Disclaimer: I don't own Wicked.
Chapter 10: Lion Cub Scene
(At the Lion Cub Scene set.)
Elphaba: (lets Lion go)
Fiyero: What the Oz was that??
Elphaba: (sarcastic) Well, you see, right there's a latch, and you have to do is pull it and- bang- the cage opens!! Incredible, isn't it?
Authoress: (holding up a sign that says "Sarcast-o-meter")
Elphaba: Huh?
Authoress: On a scale from 1 to 10, how sarcastic were you just being?
Elphaba: Ten.
Authoress: That's what I thought.
Fiyero: I meant the part where everyone freezes.
Elphaba: I dunno.
Fiyero: And why didn't I freeze.
Elphaba: I'm gonna guess that's because I have secret crush on you, but hey, what do I know?
Fiyero: A secret crush? Hmm... (moves closer to Elphaba)
Elphaba: (getting closer to Fiyero)
Authoress: (jealous) Fiyero, you know you're still dating Galinda.
Fiyero: (swearing) Gilgamesh!
Authoress: So off you two go.. did you just use Gilgamesh as a swear word??
Fiyero: Yep.
Authoress: Siddhartha you!!
Elphaba: OK, now, let's stop using ancient epic heroes as swear words now...
Authoress: Whatever. (storms off stage, leaving Fiyero and Elphaba alone.)
Fiyero: (reading above line) "Leaving Fiyero and Elphaba alone"... (happily) Hey!!
Elphaba: W00t!!
(A/n: Random fact- the Word Of The Year is w00t. So I had to get it in there somewhere...)
Fiyero: (reaching in to touch Elphaba and gets shocked) What in tarnation?? ... O my!! The gods are punishing me for attempting to cheat on Galinda!! (runs away)
Elphaba: Hands touch... eyes meet...
Authoress: There we go!! Sudden silence, sudden heat...
Elphaba: He may be that boy...
Authoress and Elphaba: But I'm not that girl.
Olive Snook: Don't dream too far...
Elphaba: Don't lose sight of who you are...
Authoress: Don't remember that rush of joy.
Snape: She may be that girl... but I'm not that guy.
Elphaba: Umm, hello... This is my soliloquy, you know.
Snape: But we all can relate to this song.
Authoress: Yeah, it's like our life's theme song... Hold on, shouldn't you be torturing Harry Potter?
Snape: I only hate him because of a really complicated plot!!
Elphaba: Ooh, I'd love to hear this.
Snape: Well, it turns out that I'm...
(Beeped out because of spoilers)
Elphaba: Wow.
Authoress: Double wow.
Olive Snook: Triple wow.
Galinda: One thousand wow!!
Elphaba, Authoress, Olive Snook, and Snape: Galinda!! You're not supposed to be here!! Go away!!
Galinda: OK!! (goes away)
Elphaba: Ev'ry so often we long to steal to the land of what might-have-been...
Olive Snook: But that doesn't soften the ache we feel when reality sets back in...
Authoress: (runs sobbing offstage) I'm sorry!! I'm sorry!!
Olive Snook: OK, then...
Snape: There's a guy I know, she loves her so...
Snape, Authoress, Elphaba, and Olive Snook: I'm not that girl...
Snape: Guy...
(It starts to rain)
Elphaba: Wow, this day just keeps getting better and better. (Seeing Authoress's Sarcast-o-meter) Ten.
Olive Snook: O my!! It's Wednesday at 8!! I have to go!! (runs away)
Elphaba: Well, on the bright side, I guess the rain proves to everyone that I don't melt.
Authoress: Oh yeah!!
Madame Morrible: (comes onstage) Hola!! I have tickets to the Emerald City!!
Elphaba: Yay!!
Madame Morrible: And for reasons even I can't fathom, I got two tickets!! Just to complicate the plot even further!!
Elphaba: Two?
Madame Morrible: Yes, two!! Maybe you can take that Hunky Winky Prince With The Scandalicious Reputation!
Elphaba: Umm...
Madame Morrible: Come on... you know you want to...
Elphaba: OK!! But... it's raining.
Madame Morrible: So?
Elphaba: Well, I was wondering if you had any secret talents to, you know, stop the rain or something.
Madame Morrible: Oh yeah!! (Claps and rain stops) Didn't I ever tell you, dear? Weather is my specialty!
Elphaba: And that is in bold because...
Authoress: That statement will be important later in the play.
Elphaba: Ah. I see. I better go pack my clothes.
Madame Morrible: Pack all of them. I don't think you'll be coming back to Shiz.
Elphaba: Why not??
Madame Morrible: Oh, no reason... (gets a text message) "U r now da wzrds press secrtry! Congrats!" How convenient!!
Elphaba: I know... Texting? Isn't there an age limit to that kinda stuff? Like, 20 years old?
Madame Morrible: Lol. C u l8r!!
Elphaba: Spare me...
Madame Morrible: ;-)
A/n: 2-08: Again, sorry if that wasn't very funny. Not in a good mood since Pushing Daisies isn't on any more because of the strike.
Please review!!
4-08: I'm sorry it's been two whole months since I've updated this!! I' working on a new chapter right now!! (OK, I'm not, but I'll start now. I swear.)
-YL