all but dragged him into the house. Edd looked up at Ed and watched his taller friend roll his eyes at them before he shot a grin down at Edd, leading the way into the party.
Edd followed behind Ed as closely as he can, navigating as best he could through Kevin's dark house. He recognized most of everyone here, and he gave careful, close lipped smiles to everyone as they fawned over their matching outfits. Eddy had long disappeared, Naz dragging him somewhere else into the house. Edd quickly found a wall in the living room, sliding up against it the way he normally did and silently counted his pulse, nodding as Ed yelled something incoherent about the kitchen and bounded into the crowd.
Edd clenched his hands together and swallowed the deep breath he took between his teeth. Alone at a party. It was much too stimulating in the living room, the dark room with the bright lights and the music was too loud to hear Edd counting his pulse and if one more person brushed up against him he would scream.
Oh dear.
Shrinking his shoulders into himself as best as he could, he pushed off the wall and inched his way through the throngs of people to the kitchen, the bright light down the hallway acting as Edds beacon as he avoided the calls and smiles of people as he passed. As much as he would love to say hello to Johnny and compliment his Wolverine costume for the third year in a row he just didn't have it in him.
His teeth were beginning to chatter and his vision was misting over as he ducked beneath someone's arm and sidestepped Sarah as she stumbled out of the kitchen, clutching a bottle of clear liquor to her chest as Eds bellowing voice followed her out.
"You can't handle your booze, don't take the Everclear, dumbass!"
Edd made it into the kitchen to see Ed seated on the counter, frown from yelling at Sarah still in place and a bottle of something in his hand.
"Ed, I'm not sure this was such a good idea," Edd tried past his chattering teeth. "It's so crowded, and it's so noisy, I don't even know where Eddy went-"
Ed laughed loudly, taking a giant swill of his beer and jumping off the counter, opening the fridge with his foot and pulling out a bottle of malt liquor. "You just aren't drunk yet! Plus we just got here Double D, loosen up! Here," Ed leaned back into the fridge and pulled out a tray of Jell-O shots. "Have one of these too, while you're here."
Edds hands flew up in a panic as he stared at the proffered alcohol. "Ed, no, are you crazy? I had previously stated I wasn't going to partake in drinking!-"
"Yeah Edd, you always say that, and you know you relax with alcohol." Ed shoved two shots in his hand and smiled reassuringly. "Trust me man, you'll feel better once you're on everyone else's level."
Edds heart leaped into his chest as Ed took off the lid on the shot and all but shoved it into his mouth. His closed up throat fought against the jiggly goo that slithered down his throat, but he swallowed it obediently, the taste making his eyes water.
Messy messy messy.
He barely had enough time to cringe at the onslaught of alcohol before he rolled his eyes at Eds eager grin and throwing back the second shot. Edd hated the taste of liquor and chased it with his sweet malt liquor, not effectively helping the taste but making his shudder stop.
"There ya go champ!" Ed laughed and slapped Edd on the shoulder, sending Edd teetering about as his hand came up to catch his glasses as they slipped off his nose. "You'll feel better as soon as you drink a little." Ed snatched three more bottles of something out of the fridge and bounced out of the kitchen, leaving Edd staring off after his holding his bottle and two empty shot cups.
"Oh wonderful." Edd sighed as he tossed the cups in the trash can. Back to being alone at a party, and with alcohol in his system no less. Edd hated losing control of his motor functions, it made his anxiety so much worse, he watched his hands begin to shake as he clutched the bottle closer to him, taking a hesitant sip and sighing. He needed to find somewhere quiet. Or drink more. But quiet would be best. Ed was right, Edd was more relaxed when he drank, but to avoid habit and ruining his teeth he rarely did.
And as a result, was a bit of a lightweight, as Eddy affectionately called him. Two Jell-O shots and half a bottle of Smirnoff ice and his head was already swimming. Edd shuddered, remembering the one and only time he had let Eddy convince him to actually get drunk and after two beers and three shots he had spent the night violently vomiting out of Eds basement.
He was so focused as he wandered out of the kitchen to find somewhere else to sit that he wasn't watching where he was going, as a result his retreat from the kitchen was stopped short as he collided with a gigantic mass of someone's back.
He stumbled back a few steps and fumbled with his bottle, trying not to drop it and push his glasses back up all at the same time. The mountain he had crashed into was clad in a too tight letterman jacket with blonde curls curling around the neck. He turned around with red and hazy blue eyes and smeared zombie makeup and focused on Edd, his eyes narrowing as Edds throats closed up almost entirely.
"P-p-pardon me gent." Edds lips felt too dry suddenly to form sentences, his tongue too thick to force his vocal cords to offer much sound. He was backing up slowly as the giant blonde football player turned fully, his grease paint smeared face squinting to focus on him. Edds brain was beginning to fill with the thick ugly fog as his vision tunneled to focus on the bloodshot blue eyes looking at him like he was food.
"Hey Jack!" A deep voice from Edds left cut through the haze as Edd was gently pushed aside, the hand feather soft on his shoulder as he was guided out of the way. Edds feet obeyed the silent command immediately, falling behind the shadow that draped over him as it stepped between him and the mountain.
"What?" The blonde giant, Jack apparently, slurred, turning his attention to the shadow that now had his hand resting on one of Edds shoulders.
"Edd here didn't mean anything!" Edd recognized the jovial voice as Kevin, the rich tenor of his voice soothing Edds frazzled nerves as the hand that guided him away rested across his shoulders, the large hand coming down on his arm and Edds forehead began to sweat as his breathing sped up. Kevin's proximity was already beginning to play hell with his nerves and he had just showed up.
"He pushed me." Jack growled, swaying near Kevin and draining the rest of the drink in his hand.
"My boys just a bit clumsy man, lighten up." Kevin laughed, tugging Edd closer to his side and Edd nearly fainted as the warmth of Kevin's chest came into contact with his cheek. Clumsy?! How on earth could Kevin say things so casually? If Edd ever admitted to being clumsy or even implied it around people he'd burst into flames on the spot.
"Here." The nearly full drink was plucked from Edds limp fingers and Edds eyes managed to focus again as he watched Kevin hand Jack the drink, his shoulders relaxing against Edd as Jack began to drink, turning around slowly and apparently forgetting about them altogether. Edd forced himself to inhale as the taste of blood filled his mouth from where he had nearly bitten through his lip.
Edds equilibrium returned as the world righted itself on its axis as Kevin sighed and released him, taking his wrist and pulling him further into the kitchen. Edd finally managed to look at him, wrapped in a snug super hero costume and a pair of thick plastic glasses framing his brilliant green eyes. Edds throat itched with longing as Kevin leaned over to pull something out of the fridge, the long lines of his shoulders stretching under the fabric.
"Here Dee, sorry I snagged your drink, Jack's kind of a violent drunk, just wanted to avoid that." Kevin handed Edd another bottle of something, a soft smile gracing his features as his eyes roamed over Edd in a way that made Edds feet go numb. "I like your costume, it looks way better on you than it does on Eddy."
Edds cheeks flared with a heated blush as the compliment threatened to shut his brain off completely. He needed to get himself under control, he couldn't just stand here shaking in front of Kevin, gorgeous, sweet Kevin who had saved him from whatever the blonde mountain was planning on.
"You do know superman and Clark Kent are two separate costumes right?"
Edd wanted to slap himself as he nearly bit his tongue in half. That's what he came up with to say to Kevin? What was wrong with him-
Kevin laughed loudly, throwing his head back and taking a shot of something he had poured when Edd wasn't looking. "There he is, the sass has returned." Kevin grinned and Edds panic began to ebb as Kevin continued to shake his head with chuckles. "Yeah I do, but I had these lying around and figured no one would get it." Kevin's eyes lowered and he took two steps into Edds personal space, the smell of cologne and whisky flooding Edds nose as his muscles locked and his lips parted unconsciously as Kevin looked down at him. "Guess I underestimated you again huh?"
Edd floundered for an answer, still trying to form a sentence past his crooked teeth when Kevin raised a finger and pushed up his glasses with his pointer finger, startling a flinch out of Edd.
"I'm glad you're here though." Kevin's face was still in a warm smile, green eyes boring into Edds forehead as Edds fingers turned white with the force with which he clutched the bottle to him. "You having fun?"
It's just Kevin, it's just Kevin, kind, quiet, beautiful Kevin who you speak to every day, it's just kevin, he's safe, he's not going to be cruel-
"I am indeed Kevin," Edd finally managed, knowing he made the right choice as Kevin's eyes softened and his head tilted, his feet not carrying him any further away from Edd. "Just a touch crowded." Edd hadn't realized his arms had wound around himself until he couldn't lock them whilst still holding the bottle. In a fit of nerves he lifted the bottle and swallowed half of it, blinking between counts of his heartbeat.
"It kinda is huh?" Kevin tossed a look back towards the living room and ran his tongue over his teeth, the motion capturing Edds attention and making his focus zero in on the sight. "More people showed up than I expected. Let's go somewhere quiet yeah?" The green eyes, framed by his stupid thick glasses were back on him now, soft and slightly fuzzy with the alcohol Kevin had consumed.
Edd felt like his skin would nearly burst into flames as his vodka scented breath ghosted over his face. The kitchen was suddenly much too bright.
"Quiet, Kevin?" Edd forced the question out between stilted breaths, blushing when he nearly spilled his drink down the front of his costume in his haste to take another swallow. The room was beginning to slightly tilt.
"Yeah, lets go outside, it's kinda hot in here too huh? I told Naz this costume wasn't a good idea."
"I think it looks quite good on you actually." Edd wasn't sure when he had given his tongue authority to say that. Damn his lowered mental facilities.
Kevin didn't offer an answer to that, just a slow, crooked smile that spread like syrup as he took Edds wrist again and lead him out of the kitchen and into the living room, headed for the front door.
With Kevin's burning touch in his wrist through his costume, the living room was a completely different universe for Edd. The alcohol clouding his head slowing down the flashing lights into a manageable rhythm and warping the music to a dull and throbbing lullaby. People bouncing off his shoulders held no irritation to him, and his world was narrowed to the burn of Kevin's hand and the piercing sting of his lower finger pressing through his thin sleeve into a tiny cut that resided near the top of his wrist.
When they finally pushed past Sarah and Jimmy posted outside the door while Jimmy smoked, Sarah trying and failing to keep herself upright. The cold air and the scent of Jimmy's cigarette hit Edd in the face with a force he wasn't expecting and his equilibrium took another hit, his feet tripping over themselves as Kevin led him past the front gate and towards the gate of Eddys house, leaning on it casually and taking a swig of his alcohol.
Edd watched the breeze life the red strands in a dance across Kevin's forehead, the sure and steady fingers coming up once to shove them out of the way before those eyes focused on him again and he tilted his head to the left, offering Edd the spot on the fence.
Oh dear.
Edd shakily leaned on the fence, clenching his hands into his arms as he kept them crossed across his chest, clutching his bottle as closed to him as he could. He had no idea what do with himself now, he chanced a look at Kevin, who's eyes were trained across the street at his house, an inquisitive lift in his eyebrows.
Edd swallowed. He had to say something, the electricity humming between him and Kevin's warm shoulder was too much.
"So um, Kevin, how has your night been so far? I know we arrived a touch late."
Full sentences. Good for you.
Kevin didn't answer him right away, still staring across the street. "Where are your parents?"
Edds heart nearly fell out of his chest. What on earth? Kevin always politely avoided questions about his parents and listened to Edds stuttered excuses when he commented that the house was empty yet again. Perhaps he could blame the alcohol in his system, or the alcohol in his own as he swallowed another mouthful and floundered for an answer.
"They work quite extensively Kevin, they're both neurosurgeons, and their presence is high sought after throughout the country." Good, a solid well rehearsed answer that he'd given numerous times.
Though it didn't seem to sit well with Kevin as he continued to survey Edds dark house warily. Though if he found any fault with Edds answer, he didn't respond, instead he inhaled deeply and glanced at Edd, meeting his eyes for a beat before looking back ahead. "You know, dad never let me throw parties."
Edd blinked, his runaway thoughts coming to a screeching halt. As he thought back he realized Kevin was right, he never had seen a single party take place across the street from him, something quite odd for a member of the higher tier of social hierarchy. Usually the only ones in the cul-de-sac who hosted soirees at their own houses were Naz, Eddy and Jimmy on rare occasion. Though why Kevin chose to open with such a statement Edd hadn't the foggiest.
Kevin continued before he could answer though, "He never really let me do anything, I could barely hang out at Naz's place when he was sober, I had to wait till he was working or passed out somewhere to even leave, ya know?"
Edd bit his lip, unsure of where to step next. "I hate to imply that you're happier now, Kevin, but would I be correct in the assumption?" Edd watched Kevin's impassive face remain stony, and prayed he hadn't overstepped his boundaries.
He hadn't, as it seemed when Kevin turned to face him fully, one arm still on the fence as a slight breeze whispered by and rustled his hair across his forehead again. Edd shivered, unsure if from the wind or Kevin's heavy gaze.
"You could say that Dee. It's just, it's kinda weird." Kevin seemed too focused on something on Edds left shoulder at this point. "Death is weird."
Edds heart was nearly in his throat, surely Kevin could see it beating in his mouth. He forced a swallow and licked his mouth, one of his treacherous hands coming up to his pulse point to make sure his heart stayed exactly where it was supposed to be. "I would imagine so, I could let even begin to fathom what the death of a parent must feel like, much less both of them. My condolences Kevin."
Kevin shook off Edds words with his head, his eyes coming back to earth as he ran a hand through his hair and scratched at the back of his neck. Edd blinked, watching Kevin's nervous tick with a thick tongue before feeling sick and silly, of course Kevin was nervous, he's finally talking about his father for gods sake!
Messy messy messy.
"It's not that, it's just-" Edds breath caught in his throat as Kevin spoke again. "It's just, it's a shitty thought, but I mean the guy raised me, What's stopping me from turning out just like him ya know? Everything he touched turned to shit, what if I turn out the same way?" Kevin seemed stunned by his own response, a faint blush coloring his nose and spreading to his ears as he looked away again, draining the rest of his drink in one hurried gulp.
Edds heart nearly broke as he watched Kevin's expression fight for passiveness as clear emotional pain tore through him. Edd had never personally known Albert Barr, but he had known enough about him to know he was a callous and thoughtless man, more immersed in his own life than his sons, a son who had clearly needed more guidance than he had bothered to provide. Tears were threatening in Eddwards eyes as the lump in his throats solidified into concrete. Kevin would never be like his father, Kevin was sweet and gentle and beautiful and intelligent and fiery loyal and funny and Edd would do anything, anything at on all earth he could to make his eyes stop looking so pained-
Filled with a fierce wave of affection for the boy in front of him, and deciding for once in his life to have courage, Edd swallowed the last of his own bottle and let his gaze brain guide him nearer to Kevin's tall frame, those green eyes following the movement carefully, though Edd couldn't meet them if he tried.
"Personality traits are rarely hereditary Kevin." He chose his words carefully, keeping his eyes firmly trained on his shoes. He heard Kevin's steady breathing beside him and counted the beats in his head, unable to match his own. "Neither of my parents have the level of anxiety that I am cursed with, and though they are both intelligent, I don't know where their compassion has gone."
Edd nearly felt like he was going to pass out. He had never told anyone except Ed and Eddy, and even them he had made swear that they would never mention it out loud.m, regardless of the situation. He didn't look up at Kevin, too afraid he'd lose his nerve and stop talking.
"When I was younger, I was searching their medical histories to see just how my particular mental strains had come to be, and I discovered that my mother had two failed abortion attempts predating my birth."
He couldn't look, he just couldn't. As soon as the words had left his mouth the tears escaped as well, his chin wobbling dangerously as the familiar hate and anger began to fill his head as and numb his hands. He heard Kevin's sharp inhale and muttered curse, but couldn't open his eyes. He didn't want Kevin to look at him and see all of the cracks, the tears and the blinding white hot need to destroy spilling out of him. His thighs burned with yesterday's cuts and he dug his fingers into the fabric of his costume, tearing the scanned over lines and letting the pain engulf him.
Kevin seemed to sense that he was on the edge, and one large hand encircled his wrist, pulling it up off his thighs and pulling Edds head above the water with it. He opened his eyes in shock, seeing Kevin looking immeasurably sad as he took the wrist in both hands around his sleeve and stared at Edds cruelly bitten fingernails. Edds breathing slowed down, and he forced himself not to move, praying Kevin didn't jostle his sleeve enough to reveal the mess of skin below.
He seemed content, however, with the state of his nails as he dropped Kevin's wrist and pushed off the gate, stepping into Edds personal space once again, barely a breath between them as he stared down at him. Edd couldn't breathe, his chest fit to burst as Kevin's body heat rolled onto him in waves and his heady scent nearly sent him into cardiac arrest. Edd couldnt look up, still completely stuck on the the steady rise and fall of Kevin's Adam's apple that completely wiped Edds memory that he human body needed oxygen.
The distant music of Kevin's living room thudded on behind kevin, the lights casting multicolored shadows of the carved jawline. None of it seemed to reach Kevin's he brought a hand up beneath Edds chin, the gentle touch feeling like it burned at a thousand degrees as his head was softly forced up, sweat beginning to creep along his collar as his teeth sank into his lower lip. Kevin held him here for what seemed like eons before he moved, running his fingers along a burning path to his ears before curling around the back of his head, the long digits caressing the long curls they found once before it dropped.
"For what it's worth Dee, we can at least be glad they didn't get us right?"
The low rasp seemed to send an electric shock through him as he forced himself to nod, earning a slow lift of the left side of Kevin's mouth in a sardonic smirk before he blinked and looked down, nerves seeming to finally hit the redhead as he turned around, back towards his house.
"Come one Dee, let's go before someone thinks we're dead or something." He sent a wink over his shoulder before he began walking, never looking back, like he always did.
Edds pounding heart nearly pulled to a complete stop as he felt the earth open into a chasm and swallow him whole. What on earth was that? How could he have been so reckless to hand Kevin such a large piece of himself and making himself that much more vulnerable. He closed his hands into fists, the blood from his newly disturbed cuts on his thighs cooling beneath his costume. Somehow, he had managed to allow himself to fall completely and irrevocably in love with Kevin.
Oh dear god no.
I have no excuse for why this took so long, life just got in the way I guess. I'm so sorry I kept you all waiting, and I hope you still enjoy it as much.