Chapter 10: Jueves sometime in the wee hours of the morning

*** boom crash ***

"Ow crap" I sat up and rubbed my head. How the heck did I manage to fall out of my bed still rolled up in all my blankets? I struggle to get out of the death grip my blankets have me tangled in.

Once I put my sheets back on my bed, I realize my pillow was still lodged underneath. I had a really horrible night sleep and just wanted to go back to bed. I tried pulling my pillow out but it snagged so I got off the bed and looked under it. I finally got it unhooked but I noticed underneath was a scrapbook.

I pulled it out and brushed off the dust. There is a little girl on the cover with brown hair in pigtails planting a flower in a garden. I open the book and on the first page, in big bold letters is my mother's name, Leslie Ann Tresser.

I feel the book drop out of my hands but can't seem to move and pick it up.

My mind is swirling with indecision. If I pick up the book and look through it that will just end up opening the floodgate of all my scattered emotions but if I stick it back under the bed I will always have the feeling of wanting to have looked inside.

I decide my emotions are already out of control so this couldn't really be any worse. I pick up the book and open it again. I start flipping through pages slowly looking at my mom when she was a baby in her crib.

Then to those incredibly embarrassing naked bath pictures that your parents always take out at the most awkward times.

I kept going through her childhood years playing with dolls and climbing up trees. One was when she tried to stuff too many marshmallows in her mouth.

All the way up to her teen years when she met my dad. They were so goofy but already at sixteen you can tell they loved each other.

I smile as I keep looking through the pictures. Sure sometimes my eyes would get a little misty but all together I was happy I got to see my moms childhood; it was nice.

I was just about to put it up on my dresser when I see a folded piece of paper sticking out of the side. I try to pull it out but it rips a little bit. Being a bit more careful I get it out. It's addressed to my grandma in my mom's handwriting. I know it's a little wrong to look through peoples mail but really what's the harm?

The top was ripped off but I think it was only the name and date. It says:

Mom I don't know what to do. I am going crazy. I don't know how to tell you this, but I need to just spit it out. I wish I could tell you in person, but John and I are gone for his work in Atlanta and you really need to get your phone fixed. It's been months mom! You might want to sit down… I'm pregnant.

You can take some time to process this. I know you are probably really mad and want to tell me how irresponsible I am, but trust me I know this. I can't believe this happened. It is just, I don't even have words.

But I'm scared.

I am only nineteen and I am not even married! I know John and I are going to be together forever but we aren't ready for a baby and we still have so much we need to do with our jobs and we are only a year out of high school.

I don't want this baby. Oh that sounds like the most awful thing I could possibly say, but I am not ready, I don't know anything about children, I don't have a stable life. John and I travel constantly. What am I going to do? Am I a terrible person? I probably am. I know I won't get an abortion because its not the baby's fault I screwed up and made a big mistake. I am considering adoption… I feel so horrible about this.

I haven't even told John about it yet. I can't even imagine how he will react. It was so unplanned. What if he leaves me? Mom I would die. I can't live without him. No, I know he wouldn't leave me. I'm sorry I shouldn't have even said that he would get so mad if he read that. I know he loves me.

That's another reason I feel horrible. He loves me and wouldn't leave me so now because I have this baby he will need to quit his job that he loves and take one with better stability. What have I done? I need to talk to you so badly. The minute I get back home I am flying up there to see you. I…

I could feel my heart breaking. I couldn't read anymore or see anything at all because my tears were filling my eyes. There was a loud snap of thunder and I burst into sobs. I couldn't control it; I was falling apart. I put my knees against my chest and tried rocking back and forth. I know the letter was about me. She had me when she was twenty.

She didn't want me.

I was just some burden to her.

A huge mistake.

I was crying so hard my body shook. The rain was so loud outside you couldn't hear my sobs thankfully. I was so upset I couldn't breath. I felt like I was suffocating. I needed air. I opened my window and the freezing cold air flew across my face but I couldn't feel anything. It was like I was numb to the world. I threw a sweatshirt on and climbed out the window.

I tried wiping my eyes but it was a lost cause. More tears would just fill their place not to mention the pouring rain. I was already drenched but nothing could hurt more than my heart.

I mean throughout my whole life I was hanging on to this little limb of hope that even though my parents died they loved me so much to stay with me forever. Now I feel like the limb was ripped away from me and I am falling into a downward spiral. My parents never even wanted me. My mind is on overload.

I started running trying to think only of keeping steady pace and breathing in and out. Obviously I wasn't in a right state of mind because I am a huge klutz and running without eyesight is suicidal.

I immediately tripped over a branch that was lying on the ground and I flew into a bush. I know I had some scrapes, but I didn't care. I didn't care about anything anymore I just wanted to sit here alone and never move again. Moving meant feeling and feeling meant pain.

I drifted in and out of consciousness and after that I couldn't think clearly at all. Nothing made sense and I welcomed the haze.

I knew I must be cold because I would shiver constantly, yet I couldn't feel cold or any pain. I thought I heard a howl but it didn't faze me at all. I didn't care if an animal came over here and attacked me. Nothing mattered right now.

I couldn't tell if it had been five minutes or five hours, because my mind was so foggy. In a trance like state I saw a movement behind some deadwood and brush. It sounds like it must be a pretty big animal, but my body stays put. In slow motion I see a giant figure start to come around the bush. It looks like a bear maybe. I feel like I am dreaming because in the next second a giant wolf comes in front of me. Its silver gray fur soaked with rain. He tilts his head to the side as if evaluating me. My gut feeling tells me it's a boy and I always trust my gut.

I know this must be a dream because there is no such thing as a giant wolf plus I would run away if I were awake. I look away not wanting to make it attack me and wake me up from this dream. At least in a dream your mind can be blank of everything else.

He starts to walk slowly up to me and his eyes show worry in them. Wow I have lost my mind. I am giving a giant wolf emotion in my dream. I shiver violently and suddenly the wolf curls up next to me. He is so incredibly warm so I rest my head on his back. His fur is soft and smooth and even though it's completely soaked it smells kind of nice. My hand gently stokes his head and I thought I heard a contented sigh.

His warmth surrounds me as I drift back to sleep but now thoughts start racing back to my mind stinging like bumble bees never dying never stopping just sting, sting, thoughts, more thoughts. My mind feels like its about to explode and I need to run be free from these horrid thoughts. I jump to my feet and race off not caring if the wolf chases me or not.

Dodging in and out of trees, hearing nothing but the wind whistling in my ears I keep running until there is an opening in the trees uncovering a hidden meadow. I bring myself to a halt and almost summersault but when my eyes look up I see something I never wanted to see in my life.

So there you have it another chapter and this one much faster if I do say so myself! Haha cliffhanger! I know there are so many options to what it could be, but trust me I doubt you'll guess it yet in the slight chance you do leave a review with your guess on what it could be and if you get it right I will send you a clip of the next chapter early! And leave a review anyway to show the love 3 because a loved writer is a happy writer and a happy writer updates super ninja fast! Love you all have a fun weekend