It's been a few month since Derek and I started officially dating, and things are going incredibly well. I was so reluctant to trust him again, but he seems to be totally different now and I know how much he cares about me. It feels so good to finally be with him. Everything has started to make sense in my life and I for the first time I feel genuinely happy being with someone else. And I've started doing things like planning our future together. And moving things into his house.
I'm thinking about how wonderful everything has been for the past few weeks when I wake up and start getting ready for work. But I don't get far in my morning ritual when I have to run to the bathroom and end up vomiting. When the first wave of nausea goes away, I find my phone and call Hotch to let him know that I won't be able to come into work that day. I'm about to call Derek to tell him not to worry about me, but the second wave hits before I have the chance.
Getting into work that morning, I look around for Pen but can't find her anywhere. She's not in any of her normal morning spots: her office, my office, or the breakroom. I'm wandering around aimlessly when Hotch calls for me from his office.
"What's up, Hotch?" I ask, walking into his office and sitting down.
"You're looking for Penelope?"
"Yeah. Have you seen her? I can't find her anywhere."
"She called in sick this morning. Said she wouldn't be in all day today. I thought she would have told you."
"She didn't. Do you mind if I take off and go make sure she's okay?"
"Not a problem. We don't have any cases coming in. But I'll call you if anything pops up."
"Thanks, man. I appreciate that."
Heading out from Hotch's office, I stop in my office to grab my things before heading out. I stop along the way to pick up some chicken noodle soup and movies for us to watch before heading to her apartment.
"Pen, honey, where are you?" I yell, walking into her apartment. But there's no response other than a groan that seems to be coming from the bathroom. Walking into the bathroom, I find Pen laying on the bathroom floor curled up in a ball looking completely helpless.
"Oh, baby girl," I say kneeling next to her and pulling her to me.
"Hi, hot stuff," she whispers in response before turning green and lurching towards the toilet. Holding her hair back and rubbing her back while she throws up, I think back to our date last night, trying to remember what Pen ate that would lead to this.
"Do you think it was the salad dressing you had? Or maybe dessert?" I ask once this round of vomiting appears to be over. "Maybe you just have the flu. Did you get your flu shot this year?" She nods slightly in answer to me while still hovering over the toilet. "Well, I guess it's food poisoning. Unless you got the flu anyway. Is there any medicine or anything you want?"
"Yeah," she responds after a few seconds, refusing to look at me. "Go get a pregnancy test."
I drop my hand from her back in complete shock for a moment, just staring at her. "What did you say?"
"Go get a pregnancy test, Derek," she says more forcefully this time before turning away from me and resuming her place her on the floor.
I stand up slowly and walk away, in a complete daze. I walk to the pharmacy down the street from Pen's apartment and wander to the section with pregnancy tests. Why are there so many different kinds of these things? Can't there just be one? What's the different between any of these? After dwelling for a few minutes, I pick up one of each variety of tests and checkout. I get more than a few looks while checking out and feel like I need to justify myself. "I didn't know which kind to get. There's a lot of different kinds."
The clerk nods her head in understanding before responding "Do you want to get her something to drink so she can use all of these?"
"That's a good idea," I respond walking away and grabbing Pen a bottle of juice. After checking out, I head back to her apartment and find her still on the floor of the bathroom. Handing her the bags, I help her stand up, still in a complete daze while she just seems completely upset about what's happening.
"Can I have a minute?" she asks, and I nod before leaving her alone in the bathroom. She slams the door shut behind me and I fall onto her bed. What if she's pregnant? What am I going to do? We didn't plan for this. She's going to hate me. First I leave her for another woman, then I abandon her entirely, then I waltz back into her life and she finally starts to trust me again and let me in, and I completely ruin it. We've never even talked about the potential for kids. Never once mentioned it. I mean, I want kids with her. She'll be the most amazing mother. And those kids will be absolutely stunning as long as they take after their mother. But right now? We just got to a good place. This is going to ruin everything between us. We're not ready for this. At all. I'm not ready to be a father again. But how amazing would it be to have a kid with Pen. I would be the luckiest guy in the world if I got to be the father of her kid. Even if she doesn't want to stay together because of this, as long as I get some time to see my kid, it'll be amazing. She's going to be the best mom. I hope I can prove myself worthy enough to let her want me around.
After a few minutes, Pen walks out from the bathroom and she's crying, but I can't tell why and I can't read her face at all.