Chapter 10: Clean and Confused
Nowaki sighed, as he watched the blood drip from the bag into the child's body. He felt sorry for this little girl, since she had to endure this pain alone…her parents were in Europe on business, but they paid her bills…Nowaki felt rage and wanted to send them an angry letter hundreds of times…but the girl just smiled at him.
He smiled back and said, "after the blood is done, we are going to check your vitals. Soon, you will be healthy again and back in the school yard with your friends."
She sighed and said, "maybe not. My Daddy works a lot, and I have not been back home in years."
Nowaki wished he had more training for this…he felt college was useless for this part, how to talk to a patient without getting affected with emotion. He wanted to hug her or take her away from parents that never—
"Kusama, your blood results are finished. Also, the Nummeras are here to see Gails." Nurse Ai said sweetly, as two people peered from behind her.
Nowaki smiled and walked away. The girl shrieked as her parents hugged her…he always wondered what it was like for both sides…to have a sick child and to be loved by two people…it must be an amazing feeling to have that much love…to spread, to share…
He did love Hiro-san more than anything, but he wanted more and more. He kept…he lost his train of thought at Tsumori sitting in the corner of the playroom. He was sitting in Indian style, as he hugged a teddy bear and stared out the window.
Nowaki almost entered the room, as Ai said, "I wouldn't do that if I were you. For one, I only saw him like this one other time…he was devastated about his father's death, so he sat like that for one hour and then was all smiles afterword. He is okay, trust me. Just leave him be for another twenty minutes…Kusuma!"
He did not care…when his friend needed him, he would fly over the country to help them. Nowaki slowly approached Tsumori and said, "Senpai?"
Tsumori slowly reacted, as he looked at Nowaki…his eyes looked so distant. He looked nothing like he never did before…he was stiff, somber and his mouth was closed. He turned away again, as Nowaki joined him on the floor.
Toys of all colors and for all ages filled the toy chests. They sat on thick rugs colored like the rainbow, which were in front of this wonderful window. The children loved to look out and watch the visitors come into the hospital. Tsumori just looked down…as he slowly said, "my father…did I tell you about him?"
Nowaki said, "all you told me that was he died, when you were younger. Right?"
"Yes, he died…but he told me something. He told me a secret that he made me promise to never tell my mother. She still doesn't know…I have no idea how to tell her." Tsumori said, as he squeezed the teddy bear closer to his chest.
Nowaki nodded and said, "I am listening."
Tsumori sighed and said, "this is a children's hospital…their ears are too fragile for this…I cannot be the bearer of bad—"
"Tsumori, enough is enough. This is not a playground where bad memories can be an excuse not to work. Get up." Doctor Ming said, as both Nowaki and Tsumori got up. Tsumori dropped the bear, as he watched it fall.
Tsumori left first, as Ming said, "your father…he was…get to work!" Ming always had a hard time to express himself, but he was a good man…when he wanted to be.
Tsumori smirked and said, "he was the best doctor…before…that happened." He sighed and walked away.
Nowaki rushed after him, but Ming stopped him. Ming looked at his with plain brown eyes and said, "trust me, you do not want to chase him right now. Leave him be. I hadn't seen him relapse in a long time. He must have been near some old memories…"
Nowaki nodded and went down the other hallway. He would find Tsumori later…but he had to know why Tsumori looked like that. Tsumori never lost it…he always had it. Nowaki sighed and went into another child's room to check his vitals.
* * *
Nowaki looked at his watched and moaned. He was not done his shift, as Tsumori was going to leave early…he asked to leave, since he complained about an upset stomach.
He went to the men's bathroom, where Tsumori hang over the sink gasping…his face was pale and he spat hard.
Nowaki stalled and his mouth opened in shock. What the hell happened to his father?! Was it…really that bad? He went to Tsumori and said, "Tsumori?"
Tsumori turned and grinned weakly. He said, "sexy, aren't I?"
Nowaki smiled weakly and said, "do you need to talk?"
"What I need is a stiff drink and all these memories to stop coming back! I want…my stomach to calm down." Tsumori gulped and burped hard. He heaved and threw up. Nowaki came close, as he took out a cloth from his pocket to wet it and wipe Tsumori's sweaty brow.
Tsumori moaned, "why do you have to be taken? You are so kind…and that Hiroki is such an asshole. What do you see in him?"
Nowaki smiled and said, "Hiro-san has a wonderful heart and so many good qualities. He just gets jealous easily and his anger comes out easier than most of his wonderful emotions."
Tsumori spat out again and said, "you are one sick bastard. The guy doesn't love you right…Nowaki, I could."
Nowaki dropped the cloth and said, "Tsumori…Hiro-san has my heart, I am so sorry."
"Then what about this Shinobu kid, then? Why is he with you?" Tsumori asked, as he watched Nowaki closely.
Nowaki sighed and said, "Hiro-san and I…we got into a fight and…Shinobu is…it's hard to explain."
Tsumori nodded and said, "you should dump them both and move in with me."
Nowaki shook his head and said, "I can't. You are a great friend, but love…I cannot see you like that. Please do not think ill of me…you don't seem that upset, though."
Tsumori moaned and nodded. He said, "I had a crush on you since you came to the hospital, but…now…dammit!" He slammed his fists on the sink and leaned onto the mirror staring into his blue eyes.
Nowaki asked, "are you thinking about Neko?"
Tsumori groaned and nodded.
Nowaki grimaced and said, "how long have you known him?"
Tsumori glared at him and said, "I met him yesterday."
Nowaki slowly smiled and said, "wow…that brings back memories…"
Tsumori grimaced and said, "of what? Oh right, Hiro-san the beloved."
Nowaki snickered lightly and said, "do not make fun of Hiro-san. He has stolen my heart with tears…that day at the park."
"You met Hiro-san…at the park?" Tsumori snickered and then laughed hard.
Nowaki rolled his eyes dramatically and said, "well, at least my lover…he did hit me. Shit, we are the same."
Tsumori stopped laughing instantly and said, "Hiro-san hits you…leave him now."
Nowaki sighed and said, "it's play fighting, besides I deserve it at times."
"Listen to yourself! You are the abused…you do not deserve this. He hits you, yells at you and you still ask for more…I think you should look for other people, my friend." Tsumori said seriously.
Nowaki lost his happiness in that comment. He slowly looked to the floor and felt his heart slow down…did Hiro-san…did he abuse me to get complete control over me? Does he really want to end…
"Nowaki…Nowaki!" Tsumori said, as Nowaki fell to his knees.
Nowaki gasped for breath, as he hid his face in his hands…he never imagined that of Hiro-san…he only imagined Hiro-san was playing or just being his adorable self…but what if…this game was trying to show the truth, hidden under the wild sex and kisses…that Nowaki and Hiro-san were not made for each other…
"Nowaki…my father was gay too. He married my mother, since that was the only way to see her brother, his lover…they never touched, they never kissed or anything that involved intimacy. They just stared at each other, when my mother was not around. That was his secret, he never loved my mother or me…he wanted my uncle. He told me that on his deathbed, when I was…eight."
Nowaki slowly looked at Tsumori, as he glared at Nowaki and said seriously, "leave Hiro-san and save yourself from this fate. Being homosexual…is a sin against humanity."
Nowaki said, "that doesn't sound like you, besides you liked me…you are going against your own warning."
Tsumori opened and closed his mouth. He groaned and went to the floor beside Nowaki. He growled, "but you are…you are right. My mother is so stupid about my father…she really believed he loved her. So many times I wanted to tell her, but he left me this to remember." He pulled out his never used pen, which was nothing more than a black gloss pen with a smear of blood at the tip.
"My father wrote my uncle's name in his skin with this pen…he did not think pen ink would kill. It did." Tsumori said seriously.
Nowaki sighed and said, "I cannot give up on Hiro-san…" He felt his friend's word weight heavily on him…but he said only what his heart wanted to say.
Tsumori moaned, "guy hates you! You even said he beats you, and he yells at you. Don't you want a man who can love you properly?"
"Every relationship has bumpy roads, even the best lovers fight…as long it does not get too abusive, then the love can prosper." Nowaki said with a smile.
Tsumori groaned, "that sounds like a Valentine's Day card…"
Both of them snickered and Nowaki said, "seriously, are you into Neko?"
Tsumori groaned and said, "I don't know…I need to think."
Nowaki smiled and patted his back. He said, "if you need help, ask away."
"Can I stay with you tonight? I really don't want to go to an empty apartment tonight." Tsumori asked and looked at Nowaki.
Nowaki sighed and said, "Shinobu will be there."
"I'll kick the kid into another room, so we can talk. Please, can I?" Tsumori begged and flap his blue eyes like a girl…
Nowaki snickered, that was his weakness…Tsumori always got his way by playing this card. Nowaki nodded, as he got his Yellerto15s. He quickly text to Shinobu that Tsumori was staying over tonight.
Shinobu instantly text him back, as Nowaki laughed his head off. Tsumori stared at him, as Nowaki handed him the phone.
Tsumori read: if he is invited, then Neko is coming over. I have his phone number.
Nowaki was thwacked on the head, as he snickered more and stared at the flushed Tsumori. Nowaki liked him like this…finally, Hiro-san could relax knowing Tsumori is calmer with a new guy in his life.
Nowaki took the phone back and quickly typed, as Tsumori tried to see. Nowaki blocked his view, then Shinobu gave his reply. Nowaki allowed him to see it.
Shinobu replied: I hope he brings his racket…I'll call him later.
Tsumori growled, "you are dead!" He slammed onto Nowaki, as Nowaki laughed and easily kicked Tsumori off.
"Admit it, you would like to see him again." Nowaki said.
Tsumori growled, "I wanted a beer night! Not with some child and some racket loving fool. Besides, Neko is creepy."
Nowaki teased, "aw, how cute. The beauty has found his beast."
Tsumori smiled and said, "you are not dead, you are going to feel tons of pain!" He slammed onto Nowaki again, but yet again, Nowaki flipped him off.
"I want to see Neko again. He was cool…when you and Shinobu slept off the drugs, we talked. He has this cool tattoo I may get later."
Tsumori snorted and said, "not a heart with Hiro-san's name on it."
Nowaki grimaced and said, "no, but it will be surprise."
Tsumori said, "tell me!"
"Nah, you will see it." Nowaki said with a brilliant smile.
"So, where will it be placed…on your…" Tsumori pointed to Nowaki's lower parts.
Nowaki smirked and said, "no, but you will be shocked to see this wonderful tattoo. I wonder Hiro-san will say to that."
Tsumori moaned and laid down on the floor. He said, "you and that stupid Hiro-san…he is not that special."
"If he was that special to you…I would be not a happy camper. I love him so much." Nowaki said, as he laid next to Tsumori.
Tsumori turned to him and said, "what did it feel like? When you knew…he was the one for you?" He flushed at the idea of asking, but his eyes were steady on Nowaki's face.
Nowaki looked at him and said, "I don't know…it just happened, when I looked into his eyes…it was sparks for me, maybe some kind of blunt pain for him, but it just happens. When you least expect it."
"How long have you been with him?" Tsumori asked.
"Seven years." Nowaki breathed happily.
Tsumori grimaced dramatically and said, "dude, that is a long time to be with the same guy."
Nowaki sighed happily and said, "not one moment was wasted…"
Tsumori turned and faked gagging noises. Nowaki laughed, as he imagined Hiro-san's face…as his smiled disappeared slowly.
Our last fight…I wish I could have worded my argument better…I wish I could have. I really only want Hiro-san, this money is a cushion for some big gifts I want to give to Hiro-san. I can lose too, as long as Akihiko keeps his paws off of Hiro-san…Hiro-san, don't forget me…I still love you…I will always love you.
Tsumori sighed and said, "you are hopeless."
Nowaki said, "yes, but this is the best feeling in the world."
Tsumori opened and closed his mouth. He sighed and got up. He went to the door, as he stalled. He said, "should I…" His hand stiffened on the door handle, as Nowaki sat up.
"Yes, if anything just talk. You would be surprised with Neko, I know it." Nowaki said.
Tsumori groaned and left.
Nowaki stood and looked at himself. He was still sore from the fight, but the swelling went down.
He said to himself, "soon Hiro-san, I will be back in your arms…wait for me."
Nowaki imagined Hiro-san's face in the mirror…his eyes were cold, but a small piece was wanting him…just liked all those years. Nowaki could always see a small piece of him touched Hiro-san deeply.
He bent close to the mirror and kissed the glass…he backed away, realizing he was kissing an image…but it felt so real. Hiro-san could make a wall, but Nowaki would always break down every wall with his love. He loved Hiro-san…always and only Hiro-san could touch his heart like this.