Chapter Ten: Control

Carl POV

"Babe, I can get it myself."

"I know but I don't mind handing it to you."

I internally groaned, while I appreciated Tay's helpful nature, it had been getting on my nerves as of late. "Thanks." He handed me what I was reaching for and let me go about my business. While I did love being around him again, especially after such a long time apart, but he was smothering me with attention and doing even the most mundane tasks for me. He handed me things I could easily reach, got me food, almost fed it to me, wiped my mouth for me, helped me shower…okay that last one was nice but my point is that things I could do were being done for me without me asking.

I was thankful that he comforted me when I had a night terror but some of the things he didn't let me do were starting to grate on my nerves. "Hey, you okay?" Camille asked me. I looked over my shoulder at Tay, who was busy talking to Brittany and his mom.

I dragged her to the back of the building, whirled her around and began to speak. "NO! Tay has been suffocating me with attention and doing EVERYTHING for me. He won't let me out of his sight, he won't let me leave without him escorting me, and he's even been secretly preventing me from going on runs."

Camille dutifully listened to me rant and rave about my now overprotective boyfriend. Simply nodding her head and chiming in with an occasional confirmation that she was listening to me talk. Eventually I finished my rant, taking a deep breath before running my hands through my hair. As soon as I reached the trimmed tips of my hair, I remembered when Tay sat me between his legs on our bed, trimming it for me. I felt a bit bad for seeming so angry.

"I know he means well…I know he's still a good boyfriend and that he loves me but I feel so smothered."

"I understand. I wanted to intervene, as did…everyone else but we didn't want to poke our noses in a relationship that wasn't ours to meddle with. We thought things would work themselves out but it's been three and a half months."

"Should I talk to him?"

"If you want your independence back, yes."

"How should I approach this? I don't want to hurt him or anger him."

"Tay's an understanding person. He'll understand that he's had blinders on this whole time and hasn't seen the damage he's been doing since you got back. He might be a bit miffed at first but you two will be fine."

"Thanks…I needed a pep talk."

"You're quite welcome. Brittany and I kinda planned this, she'd go talk to Tay about something and give us a moment to talk in peace."

"You guys are great."

"We try our best. Now get in there and talk to your man."

I quickly hugged Camille before we entered the building again. I strode directly up to Tay, who had just finished talking with Brittany, and dragged him away to our room. "Is everything okay?"

"Not really." I shut the door behind me, trying and failing to meet his gaze after I turned to face him.

"Talk to me. I'll listen."

"I know you will, I'm afraid of how you'll react." I took a deep breath and collected my thoughts. "I feel like you've been overbearing lately, like you've been doing everything for me. I know you're worried about me but treating me like I'm made of glass isn't doing me any favors. I want…I want you to trust me enough to…to grab my own cereal, to go outside and sit by the water...to go on runs again."

"Absolutely not."

"What?"

"I'm not letting you go back out there. You can get your own food, you can go sit on the docks, but you are not going on any more runs. Bottom line."

"Are you even hearing yourself?! You're practically imprisoning me! You can't do that!"

"I can and I am. You're not leaving here, Carl."

"But Tay-"

"THAT'S FINAL!"

I was taken aback; he'd never yelled at me like this before. I stood there shocked that he was being so stubborn about this issue. I expected a bit of resistance but this was outright refusal. I felt my face form into a deep scowl before I started gathering our spare pillow and comforter.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm sleeping downstairs tonight."

"Why?"

"You're being a stubborn asshole and treating me like a child! Bad things happen in this world, Tay. I decided to let them take me so YOU could live. I didn't care if they killed me, I cared if YOU lived. But you're so wrapped up in guilt that you can't see that it was MY idea to go with them. I can't stay cooped up here forever, I will eventually go back out there. And by the way, the longer you keep me here, the longer you stay here keeping watch over me, the duller our skills get, that means we'll be less useful in the field, which means we're more likely to get killed. Think about that while you're sleeping alone."

With that, I opened the door and went down stairs to set up a place to sleep for the night, leaving Tay to think about what I said.

Brittany POV

"Those two seem a bit off to you?" Camille whispered to me.

"Yeah, they're sort of standoffish. Not speaking to each other, sitting on opposite ends of the table, barely making eye contact. Guessing their talk didn't go well."

"Think we should intervene?"

I looked at Camille then at Tay and Carl. I slammed my hands on the table and shouted "Stop being a lil shit you lil shit!"

"Well that's one way to intervene." Camille muttered as she sipped more of her tea.

Tay and Carl just looked at me then at each other before getting up, muttering about some menial task they just so happened to have to do right then and there. They both went in different directions, leaving Camille and I alone at the table. I plopped back down into my seat, more aggravated than I was before.

Camille patted my shoulder as she took out a book. "Give it time."

Carl POV

I was walking back from the pond when Brittany grabbed me and dragged me outside. She pushed me against the wall before folding her arms. "Talk."

"Might wanna go a bit easier on me if you want information."

"I could punch you in the balls next time."

"Jesus woman, have you no tact?"

"No, it left with my patience."

"Fine. I talked to him and it didn't go well."

"Obviously. What are you going to do about it?"

"Why do I have to do something about it?"

"ONE OF YOU DUMBASSES HAS TO! Jesus. When was the last time you two even fooled around?"

I felt my face heat up. "Well…it's been 5 months since we've done anything."

"Dude…you were missing for two of those."

"Yeah…"

"Have you two even kissed since you've been back?"

"Once…in the car. It felt weird so we stopped."

"Fucking hell…GET IN THERE AND RIDE THAT BITCH INTO THE SUNSET!"

"W-what?!"

"You. Heard. ME! Get in there and ride that bitch until the wheels fall off or lay pipe like you're a fucking plumber."

"Brittany! We haven't…"

"You have got to be kidding me. So, what's with all the moaning?!"

"He umm…he's really good with his tongue." I said blushing profusely.

"Head game is A1 hmm? I knew my boy had skills. Well, that's even more reason to make up. You get a make-up blow job, maybe even sex."

"I just want him back to his old self."

"Sorry to say, that ain't happening. You can change him a bit but he won't be the same man you knew."

"Well…it's better than nothing. But he fouled up, he should come to me."

"Alright, what are you gonna do until then?"

"…wait…that's all I really can do."

Tay POV

"Hey Tay, can I talk to you for a second?" Camille asked softly as she approached me.

"Is this about this morning?" I asked as I hung clothes up to dry.

"Yes. Are You and Carl okay?"

"What do you think?" I paused after hearing how harsh that sounded. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say it that way. Me and Carl are…not on the best terms."

"Go on."

"I told him that I would let him be more independent but…he wasn't allowed to go on runs anymore."

"Tay…"

"Are you going to get on my case too?!"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I am! You know full well you can't keep him here! He's 18 years old, he's been living in this world for years, just like you, just like me, and he's been fine! You cannot keep treating him like a child!"

"I REFUSE TO LET HIM GET HURT AGAIN!" I quieted down a bit after realizing how loud I was. "Never. Again. I won't let him go out there and run the risk of getting taken or killed."

"Tay, he's been dutifully obeying you but you're essentially caging a wild animal that needs room to roam. Yes, this world is fraught with danger but you can't protect him forever. You can't be by his side for everything, you have to trust him and the skills you helped instill in him. Think about it." Camille patted me on the shoulder before walking back inside.

I pondered her words briefly before grunting and getting back to hanging laundry.

Carl POV

"How long's it been?" Michonne whispered.

"About 3 days." Sharon said.

"Really? I thought they would have reconciled by now. It's so unlike them to be mad at each other longer than a few minutes, let alone a few days."

"I can hear you." I sat up from my new and slightly uncomfortable spot on the couch.

"We're just worried about you two, you've never been mad at each other this long before." Michonne stated flatly.

"I'm not in the wrong here so I'm not apologizing. I have nothing to apologize for."

"We're not saying that, we agree with you." Sharon added.

That was sort of major, the fact that Tay's own mother agreed with me kind of made me happy. "Really?"

They both nodded. "I wanted to talk to him about it because confining you to this place is just crazy. I know he wants to keep you safe but there are other ways to go about it."

I looked away from them for a second, thinking about what had been nagging at the back of my mind since I got back. "Carl, you okay?"

"Just tired, Michonne…Just tired."

Tay POV

Four days. Four whole days this has been going on. For the fourth day in a row, I was sitting in the bed, that I normally shared, alone. Carl was probably sleeping peacefully downstairs and that bothered me. I replayed our conversation repeatedly in my head and started to see his point. I had been treating him like a child and it wasn't fair to him. I just…wanted him to be safe, that's all I could think about for two months. Not knowing if he was dead or alive took a toll on me and not being able to just rush in and get him made it worse.

That was no excuse though. I couldn't protect Carl forever, I had to trust that he would be okay. I had to have hope. "Wow, my words came back to bite me in the ass." I sighed, running my hands through my hair. "Well, time to go fix this huge mess I made."

I climbed out of bed, making sure I grabbed my gun, and made my way down stairs. I looked at where I expected Carl to be but he wasn't there. I slightly panicked, thinking the worst had happened. I looked around until I saw the door to the docks propped open. I made my way over to the door, slowly swinging it open.

My eyes fell on a beautiful sight, the guy I loved was casually sitting at the end of the docks, reading a book. To anyone else He would have looked like some punk or loner but I noticed the little things in this moment: the pale blue glow of the moonlight reflecting off the water onto his profile, the soft breeze ruffling his hair, his lean frame clad in just a t-shirt and boxers, he was the epitome of beauty.

I chuckled lightly to myself, feeling my body relax as I figured out what to say to him. I slipped my gun into my waistband before putting my hands in my pockets. "Hey, kinda cold out here isn't it?"

He didn't look up from his book as he responded. "I'm fine." I could see a chill rip through his body but he did his best to play it off.

"Alright." I smiled a bit more as I wandered closer to him, coming to rest just behind him. "It's a lovely night, the sky is clear for once."

"Mmhmm."

I knelt next to him trying to get a better look at the book he had his nose firmly planted in. "Are you…are you re-reading Night?"

"I like the book."

"I know, we spent time reading it together when we first got here. You'd nag me about reading it all day and ask me what was going to happen in the next chapter."

"Yup." He was clearly still mad at me, and I didn't blame him. I was being selfish by keeping him caged here. I tucked his hair behind his ear as it started to fall in front of his face. He didn't shy away from my touch so I would count this as progress.

"Carl."

"What?"

"Look at me."

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Why not."

"I don't owe you an explanation." The coldness in his tone made me remember the way I had spoken to mom when I leapt from the walkway.

"You're right, you don't. but I owe you something; an apology." That got his attention, I saw him quickly glance over at me before his eyes returned to the book.

"Go on."

"I'm sorry I tried to keep you confined to this place. After you were taken and seeing the state you were in when I found you, I vowed to protect you even if it cost me my life. But the one event that kind of solidified this behavior was when you had that first night terror." I saw him stiffen a bit but I continued speaking. "That night was what did it for me. It's no excuse but all I wanted was for you to be safe."

"I accept your apology." He closed the book, picked up his gun, and moved to head back inside.

"Wait, where are you going?"

"To bed." He stated simply before heading inside.

"Shit…did I really fuck up that bad?" I stood facing the water for a few more minutes, pondering my next move. When my thinking became circular, I decided to go back to bed as well. I headed inside, locking the door behind me. As I made my way towards the stairs, I saw that Carl's things weren't on the couch anymore. I shifted my gaze towards the stairs, darting up them and into our room.

I saw Carl putting covers back on our bed before preparing to climb into it. "What? I said I was going to bed." He shot me a coy smile before climbing under the sheets. I felt a huge smile forming on my face before pouncing on top of him.

"So you're not mad at me anymore?"

"I'm still a bit miffed."

"Reasonably so. You still love me?"

"I never stopped, I just hated how protective you were being."

"Again, I'm sorry. I didn't want you to get hurt again." He lowered his gaze for what felt like an eternity but must have only been an instant. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing…"

I tried to meet his eyes but he kept evading my stare. I had a hunch but I didn't know how to approach the subject, so I just asked him. "Is it because of the scar on your back?" I felt him tense up underneath me and knew that I was right on the money. "It is."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"We'll have to eventually."

"No, we won't!"

"Carl, don't let the origin of that scar define you. You got it because you resisted their attempts to break you! The scar, to me, is a mark of strength." He slipped out from under me, facing the wall. I caught sight of the slightly paler skin on his back before he covered it with the blanket. I slipped in under the covers behind him, wrapping him in my arms and kissing the nape of his neck.

"I hate it…"

"I know you do babe." I placed a tender kiss on his scar. "You're still beautiful to me. You always will be. I will kiss this scar every morning when I wake up and every night before I fall asleep just to let you know I still find you beautiful."

"It won't take away the memories."

"I know, but maybe we can replace them with new ones, maybe you'll start to wear it proudly." I felt him run his hand along my forearm where my tattoos were.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you."

"Which time? Now, or 4 days ago?"

"Both times…"

"I needed it. I'm not mad at you."

"I missed this." He pushed back into me, nestling himself even deeper into my arms.

"I did too. I haven't slept well the last few nights."

"Neither have I, usually when you saw me in the mornings, I had only been asleep for an hour or two."

"Tonight, you can sleep easier knowing that I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere, promise."

"Thank you…"

I kissed the back of his head before getting comfortable. "I love you…"

"I love you too…"