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September…
School had just started again. Eva was in her last year of Junior High and for the first time, she was excited to go to school. She had been transferred to a school closer to home and she was ready to make new friends and start fresh. She had also had more time to adjust to having a step-mom. She actually liked Josie. Josie didn't try to replace her Mom. Having a step-mom wasn't anything like what the kids at her other school had said. Josie took time to get to know her. Josie actually treated her like she was her own. Diego had no problems adjusting. He moved to a school closer to home too. Xavier and Zoë walked them to their buses every day before heading to Holy Trinity. Once school was out, Xavier and Zoë would go and meet Diego and Eva and walk them home. Their family was starting to make everything work.
Josie wasn't working a desk in Intelligence anymore. She was officially on Maternity Leave. She spent her days working on getting the new nursery ready and catching up on some of the books she'd meant to finish reading. Antonio was still working out kinks in Intelligence. Having his father-in-law as his boss was a huge adjustment. It was even a bigger adjustment to see Hank and Dixie trying to make their own relationship work.
It was the weekend and Antonio was enjoying one his rare days off. He had actually been able to sleep in and hold his wife. He woke up a little while after 9 and just stared at Josie as she slept in his arms. She was radiant. She'd gotten quite a bit bigger over the last few weeks. He put his hand on her belly and smiled as he felt the twins move against his hand.
"Mmm." Josie groaned. "Antonio?" Her eyes fluttered open slowly. "Hey."
"Hi, beautiful." He kissed her. "How'd you sleep?"
"With my eyes closed." She giggled.
"Oh boy… you've been talking to my brother too much again." Antonio laughed. "That was always his answer when Mami asked him that question."
"Oh, well… it's also the answer your two sons give me when I'm asking them that same question each morning before school."
"Well… maybe it's a genetic response." Antonio smirked. "I love watching you sleep."
"That sounds eerily like stalking, Detective." Josie batted her eyes at him.
"I don't think I can stalk my wife." He kissed her again. "Seriously… How was your sleep?"
"Good." She smiled. "They didn't keep me up too much. They're active this morning though."
"Probably my fault." He said quietly. "Sorry. I just love… love this feeling."
"It is pretty spectacular… especially considering that there's two of them in there… I'm pretty sure they think my bladder is a punching bag."
Antonio rolled her over onto her back and talked to the twins. "You boys are taking after Daddy, aren't you?"
"What if it's girls?" Josie arched an eyebrow. "It could be… or the doctor could've been wrong and there could be one of each."
"Well, if you'd let the doctor tell us the gender…"
"Not this again." Josie smacked his chest playfully. "I wanted a surprise with Xavier and Zoë… I got that, and I want that again."
"Okay… okay… I won't push it…" He stopped. "I smell breakfast."
"The girls really like cooking together. Eva told me that she's working towards getting into the special culinary program at Holy Trinity like Zoë."
"I won't stop her. I'm just so happy to see her out of her shell. She's a very bright girl, but without someone else other than me… I don't think she was reaching her fullest potential." Antonio sighed.
"Antonio, you did great… and they're adjusting… they call me Mom all the time now… and Eva's excited to have the babies be here soon."
"Are you sure you'll make it to nine months?" Antonio rubbed her belly.
"I did with the other set."
"That was 15 years ago." Antonio reminded her. "You're older now."
"So are you." She laughed. "I'm doing everything that my doctors have told me to do. I'm not going to do anything to risk having these babies any sooner than October."
"Good." Antonio got off the bed. "Okay, let's get you up and we'll go feed you and the babies."
"You're hungry." Josie snickered. "I can hear your stomach growling."
"Fine, I'm hungry too. Let's go… I suspect your dad is over again."
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"Zoë, is the culinary program at Holy Trin hard?" Eva asked as she flipped the pancakes.
"Not if your pay attention in the lectures and do the skill work. It's a lot of work… I won't lie… it's a lot of work, but it's totally worth it in the end." Zoë grinned. "If you want to, I can help you work on stuff before you get there…"
"I'd love that." Eva exclaimed.
"Well, I guess it's just gonna be us boys today." Diego told Xavier.
"You don't want to learn to cook?" Zoë asked.
"Will you play baseball with us if I do?"
"I used to play with Xavier all the time when we were younger…"
"She can throw a mean curveball." Xavier added.
"That she can." Josie said, appearing in the doorway with Antonio. "She almost busted Xavier's hand a couple times and shattered my windshield."
Antonio stared at his older daughter. "And you chose food over ball?"
"She's my daughter too." Josie snickered. "What's for breakfast?"
"Pancakes, fresh fruit, yogurt and turkey bacon." Eva grinned.
"Turkey!?" Antonio exclaimed. "What happened to real bacon?"
"It's not good for Mom or the babies." Eva said. "Have to keep them healthy."
"What about me?"
"You need to stay healthy too." Zoë smirked. "Is Mimi here?"
Xavier shrugged. "Dunno."
"I can go check!" Diego eagerly volunteered.
"Uh, no… buddy… I'll go." Antonio headed towards the door for the basement suite. "Finish helping set the table… and if we all get through this breakfast unscathed… I have a surprise for everyone."
"Mom?" Zoë asked. Since Eva and Diego had moved in, she and Xavier had gone from calling her 'Mama' to calling her 'Mom'.
"Yes, dear?"
"Why does Daddy hate Grandpa so much?"
Josie sat down and sighed. "You want the long or short version?"
"I know!" Diego was jumping up and down.
"Diego, shh." Eva chastised her little brother.
Josie shook her head. "It's okay. Uh… I just got the story myself."
"Maybe I can tell the story." Hank's gruff voice made everyone jump. "Sorry. Antonio said breakfast was ready."
Josie got up. "It's okay, Dad… It is ready… you guys don't have to talk about it."
"No, Josie… I think it's fair… the kids have a right to know." Hank said.
Antonio took his seat and Josie sat next to him. "I don't hate Grandpa… but we haven't always seen eye to eye."
"It's okay… look… kids… before your Dad and I worked together in Intelligence… We didn't necessarily do things the same way. I was a, what we'd call, an old school cop… your dad is a by the book, don't break the rules kinda cop. There's nothing wrong with that, but we tend to butt heads on philosophy. I did some pretty stupid things trying to defend your Uncle Justin. Your dad caught me, and well… he arrested me."
"Dad!" Xavier and Zoë exclaimed.
"Don't… don't get mad at him." Hank said. "He did what was right. I shouldn't have gone as far as I did. Your Uncle Justin needed to hit bottom to smarten up. I should've just let him… your dad helped me see that… even though I wasn't exactly thrilled about his methods."
"So, Dad… why don't you exactly… like… Grandpa?" Zoë asked again.
"Uh…" Antonio ran his hand through his hair. "I think it mostly has to do with I didn't trust him… now… well, just put it this way… it's weird having my father-in-law as my boss."
"Oh."
"Don't worry… we get along just fine." Hank smiled. "Let's eat."
"Good plan." Dixie said coming upstairs. She sat next to Hank. "Um, Jo… after breakfast… can we talk?"
"Sure, Mama." Josie said, serving herself some of the fresh fruit over her pancakes.
After breakfast, Antonio cleaned up the dishes while the kids went to get ready for their day out. Hank and Dixie went with Josie to the living room.
"So, what's going on?" Josie propped her feet up on the ottoman.
"Uh, well… your father and I have something we'd like to talk to you about."
"Okay… Mama… you're freaking me out a little bit." Josie replied. "It's not usually a good thing when we have this kinds of chats."
"I know, Cherie… but… Hank and I have been talking the last few days and… well…" Dixie turned to Hank.
"What your mother is trying to say is that I've asked her to move in with me… into my house."
"Wow!" Josie exclaimed. "Wow."
"I know it's soon… and we're just trying to get our family unit figured out." Dixie stammered.
"Mama, it's okay." Josie smiled. "Really. Um, when are you guys thinking of doing this?"
"This weekend… slowly… I won't move out completely… so abruptly." Dixie said. "I just think it's for the best… you know with the babies coming and everything..."
"Mama, you are allowed to have a life… you've sacrificed so much for us already… it's time you live your own life."
"So, you're not mad?"
"Why on Earth would I be mad? You guys are adults… I can't dictate your lives any more than you can dictate mine." Josie laughed. "I'll be fine. I swear."
Hank squeezed Dixie's hand. "I told you. You worry too much."
"Well, it's only been the two of us for 15 years… I guess… maybe I'm worried about leaving you on your own."
"Mom, I've got 4 kids upstairs and two more on the way… I'll be fine. Plus, it's not like you're moving across the country… it's just to another part of the city."
"I sometimes try to figure out when you got so wise." Dixie got up to hug Josie. "I'll come whenever you need me."
"I know." Josie hugged her tightly. "It's going to be fine, Mama… you and Dad deserve this… you know it."
Dixie smiled. "Fair enough. I think that Antonio may be a little happier if we're not always popping in and out."
"Antonio is just going to have to accept that Dad's the boss in Intelligence and put the past where it belongs. The past." Josie laughed. "He has some surprise planned for today, so I'm going to go get ready. We'll see you guys at Sunday dinner?"
"Definitely." Hank hugged her. "Have fun."
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October…
Josie felt like a balloon penguin everywhere she went. The twins were healthy and growing like crazy. She had amazed her doctors because she hadn't gone into pre-term labour as most women having twins do. She was due any now. She was flipping through a baby name book when Antonio came home.
"Hey, Jo." He put his coat in the closet. "How you feeling?"
"Like a blimp." Josie put the book on the coffee table. "How was work?"
"Well, we busted another dealer in that heroin ring… nothing more than that though."
"You'll get there, baby." She patted the couch next to her. "Come sit. We really need to work on the name thing."
Antonio sat on the couch next to her and pulled her into his arms. "How can we pick names if we don't know what we're having?"
"It's not like we're having a goat, Antonio. It's a baby… well two babies."
"But how can we choose names if we don't know if it's boys or girls?"
"Simple… we pick two of each… then we go from there."
"Okay… so what names do you have picked already?" He took the book off the coffee stand. He noticed the large amount of sticky tabs on the edges of the book. "All of these are ideas?"
"I figured start with a big list and whittle it down." Josie grinned. "I had kind of picked out the names for Xavier and Zoë right after the New Year… We're cutting it close this time around."
"Sweetie… we have time…"
"What day is it?"
"October 13." Antonio answered.
"Your birthday's tomorrow."
"So what?"
"So, I have a very strong suspicion that these two will be making their arrival by then."
"You can't be certain." Antonio thumbed through the book. "There are way too many choices here… help me out, Jo."
Josie took the book from him and flipped to the cultural section. "I'm thinking ethnic."
"Like Diego and Xavier aren't ethnic enough?"
"Haha." Josie shook her head. "Come on… think about it… I'm Cajun with Irish roots too… you're Dominican."
"Okay… I get it… what are you thinking?"
"I love Grace and Kierra for girls."
"Those are both beautiful names." Antonio said. "What about boy names?"
"I adore Rafael… I haven't got a second boy name though… there are so many to choose from."
"Okay, how do you feel about Enrique?"
"Like Iglesias?" Josie arched an eyebrow.
"Yeah… it's a strong name."
"Enrique Dawson… sounds nice." Josie smiled. "So… are those our names?"
"Yeah… they work." Antonio took the book from Josie and put it back on the coffee table. "Now, what do you guys feel like for sup… wait… where are the kids?"
"Xavier and Diego are at the baseball diamond and Zoë and Eva are next door helping Abuela make some sweet treats for when they'll be on their own."
"So, pizza?"
Josie snickered. "Yep. Order it now, and I'll text the kids to head back home."
After supper, Josie went to soak her feet in the tub. This pregnancy was harder in the sense that she had swollen feet and ankles all the time. While the kids cleaned the table, Antonio went to check on Josie.
"Hey, babe… you okay?"
Josie nodded. "The babies are going to be here soon… I have a lot of pressure in my lower back and… ooo…"
"You okay?"
Josie nodded again. "Yeah… just twins moving around… it's not exactly the most comfortable thing in the world."
"Here, let's get you to bed then." Antonio helped her dry her feet and get ready for bed.
"You don't have to pamper me." Josie protested.
"Yes, I do… I didn't get to do that 15 years ago… I'm not always home as it is… please… let me spoil you."
Josie heaved a sigh. "Okay… fine." She wrapped her arms around his neck and let him carry her to the bed. "Not sure how you can still lift me at this point."
"I train every day… I've been boxing since I was about 14… I took it up after I had had enough of the beatings I got from some banger I used to run dime bags for."
"You never told me that." Josie snuggled up closely to him.
Antonio stroked her shoulder. "I didn't?"
"Nope."
"Yeah, I wanted to prove I was tough… tried to be part of the SGD…"
"You tried to be a part of the Spanish Gangster's Disciples? Antonio…"
"It's fine, babe… I haven't had that in my life for years… and I will be damned if our kids even think about that as a lifestyle."
"Well, I don't think they'll have a chance… between cops and firefighters and paramedics… not to mention teachers, being their family… they won't even think about it." Antonio kissed the tip of her nose. "Get some rest." He reached behind him and turned off the light.
Around 3 in the morning, Josie bolted up in bed. "Ow!"
Antonio bolted up. "Jo! What's wrong?"
"Something's not right… nope… not right at all…" Josie's hand was on her belly. "We… we… need… we need to get to Lakeshore or Med… ASAP."
Antonio didn't hesitate. He threw the blankets to the floor and carried Josie out of the bed to the living room. He put her on the couch. "I'll be right back… just breathe."
Josie nodded and not only was she breathing, she was praying.
Antonio ran and grabbed a t-shirt. He then went to Xavier's room. He needed to tell one of the kids what was going on. He knocked on the door fairly loudly. "Xavier!"
It took a couple seconds, but Antonio could hear movement. "Dad?" Xavier opened the door, rubbing his eyes. "What's going on?"
"Something's wrong with the baby." Antonio rambled. "I'm taking your mom to the hospital… you watch your brother and sisters. You're in charge." He took off back to the living room.
Xavier was in shock. He ran after his father. "Wait! Dad!" He stopped cold when he saw his mother almost doubled over in pain. "Oh shit!"
"Antonio!" Josie was sobbing. "Call… 911." She groaned.
Antonio looked around for his cell but couldn't see it. Xavier reacted. He grabbed the landline and dialed 9-1-1. "Hello? Please send an ambulance… my mom's pregnant and something's wrong with the baby."
The operator confirmed their address and told him that medics were on the way. He asked to speak to his mom or dad. Xavier passed the phone to Antonio.
"Yes?"
"Hello sir, I understand your wife may be in labour… we need to keep her calm… medics are on the way."
Antonio suddenly realized that he was forgetting all his police training. They were taught what to do in emergencies like this. "Uh, I'm a detective in CPD… just… tell me what I have to do." Antonio cradled the phone against his ear using his shoulder.
"Okay, first… how far along is your wife?"
"Uh, Josie's due any day now… but she said this isn't normal… that something's wrong."
"How many children do you have?"
"Josie had twins 15 years ago… and she's having twins again."
Antonio could hear the operator relaying that information to the incoming paramedics. "Okay, has she had any complications up until now?"
"No, she's had a normal, healthy pregnancy." Antonio was terrified. "What do…" Josie's scream made Antonio drop the phone. "Jo, what's wrong?"
"The baby… it's coming! Like…AHHHHH! Now!" Josie's screams woke up the other kids who came running. "My… water just broke!"
"Mom!" Zoë exclaimed. She came to a stop next to Xavier. "What on…"
"Mom's having the babies… like now!" Xavier was freaking out.
"Detective?" The operator's voice came over the phone. "Are you still there?"
Zoë grabbed the phone. "Hi… uh… my dad dropped the phone… my mom… she says the babies are coming…"
"Okay, I need to talk to your dad… and I recommend that you or someone else goes to get some clean towels."
Zoë handed the phone back to Antonio who was trying desperately to keep Josie calm. She grabbed Xavier's hand and said. "We have to get towels. Uh, Eva, Diego… call Tia Gaby… and Mimi."
Eva nodded and went to the office and unplugged her cell from the charger. She dialed Gaby's number first. Calling Josie's mom and Sergeant Voight was a scary thought. Diego just paced. He was worried about Josie and the babies.
Back in the living room, Antonio was following the operator's instructions to check on Josie and the babies. "Look, buddy, her contractions are like one after another and… she says she feels like she has to push."
"When did this all start?" The operator asked.
"Shortly after 3…" Antonio looked to the grandfather in the corner of the room. "Where's the paramedics? It's been almost 20 minutes since you dispatched them."
"They're on their way. They're caught in a traffic jam." The operator was doing his best to keep Antonio calm. "Look, I need to see if the baby is crowning."
Antonio groaned. "Okay… hang on, I'll put you on speaker." Antonio put the phone on speaker and put it on the coffee table. "Jo, sweetie, I need to see if one of the babies is coming… okay…"
Josie nodded, trying to focusing on her breathing. She remembered her Lamaze but it didn't seem to do much at this point. She lifted her legs and allowed Antonio to look to see if the baby was coming.
"Shit." Antonio muttered. "Okay, babe… I see one of them… baby's head is coming… we can't wait on the medics."
Josie collapsed against the pillows of the couch. "Oh no! Not here… not… nope… I'll hold baby in."
"Ma'am." The operator's voice came over the speaker. "You can't do that. It's not good for you or the baby. I'll talk you through the rest, Detective."
"I am not delivering my child in the living room!" Josie screeched. "I want a doctor and meds!"
"Ma'am." The operator was trying to maintain his own cool over Josie's hysterics. "You can't stop Mother Nature… please… just, let your husband help you."
"Mom! Please!" Xavier and Zoë pleaded when they returned with the piles of towels.
"Okay, you kids go keep Diego and Eva busy… just… stay out of here." Antonio said.
The kids nodded and took off to find their younger siblings.
Antonio put his attention back onto Josie. "Okay, what now? The baby's head is coming…"
"Okay, Josie… I need you to take a deep breath and bear down… okay… a nice big push."
Josie took a breath and let her body take control. She pushed as hard as she could. She was also wishing she had an epidural right about now. "It hurts!"
"I know, baby… You're doing great." Antonio encouraged her. "Okay, on the next one, push again."
Josie nodded and pushed hard. She screamed as she could feel the head.
"Okay, stop! The head's out… just… what next?" Antonio was almost screaming at his phone.
"Okay, wipe away whatever is covering baby's mouth and nose… then, gently ease the shoulders out and the baby will almost finish sliding out on its own."
Antonio did as he was instructed and about a minute later, his newest daughter was screaming in his arms. "It's a girl… babe, we have another little girl."
Josie, forgetting everything that was going on, reached for her daughter.
"Okay, Detective, you need to tie off the cord in two places and cut between them."
Antonio was just finishing wrapping their daughter when the paramedics burst through the door. Antonio gawked at his sister and her partner, Leslie Shay. "Took you two long enough! I just delivered my own daughter in the living room…"
Gaby ran and almost pushed her brother aside to check on Josie and the baby. "Okay, drunken morons caused a riot and a crash… had to find a way around it. Jo, how you doing?"
"She's perfect." Josie was stroking her daughter's cheek. "I never want to deliver a baby in my living room again."
"Got it."
"I'll be signing off now." The operator said. "Congrats you two on the newest member of your family."
"Thank you." Antonio said before ending the call. "Can we move her now? Please?"
"Yeah." Gaby took the baby from Josie's arms. "Okay, let Antonio carry her, and we'll get you on the stretcher."
Josie nodded and did what she was told. "Kids!?"
"Is it safe to come out now?" Xavier asked.
"Yeah, come meet your little sister really quick, before baby #2 decides they want to be born in the hallway." Antonio called back.
There was a thunder of running feet as the kids stampeded into the living room.
"Careful!" Shay said. "She's literally a newborn."
Gaby placed the baby in Josie's arms again and helped Shay strap Josie to the stretcher.
"Come meet Grace Gabriela Dawson." Josie looked to Antonio, who nodded.
The kids peaked over the towels. "Awe!" The girls exclaimed.
The boys on the other hand weren't so in awe of their baby sister. "Uh, she's all wrinkly and covered in gunk." Diego said honestly.
Antonio just shook his head. "Okay, well, once one of your grandparents gets here, and they can drive you to the hospital, you can see her all cleaned up. For now, we've gotta move."
The kids backed away from the stretcher to let Gaby and Shay get Josie to the ambulance. Antonio grabbed his jacket. He was running out the door when he crashed into his father. "Papi!"
"Hey, Antonio… what's all the commotion about?" Miguel asked.
"Uh, Josie just had one of the babies in our living room… I delivered my daughter, Papi."
"Dios mio!" Miguel exclaimed. "Are they okay?"
"Yeah, yeah. I'm… uh, I gotta go… can you bring the kids by Med after a while?"
"Si, hijo. Go… Go." Miguel waved his son on and he went into the house to check on the other children.
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"Alec, come on… we've known each other a long time… why isn't she progressing more?" Antonio was pacing. Josie was in a room being examined by her OB and Antonio had been kicked out of the room.
"Any number of reasons, Antonio… you can't start freaking out." Alec Wilhite was trying to keep his wife's partner from busting down a door. "Twin deliveries are nothing like what they show on TV. From what I saw in her file, your other set of twins were delivered almost an hour apart."
"Alec, it's been two hours… no progress…"
"Okay, I'll make you a deal." Alec offered. "You go and check on baby Grace, and I will try and get information about Josie and Twin #2, okay?"
Antonio nodded. "Okay… okay." He ran his hand through his hair and headed off to the nursery to check on Grace.
Alec waited 5 minutes before going in to Josie's room to ask how things were going. While waiting, he texted Jules, asking her to come in and try and keep Antonio from losing it. He put his phone away and knocked on the door. "Can I come in?"
"Sure, Dr. Wilhite. We're all done here for now." Dr. Jana Camdon said.
Alec stepped into the room. "Hey, how are things going?"
Dr. Camdon sighed. "Well, Josie is back down to 4 centimeters and the contractions have slowed down quite significantly. We're keeping an eye on it, we may have to restart the labour. Considering she delivered Grace in her living room with only her husband being there and talked through this by a 9-1-1 operator over speaker phone, she's doing great. We'll keep her on antibiotics just to be safe."
"Good, good. I sent Antonio to check on Grace… he was driving the nurses at the desk batty because you two kicked him out of here."
Jana laughed. "He'll be fine. I'll let the Nursery know that he can bring Grace here. It'll be good for Mommy to hold her." She patted Josie on the shoulder. "Buzz me if you need anything, okay? You're doing great."
Alec went next to the bed. "I texted Jules, asking her to come keep Antonio from killing people… he's anxious… I don't remember him being this anxious before."
"I think it's because I haven't been through this in 15 years. He's worried about my age and everything… he's scared of becoming a dad again at his age."
"Well, you two are doing great." He squeezed her shoulder. "If you need anything, hit the call button… okay… nothing is too small."
"I'd love something to drink… other than ice chips."
Alec snickered. "I'll see if I can find something. Sit tight."
Josie pointed to the monitors that were hooked up to her belly. "Can't really go anywhere…"
Alec laughed as he went to get Josie something to drink.
Antonio came into the room about 10 minutes after Alec had given her some diluted apple juice. "Hey, Mommy… look who's here."
Josie smiled. "Is she okay?"
Antonio nodded. "She's got 10 perfect, little fingers and 10 perfect, little toes. She wants to see you." He placed the tiny pink bundle into Josie's arms.
Josie heaved a sigh of relief seeing their daughter. She hadn't felt this sensation in 15 years, but it was still as amazing now as it was then. "Hi, Grace… hi."
Grace cooed in her arms, her tiny hands over her face.
"What did the docs say?" Antonio sat on the edge of the bed.
"That this is normal… They said the same thing when Xavier and Zoë are born."
"Then, we don't have anything to worry about." Antonio grinned as he watched Josie undo her gown to feed the now whimpering Grace. "She's hungry already?"
"Generally they are." Josie whispered. "Here, Grace." She put Grace to her and sighed as the baby latched on and began to nurse. "I'm still not convinced."
"About what?"
"That this is all normal. I know that the docs know their stuff, but… something isn't right… I haven't felt much movement since we got here."
"They did give you an epidural." Antonio reminded her.
"No, Antonio… I had one of those before… still." Josie's voice was a little shaky. "Something isn't right."
Antonio sighed. "I'll go get Alec, okay?"
Josie nodded. She put all her attention onto Grace who was still nursing like she'd been starved in the womb.
Antonio returned and told Josie that they'd be coming to do an ultrasound right away. "How are you feeling otherwise?" He asked.
"I'm okay… I just… I really want everything to be okay."
"It will be." Antonio went to her side and kissed her cheek. "How's she doing?"
"She was hungry, but she's good now." Josie smiled. "Here, you can hold her… she needs to have bonding time with Daddy too."
Antonio gently lifted graced from Josie's arms and gently rocked her. "Think you can try and get some rest? You've been at this for almost 5 hours now."
"It's 8 am already?" Josie rubbed her eyes.
"Yep."
"Well, then I guess I can try my best but, who knows." Josie yawned. "Oh, by the way… Happy Birthday, Antonio."
Antonio stopped. "Wait… what?"
"It's your birthday… and Grace will get to share it with you." She whispered as she closed her eyes.
Antonio looked down at the newest addition of their family. "Hmm… I guess Mommy's right… and she was right that you'd be born today… Happy Birthday, Grace." He was rocking Grace when Alec and Jana appeared with the portable ultrasound. "Hey, she just fell asleep." He told them.
"Well, she may or may not wake up, but we'll try our best to not wake her." Jana said. "How's Grace doing?"
"Josie fed her… she's just dozing off now." Antonio answered.
"Good." Jana lifted Josie's gown and started the ultrasound.
Josie's eyes fluttered. "Huh? What's going on?"
"Hey, no worries. Don't freak out." Jana reassured her. "Just doing the ultrasound."
Josie tried to look at the monitor. "And?"
"Baby number two hasn't dropped yet… but it's healthy… do you want to make sure it's another girl?"
"I'll wait… thanks." Josie smiled.
"Wait… I thought we were having identical twins?" Antonio asked. He didn't want to move because he was scared of waking Grace.
"We thought so," Jana said. "This ultrasound tells me otherwise… baby #2 has its own amniotic sac… this happens in fraternal twins, not identical."
"But it could be another girl?"
"Yes, Antonio… that's exactly what it means." Josie smirked. "You worried about girls outnumbering you at the house?"
"Well… I…" Antonio looked to Alec for help.
"Hey, leave me out of it." Alec said.
"Good plan." Jules voice came from the door. "Hey Jo, Antonio… heard you two had one heck of an early morning adventure."
Josie glared at her. "Don't make me laugh… it hurts to laugh right now."
"Come meet the product of that adventure." Antonio waved his partner over. "Jules, meet Grace Gabriela Dawson."
"Oh my God… She's precious!" Jules exclaimed. "Look at the pouty little face."
"She gets that from her daddy." Josie smirked.
"Oh, really now?" Antonio arched an eyebrow.
"And, we'll be leaving you guys to deal with this… we'll be back in a bit…" Alec laughed. He gave Jules a quick kiss before leaving the room to check on his other patients.
"Well, Grace… you sure know how to make your parents lives interesting!" Jules whispered. "How are the kids taking this?"
"Well, they were able to meet Grace before we got brought over… Though, I don't think any of us thought I'd be having her at home." Josie answered. "They were however very happy to know she's healthy."
"My parents are watching them… they'll be by a little later on." Antonio added.
"Does Voight know? Or your mom?" Jules turned to Josie.
"Uh… I have no freakin' clue." Josie shrugged. "Antonio?"
"Uh, I asked the kids to call them." Antonio said. "No clue if they actually did."
"Can one of you call them please?" Josie said. She sat up as she felt a weird pain in her lower back. "Ow!"
Antonio stood up. "Jo?"
Suddenly alarms began shrieking and the room was suddenly filled with nurses. All the commotion cause Grace to wake up and her wails quickly added to the chaos. One nurse grabbed Grace from his arms.
"Hey! Where are you taking my daughter!?" Antonio demanded.
"To the nursery." The nurse shouted over her shoulder.
"I'll go with her." Jules said before chasing after the nurse.
Antonio bolted to Josie's bedside. She was sobbing and hysterical. "Babe, it's okay…"
"No! No… it's not okay… somet… something's wrong!" Josie wept. "What's… ah!"
Dr. Camdon appeared into the room. "What's going on?"
"Baby's in distress. Lost the heartrate tracing." One nurse replied.
Dr. Camdon looked to Josie. "Okay, Josie… look at me, this could just be the baby dropping."
"Look, Doc… I… I was an OB nurse back in New… Orleans." Josie gasped as another wave of intense pain hit her. "Don'… Don't patronize me."
Antonio squeezed her hand. "Jo, let…"
"NO!" Josie screeched. "I'm not stupid."
"No one is saying you are." Dr. Camdon was trying to calm her down. "Just, let me look… okay, before anyone jumps to conclusions." She turned to a nurse and whispered for her to give Josie a mild sedative.
The nurse drew up the meds and pushed them into Josie's IV.
"Okay, Jo, I need you to take long, slow deep breaths…" Dr. Camdon said. "It's not good for you or the baby to be this riled up." She lifted the sheet. She tried her best to hide her fear, but it was impossible.
"Doc, what's wrong?!" Antonio demanded.
"Get a delivery room clear now!" Dr. Jana Camdon began barking orders.
Josie's eyes widened with fear. She knew what this all meant. She knew there was a chance that their second child wouldn't be born alive. "No!"
"Josie… we…" Dr. Camdon took her hand. "We can't be sure."
"Will somebody tell me what the fuck is going on?!" Antonio was to the point of wanting to throttle someone. Josie was in hysterics. Antonio looked to medical personnel that had flooded the room. They all had the same bleak look in their eyes. He knew that something was wrong. "Come on!"
Jana nodded to the nurses that wheeled Josie off to the delivery room. She stayed back with Antonio. "Look, Antonio… there's no easy way to explain this… to any parent… never mind parents who are involved in Emergency services, or like Josie, who's a nurse. When I went to check her, there was blood and the umbilical cord is coming first… this is a rare but very serious condition. It's called an umbilical prolapse. We need to deliver that baby now."
Antonio froze. "What about Jo?"
"If we don't get that baby out now, and she starts pushing… she could hemorrhage."
"Then you go in there and you save them!" Antonio barked. "You do whatever you need to… you save my wife and my child."
"Antonio, you need to understand this… there's a chance… the baby may not make it."
"Doc… do what you gotta do… just save my wife… please." Antonio's knees were about to buckle. He never thought he'd ever be in the position where he would have to choose between his wife or their child. "Please."
Jana nodded and headed off to scrub in for what was now an emergency C-section. Another nurse came to Antonio. "Detective… Josie really wants you there, I'll show you where to gown up… hold her hand… keep her calm."
Antonio nodded weakly and followed the nurse towards the OR. She helped him into a gown and mask and led him into the OR. Josie was lying on the table, tears streaming down her cheeks. She was draped and Dr. Camdon was just entering the operation suite. Antonio sat on the stool that the nurse gave him and he took Josie's hand.
"Antonio… I'm scared." Josie wept.
"I know… baby, I am too… but we're going to get through this… together." Antonio brushed the tears from her cheeks. "We're going to be okay."
"But… the baby… I know the risks…"
"Jo, it's not your fault… this is going to work out."
Dr. Camdon looked over the draping. "Josie, we're going to start… you're gonna feel pressure, but anything else… you tell us… the epidural should be okay otherwise."
Josie nodded.
"Scalpel." Jana said as she began the crash section.
Antonio just held Josie's hand and together they prayed for their child.
"Clamps." Dr. Camdon demanded.
Antonio looked up. "Why isn't she crying?"
"Antonio?" Josie tried to lift her head from the operating table.
"Doc!" Antonio wanted answers.
"The cord was around her neck… she's not breathing." Jana snapped. "Give me cautery, got a couple bleeders here."
The pediatric team was working on their daughter. Antonio wanted to go over there and demand answers but couldn't because of the death grip Josie had on his hand. He looked off to the other side of the room and watched as the worked hard to getting their baby girl breathing again.
"Get an umbilical line going!" The pediatric specialist barked. "Push epi."
"1 minute APGAR is 0." One of the nurses whispered.
"Antonio… what… what are they saying?!" Josie was a wreck.
"They're working on her… you focus all your energy on you for now, okay." He kissed her forehead. "You need to be strong."
"Antonio… please… the baby." Josie pleaded.
"I'm not a doctor." Antonio didn't understand anything of what was being said.
"Antonio…"
"They said to get an umbilical line going and push epi…"
"Did… did they say anything about… an APGAR?"
"I can't hear that well, baby."
"Antonio, I need to know… she's not crying…"
Antonio looked up to see Dr. Camdon look to the team at the other side of the OR. The doctor was shaking his head. Jana looked down. "Okay, finish closing." She looked to the nurse. "Give her something to calm down, I need to talk to Antonio."
"Jana!" Josie protested. "No, tell me… I…" Josie stopped speaking as the medication coursed through her veins.
"What? Why did you knock her out?"
"I can't have her jumping off the table… not now."
"Talk to me… what the hell is happening?" He looked over and saw that the doctors and nurses were no longer working on his daughter. "Why did they stop?" His voice quivered as tears filled his eyes. He wasn't ready to hear the answer.
"Antonio… I'm so sorry… she… she had the cord around her neck… she, um…" Dr. Camdon's voice cracked. "She didn't have a chance… I'm sorry… she's still born." She squeezed his shoulder. "We won't take her away… not until you and Josie have a chance to say good bye… it's not easy… take the time you need… um… I can tell her, after she's out of recovery… or you can."
"How can…" Antonio's vision was blurred. "How do I tell her our daughter won't… isn't…"
"I can get someone to come help you… or I can do it…"
"No… um… thank you… but… I… I have to tell her." Antonio wiped the tears. "What… is it something we did?"
Jana shook her head. "No… this is a rare occurrence… the… when the baby was getting in position to drop, the cord must have gotten wrapped… and when the cord became prolapsed… it…"
"It strangled her." Antonio finished. "So, this isn't because we delivered Grace at home… or anything like that?"
"No." She put both hands on her shoulders. "This has nothing to do with any of that… it's a freak event… something that no one could've predicted. You and Josie did everything in your power to have a healthy pregnancy. This isn't your fault… or hers… you guys aren't to blame… you have to believe that… and you're going to have to convince Josie of it. She's going to be blaming herself… and she needs you to help her understand that she did nothing wrong."
Antonio watched as they wheeled Josie passed him to the recovery wing. "Can I go with her?"
Jana shook her head. "No one's allowed in there until after she's fully out of sedation."
"She'll… she'll ask questions…"
"We'll tell her that you'll fill her in… but, Josie's a bright woman and a great nurse."
"She knows something happened." Antonio looked over to the tiny bassinet that his daughter had been placed in. "Can… Can I touch her?"
Jana led him to the bassinet. "You can touch her… hold her… do whatever you need to get closure."
"Can… can our kids see her too… they… they've been waiting for this for a long time."
"Of course." Jana said compassionately. "We'll give you space and the time to heal… We'll bring her to a special room… I'll take you there now, okay?"
Antonio nodded and followed Jana out of the OR. His whole body was numb. He had had to tell parents that their child would never come home before, but never in his darkest nightmare had he ever thought that he'd be burying one of his own. He'd never see her walk, or hear her first words. She was born sleeping and there was nothing they could do.
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Antonio went to check on Grace in the nursery. Jules had kept her word and stayed with her. Jules knew Antonio. They'd been partners for more than a decade now. She got up and put Grace back in her bassinet. "Antonio… what… what happened?"
Antonio collapsed against her and wept. "The… baby…"
Jules was in shock. She held her partner as he wept. She looked up and saw her husband in the doorway. She mouthed to him. "What happened?" He shook his head. There was a deep sadness in his eyes. Jules put two and two together. The baby hadn't made it.
Alec came into the nursery and helped Jules get Antonio to a private room where they'd be able to say goodbye as a family. Josie was in there, asleep. Jules helped Antonio regain his composure before leaving him with Josie. She went outside and closed the door. She looked to Alec. "What happened?"
"The cord was around the baby's neck… she was stillborn."
"Does Josie know?" Jules looked back into the room. Antonio had taken Josie's hand.
"Not yet. Antonio insists on tell her himself." Alec pulled Jules into his arms. "It was another girl."
"Oh God." Jules gasped. "What… what can we do to help them?"
"Call Voight and her mom… his parents… Gaby… get them here… with the kids… they need to say goodbye."
"How do… I can't tell them…" Jules was panicked.
Alec sighed. "Just tell them that they all need to come… as soon as possible and leave it at that. Jana and I will help you… and then we just have to be there for them… let them know they're not alone." He kissed her cheek. "They're strong…"
"But they've also just lost a child, Alec… you know as well as I do what that will do to their relationship."
"I know… I know." The two of them left to go contact Antonio and Josie's families.
Antonio was sniffling. He still didn't know what he was going to tell Josie. He didn't know how to tell their kids or their parents. He didn't know anything at this point. He just begged God for strength to get through this.
Josie's voice was soft. "Antonio."
"Hey, Jo." He kissed her hand.
"What… what happened?" She looked around the room. She'd seen rooms like this in New Orleans, and when she'd first started at Med. "No… no… Antonio… please."
"I… Jo… the… she was born sleeping." Was all he could manage to say.
Josie's cry of anguish tore through him like cold steel. "NO!"
"Babe, I'm… I'm sorry… they… tried everything…" His voice barely audible. "The cord was around her neck… they couldn't bring her back."
"No… we… no… no…" Josie tried to push herself up. "This… it's… no!"
Antonio couldn't take seeing her like this. He pushed the call button on the wall and Jana quickly appeared. He shook his head.
Jana knew that Josie had gotten the news and she was in the state of denial. "Josie… Josie… you need to calm down… I don't want to have to sedate you again."
Josie was hyperventilating. Jana reached above the bed and grabbed an oxygen non-rebreather mask and put it over her face to help slow her breathing. After a few minutes, Josie's breathing began to calm and her heart rate lowered.
Josie looked up to Jana. "It's true, isn't it?"
Jana nodded. "I'm sorry, Josie… I really am. We tried everything… but the cord…"
"It's my fault… I screwed up." Josie wept.
"No!" Antonio bolted up. "Josie… this isn't either of our faults… it's a freak occurrence… you… you can't blame yourself."
"But our baby…"
"Didn't suffer." Antonio said. "She's with the Angels now… she'll watch over her big brothers and sisters… she'll always be with us…" He leaned over and hugged her. "Please… please, don't blame yourself for something that was out of everyone's control."
Jana took a couple steps back to let them sort through this. "Um, your kids, parents and um, Antonio's brother and sister are here… we thought we'd let you guys tell them and we'll give you time as a family to grieve…"
"Jana." Josie said, stopping her doctor in her tracks. "Can… can we see her first? Please?"
Jana nodded. "Of course." She left the room and went to get the bassinet. She returned. "We cleaned her up. You take as long as you need… just buzz us… when you're ready." She placed the baby in Josie's arms then left the room silently.
Josie looked down at the tiny bundle in her arms. "She's perfect… look… 10 fingers… 10 tiny fingers… and her perfect little lips…"
"She's beautiful, Jo…"
"They… they really tried everything?" Josie couldn't take her eyes off the baby. "She looks like she's just asleep."
"I saw them, Jo… she never made a sound…" Antonio wiped the tears from his eyes. "She was born sleeping, Jo."
"We need to have a name." Josie whispered. "She needs a name… we… we have to…" She sobbed. "We have to have a service for her."
"I know…" Antonio gently wiped a tear that was sliding down Josie's cheek. He was otherwise at a loss of what to say or do. He didn't know how to comfort his wife, or even how to process his own emotions and pain.
"Antonio…" She looked up at him. "You're so quiet."
"I don't know what to say, love… I don't know what to do…" His voice cracked. He rarely wore his emotions on his sleeve. Doing that gave the criminals the upper hand.
She took his hand and squeezed it. "You need to hold her too." Despite knowing that their child was stillborn, Josie knew as a nurse, that it was as hard on the dad as it was on the mom in a case like this.
"No… Jo…" Antonio took a step back. "You…"
"I was a nurse… I understand the medical… I'm also a mother… combine those two and it tells me that this is hard for you too, Antonio. You need to hold her… to say goodbye."
"But we never even got to get to know her." Antonio whispered. "It isn't fair."
Josie let a small sob escape. "I know… but, she'll be with us… always… we need this for us… before we tell the kids."
Antonio just nodded. He sat on the corner of the bed and let Josie place their baby girl in his arms. She felt heavy in his arms. "She looks like Grace… same little nose… lips."
Josie nodded, wiping away tears and sniffling. "Yeah, she does… um… what do you think of the name Angelique?"
"She is a little angel." Antonio nodded. He looked down at her. "Angelique Hope Dawson."
Josie smiled. "It's perfect."
Antonio kissed her tiny cheeks. Part of him hoped that she'd move, but he knew that that wasn't possible. "Do you think they'd let us have a picture with both of them?"
Josie nodded and hit the call button.
Jana appeared in the room. "Hey, do you want the rest of the family to come in… or do you need more time?"
Josie sniffled. "Uh, could you bring Grace… We'd like to get some pictures… for when Grace is older… to know the truth."
Jana nodded. "Of course." She went to the nursery and brought Grace and her bassinet into the room. "She can stay here with you."
Antonio looked at the bassinet and then to the bundle in his arms. "She's a little smaller than Grace."
"One twin usually is bigger than the other." Jana said. "But it has nothing to do with what happened." She reached into the bassinet and picked Grace up. "She's quiet and quite a happy little girl." She placed Grace into Josie's arms.
Antonio went and sat on the bed next to Josie. Jana took some pictures for them. Some of the girls together and some of them individually. To some, this may have been a morbid idea, but for them, they needed this for closure, because one day, Grace would ask questions, and they would need answers.
"Um, Jana… we… we can't tell them… we don't know how… can… you explain this to them, before bringing them back here?"
Jana nodded and left to go and break this heart-breaking news to the waiting family. It was a good 20 minutes before there was a knock on the door. Jana poked her head in. "Okay, I told them… there's already been tears… um, I'll be outside the door if you guys get overwhelmed."
One by one, they all came in the room. Josie was grateful that they were in a room far away from others. She didn't want their mourning and grief to overwhelm others who were celebrating. One by one their family held Grace and Angelique. They all said good bye in their own way. Josie made sure that pictures were taken of all their children. They needed to be able to always know that Angelique would be watching over them. Gaby and Tiago left first, followed by both sets of parents. Antonio knew that they as a family needed a little more time to say their goodbyes. Josie just sat and watched as the older kids held and talked to their baby sisters. They kissed each baby and made their way out of the room to their grandparents.
Diego was the last one to leave. He stopped halfway out of the door. He turned back and asked. "Dad, what does the purple butterfly on Grace's bassinet mean?"
Antonio shrugged. "I'm not sure buddy."
Josie took a deep breath before explaining. "It means that she was a twin but her twin didn't make it. It's a sign to show people that even though she's healthy and happy, she wasn't the only baby. It also helps others be respectful around us, because they'll know that we lost a baby."
"Oh." Diego replied. "That's a good idea." He hugged his parents, kissed Grace one last time and left the room.
There was a soft knock on the door. Jana came back. "I know this is a hard thing to process, but have you guys thought of which mortuary you'd like to have… for Angelique?"
Josie shook her head. "No… we hadn't thought about that… we… I guess we thought we had more time with her." She looked at the small bundle that was Angelique in her arms.
"There's no rush, but when the time does come, it tends to help to have that kind of stuff arranged." Jana said softly.
They all turned when they heard Hank's gravelly voice in the doorway. "Uh, excuse me."
"Dad?" Josie asked.
Hank walked over to the side of the bed. He looked down at his granddaughter. "I'll… I'll take care of the arrangements… you two don't worry about any of it…"
"Hank… you don't have to…" Antonio said.
"The hell I don't… she's my granddaughter… I don't want you guys to stress out over this… I'll… um, call the same people who took care of Camille. They were respectful and very understanding."
"Thank you." Josie whispered.
Hank kissed her cheek. "You just take the time you need… both of you… heal… we'll be there if you need us."
Antonio shook his father-in-law's hand. The two tended to lean towards unspoken sentiments than words. Once Hank left, Antonio and Josie spent the last few moments they could with both babies. This would be the last time for Grace to be near her sister. Once Jana came to take Angelique, Antonio put Grace in her bassinet to sleep. He then crawled into the bed next to Josie and held her tightly as they wept together. Tears of loss were mixed with the tears of joy that Grace was healthy. They just held each other until slumber took them.
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One week later…
Josie and Grace were finally being released from the hospital. They had had to stay a few extra days as Grace had developed jaundice and Josie had had a small infection on her incision. Antonio pulled up in front of the hospital door. Dixie had come with him. She was staying with the vehicle while he went to get Josie and Grace.
"Hey, Antonio." Alec greeted him. "How are you holding up?"
"As well as can be… the kids… they took it hard… but, um… that purple butterfly thing you guys do?"
"Yeah?"
"Diego stole it… um, when we were fixing up the baby's room… he found purple butterflies and made a mobile for Grace with them. He said it's so that Grace will always have her sister with her."
Alec couldn't help it. He wiped a tear away. "Wow… that… wow."
Antonio nodded. "Yeah. How's Jo?"
"As good as she can be. She's strong… I think once you're home though, it may hit her harder."
"I'll keep an eye out… um, thanks, for everything. I really appreciate what you and Jules have done for us."
"You've always been there for us…" Alec shook his hand. "Josie's waiting for you."
Antonio headed to her room. "Hey, babe."
"Hey." Josie looked up from feeding Grace. "All ready for us to come home?"
"Yep. Uh, we brought back all the stuff that was meant… the doubles… and we redid the nursery."
"Antonio… you guys didn't have to do that." Josie finished feeding Grace, covered herself and then went on to burp Grace.
"This is hard enough… and the kids really wanted to do it… they're worried about you."
"I'll be okay… I just think getting through the service in a couple days will be the hardest part."
Antonio nodded. "Yeah, well… our families are trying their best to keep it as small as possible… just so no one gets overwhelmed."
"I…" Josie's lips quivered. "I've had to… tell that news to parents… as a nurse… I… wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy."
Antonio hugged her. "Jo, please… please don't go there…"
"I can't help it, Antonio… I look at Grace and I see what should have been."
"Josie…" Antonio kissed her. "This is part of a greater plan, and we sadly don't know what that plan is, but this wouldn't happen otherwise."
"I don't think I can believe in that right now." Josie said bluntly. "We're good people… we've never done anything wrong. We're good people… why… why did it have to be our baby… she'd never done anything." The sobs over took her.
"Jo… baby… you can't… can't do this to yourself." Antonio knelt in front of her. "You can't… you have five children that depend on you… I can't stand seeing you like this."
"Jo, Antonio?" Jana asked.
"Hey, Jana." Antonio greeted her.
"Okay, so all the papers are filled and you're ready to go home. I've got appointments booked for you guys for the next few weeks." Jana handed Antonio the envelope with papers. "Now, this is something that I am strongly recommending for you both… I think you should speak to our therapist… or a therapist in general. Becoming parents again is a big enough adjustment, but having gone through what you've been through as a couple… it's going to be hard… so, please… at least consider it."
Josie nodded. "I just wanna go home."
Jana smiled. "Of course. Let's get you out of here."
Antonio put Grace into her baby bucket and put it in Josie's lap. He pushed the wheelchair out of the Maternity Ward and towards the exit.
Two days after Josie and Grace were home, they were having Angelique's memorial service. As Hank had promised, everything had been taken care of. Chaplain Orlovsky was performing the service. His sermon had been moving. Their closest friends and family were there. While they were sad, it also was a way for them to move on. At the end of the service, after they were at the gravesite, Diego and Xavier had come up with a very special way to say goodbye. They went to a small white box that was at the foot of Angelique's tiny casket.
Xavier spoke first. "After we were told that Angelique had been born sleeping, Diego and I thought about a way that we could say goodbye. It was hard. We hadn't had a chance to know her."
"But, I saw something at the hospital." Diego added. "They put purple butterflies on Grace's little bed… to be a symbol that her twin had been born sleeping. It got me thinking."
"In this box are butterflies… a symbol that Angelique is free to fly now." Xavier nodded to Diego.
Diego opened the lid to the box and a number of brightly coloured butterflies flew out of the box.
Josie gasped. Antonio squeezed her hand. They watched as the butterflies flittered around before disappearing into the distance.
Diego then pulled a butterfly cutout from his pocket. He put it on the tiny casket. He was followed by Xavier, Zoë and Eva. They returned to their seats. Josie was helped up by Antonio. They made their way to Angelique's casket. Josie's eyes filled with tears as she saw what was on each butterfly. Each one was a tiny prayer for Angelique to take to Heaven, or a wish. It hit her then that she wasn't the only one suffering this loss. Her children had lost a sister. She took the rose from her wrist and placed it on the casket. Antonio followed suit with his boutonniere. They went back to their seats and watched as the casket was lowered into the ground. Amazing Grace played in the background. They stayed after everyone had left. They needed one last chance to say goodbye. The children clung to their parents. Josie held onto Grace tightly. She had slept the entire service, but now she was awake. Silent as the graveyard itself. It was if she knew what was going on. She didn't make a sound. She just looked up at her mother. Josie knew then that everything would be okay. In time.
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A/N: This was by far the hardest chapter I've written for this story. Recently it was 'International Day for Miscarriages and Stillbirths'. Not every pregnancy goes smoothly and not every baby is born crying. I made a difficult choice to not have a happy ending for this pregnancy. The purple butterfly is a symbol in some hospitals to show that that particular baby did have a twin but it didn't make it. This subject is particularly hard for me to write as I have seen family and friends lose a child, either through miscarriage or stillbirth, and it is one of the hardest thing any couple could possibly go through. Until next time.