Things are heating up ;) Thanks for the reviews! I love your feedback and I'm glad you enjoy reading the story.

Chapter 10

Boston 12 months ago

It was 11pm when Maggie walked into Meredith's apartment. The lights in the spare bed room where turned on. She knocked on the door and Meredith threw away two planks onto the pile of wood and paper in front of her "Christ! You scared me!"
"I brought chicken noodles. Mom made it." Maggie told her "She was afraid you wouldn't eat if she didn't make it for you"
Meredith sat on the floor surrounded by screws and planks and a glue. "I bought a crib today" All the parts were scattered across the floor.
"and you've done a terrible job at assembly" Maggie laughed and put down the soup onto the kitchen table before she sat down next to Maggie.
"Shut up! I just can't figure out how to read this plan" Meredith insisted. "I know I can do it!"
"Turn it around!" Maggie said and turned it by 180 degrees.
"It's a lot clearer now" Meredith nodded.
"I'll give you a hand! Go and eat dinner!" Maggie said and tried to work through the steps of the plan.
"Letting you stay here definitely had its perks" Meredith smirked while she unpacked the containers "but you need to move back with him, you can't hide in my apartment because you are afraid to answer his question"
"It's pretty close to the hospital" Maggie told her "I used to drive half way through town"
"It's almost like Seattle. We were all living in mom's house. Everyone lived there" Meredith sighed. She hadn't told Maggie anything about her life so far – not the important facts anyway.
"I thought you moved to Boston at a young age" Maggie said "Ellis started working at in 1983"
"Mom kept it. For some reason" Meredith nodded "Maybe she thought that things would work out and she and Richard would happen. I don't know – and then she got Alzheimer and she wanted to move back to Seattle. That's how I ended up there."
"and you met... jaysus, what's his name?" Maggie looked at the plan.
"Derek, yeah, first night... I had one or two too many and I should have listened to the bar tender... but I didn't. It's too long of a story to tell" Meredith giggled and got a spoon.
"He sounds like a great guy" Maggie looked at Meredith and jokingly added "the bartender"
"Joe was a great guy" Meredith nodded "He... I don't really want to talk about him, but I can tell you a few things about mom and once I told you a few things about her, you need to promise me that you will try to work things out with Dean."

Baltimore present day
Alex and Meredith sat in the back row during Derek's daily Monday meetings. Ever since the shooting he had summoned all the residents, interns and fellows to discuss 'the future of patient care' as he called it. "God complex?" Alex laughed when Derek mentioned the importance of interdisciplinary training while talking about his GSWs.
"Absolutely." Meredith nodded. Ever since he had gotten shot for the second time the nurses and female residents were squandering him even more –and his ego seemed to like that. Even though she had been his surgeon, Derek had not let her take care of his post op controls.
"Oh my gosh, he's great, isn't he?" Jo Wilson wondered. She was one of Meredith's interns. Alex and Meredith stared at her and started to laugh.
"I tend to disagree. Huge Ego." Meredith mumbled. His ego had been boosted even further since the shooting and she was still irritated that he had left against her advice. He had discharged himself from the hospital, had a drink 8 hours after he had been taken off the morphine drip and he drove to the hospital with a motor cycle now. The press conference had been broadcasted on national television and Derek was the celebrated hero.
"He was a lot more bearable when you weren't around." Alex told her. He had been quiet and miserable in Seattle.
"So this is my fault?" Meredith rolled her eyes.
"Sort of!" Alex told her "You saved him". She hated herself for saving him, and she hated him for putting her in a position where she had started to care what happens to him. She had the dream again: he had been in an accident and she watched him die. She woke up to this every other day.
"You're not helpful!" Meredith mumbled. Ever since the shooting, she had a hard time to get the pictures out of her head: Derek on her OR table, Derek and the press, Derek.
"I finished your charts." Wilson whispered and handed it over. It looked neat and clean.
"Thank you, Wilson! Can you check on the patient in 305 after this?" she wondered.
"Sure" Dr. Wilson nodded.
"Dr. Grey, can we have a word?" Derek wondered at the end of the meeting.
"What do you want now?" she wondered. They had not talked since the night at the bar. Meredith had watched him talk to the press about his act of heroism and about the amazing young surgeon that saved him. She was 'a testament to the high level of expertise and the extraordinary standard of care' in this hospital.
"Dr. Cho contacted me about her findings. I think we should discuss your trial." He insisted.
"You want to discuss my research?" she looked surprised. The last time they had talked he had almost jumped to the conclusion that Alex was the baby daddy.
"Would you like to discuss anything else?" he wondered. He knew the answer she wanted to give, but she swallowed. She still hadn't told him why she had left in a rush when they had talked in the bar, she couldn't tell him that she needed him to stop behaving the way she did, but she couldn't.
"No, I'm good." She said "I have surgery now, but we can discuss this later. I'll prepare the data." Short, professional, like they had never met, like she wasn't falling apart when she saw him.
"Who would have thought that we were working on the same problem all along." He sighed.
"Yeah, right. Crazy?" Meredith smiled. "We can go over it and we can call them if you think you'd like to have a look at this." She was safe. He was not suspecting anything and she needed to take a step back. She was not his knight in shining armour – and he needed to learn to look after himself..

Boston 12 months ago
Code Black. The ER was over crowded and Meredith was lucky to get a trauma room for her incoming patient. One surgery a day, the ER and a few hours in the lab was her routine for now. She was showing and she needed time to rest. The nausea had passed weeks ago and she By now she knew what to do, when to request something. She was good, her instincts were intact and her interns were starting to be helpful. "Okay, I got this. I need an emergency surgical tray! We don't have time to get her into an OR. She has a pneumothorax that needs to be fixed now." Meredith was confident, she loved covering the ER.
"Here you go!" Dr. Cho handed her all the required instruments.
"On my count: 1,2,3!" she told her and the intern lifted the body a little bit.
"She's back. Vitals look okay!" Meredith smiled. "Get her to the CT, I'll call them upstairs and tell them we are coming. If you notice any irregularities on your way up, you take her to the OR, you skip CT and page neuro and trauma. I'll notify the police."
"I can do that honey." One of the nurses offered.
"It's protocol, it's fine. Can you track down her parents?" Meredith wondered.

Baltimore present day

An illusion of a happy family. Alex looked at Meredith and Derek. They were smiling and chatting. It seemed like a daydream. Meredith and Derek sat in the cafeteria. It was the only time slot they had managed to find –so the lunch break she usually took with Ellis had to double with research time. Meredith held Ellis while Derek fed Zola. She needed to hold her to calm herself down. "You did a pretty good job with her. She's amazing." He told her. There were two versions of Meredith: One with Ellis –and one in the OR – the cold one. He liked both of them – he knew both of them. In the OR Meredith was aloof, there was nothing that could stop her –and he liked that fire. With Ellis on the other hand she was sweet and soft, but he knew that he had to stop feeling the way he did.
"She is. I'm glad I had her." Meredith smiled. Ellis was the reason she got up in the morning – or at night when she was teething or having a nightmare.
"Her dad must be really proud." Derek nodded. He wanted to ask her who the father was, but she had avoided the topic so much, he figured she didn't want to talk about it. He knew that the father knew about her. He would have loved to be the father, but he knew he was jealous, he needed to breathe, he didn't know how to breathe in a world where Meredith Grey had a child with someone else.
"I'm sure he is." she nodded and looked at him. People were talking about them anyway. Some people had found out that they had been married, the nurses loved to talk about it. There were a couple of rumours, but it seemed like Derek really was incapable of putting things together. He was busy trying to tame Zola, so at least there was a valid excuse why he hadn't figured out many things a long time before. She handed over the charts and tables she had put together to present Dr. Cho's findings.
"Why General?" he wondered.
"I'm a good general surgeon. Think of it as a brand." She laughed. He knew her well enough to know that she didn't need a brand; that she was talented enough to stand on her own two feet, but he chose not to bring it up.
"You hated your mother –and you would have been an extraordinary neurosurgeon." He said. It was a compliment. They both knew it was a compliment.
"Like you?" she giggled.
"Like me, except, I'm really ordinary these days." He sighed. "I watch a lot of children's television, I get up at least once a night to take care of Zola. I'm trying to move on, but it's hard."
"You won a Harper Avery Award." Meredith reminded him "so ordinary."
"With a simple idea! You made a discovery that could be a game changer." He complimented her "this is incredible. This might actually be a way to heal..."
"Baby steps, Dr. Shepherd" Meredith insisted "We could work on this though, and we might find out what's causing it" If they figured out the reason why things happened the way they did, they might be able to fix it.

Boston 12 months ago
"I found her mother. Her name is Stacey. She ran away from home three weeks ago –" the nurse told Meredith and led her to one of the officers "she's been staying on the street. She went to rehab for six months last year."
"Drugs?" Meredith wondered.
"Narcotics" the nurse clarified.
"We have to notify the OR." Meredith told her. "Call them. They need to know. I'll talk to the police"
"My wife is at 25 weeks and complains about the back pain even though she has a nice job in an office. You must be exhausted" the officer told her. Meredith looked up and smiled.
"I get by." Meredith she said politely "You wanted to talk to me about Stacey McGillian"
"Yes, there will be more officers here soon" he told her "she'll go into witness protection, if she wants to live. She jumped out of a window, third floor. We think she was being held there."
"What happened?"
"Nobody talked to you?" the officer wondered. The ambulance had found her in front of a infamous house in the north side.
"No, and that's all right" Meredith smiled "I'll set you up with all the necessary contacts and make sure she's moved to a secured ward"

Baltimore present day

In the beginning Meredith's patient had been stable, but now she needed help. A neuro consult had been called and Derek showed up in the OR. She hadn't cleared him to operate yet, but it seemed obvious that he didn't care. The bullet wound had not healed yet and she thought that it wasn't a good idea, but Derek's ego overruled her decision. He had told her he was fine too many times –and she knew something was wrong. Meredith looked at Derek who was at the end of a 36h shift. "You are sweating." There were only three towels and Meredith knew that Derek needed more. It was the third emergency surgery he had been paged to and one of the nurses must have forgotten to prep the OR properly when he came in. "Let me check you!"
Meredith took of her glove and felt his temperature. "Dr. Wilson, take over for me please. I'll take over for Dr. Shepherd. You need to learn how to look after yourself" She was still mad that he had left against her advice.
"No, Dr. Wilson, you'll take over for me. I'll walk you through the procedure." Derek insisted. "We'll try a new method of teaching, Dr. Grey, the residency director strongly encourages it. Let's see whether you are open to this. Whatever you do with your hands, you do it with your words now. If there's a problem describe it." Meredith rolled her eyes when she left to scrub again. She wanted to yell at him 'Told you so' is what she wanted to say, but a situation like this was the wrong one to start to argue with her boss.
"Are you sure? I'm just an intern." Wilson insisted. She would have been more comfortable with Dr. Grey's proposal, but after all he was the Chief of surgery.
"What's happening now?" a nurse wondered.
"Dr. Shepherd is going to step away from the table now and Dr. Wilson will take over for him" Meredith told her. She wanted to yell at him, but she couldn't. If she yelled at him now, she would destroy whatever little confidence Wilson had."Dr. Shepherd, you really need to learn how to look after yourself or you are going to get yourself killed!"
"Wilson, look at me, I wouldn't ask you if I wasn't sure that you couldn't do this." Derek told the intern. "I'm fine, Dr. Grey"
"Steady hands! That's the most important things. If you have used a syringe before, you are fine." Meredith assured her intern. She looked at Derek who sat down next to them.
"Okay, insert the syringe, push it down a little bit until you feel a little resistance" he explained to her. Both he and Meredith held their breath. It was a vital step, you either got it right or you caused major brain damage "You are in. Well done!" Meredith smiled. "Stop for a second and breathe, you are doing good."
"What am I supposed to do now?" Jo wondered.
"You just have to see this through." Derek looked at Meredith. "Just tell her what to do"
"Now the part is a little bit tricky, you have out push it down further, but now too far." She said calmly.
"How do I know when I'm fine?"
"Without machines you don't. You have to feel it." Derek said.
"But we are lucky and you just have to look at the screen" Meredith calmed her down. "Jo, you'll be fine"
"Why did you let me do this?" Jo looked at both of them.
"Jo, look at me, there are two people here who have your back. Wilson, 1.5 inches is about as safe as it gets- you look at the screen and you push it until it reaches this point" she showed her the position on the screen "Works for most of the patients. If you feel insecure, go by safe."
Derek nodded "Once you pull back you'll no, it's either blood... or.." He paused.
"We can call UNOS because I killed a patient and he has lots of spare parts." Jo sighed.
"Yeah, but let's do this. Look at me, don't look at the syringe, don't look at your hands, just look at me. It'll be fine." Meredith assured her "Listen to my voice and look at the screen, trust in what your hands are doing. We wouldn't let you do this, if we weren't sure that you can handle this."
"Okay, let's start..." Derek nodded.
"You're doing fine!" Meredith nodded.
"It's red! Congratulations on your first brain surgery, Dr. Wilson!" Derek applauded.
"I'll close him up now." Meredith told Dr. Wilson "You go and celebrate with Dr. Shepherd"
"No, you have a daughter" Derek insisted "and you have to pick her up at day-care in twenty minutes"
"So do you." Meredith reminded him.
"I can do it." Jo said with a smile on her face. "That's the easy part, isn't it? I got this far – it's easy once you stepped forward and took the first step"

Boston 12 months

When she checked on Stacey, her mother was in there. They were fighting in a volume that wasn't unknown to Meredith. She and Ellis had fought this way before she had run off to Europe, but this conflict made her angry. The mother accused her daughter of getting what she deserved for hooking up with the 'negro'.
"Your daughter has been abused! Don't make this her fault! Get out of the room now!" Meredith yelled. She had heard all the disapproval in the woman's voice that she had to live with for so many years.
"Thanks!" the girl told her "You didn't have to do it. I'm just a junkie! She's right about that."
"You are your past, own it! Don't let this be your story!" Meredith insisted "Every obstacle from now on is going to be easier because you can tell yourself, I've survived worse!"

"That was very inspirational!" Maggie told her when Meredith left the room.
"I don't have a clue where that came from!" Meredith admitted.
"You are about to cry."Maggie smiled.
"I'm okay, it's nothing!" the pregnancy hormones made everything worse. "I think I will never not be in love with him "
"You don't have to pretend. The only way you're gonna get through this is to let yourself feel every heart-wrenching, gut-wrenching part of this" Maggie hugged her. "One morning you are going to wake up and it'll be okay"
"What if I never get over him? Her mom has been so self involved that she never noticed that Emily was taken hostage. She was there for weeks. She was scared and nobody was looking for her." Meredith cried "and now it's still her fault... I need her to know that this can't be her fault."

Baltimore present day
The nurses were gossiping behind his back and Derek tried to eavesdrop on their conversation to figure out what kind of gossip it was. He had only been Chief for a few weeks and there was already an unbelievable amount of secrecy surround him. "I'm telling you, when I dropped of Ethan at day-care, I saw them dropping off their kids, she looks like him and he looks like her, it's crazy. And word is they've both been working together and they lived together." Derek rolled his eyes. Some things never changed. The nurses had a way of gossiping about everything.

"If this was true, why would they choose to work together?" the other one wondered and Derek asked himself the same question. It was the question he had asked himself ever since he had only found out that Meredith had been offered a position by the retired Chief of surgery. Why did he choose to work with her so much?

"For the kids, because they didn't know the other one was working here. What do I know about them?" the first nurse answered.

Boston 12 months ago

"What are you doing?" Maggie wondered. Meredith was sitting at the dinner table and used a pen to write something.
"I still have this-and I think his mom should get it back. Her husband gave it to her." Meredith sighed and showed Maggie her engagement ring. She had hardly ever worn it. Most of the time it had just sat in a draw next to her bed.
"It's beautiful." Maggie looked at it from all sides.
"It is. She came to Seattle and gave it to him." Meredith remembered "and... I found out and he had this huge existential crisis after his ex wife showed up with her stupid brother and he dissected a patient's brain in the OR and he hit the ring with a base ball bat when I tried to get him to come home" It had not been one of Derek's finer moments.
"She didn't give it to him for his first marriage?" Maggie wondered.
"No. I guess she wanted to wait for the right one –and she showed terrible judgement." Meredith added dryly and they both started to giggle. Meredith sealed the envelope and wrote down the address. She'd drop off the package in the morning.
"Dr. Stadler asked if you'd be interested in grabbing a drink tonight" Maggie told her. The guest surgeon who was here to look at Dr. Springer's trial had tried to make her laugh all day. He had tried to compliment her on every occasion. "He asked me if you are single."
"Yeah, I hope you told him I am."
"You are ready to date?" Maggie looked surprised. Meredith had never indicated that she was ready to take that step.
"No, I wouldn't want you to be lying to anyone because of me" Meredith smirked.
"He's hot" Maggie tried to persuade her.
"I don't know if I'm ready + I look like a whale" Meredith giggled.
"What's the worst thing that could happen if you go out for a couple of drinks with him?" Maggie wondered.
"I could sleep with him and he could turn out to be my boss the next morning-because that actually did happen"
"He's hot- and you told me you were tense –and I already gave him your phone number."
"You are unbelievable Dr. Pierce"
"No, I'm trying to help you" Maggie insisted. "You won't be pregnant forever."
"Why are you trying to help me? Do I look like someone who is in desperate need of help from someone that was kicked out by their fiancé?" Meredith was angry "You pushed him away because of all the questions in your head. You don't do anything to get answers. You should go and talk to Richard, fly to Seattle, see what you have to see, get the answers you need, but don't try to fix me!"
"Do you want to die alone?" Maggie told her and left. "That's how you die alone!"