Chapter 9

A.N. Hey guys. Random update since school starts in a few hours and I'm crippling with social anxiety and...other stuff and since it's basically 2 am and I can't sleep I'll do something useful and update you guys. At least some of us to have a pleasant surprise today/tomorrow right? *hides in a corner and cries*

Anyway I hope you enjoy.

Mistakes weren't made on purpose, you copy me guys?

O.C.'s P.O.V.

I was staying in the rain. Actually, that is false affirmation since it implied that water touched my skin which I did not. I was staying under an umbrella in rain in front of the East Headquarters. On the stairs of the East Headquarters to be more exact. The rain drops made a ripping sound as they touched the artificial material of my umbrella. Of course it was nothing compared to the sound they made when they touched Al's armour. That sounded closer to gun-fire.

I was standing on my legs, the pain long forgotten, and my eyes wandering on the forms of the city that intertwined in weird shapes in the horizon. I should've have felt something at the sight but I didn't. I hoped I wasn't going to feel anything ever again. Of course that was not something for me to choose, considering that even know my chest felt as it was stabbed over and over again, a pain remaining there as an echo, carved deep below my skin. There was no way I was going to get rid of that mark in this life or another and I knew that.

Edward and Al were sitting in front of me, the water splashing them merciless. I considered it a metaphor for life itself, pouring over you even though, you are ready or not. Ed had his face buried behind his knees and Al resembled more than ever the suit of armour that he was. And I stared deep into the horizon somewhere were alchemists knew the value of a life.

Roy came fast after Ed's call, and we had been swooped up to the Headquarters, the house being locked off by the Military police. I remember screaming, kicking, and hurting Roy as he tried to separate Nina from me. Riza had driven me home and made me change, which meant no I wasn't allowed to get wet once more. Like I couldn't care less about the clothes. I was empty. I did nothing to save Nina, I was probably the only person in the world who could, and I still didn't do anything. To say I felt guilty would be an underestimation. I wanted to switch places with her, to drag my stupid selfish self out of my body or to remove my heart to stop feeling any of this. Apparently I couldn't' do either.

Neither of us talked or said anything. We didn't even make a sound. We probably looked like the most fucked up group of children right now, but I was not in the mood to consider others.

We all have failed her. Their pain was my pain and mine was theirs. Here we were equals. I wanted tof eel as hollow as I felt when I found out I couldn't transmute. I wanted that peace. But I couldn't get it. In a way I felt good that I had no such power over others, over life. Would I have turned into another Tucker if I had become an alchemist? Was this the guilt Roy had to feel every time he woke up in the morning and remembered that he was responsible for the deeds of his alchemy?

I didn't want to know that either.

"…but if it's an order State Alchemists must make their move, without hesitation, to take human lives. If it's about handling human lives, there isn't really much difference from where we stand and what Tucker did."

Damn him. Instinctively my hand tightened o the handle of my umbrella, and my teeth screeched. Couldn't he let us be only this time? Couldn't we grief in peace? Couldn't we take a break from this horrible, despicable world just once, and pretend that we were the children we were, not our abilities? State Alchemists, affixed soul, foreteller… Just a bunch of stupid names. I wanted to punch him as hard as I did when he made me let go of Nina. I wanted to scream at it for his merciless.

"You were aware of that, yet you chose this path." His voice was stronger which meant he was coming closer. Let him. A few seconds later I heard his steps as he descended the infinite amount of stairs the East HQ had. Then the steps came to a halt next to us.

"Isn't that right, Fullmetal?" I almost told him to fuck off, but my life had been sucked out of me already.

I sensed Edward tense, as his back was slightly touching my leg, but I didn't say anything. I was so tired myself, and Mustang clearly wanted to make his words hurt. I knew they were meant for me too. I chose the path to learn the Flame Alchemy, yet here I was a wreck.

Roy was standing next to me but he didn't look at me, his eyes wore on the blonde boy that still didn't move or speak. I didn't regard his presence at all if that was he wanted to do. I stood silent, rain falling around us, breaking what could have been a heartless silence.

"I'm sure you'll run into incidents like this in the future again." He continued after a pause where Ed didn't answer at all. When he spoke again, his voice was waving, and from the footsteps, I took it that he moved again. "This may not be the last time you will have to soil your hands. Are you going to come to a stop every time that happens?"

That, was too much. That bastard cared as much as we did, and yet he was pulling off this act. I knew he was affected by what Tucker did, I have seen it in his look when he came for us and yet… I opened my mouth to say something, when Edward talked, his voice no louder than a whisper.

"Whether they call me the dog of the military, or curse my as the devil, Al and I will get our bodies back." I listened curious to what he said, in a way detaching myself from the whole situation. I knew Al was listening too.

"But...we are neither devils, nor gods at that! We're humans….We're just humans!" The last part ye yelled it and to me it seemed more like a cry of agony than anything else.

We watched Roy and Riza go, since she was always shadowing him. I watched anyway, since I didn't know if Al was even registering anything. In a way, his mute pain was stronger than the pain of his brother. After they reached the base of the stairs Edward continued, but in a much lower voice.

"Puny, powerless humans who can't save one little girl." His words were fiery even though he didn't yell this time, and in a way they affected me much more. Yes, indeed we were powerless. So powerless when we needed not to.

Then surprisingly he turned to me, his eyes almost glowing. They fascinated me even when they looked at me with such fiery intensity, partially because I had never seen such colour before. Every time I looked into them it was like the first time.

"You." He addressed me and from his tone, I knew he was restraining himself from yelling again. "You knew. About Nina." His eyes bored in mine with such intensity that made the world outside disappear. I guess he had figured it out somehow. I wanted to believe that he had asked me because he didn't want to believe that I would withhold something so important. The other part of me knew he needed someone to blame. I sighed, there was no use to lying.

"Yes." I didn't explain that I had a feeling every time, but didn't actually knew until after. Those were the circumstances; I had the information but didn't use it. I was as guilty as if I hadn't told him

He seemed baffled about my answer, the intensity in his gaze wavering because of astonishment. And here it goes I braced myself mentally.

"You...you! Then why didn't you tell us something! Anything! Why didn't you prevent that happening to Nina?" I said nothing because all of this was just a mirror of my thoughts.

"You knew something like this will happened to Nina and did nothing!" he yelled, but I didn't flinch, I deserved that too...

"You are responsible for this…" "Brother!" exclaimed Al, but I didn't move my gaze from Edward. He was looking up at me since he was one-stair lower than I was, but he could have been higher from the way he watched me.

"It's ok Alphonse. I deserve this. Because this is my fault. I let this happen to Nina when I could've prevented it. But I have to ask you a question, Alchemist. What if I did told you? What if you knew? Would you have changed the future? Do you think that you could? And you say Tucker was arrogant."

At that he flinched. I was cruel but he had to hear this. Somewhere in my mind, something told me I was just repeating someone's words, but I didn't care.

"That's what humans do, when they have power they mostly use it wrong. You couldn't have stopped Tucker, even though you knew the future. You would have created ripples, or waves that would have changed your future. Do you want that?"

"Like I know what my future is!"

"I don't either. But we wouldn't know if you had done something." With that I moved, taking a step. I felt my legs sting; I had been staying upright for a very long time. I took another and another, until I was walking away from those brothers. When I passed next to Ed his expression was both disgusted and angry. I understood him, I felt the same about me too.

"You are just inventing excuses to cover your actions! If that makes you feel better at night then go on and think that you saved my future, but you just destroyed hers! Forever! You as guilty as Tucker for what happened, if not even more guilty."

His words followed me, piercing me, shattering me. God it hurt. I stopped deciding what was best to say. I just decided to say what I thought.

"It's alright if you hate me." I said moving the umbrella from my way to see Edward and Al watching me. "I hate me too." And I turned around locking their view from me with the red fabric, and walked away. Only after I knew they couldn't see me anymore I let the tears spring free on my face and my heart sink once more.

-\\\-

I stood in bed unable to close my eyes. I wanted a few hours of oblivion, but I couldn't get that. I couldn't get why I was alive actually. At that I smile only to feel my smile faded into a frown as tears were about to escape my eyes. I was a wreck. Riza was god knows where, and I had the house for myself. I wasn't going to take another session in the shower, so I was staying in my bed watching the ceiling. It was almost morning so I guessed that the team was putting an all-nighter since no one came home after me the previous evening. Well, I understood that since there should be a trial and everything for Tucker. His name felt like venom even when I was thinking about it.

As the sky was gradually colouring, which was relative since it was getting from black to a dark grey, I decided I could give up on sleeping so I jumped out of bed and ran to the kitchen to fetch some food. As I was stuffing bread in my mouth, the front door unlocked. So when Riza entered the kitchen, she was greeted with me couching the bread out of me, all the time trying not to choke. Pretty normal.

What wasn't normal was the look of tiredness on Hawkeye's face. I knew that no matter what she wouldn't normally show her fatigue like this. "What's happened?" I asked in a second, cough forgotten. She just met my eyes with what look like some sort of pain, not fully recognizing the feeling.

"I should've known better than to think you are asleep." I stayed silent waiting for her to continue but she didn't, just sighed before going and setting herself down. I took in her appearance and blue military uniform and realised my assumption was right, she must've spent her night working.

"Did something happen back at the HQ? Is everyone alright?" I pressed further. She didn't meet my eyes.

"Maes Hughes from Central's Investigation Department came along side Major Armstrong." I nodded as the names formed into faces in my mind. Armstrong was an alchemist and Maes was Roy's best friend. But why would they..?

"They are conducting an investigation from Central on a criminal that targets State Alchemists." she answered to my silent question. I gasped my mind going instantly to Roy then to Ed. "Are they...?"I almost shouted. "Yes, both of them are perfectly fine." She said not needing to ad who they were. "But there was an attack, that's why they are here." An attack on a State Alchemist? But Roy and Ed…

No. As the realisation settled in I immediately rejected it. It couldn't be. There was no way...

"Shou Tucker's body was discovered yesterday evening alongside the body of his transmuted chimera daughter, Nina." she said,as I was mentally pleading her to stop. As she finished my knees buckled and I realised the floor was much closer than I would've believed. Riza was by my side on a second dragging me upwards and towards the couch. Not thinning properly I let her move me.

This couldn't be happening. I felt sick, bile and bread rising to my throat. As if fate wasn't cruel enough now this happened. 'I see', it was almost comical as fate was taking care of things like this. God, was this because of me too?

"How." The word was not a command but a prayer, coming out raspier than my normal voice.

"It looks like their head was pulverized from the inside. As if an explosion occurred. Nobody has seen something like this."

Their heads had been practically been blown? How cruel. How could something like this happen after…after… How was this fair? I felt my throat tighten chocking my words inside, as not wanting to let myself feel any relief from agony. Tears were blurring my vision, my thoughts hurling inside my head Nina, innocent sweet Nina. How did she deserve such after? How was possible such fate for an individual? How was this redemption or salvation?

I stopped myself knowing that I will totally lose it if I continued on that path. I still had things to take care of.

"Take me to them." I said my voice much surer than I felt. I had to see them. I had to know what had really happened to Nina. What I had let happen. I met Hawkeye's reddish gaze with my blurry one.

"No." I expected that, but before I said anything about it she continued. "Trust me your much better not seeing it anyway. You don't need to see it, whatever you are convincing yourself that will happen it won't. I will not take you there and it's final. If you want try with Roy but even him won't break the rules like this to bring an unofficial non-military child to a crime scene."

I didn't know what to say at that, partly because it was true. My mind wasn't really doing her best at this moment.

"I only came to change clothes and I have to go again. Let it go, I won't bring you and if you go on your own I will make sure you will regret it." With that ultimatum, she bolted from the couch and went to her dormitory not glancing at me again.

I stood there frozen in time. No, if I would have been frozen, my mind would have at least left me alone, which it didn't. Nina; there was no goodbye for her. Again, I had failed her, because in my mind I was somehow pondering a way to turn her back impossible as it was. But now? She was dead, irrevocably dead, something I could not change no matter how much I would have wanted to. I already had two good reasons why it was not a good idea, but I was already running through what I knew were the steps of Human Transmutation. It wasn't so hard to commit a sin after all, just some pent up emotion and an innocent life.

I heard Hawkeye close the wardrobe's door, but I didn't move.

I had never said goodbye to her. She last saw me sulking over my alchemy, I never told her how beautiful and sweet she was and how I hoped she will grow to go to school and escape the cage of loneliness her father locked her into. I will never play with her or Alexander again. Tucker will never pay for what he did.

I heard Hawkeye walk past me, but I didn't move. She said nothing and neither did I and after a minute or so, she left the apartment the door closing decisively behind her. The sound echoed through and as something broke I felt myself gasping, shuddering only to fall onto the floor and start crying uncontrollably.

-\\\-

My fault. My fault. My fault.

I didn't know how much I stayed like that, only that my throat started to hurt and my screams turned into sobs, and sobs into hiccups only to leave place to an absolute silence which was deafening me. I didn't move at all, in contradiction with the way I had earlier trashed in pain and agony, my body trying to free itself from me. I just knew I had a headache. It wasn't unusual since I had cried like that, and I knew it was a common thing for me. But for the fact that it wasn't common. I didn't have a headache since Central, actually since my visions and memory loss. How had my problems evaluated ever since.

The problem was that it was something rodent about this headache, an itching feeling that it was more than a headache. I just wanted to be left alone by feelings and emotions and headaches, to grief the death of one of the brightest souls I had met, that hadn't deserved her fate. But no…

Annoyed I let my mind scratch that feeling, go deeper. I guess it was something like a meditation state. I let myself go within me, losing the contact with my surroundings and concentrating on the inside. And there it was a flow, bright and white, but there was also darkness. An impenetrable wall of darkness which I knew it contained information about me and this world and what happened. It was deeply locked in me, not accessible. And the headache was actually a need to go in there and snatch some information. I was going to give up, irritated, when I remembered what had last happened when I had given up. So I did what I had did only once before. Concentrated. Pulling to the feeling that I knew, that I wanted to see.

As I went deeper, my headache grew from a dull pain to an all-out migraine but I didn't stop. Further. I fought my mind, walking into what resembled to fictional swamp, trying to reach a shore, dragging myself up painfully to be dragged back into the depths.

Pain started to erupt in my body, making my teeth crunch painfully, and muscles tension. Not yet, further. As I continued to fight I felt how my muscles started to ache and my body began to shake only for the pain to move inside me. And then the agony started. As a liquid fire, it burned through my veins spreading in my whole body aiming me gasp painfully. Each breath was pain, each thought torturing me. Further.

Stubbornly I ignored it all and continued to dig, knowing that I was so close, I could almost grasp it. Then liquid flooded into my mouth chocking me, stopping the air from reaching my tormented lungs. I started coughing, each shake sending a ripple of misery through my ells. I almost lost connection to everything as the mind-blowing pain took control of my mind, but I regained control. Only...a...little...further.

I was so close, but I didn't know how much my body could take. I walked ahead through a tunnel of darkness towards the light, feeling pulled back with each painful second. As a rubber band was stretching and stretching so much further and now here wasn't anything left to stretch. I pushed, fighting, thinking of Nina, of Alexander. If there was a way to prevent something like that from happening again, this was nothing compared to their pain. If I could protect anyone, this agony was worth it. And then, the fire erupted in my abdomen and I heard my yell, so far away as it was coming from someone else. More… With a push of my will, I jumped for the light almost touching it, feeling its power in my grasp, as I was pulled back painfully.

I returned in my bod with a snap, the anguish so much stronger now. But everything faded as images invaded my mind.

Edward was sitting in rain talking to his brother. But that wasn't what panicked me, but the man in the yellow jacket wearing shades. He was coming closer to them, he was reaching them. As he approached Edward just watched him with his beautiful golden eyes, so hollow, so dull. The man just nodded and raised his hand. I wanted to yell to him, to move, but he just watched paralysed as the man was going to kill him. Then Alphonse snatched him and started running, but they were so slow. Too slow. They tried the stairs but he collapsed them, and they fell along with the rubble. They tried to run with alchemy but it was futile. The yellow man destroyed anything with his arm. I knew somehow that if he touched them it was over. RUN!

And they finally did. So slow. Through the wet streets, through passers-by, in an alley. But the man destroyed the wall, shutting the road in front of them. No! They faced him preparing to fight. No!

They launched but their movements seemed to be in slow motion compared to his. He destroyed Al with a touch, his armour exploding, exposing his hollow self. No! Edward could run, but he didn't. Of course not, with his brother lying like that. He attempted to stab him, but he destroyed his automail. He fell down. The man approached. He extended his arm, his demonic hand touching barely that beautiful hair and I knew that he would kill him.

"NO!" I yelled still fighting my way out of the vision. Edward. The man. Alphonse. No! I had to stop this. I tried to move but a jolt of pain made me stop. Just then I realised my dire condition. I was laying on the floor, blood pouring from my mouth, spotting the floor and my shirt. I was covered in a cold wet sweat, my abdomen feeling like I had rocks stocked in it. As I tried to move my limbs, my joints cracked painfully, a few bones making their way back into their places. I was in no way to run, to fight. But in hell if I was going to let something happen to Edward.

My fear was stronger than the pain as I moved myself upwards, the weight of my own body feeling so foreign. Looked at the window and saw that it was light, raining pouring down mercilessly. Good, it was raining also in the vision. But that also meant I was running out of time. I had to move. Now.

Somehow, I found the power to move, wobbly at first but stronger with each step, barging through the door. I ran into the streets, my legs failing me a few times. I felt the scrapes and wounds, blood pour down my scarred skin but I ignored everything. I had to reach them. I ran through alleys and streets, knowing exactly where it was what. There was no way to forget that damned place.

'Please do not be to late, please make in time to save them', I begged in my mind. I had to save them, no matter what. The thought of finding Edward on the pavement, rain washing the blood from his golden locks made me nauseous, fear gripping me in its cold fist. I pushed further, faster, ignoring how my muscles burned, how I had to swallow constantly the metallic liquid in my mouth. Please reach them.

In my frantic run I didn't even pay attention to any other trespasser or roads or cars. I had just to reach the alley, to stop the yellow jacket man. Edward, Alphonse. If something happened to them there was no way I would survive it too. I thought of their laugh, their determination, their love, their power. No, I wasn't going to accept such fate.

And I didn't as I reached the corner and saw a thing that made my blood run cold, and my body numb. In front of me, but from a different angle, was the scene from my vision. Edward knocked over on the street, rain washing over him, his automail broken in pieces around. The man was in front of him watching him pitilessly from behind his glasses that partly covered, what now I saw, was a scar. They were talking ,and I watched Edward's expression. Heard Al yell. Saw people watching and not doing anything. And then the man stretched his hand, starting to reach for Edward.

My heart stopped, the panic so strong that almost made me black out. There was't time for em to reach them, not before the olive skinned hand touched Edward anyway. Then I yelled. "STOP!"

A scream from my very being. At the same time I let myself be absorbed into the white energy that I had felt earlier, my inner self effulging into that current that flowed through me. And the world was renew for me.

I watched through the same eyes as before as the man stopped his hand wavering in front of Edward, his face was looking toward me. But that wasn't what got my attention but the lines. Everything was connected and interconnected through thin white fine lines, as small roads from a map came to life and overlapped the world. Everything looked the same and it didn't, confusing me, awing me. I look with childish wonder as the walls, the street, the trees, everything was marked with white thin lines, that sometimes interloped, painting the world as I knew it. Everything seemed more vivid, more real, as this it was how it was supposed to be, and until now, nothing had really made sense.

However, this wasn't the time to contemplate at my new discovery. From an ancient instinct, I squeezed the flow from my body, manipulated it, its power bending to my will. Faster than I ever thought it was possible, my hand was onto the asphalt, its soft touch connecting with the sizzling current of the lines, making my skin tingle. But I ignored that, as I ignored my pain or Edward's scream. I just pushed that flow, that power into the lies, imaging it circulating through it, feeling it circulate through them only to let it free in the lines between Edward and the man in a blast of energy. I imagined the matter moving, the white roads changing their shape to overlap the new construction, remaining the same and yet changing with the change of matter. I imagined it forming a wall between them, separating them decisively.

And the flow listened to my will, in mere seconds a wall erupting from the pavement upwards, millimetres away from the yellow-jacket, grazing him and snapping his hand away from Edward. I was momentarily blinded by the white lighting-like light that appeared with my transmutation, curents of its power and ferocity still sizzling outside the lines. I only realised what happened only seconds after it did.

I had transmuted a wall between the killer and Edward.

"I said stop, you fucker." I panted, trying to get air into my lungs, since I had mometarily forgotten how to breathe.

This time I had his full-fledged attention, the scarred face turning towards me. "Another alchemist? How many sinners that had turned from God's path exist? Do not interfere and redemption will seek out later." He said, his voice booming across the street. I just tried to concentrate my light-head, suddenly my body feeling much easier than before.

"How would I not interfere when you try to kill my friends?" I yelled at him back.

"Killing them? I am merely helping the souls that had strayed from the path of the God." He said sounding a little surprised.

"Then fuck your God. If your God believes in killing humans because they might have strayed its path then he isn't worth the praise of humans! A creator should love its creations in their uniqueness!" And with that I concentrated my flow once again. This time he knew what I was going to do as I raised my hand snapped it on the lines, but I was faster. There was nowhere to hide from my attacks as long as everything was interconnected. So, as soon as he jumped to his left, avoiding the wave of spikes that I created, I made the concrete meld into other spikes, only this time they didn't bloom from the asphalt but from the other spikes that had been already transmuted seconds before. As I transformed the matter to my will, the little roads remained interconnecting stretching or compressing with the instable environment. There was no problem for me to direct some of my flow to some point and let it transmute at a certain place. It was like playing with plasticine, only that I mentally melded the world from where I stood.

The man wasn't expecting spikes forming from the previous spikes, and as I hoped, he wasn't fast enough to dodge them, some grazing his arm. Blood erupted from that spot, painting the bright yellow jacket he was wearing into red. He was fast, but I was faster with my alchemy roads. And as long he wasn't touching me, he wasn't killing me. I had the advantage.

As I was analysing, my adversary didn't wait to do the same, immediately launching at me. Startled, I tried to transmute obstacles in his way, but he was too fast. How could anyone move like that? He was coming for me, and suddenly my body froze, panic incapacitating my systems. I saw him approaching, his hand extending, and as he was about to reach me, he dodged.

Edward didn't stayed to analyse my skills either, but he ran towards me launching an air kick towards yellow-jacket. Of course, it was ineffective if he wanted to take him out, but Edward aimed more to distract him from me. He afterwards landed badly, his missing arm making it hard for him to maintain his equilibrium.

Scar-face didn't seem baffled, easily manoeuvring both of us, my alchemy and Edward's kicks. We maintained a good rhythm, but this fight couldn't last much longer. My movements started to become sloppier, the fuzzy feeling in my head increasing. Also, I started feeling blood drip from my nose through my upper lip. The vision from earlier was taking its toll on me, and my constant use of my internal flow in alchemy was tiring me up. I wasn't going to last for much longer, and after I was done Edward and Al were too. We had to take this guy out.

Edward must've sensed my critical condition, and started shielding me from yellow-jacket. Every time he got close, he was trying to distract him, giving me time to transmute something. But my alchemy stood no chance to his reflexes and Edward couldn't transmute single armed. We were going like this, him kicking, I creating and the guy blowing things up super-fast with his right hand, when the thing happened.

After I created a wall my vision blackened, but I regained my composure fast. The only problem was that I wasn't able to see the lines anymore. I tried to use my flow, that was getting weaker and weaker, and bend it, but nothing happened. Desperate, I watched as the guy grabbed Edward's leg and tossed him on the pavement, his gasp of pain making me desperate.

"I had enough of your running around. Divine punishment must be granted already." And with that he raised his hand, not towards me, but to Edward. I didn't know what I did. I just knew that my body moved faster than I had ever felt it, muscles tensing on their own, and I suddenly was thrown over Edward, my arms encircling him from my back, my face looking fiercely to the olive skinned man.

I watched as the palm of his hand came to me, all to slow, and I braced for the pain. I knew I was done, I just hoped that the brothers weren't also. Instinctively, I closed my eyes, and prepared to die.

But nothing touched me besides Ed's ragged breath, and when the familiar sound of the gunshot made my ears tinge, I felt the most powerful feeling of relief, everything in my body dropping sloppily. There was only one thing that could have been responsible for that gunshot, and as I opened my eyes I saw through the stretched fingers of a palm, black cars and blue uniforms. Then the voice boomed, and I had never been happier to hear his accented words.

"That's enough. You've made quite a mess, Scar." Roy yelled across the street, his words blooming hope in my chest. Scar, as he named him, turned his attention from me to the raven haired man, his olive fingers disappearing from my face. I didn't ever remember feeling more relieved than this.

As panic and fear slipped from my mind I saw that besides him looking as fierce as ever was his team. Riza, her glare cold and calculating. Falman, Jean, Breda. Even Fuery was there holding his gun decisively. I knew that they came more for Edward than me but I couldn't contain the feeling of gratitude that swelled in me.

"I'll be taking you in custody under the offence of murdering several State Alchemists." As his words reached me a pair of deaths flashed in my mind of various alchemists culminating with Nina and Tucker. Yes, more than several unnecessary deaths.

To my ultimate joy Scar stood up and faced Roy completely, not even paying attention to me or the State Alchemist I was protecting. I felt Edward's tense body undermine, his breaths as ragged as mine, knowing that he felt as hopeful as I did in spite of better logic.

"Alchemists are beings who alter the original form of matter." said suddenly the olive skinned man, his voice making me shudder. He really believed his words and the rightness of his purpose. "In other words an affront to God, creator of all." I bit my lip knowing that it wasn't my pale to start a religious debate. "I bring judgement acting as God's hand." How arrogant of him and despite being so close to death I barely kept my lips tight shut. "If you choose to get in my way I will eliminate you as well."

As he said those words his voice lowered revealing the murderous intent behind those words. I didn't knew who I was most afraid for, Edward or Roy himself. How will respond the Flame Alchemist to this? I was almost scared of the possibility.

And after a pause his voiced reached me freezing me in place. "Interesting." "Stupid, arrogant, bastard!" I spat, as I knew what would come. Couldn't he see the rain pouring onto us? I didn't get to see what happened next as I concentrated my attention on Edward's voice that came muffle from behind me. "We have to get out of the way." I just nodded knowing that we will get our occasion. My attention was brought back to Scar when he said Roy's name, knowing he instantly became a target. I didn't get to say anything as a wave of nausea and pain made my vision flicker. What..? But Roy's person was more important than ours as Scar started running towards the military group. Now.

Ignoring any strange sensation in my body, I ran forward at the same time gripping Edward and pulling him with all my might. To my ultimate relief Al was just in front of us, our fight stopped in front of the alley where he was destroyed. I had just reached him before I had to let go of Edward the pain making me fall to the ground helplessly.

I heard rustling and voices but they came muffled, as I had my attention snapped painfully to myself. What was happening? The pain, the feeling of weakness? It never happened before. As I was pondering suddenly the headache gripped me in its tight claw. Images invaded my mind. This time they were present images merging in a storm with my worried thoughts. I could see Roy fighting Scar, Riza making him fall avoiding his death. Major Armstrong jumping in. The gunshots just as Riza fired her arm. It was all as clear as a movie in my mind, even though things happened just a few meters away from me. A screeching sound pierced the night and I realised it was my voice. My scream. I wanted the images to stop, as every sequence was just another burning pain seared into my head. I couldn't see them anymore. They hurt. I felt my lungs being invaded by liquid and coughed helplessly. What was happening? Then he images transformed, going beyond Roy and Riza and the fight. They changed and shifted to familiar yet unknown surroundings and conception.

Objects appeared in my mind as well as their names. Computer. Headphones. Mobile phone. Car. Boat. Plane.

Also people flashed in my mind. Buildings. Names. And pain.

Oh the pain. When it came, it was more destructive than my physical one by far, her grip suffocating me. There were so many emotions, new yet familiar. And so powerful. Desperation. Grief. Abandonment. Hate. Sadness. Pain. Loneliness. Worthlessness. So powerful and so deep and I knew I had dealt with them before. They flooded me, succumbing me to their will and flow, enveloping me into their dark touch. I knew that once they had been so powerful that I wanted to kill myself to stop them. Now they were more than that, more than anything was, and the concept of happiness was completely wiped from my mind. Yes, I remembered the reasons why I felt all this, everything coming so suddenly, altogether. Years of suffering felt at the same time. So many nuances of the same feeling. It wasn't right, or natural. I wanted to make them stop. I wanted to never feel them again.

I knew I was yelling, but it was nothing compared to the scorching pain. I knew who I was, and God I wish I had everything taken away from me again just to forget. To let myself be surrounded by blissful ignorance. I knew who the faces where. I knew why I had feelings that didn't link. I knew that they had been so strong that they pierced even through my memory less mind.

Hands gripped me and I fought them. That brought other things forth. Dirt and rain. White and black. Hands and teeth. I knew what I was, why I was and what I had been. All made sense and everything lost any kind of logic.

A voice pierced through my mind. It was masculine, strong and imperative. I almost lost myself when I felt myself being dragged to it. To the words, to the people calling to me.

And reality came forth.

I was on the knelt on the ground as someone restraining my hands in front of me. Tears were running from my eyes and my throat hurt so badly. Also, I felt a weird feeling of wetness from my ears and nostrils, as well as a metallic taste in my mouth. I watched through teary eyes as Roy's frantic eyes pierced mine. How could anything be the same when I knew the truth? How could I handle it?

"Hey, do you hear me?! " he yelled again his hands shaking me as a rag doll. I just watched him with wonder and horror as reality settled in. Riza was running to me as long as the team and I heard Edward and Al saying something. I just concentrated on Roy and his hands, and how they earthed me when I had been spiralling into a void. I felt a new wave of tears, and as my vision blurred as I launched myself to him, clutching him tighter than anything. He was there, I couldn't go anywhere now, as he was there. His hands went around me, strong and warm keeping me to his chest as I gripped his clothes weeping and sobbing uncontrollably. I heard soothing words being said in my ears in a language that I didn't know, and I let myself drown in the fake feeling of belonging his touch gave me. It was just a rock to keep me from rifting, but I never felt such welcoming feelings before. I wanted to believe just this lie because I had already seen Truth and it was too much.

"What happened?" I heard Riza almost yell her composure completely lost.

I didn't respond just tried to keep my sobs at bay. After I managed something, I trashed free from his arms and met his confused eyes. They were so dark and comforting.

"What is wrong? Tell me!" he said imperative again. I just starred and then chuckled darkly. The sound made everyone flinch.

"Oh Roy. What is wrong you say? What isn't I must ask you?" My tone merging from sweet to a yell.

"I remember what I wish to forget! I hate everything. And the truth! I don't want it, I don't want any of this! I remember and it hurts!"

I felt my mind starting to become fuzzy, my vision blackening slightly to my corners.

"You have no idea what I am! You have no idea who made me like this!" I continued yelling ignoring the pain I was making myself feel so. Suddenly, I wanted his hands off me; he didn't deserve to touch the half-being I was. Almost as a mad person, I started to trash ignoring the voice or my blackening vision. I just wanted to escape. I wanted to escape the place I belonged to.

As I fought, my vision went black and the arms were as dark as ever, dragging me into the darkness of the Gate. No it wasn't fair. It wasn't fair!

"I don't want to belong to the Gate." I thought before everything went numb and I swiped away into a welcoming nothingness.

A.N. Thank you so much for the views nice words and follows, I can't express how much I appreciate them, even if they aren't much of deal to you.

Also I wanted to tell you that things will get tricky from now on. Since it was summer holiday I had time to write and update. Now I am lucky if I would be able to publish one chapter/week since school is very tiring and takes much on me. So the story might go in a slow pace for a long while especially since I will run out of pre-written chapters. I wanted tot ell you that under no circumstance i will abandon the story so just stick with me ok? As much as it pains you not to have anything to read, so it pains me not being able to write. I am sorry (for you and me both) but there aren't many variants that I can choose from. So sorry and stick with me. Love you all.

Al