Chapter 10: Kan-chan
Well here it is, the super reference! Let me know if you all like it, I have a few more written, it's a Disney reference! Tsukasa will show just how lyrical she can be! Hopefully, this will be obvious which song I'm parodying here, if it is, then I won in my eyes! Let me know if it's in your eyes too! (BTW if there is anything that's suppose to symbolize singing in the FF, it's when the quotation marks and the first and last words are bolded and if there's an uncalled for comma, that's where there's a pause of some sort. Oh yeah, and if an entire line is bolded, more then one person are singing it! I'm trying to make it so it would sound alright if it was sang to the song I'm parodying!)
Kan-chan
As Konata was on her second bottle of Sake, completely and fully intoxicated due to her small stature, they all heard a slam at the door. They all looked around to see Tony, clearly upset over something. He went to sit at a table.
"Yo~! Tony-boy! What's shakin! Hii-chan, another bottle for him!" A drunk Konata shouted.
"Konata, you're too drunk for more. Go home." Tony tersely said, not looking away from the spot on the table he seemed to be fascinated with.
"I'm not so think as you drunk I am! I intend to prosecute, the MINUTE I'm sober!" Konata shouted, laughing wildly at her own joke.
"I'll take Konata-san home and put her to bed, my mouth is turning purple as it is." Miyuki eye-smiled as she helped Konata off of her stool and start walking out of the bar.
"Mi... Miyuki-san... Sorry, *Hiccup* you'll have to marry me first." Konata mumbled, laughing again as if the world were an obscure joke only she could understand. The second she left, Tony's mood changed dramatically.
"Ignored! Rejected! DAMN! It's almost more than I can bear..." Tony shouted, bringing a fist down at the table he was at. The table shattered with no visible resistance. Grumbling, he moved to the bar and sat unknowingly next to Tsukasa.
! ! ! "Ka-Kan-chan, what's wrong?" Tsukasa asked, extremely concerned for her friend.
"I was just completely ignored on a date with the first girl I've gotten close to since..." Tony started, his throat closed, no longer allowing speech for a moment.
"Who was it? Was it Onee-chan?" Tsukasa asked in disbelief that her sister was capable of such cruelty.
"That is-..." Tony started, but stopped to think about what might happen if Tsukasa was told by him instead of Kagami that the two had gone on a "date". "... Classified." He finished, deciding he wouldn't curse Kagami for something he knew she had no control over.
"Well... Would you like some Sake? Kona-chan couldn't drink it all, she got too drunk." Tsukasa said, unsure of what to say in this situation. She knew drinks like that were supposed to help calm down angry or sad people. Look at what it had done to Konata!
"Thanks, but no thanks. It wouldn't help. I'm disgraced." Tony moped, looking thoroughly depressed.
"You? Never! Umm..." Tsukasa looked around the bar, spotting four gorgeous women in a booth. "Come here!" She shouted as she pulled Tony towards them.
*Sigh* "What?" Tony asked, disinterested.
"Hey girls, based on first impressions, would you date my friend here?" Tsukasa asked them, pointing to Tony. The answer was quick and unanimous.
"Yes!" With one even asking "Is that an offer?"
"No." Tony tersely said, pulling from Tsukasa's grasp and walking back to the bar.
"Umm... What do I do? I hate seeing people so miserable..." Tsukasa thought aloud. Maybe I should just tell him that and how great I think he is? They say music soothes the savage beast! She continued the thought in her head.
"Gosh it disturbs me to see you Kan-chan, looking so down in the dumps." Tsukasa started, hoping for a reaction. Tony merely turned away and grunted.
"Any girl here'd love to date you Kan-chan, even when you've got the grumps!
There's no guy in here half as strong as you are,
You're every girl's dream of a guy,
No other guy is as fast as a car,
All of this, there's no way, to deny~."She sang, hoping to cheer him up. She could see it would take more.
"No~ one~'s quick like Kan-chan,
No one's slick like Kan-chan,
No one's muscles are so very thick as Kan-chan's,
For there's no man in here half as awesome,
No one who's nearly as great~,
You can ask any Bubbles or Blossom,
And they'll tell you who they would all prefer to date~!
No~ one~'s built like Kan-chan,
Has great lilt like Kan-chan!
No one's personalities gilt like Kan-chan's!" Tsukasa continued, trying to think up more lyrics.
"As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating!" Tony shouted in a deep singing voice, cracking a small grin. I wonder where all this is coming from. Well, wherever it is, Tsukasa's a good liar. I almost believe what she's saying.
"My what a guy that Kan-chan!" Akira commented with a smile at the fact that her bar was turning Disney.
"For you, there is,
no clear respite,
Kan-chan is the best!" Tsukasa shouted, but her mind drew a blank.
"And the rest can suck it?" Akira offered. Tsukasa smiled for the help, but sweatdropped at the lack of a better rhyme.
"No~ One's~ Smart like Kan-chan,
Good at heart like Kan-chan,
No one practices martial arts like Kan-chan!" Tsukasa continued.
"For there's no one who seems to have his strength!" The four women from before sang.
"As you see, I have muscles to spare!" Tony shouted, picking the four's booth up, them included.
"You can hold these four up at great length!" Tsukasa shouted, seeing her friend regain confidence.
"That's right, I think I'll forget that whole sordid affair!" Tony smirked, making a decision.
"No one hits like Kan-chan!
Matches wits like Kan-chan,
If you're fighting him, you'll always quit to Kan-chan!" Tsukasa pressed on, happy for the assistance from everyone.
"Though it's true, those two will soon begin, their dating..." Tony commented, much to the confusion of Tsukasa, putting the four women and their booth down.
"What did you say there Kan-chan?" She asked.
"Before I was made to carry 23Kilos day and night in hopes I'd gain mass!
And now, at my best, I carry 300Kilos, so I can kick most any-one's ass~!" Tony laughed, flexing his muscles under his school blazer.
Eeeer... Tsukasa was starting to run out of rhymes...
"No~ One~ cares like Kan-chan,
Unimpaired like Kan-chan,
No one has quite the same flare like Kan-chan!" Tsukasa sang, trying to make it sound like she had many more.
"Of what I must do, there is no debating!" Tony shouted. If I can't have Kagami, I'll do whatever it takes to make her happy at least.
"Boy what a guy~, Kan-chan~!" Tsukasa shouted in reply and sat down next to Tony, satisfied that she had cheered him up.
"Thanks Tsukasa." Tony smiled. "You've helped me realize what I really want to do."
"What's that Kan-chan?" Tsukasa asked, happy that Tony was happy again.
"That's classified." Tony smirked as he thought, Man, it sure is amazing that no one said anything about the random singing... This bar really did go Disney! At that moment, a man came in the bar, looking thoroughly despondent. While Tony didn't recognize him, Tsukasa sure did.
"Dad, what's wrong?" Tsukasa cried out.
Her father, eh? Hmmm...
"Tsukasa? What are you doing here?" Tadao asked, though they could tell the only reason he asked was through sheer obligation as a parent.
"I was here with Kona-chan celebrating that she got better! I didn't drink any though!" She said, looking around for support.
"It's true, she didn't have anything to drink." Akira stated.
"Alright... Good girl..."
"What's wrong dad?" Tsukasa repeated.
"Nothing, don't worry about it Tsukasa..." The man mumbled unmoving, as if deciding what to do.
"Come! Sit and drink, you're among friends here!" Tony shouted, having formulated a plan.
"No thanks, I left without my wallet..." Tadao mumbled miserably.
Am I going to have to do a song for him too? Tsukasa feared. She could NOT come up with much more. Luckily, this fear would not be realized.
"Don't worry friend, it's on me! I even have Sweet Sake here if you want it! It's all yours." Tony shouted to the man, gesturing to the bottle.
"Maybe a drink..." Tadao walked over and sat next to Tony, unaware that this friendly boy even knew his daughters.
"Here you go, have as much as you want, it's on me." Tony said gently, passing the bottle to the senior Hiiragi. "Anything you want to talk about?" He pressed.
"You ever hear of a girl named Kagami Hiiragi?" The man asked, looking over at Tony.
"Someone told me she's a pretty smart girl, but not much more than that." Tony said, once again not lying. He had heard that, but no more from that particular person.
"She's my daughter." Tadao said, looking into his glass of Sake.
"Oh is she? You must be proud." Tony said, keeping the illusion that he didn't know her.
"Yeah except... I have a feeling something's on her mind. Something... nonacademic-wise... I think she might have feelings for some guy." Tadao explained, unknowingly to the person who had just, in a way, dumped her.
"Oh? And what makes you think that?" Tony asked, keeping his own thoughts under control.
"I don't know... She just gives off this... feeling that she's distracted by someone... You know?" Tadao said, looking to Tony for confirmation that he did, indeed, understand what he was saying.
"Yeah, I know what you mean." Tony replied before lowering his voice considerably so that only he and Tadao could hear. "Allow me to pose a question."
"What's up, friend?" Tadao asked, feeling comfortable and lowering his own voice to match his new friend's.
"What if this person your daughter likes... was a girl?" Tony asked, his plan reaching where he hoped it would pay off. Tadao visibly stiffened.
"You mean a-a lesbian? My daughter would never commit such actions! It's not acceptable! How could you suggest such a thing?" Tadao asked angrily, barely keeping to a whisper.
"I'm not suggesting anything. I'm merely curious as to what the consequences of such actions would be for her? What would you do, my friend?" Tony asked in reply, keeping calm.
"I... I would have to disown her I suppose..." Tadao mumbled even lower, seemingly at war with his own head. It was Tony's turn to stiffen.
As I feared. I'm not sure about Mr. Izumi, but Mr. Hiiragi doesn't approve. To go so far as to disown his daughter though? Damn. He's making me mad. "Well, if that's what would need to be done, that's what would need to be done." Tony said before returning to a normal voice. "But let's not dwell on such thoughts, I'm sure your daughter will be completely fine! Her grades must be important to her if she makes straight A's, I doubt anything will stop that. It's my own opinion that maybe you should just talk to her, you know?" Tony smiled, turning to the man.
"Yeah... yeah maybe I will... Thanks friend!" Tadao shouted as he left the bar. Tony's expression turned sour.
"Hey Tsukasa, what's your father's name?"
"I think it's Tadao, why?" Tsukasa asked, finding the entire conversation weird. And there was the fact that she had just used her father's name. That was weird feeling too.
"Old fashioned Tadao, hmmmm? Old fashioned Tadao..." Tony said, starting to think.
"Hii-chan, I'm afraid I've been thinking..." He started singing again.
"A dangerous pastime..."
"It's tough.
But an old fashioned man is her father.
And his tolerance isn't enough.
Now the wheels in my head have been turning,
Since I looked, at that young, precious dove.
You see, I've promised myself I would make her happy,
And from her father, she'll require love~!" Tony shouted, hatching a plan.
"If I..." He began whispering to Tsukasa.
"Then you..."
"And Miyuki..."
"You think he would?" Tsukasa asked, now sure she could help Tony's friend, who he's insisted remain anonymous until such a time that the plan came to fruition.
"Yes."
"If you think so... Let's go!" Tsukasa shouted, happy to help, but not putting two and two together to figure out that he was talking about her sister and father.
"No~ One~ plots like Kan-chan," Tony started again. For the sake of the lyrics, Tony started referring to himself in the third person.
"Takes cheap shots like Kan-chan."
"Plans to help people tie the love knot like Kan-chan,"
"Yes, I'm endlessly, wildly resourceful!"
"As for your affair you amend!"
"I wont even be mildly remorseful."
"Just as long as we can help out your lady friend!"
"Who has brains like Kan-chan?" Tony continued.
"Entertains like Kan-chan?"
"Who can make up these endless refrains like Kan-chan?" Akira shouted. Tony and Tsukasa paused for a moment to look to her in amusement.
Mehehehe... Fourth wall? What fourth wall? Tony thought quickly.
"So a couple we soon will be celebrating..." Tony said quietly.
"My what a guy~! Kan-chan~!" The three shouted, laughing.
"Thanks a lot you two." Tony smiled as he sat back at the bar. "By the way, I think I recognize you from somewhere..." He said, looking at the bartender.
"Oh do~ you?" She asked playfully.
"Aren't you Akira Kogami, the girl who plays in Luckier Channel?"
"Yay! I was hoping someone would recognize me! Yeah, that's me! The super idol!" She cheered.
"Idol?" Tony said with a cock of the head and a raised eyebrow. "No. Not idol."
"What do you mean?" Akira asked, a sad tone in her voice.
"Idols are generally very cute and very young." Tony started.
"Whacha tryin to say there?" Akira said, her tone switching from sad to death.
"I'm saying that while you fit these descriptions, there's a third one that you do not meet."
"And what's that?" Akira asked, her tone lightening slightly.
"Well, of all the idols I've seen, the longest lasting single one was about four or six years. Now when was Lucky Star created?"
"... 2004?"
"Correct. What year was this fan fiction created?"
"2011."
"Very~ good~. Now, use your brain for this one, how long is that time difference?"
"... 7 years?"
"Right. And people are STILL writing fan fictions with you in them, right?"
"Right. So what you're saying is..."
"That you've lasted, and will continue lasting, too long to be considered a proper idol. You're more of a star." Tony said. Akira's mood pulled an about face, from pretty angry to almost speechless.
"Yo-yo-you really think so?"
"It might just be my opinion, but yes."
"Thank you so much!" Akira jumped up and threw her arms in the air.
"Well, it's true as far as I can tell. Who knows though? But I have a question."
"What is it?" Akira shouted happily.
"Why are you working here? I thought you would be rehearsing for the Luckier Channel at the end of this chapter."
"Well you see... My mom and dad are divorced and dad stopped sending money to my mom, so now she takes a lot of money from each of my acting paychecks... With the little money I got to keep, I saved until I could buy this bar. So this and whatever other jobs I can find are the only ways I can really get by..." Akira stated sadly.
"Damn, that's too bad. I wish I could help." Tony said somberly.
"But I just met you! We don't really know each other inside the fourth wall!" Akira shouted in surprise.
"Yeah, but if your character's anything like it is outside the fourth wall then I would be happy to help you!" Tony smiled. "You're really nice when you're not working."
"Well that's because I don't get annoyed as easily when I'm not working..." Akira trailed off. "We're getting way off topic here Kan-chan." She commented, saying the name with a friendly mocking tone before giggling.
"Well, it IS Lucky Star... But I suppose you're right, this was suppose to be a short chapter, but here we've gone and prolonged it at least five hundred words! Without so much as a tendril of advancement in the story!" Tony laughed. "I wonder if the fourth wall can even be repaired now? We've broken it down so badly!"
"I bet our writer~ can do it!" Akira winked. Indeed I can.
"It seems like you two are becoming fast friends!" Tsukasa shouted as the wall was reconstructed.
"Yeah, the bartender's nice! You don't see that all too often outside shows." Tony commented.
"Don't I know it..." Akira mumbled.
Wait, did she just break the fourth wall AGAIN? I can't even tell anymore... Tony thought. After all, why would go to anyone else's bar if you have one yourself?
"So Kan-chan, do I REALLY have to do that?" Tsukasa asked, the reality of her friend's plan hitting her.
"Well, I suppose not, but you're the only person who my plan would have enough potency with. It would REALLY help my friend a LOT. I don't mean to sound like I'm trying to force you into doing it, if you don't want to then you don't have to, but it would work best with you. I realize that it is difficult for you if you don't know the girl. I AM asking a lot." Tony finished speaking, he started,
"Are you in or out?
Gotta know without a doubt!"
(A/N No Tony, I'm not writing two of them in one chapter. Maybe later.)
"Fine..."
"Who was that?" Tsukasa asked in a panic.
"Don't worry about it Tsukasa." Tony said in a calm voice.
"So when does your 'plan' have to start? How will I know who it is?" Tsukasa asked.
"I'll tell you when it's time and at that time, you'll have to act on the one I say. Thank you so much Tsukasa, you're helping more than you know." Tony turned and smiled a smile of genuine happiness. Now all he needed to do was convince Miyuki to go along with it. He wasn't sure if he could, the two hadn't had more then ten lines of dialogue. But then there was Miyuki's nature, she always loved to help in anyway possible. This will take a bit of strategy, I think.
"I'm glad to help Kan-chan!" Tsukasa shouted, a little distressed about whether or not she could go through with it when the time came.
"Well, we'll just have to see if Miyuki will agree. The plan MIGHT be able to work without her, but it would be truly difficult. Hey Tsukasa, do you know Misao?" Tony asked, remembering the name Kagami had mentioned.
"Well, Onee-chan told me a couple things about her, but not much. Why?" Tsukasa wondered what her sisters friend had to do with it. She suddenly got a thought. "Kan-chan, am I going to... have to..."
"Hm? If you're wondering, it's not you and your sister, why wouldn't I disclose such information? I doubt you would have any problem if that were the case."
"I guess not... It would just seem kinda weird, you know?"
"Yeah, but don't worry. Kagami will not be your target."
"Okay... But what if-" Tsukasa started, but was swiftly interrupted.
"Hey you two, are you trying to spoil the plan? I thought the writer wanted it to be a secret, that's why you whispered in the first place!" Akira scolded.
"Writer?" Tsukasa asked, a question mark above her head.
"I suppose you're right. This chapter has dragged on longer than the first four did already. And it was supposed to be a short chapter!" Tony laughed. "I suppose we really should end this soon, before the wall takes any more damage."
"I agree!" Akira chimed.
"Okay then, we need a good joke to end on." Tony said as he started thinking.
"Wha- What are you talking about?" Tsukasa asked, completely unaware as to the direction this conversation had taken.
"Hmmmm..." Akira hummed in thought. "Dragon Ball Evolution."
"PFTAHAHAHA!" Tony started to laugh as Tsukasa remained clueless. "Hahaha, Ah~... Highschool."
Luckier Channel
"Luckier~! Channel~!" Akira shouted out. "Hiya luckies! I'm Akira Kogami, your navigator!"
"And I'm the assistant, Minoru Shiraishi!"
"So how did you guys like this chapter? I bet you all loved it! It was so much fun!" Akira shouted, hardly able to contain her joy at getting a part.
"I'm sure everyone liked it Akira-sama! So tell us, are there any secrets to you acting skills?" Minoru asked.
"Yup yup! Almost all of that was ad-libbed! There were only a couple parts I was in that was actually scripted, but the writer thought it was funny and decided to keep it in!" Akira stated excitedly.
"Yo Akira, we got another letter for you." The unnamed staff yelled onto the stage, putting a letter in front of Akira.
"Oh~, I wonder what it is..." She mumbled as she opened it. "Dear Akira, *Unintelligible* from Acsuperman. Yes! They're keeping me in for more cameos! I'm so so-"
*Music Tone*
"-so happy!" Akira continued, paying no mind whatsoever to the tone.
"Akira-sama, they're about to cut us of-"
"..."
"-f! Oh..."
"No worries! I'm still hap-"
*End*
Aftersection
Alrighty, so this short chapter was normal sized. Sue me XD well, that was my third attempt at a Disney parody in this story (Technically first, but I have already written two others for different things I intend to happen) The bad things with doing stuff like this is that you would have to sing it a certain way for it to fit the song. If you don't, it sounds terrible. I tried to make it so that the syllables matched up. Please let me know how it was and if you think I should keep making these kinds of things. Oh, and I promise my others are a lot better then this one, this one proved more difficult then I originally thought, but I had already set everything up for it! I couldn't set it back now! I suppose I could have but I didn't want to! As promised, if you don't know by now, this is Konami. OCXKagami story? Sure, I can write it. It might even be good. But, as a legendary poet and author once said, "It doesn't matter if it sounds good, it doesn't work." I'm rambling again. And starting to make references in the aftersection. See you next chapter!