-1More Than A Memory (Garth Brooks)

Thirty was too old to not know what it was he wanted out of life. Other men his age were married, had a kid or two. Granted most other men hadn't spent a good portion of the last decade in medical school. Nor had they grown up watching their father use their mother as a personal punching bag. He was getting past that though. He was learning that he wasn't like the old man, that he would never be like him, and it was okay to let love into his life.

"Dr. Karev? Was I right?"

Alex shakes his head, frowning a bit. He looks into the large blue eyes of one his interns. A kid named Dr. Megan Mahoney. A bit to eager, a bit to clingy. Always in need of encouragement. He tried to not let the kid bother him to much, but there were days, like today, when he just wanted to yell at her. "Go through it again," he barked.

The small intern jumped, her five foot nothing body trembling. "The patient has chronic headaches, frequent muscle weakness and cramps, as well as a constant prickling sensation. He also has a history of high blood pressure, with a few of his labs showing low potassium levels. Given his past labs there is reason to believe he may have primary aldosteronism."

Annoying but smart. "How do you plan on confirming this?"

"Oral salt loading followed by saline loading. After which we will need to do a fludrocortisone suppression test." It came out all in one breath. "Also, we need to have adrenal vein sampling done."

Alex nods, mumbles off some orders to carry the tests out then walks out of the room. Megan had been the last of his interns needing assigned. He would have to make the rounds. Check on the others. At some point today he would have to corner Izzie, find out if she was coming tonight. Something told him it was a dead in the water point. They had both said some things this morning they shouldn't have.

"Hey!"

He turns at the familiar voice. Rebecca hurried towards him, her eyes shining. There was a bit of a flush to her face, one that made him frown slightly. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Sure. Why wouldn't I be?" There was defensive note in her voice. Her arms crossed over her chest. The flush deepened, her nostrils flared a bit. "Sorry. My allergies might be acting up. Making my head feel stuffy and such. I didn't mean to snap." She smiles sweetly at him, grabbing his arm. "I thought I would surprise you for lunch!"

"It's a nice surprise." Alex grins, brushing a lock of brown hair from her forehead. From the corner of his eye spots Izzie talking heatedly with a nurse. There was a lot of finger stabbing at a chart. At one point Izzie's voice raised.

"Hello! Earth to Alex." Rebecca waved a hand in front of his eyes, clearly annoyed at his lack of focus. "Is there somewhere we can maybe…I don't know…be alone?"

Alone. They had never really been alone. Not in the physical sense anyways. It wasn't that she hadn't hinted, or that he hadn't been interested, he just figured if he wanted this relationship to work he had to take things slowly. Perhaps it was time though. Time to move forward. "Yeah. I know a place." He leads her toward one of the on call rooms. A quick glance inside revealed it to be empty.

The moment the door was shut and locked, she launched herself at him, nipping his neck. He grimaces. The one thing about Rebecca that annoyed him was the overly wet kisses that were borderline bites. "I can't have any marks," he reminded, cupping her face in his. He lowers his mouth, wincing when she giggles and sucks his lower lip. Just once he would like to get through a kiss without her doing that. Pulling his head away from her's he tries again. She kisses him back hard, her fingers digging into his shoulders. Closing his eyes, he slides his hands under her purple top, cupping her smallish breasts. He knows he shouldn't do it, yet he can't help but think about how much fuller Izzie's were, how much softer. He kisses her with a bit more aggression, breaking only to pull her shirt over head. She moans, pressing her body closer to his. He unbuttons her khaki skirt, shoving it past her hips. She back away from him, grinning as she lays back on the bunk. He stands there for a moment, an odd look crossing his face.

Izzie giggles as he nuzzles her neck. Her fingers gently walk down his abdomen, tracing a line just over the band of his scrub pants. He groans as her long, slender fingers slide inside, running up and down the length of his cock. He grabs her wrist, yanking her hand from his pants. She smirks, pushing him back onto the lower bunk.

"Alex?"

He blinks, rubbing the back of his neck. "I can't…" What the hell was his problem? The woman he loved, who loved him in return, was laying there, almost naked, and willing, and what did he do? He had flashbacks of his ex non girlfriend who was now his roommate. "I just…I can't."

"Is it me?" Rebecca sat up.

Yes, his mind screamed. His heart seemed to be in full accordance. He couldn't tell her that though. She had done nothing to deserve this. She had uprooted her whole life to come show him how committed she was to making him realize she loved him. Except how much of his heart was invested in loving her? Yesterday he would have said all of it. That was yesterday though, and this way today. "It's me," he said in all honesty. It was him. Mostly. And the part that was her, well, it was because she…she wasn't Izzie. He had thought he was past that. God, he had wanted to be past that. Apparrently he wasn't though. "I just…why did you come back?"

Rebecca frowns, reaching for her top. "I told you. I came back because I thought I owed it to myself…to both of us…to see whether or not we had a future together. I came back because I love you. And, I know you love me too."

"I care about you. A lot." Alex admitted. That much was true. He did care. He had saved her. He had helped her through a trying time, had kept her from dying on more than one occasion. He would have had to of been a cold bastard to not care. Was it love? No. Not the way she wanted it to be. Not the way he had thought it to be.

"You care. Just care?" She tugged the top over her head, standing up. She bends at the waist, reaching for her skirt.

"I…You have to understand…" He couldn't explain. She wouldn't get it. Or maybe she would. Still, he couldn't do that to her. He couldn't tell her that he was in love with someone else.

"Understand what?" The anger in her voice stunned him for a moment. "I left my husband and child for you!"

"I didn't ask you to leave." He says quietly. "Why did you leave your little girl? I can understand leaving him…but her…"

She scowls, yanking her skirt up. "I don't know. Maybe because she doesn't feel like my little girl. All my memories of being pregnant with her seem like someone else's. I didn't even want a baby. He did. He thought it would make everything okay. That a baby would be a grand adventure. Right. Grand adventure for who? Not me. And I'm the one who would stuck caring for the little parasite. Which is all a baby is. A parasite. They feed off of you. Taking everything until there is nothing left."

Alex stares at her, stunned. Very little of the sweet woman he had come to care for was left in the angry woman before him. "Rebecca, have you ever talked to anyone…you know…about your feelings towards the baby?"

"Are you kidding me? Oh my God! You're just like him! Just like him! I'm not crazy! I'm not!" Rebecca shrieked, the flush creeping back up her cheeks.

"I know you're not," Alex soothed. Oh God. Why hadn't he seen this before? He hadn't wanted to, that was why. "I just know that sometimes new mother's can get a little over whelmed. It helps to talk to someone sometimes about those feelings."

"I don't need to talk to anyone. The problem is taken care of. No more him. No more baby." Rebecca snapped. She blew a lock of hair out of her face. "And no, I didn't do anything to them. I just left. I walked out the door. Came here. Because I love you! And I thought you loved me!" There were tears running down her cheeks now. Whether they were from anger, frustration or she was just that hurt he couldn't tell. He wasn't sure he wanted to tell.

"I'm sorry. I really am. I care about you. A lot. I just…I'm not in love with you." Alex smiled sadly. The tears were coming harder now. He felt at a loss as to what he should do. "I know this isn't what you want to hear…but I would like it if we could be friends."

"I don't want to be your friend!" She sobbed. "I don't understand. Nobody is going to love you more than I do! They can't!" Her hands grab a hold of his forearm. "Is there someone else? Are you attracted to someone else? Cause if you need to get them out of your system the way you did Addison I understand."

Gently, he pries her fingers loose from his arm. "Rebecca, don't do this. Don't make this any harder than it already is."

"This isn't hard for you!" She screamed. "I'm the one whose hurt here. Not you! I loved you. And you…you don't deserve my love! You don't deserve me. You don't deserve anyone!"

The door knob rattles a bit. "Alex? Is everything okay?" Izzie's muffled voice manages to break through Rebecca's screaming.

He placed his hand on the door knob, twisting the lock. "Don't!" Rebecca cried, wrapping her arms around her waist. He ignores her, unlocking the door. He pulls it open. Izzie stands there, frowning.

"What's going on?" Izzie asks in a whisper, touching his arm. The action was one of concern. There was nothing to it. Just a touch.

"Oh. I get it. It's her." Rebecca says bitterly. "She's the reason you're doing this to me." She lets out a small shriek, shoving him.

"Hey, I don't know what's going on here, but you had best get yourself under control," Izzie snaps. There was set to her jaw that gave off a warning to not push the issue further.

"Or what?" Rebecca taunted.

"Or I'm going to have to call security and have them haul your ass out of here!" Bailey's voice interjected. The shorter woman strides over, standing before them. Her arms cross. "This is a hospital. Not the Jerry Springer Show. I suggest that you deal with your domestic issues elsewhere." Rebecca's mouth opened, then snapped shut. She shoved through them all, running for the elevator. Bailey turned towards Alex, her lips pursed. "Why is it that none of you all can get it in your head's that dating a patient is a bad, bad idea. What is it going to take for you to get that?"

"I think I've got it," Alex mutters. Izzie glances over at him, questions in her dark eyes. Bailey shakes her head, snaps out another warning about doctors and patients before returning to her wide eyed group of interns.

"What happened in there?" Izzie asks. She maneuvers him back into the on call room. Her back presses against the door as she stares at him, waiting for an explanation.

"Short version, I broke up with her and she didn't like it." He tried to force a smile, it didn't come off the way he hoped. "You were right. That something wasn't right with a woman who would leave her baby. I brought the baby up…and she called her a parasite. A parasite. She acted…I don't know…not right."

Izzie sighs. "I'm sorry. I know you love her." Her gaze meets him. For a moment it felt like it had that morning. This connection running from him to her, and her to him. He trails his fingers down her cheek, across her lips. The kiss is soft, just his mouth brushing across her's. It was enough though. Enough to scare her.

"I have to go," Izzie stutters. He doesn't bother asking her to stay. He knew it would do him no good. He would have to just let her go. For now. He grins. He finally got it. Why it had taken him until he was thirty years old to figure himself out enough to fall in love. It was because he was waiting for Izzie.