Title: Sacrifice

Relationship: Clarke and Lexa (Clexa)

Author: ArshuK

Beta: Lowiiie

AN: Second update in a day :)

CHAPTER 10

It has been four weeks since her fight with Lexa. She does not know how she has done it, but she has successfully ended up in bed before her, and left before Lexa had even stirred herself awake. There are no more roses to comfort her when she rises. The ones in the vase are dying slowly.

The city has been quiet, uneventful. So there has been no need for feasts, and no meetings between them. Lexa has not even required Clarke to be with her during public sessions. She has actually sent her away to do other activities, mainly working on her fight stances. Clarke has been very busy learning about the grounder culture and customs as well as the knowhow of becoming a leader from the Fire Heda, Norma, whenever she pays a visit - which is a lot. As it turns out, during time of peace, most leaders prefer to stay near the Commander or at least report to her twice a month.

Now Clarke awakens alone, and cold. She did not feel Lexa's absence before, but these days it rings every time she opens her eyes, panting in fear. Octavia and Judith come running in a moment after she stirs and calm her down, giving her water, and telling her that everything is going to be alright. Clarke knows better.

When she wakes up, her vision always focuses on the empty bedside table first, on the spot where laid a flower that used to ease her pain. She is informed that, until her nightmares are under control, she does not need to attend the formal gatherings and sessions with the Heda. She wants to argue but the terrible headache that greets her each day stops her from doing so. Furthermore, she doubts she can manage to make it throughout the entire duration of those meetings without some lack of attention, not after the daily training she has to participate in from dawn to sunset. However, that doesn't stop her from feeling terribly useless and quite alone.

These four weeks have been hard on Clarke, and the absence of her wife is actually pressing down on her heart. She knows it is her own fault; she has pushed her away so much that she should not be surprised, but Lexa's lack of fight makes her wonder if she even wished she loved Lexa, a foolish thought indeed. Lexa's absence is felt every morning. Her coldness washes over Clarke at night.

Is this the married life she signed up for? A woman who will not look at her and endless silence? Lexa has been so honest, kind and wonderful. Clarke could feel her affections deep into her soul. Everything Lexa has said up till now has rung true in her heart, and now…now there is nothing. Lexa allows nothing. She does not even dine with her. The servants note their Heda's lack of presence. Clarke should talk to Luna or Norma, to get this sorted. She knows those two are as close as confidants Lexa has, other than Indra...but she doubts Indra would be of any help if she keeps on glaring at her like she wants nothing but to rip her head off her body. Clarke does not know when or how or even why she had gotten into Octavia's mentor's bad books. However she can guess; she does know that Indra is an observant warrior and shadows Lexa everywhere...Lexa might have said or done something that might have given Indra a clue about Clarke's behaviour towards her Heda.

Clarke sighs. She knows Luna's presence in Polis isn't to help her out but Norma's is. And truth be told, Clarke prefers Norma to Luna. Her wise words have helped and soothed her in the past. In addition, her disagreements with Lexa remind Clarke that the leader is not a puppet to her clan and knows how to form and deliver her opinions well.

The Fire Queen is in her chambers when Clarke knocks. Norma opens the door and smiles as her eyes lay on the young leader. She lets Clarke in and immediately wraps her in a hug.

"My child, how good it is to see you! I assume those nasty warriors haven't kept you too long."

"No, Norma, they have let me go for the day."

"Ah! Well…would you like to go for a ride? We could get out of this city for the afternoon?"

The Fire Queen knows. The woman always knows. Clarke is grateful. She nods in approval.

"Married life is hard child." Norma comments as they trot slowly down a path.

Clarke lets out a soft puff of air.

"I know it's just…there is nothing."

The older woman raises a delicate eyebrow at her.

"What do you mean 'nothing'?"

"I mean nothing Norma! She does not say nor do anything around me. She won't even dine with me! I go to our bedroom at night and she is asleep. I wake up and she is already gone. Before, she would at least leave a rose. I always thought it represented her comfort." She pauses, her voice is soft.

"It felt good that first morning. Waking up from a nightmare and having her there to sooth away my fears…I felt…safe…she has not spent a single morning with me since…and it has gotten worse since our fight…"

Norma looks straight ahead.

"Do you know what I hate?"

Clarke looks over at the woman, the question coming out of nowhere.

"What do you hate, Norma?"

"I hate cats."

Clarke is now even more bewildered.

"Cats? Don't you have about ten of them?" Clarke remembers when she had questioned the Fire Heda about her personal life. Clarke had learned that Norma had no living family member alive other than her cats, which apparently she called her 'family'.

"Yes I do but I hate them all."

Clarke shakes her head in confusion. One minute she is telling Norma about her troubles, the next the Old Queen is talking about her pets.

"Umm... why?"

"Oh you know cats. When you want to pet them, they scurry from you. When you wish for a moment of solitude, they are always on top of you, purring, begging for attention, desiring you when all you wish is to be alone. Then when you give in, patting them softly on the head, do you know what they do? Run away, they scamper about and hide from your affections or worse, claw at your fingers. They only come out for milk but even then, they scowl at you and you feel judged, as if they know they depend on you but wish to be independent. I really hate cats."

Clarke is silent, the words of the Fire Queen sinking in. She knows what Norma is doing. She looks down in shame.

"Have I really been so frustrating?"

Norma trots in silence. She looks over at Clarke's dejected state, and takes pity on the poor girl.

"No Clarke, but like a cat, you act completely the opposite from the way you should. My Heda has shown you affection, and you pushed her away. When she does not, you complain and fret that you are not the center of her world, when we all know that is the only thing she wishes. I know how you feel Hedatu. Your heart is pulling you in two different directions. You have been here for three months. I think it is time to revaluate your feelings. Do you care for the Commander?"

Clarke looks down sadly, her fingers running over Hedwig's mane affectionately.

"I do not know how it happened, but I find myself very captivated by her. I feel awful though, for it makes me think my love for Bellamy was so fleeting, and I am able to move on so quickly. I feel as if I am dishonoring him. Three months ago I was ready to marry him, and now all I can think about is your Commander, my wife."

The swishing of wings is heard overhead. She sees two large crows fly off in the distance. The rustle of branches is enchanting against the wind.

"If this man, Bellamy, truly loves you, I believe he would want you to move on Clarke. He would want you to find happiness in your marriage to Heda. I know this is not an ideal situation, but just because you love Heda does not mean your love for Bellamy was any less real. At the time, it was probably soul wrenching, mystifying. I do believe sneaking around has its very…arousing advantages."

Clarke smiles and then chuckles in approval.

"The reality though, Clarke, is that you have changed. You are now becoming a different woman, learning how to use your limbs for fighting, which you are doing splendidly might I add, and becoming close to a woman you will spend the rest of your life with. You are ruling all the 12 clans for all the spirits' sakes! If this man loves you as you say he does, he would not want you to make yourself miserable. He will want you to be happy."

Clarke nods. She watches as the wind blows at the hair of her horse.

"He is a good man, you are right Norma. Maybe I should stop sabotaging my own happiness for something that was only a dream. Though, I will be honest. It is not just him at this point…I fear-"

"That your love for Heda is conditional on the prophecy?"

The young girl blushes as her locks bounce in a nodding fashion She feels ashamed.

"What is love if not a prophecy in itself? Your pull to her is strong. Your faith in her heart is stronger. Women like you do not fall for someone simply because of primal instincts. I know it takes more to capture your heart. Heda is a good person.I have seen her grow up since she was a child, since she became Anya's second. She is very loyal. She has had much self-loathing since her father died. She has not completely gotten over the situation. Her eyes glaze over when she thinks no one is looking, she cries when she thinks she is alone. I think Lexa needs someone like you more than you need her. I think you two are just fighting nature at this point. Don't fight her Clarke, she is a great ally."

The young girl is quiet, her eyes staring ahead at the dirt path. For a moment her mind wonders where it actually ends, or if it ends at all.

"What do I do? How do I show her I will not fight this anymore?"

"Hedatu, you have been married to Heda for over three months and you are still a virgin. You tell me."

"What? How…" The poor girl is blushing. Of course, she knows.

Clarke has known this would eventually cause an issue between her and the Fire Queen. Luna and Norma are Lexa's closest allies, maybe even her friends. Clarke knows that. But this conversation makes her realize that Norma shares deeper ties with Lexa than any other clan leader. She has watched Lexa grow up, known her since she was a kid.

She focuses back to the present and finds that Norma is not being funny here. She is perfectly serious.

"Not consummating a marriage is a problem Clarke. From what I've gotten to know about you, you wouldn't willingly lie with Heda if your heart weren't involved in it. You aren't that kind of woman and Lexa wouldn't force herself on you. You know the peace is important but so is your self esteem."

Clarke looks down in dishonor.

"Is this really wrong of me to do that? Put the life of my people at risk just for my own pride?"

"No, Clarke. You are Hedatu, not a puppet."

Clarke looks at her wide-eyed. She had not expected Norma to agree with her. After all, leaders were supposed to sacrifice everything for their people, weren't they?

"You have once again been so very kind to me Norma, as well as managed to surprise me. I owe you much."

"Just make Lexa stop brooding and we'll call it even."

Both women laugh.

"I will see what I can do."

"This was a terrible idea." Finn says from atop his horse.

They are on a journey to Polis. Him, Raven, Wick, and Murphy. They had caught Bellamy sneaking out into the night. Apparently he couldn't take the separation anymore, so he had decided to go on a pilgrimage to Polis. This is not a good idea my friend, but we would never let you go alone. Finn had left a note for the Chancellor, telling her of their whereabouts.

They have only two more days of travel before they reach the grounder only hopes their journey to Polis is not for nothing and that they will soon catch up with Bellamy before he does anything rash.

AN: Surprised on the update? Me too! But I wanted to post it as a gift to you all for making me reach 200 reviews!

A shout out to NazGeekLover for being the 200th reviewer and thank you for your amazing review; means a lot.

Thoughts on the chapter?

(PS- don't hate Bell. He is technically a victim here too!)

Oh and any vampire diaries fans here? I just watched the latest episode and I swear Paul keeps getting sexier every episode!