Author's Note: In response to a review about McGonagall's animagus form: She is described as a tabby cat, but not what color as far as I know, so I'm using my creative license to make her what color I need her to be. Or in other words...oops. I really should check those things before I publish...I just like to get chapters up as soon as I write them. :P
Also, just to save some time for those of you who would check, Halloween was indeed on a Sunday in 1999, the year this story would take place. I'm rather happy about how that worked out.
For those of you looking for some H/G fluff where they aren't fighting over something, just wait until Christmas. I've got some very happy holiday plans.
Oh, and I hope the duel scene is okay...I've no prior experience with writing anything like it.
-JS
Chapter 10: Halloween
"Hermione?"
The library was probably her favorite place in the school; Ginny hadn't had to think long before finding her there. She and Ron were staying in Hogsmeade for the night so they could take part in Harry's demonstration the next afternoon, but Harry and Ginny both knew Hermione had other reasons for wanting to stay. The Hogwarts library was vast and very old, probably housing more magical knowledge than any other place in Britain, and it was only natural that she would want time to browse its bookshelves whenever she got the opportunity. The brown-haired witch marked the paragraph she was reading with her finger before looking up at Ginny.
"Hmm?"
Ginny found a seat next to Hermione's, casually glancing at the book she was reading. There didn't seem to be a title and it was very worn; it must have been from the restricted section.
"I've been studying the child-bearing process as part of my training, and I wondered if you wanted to talk about it." She didn't think mentioning Rebecca would be a great idea.
Hermione shook her head. "Not really. There's nothing anyone can do. I've talked to the best healers at St. Mungo's, and even muggle experts - there's no way I'm going to have children."
Ginny sighed. She knew quite a lot (or, she thought she did), but Hermione was right - there wasn't some magical cure that only she knew about and could do. It was silly to think Hermione hadn't tried everything before telling anyone other than Ron.
"I want you to know I meant what I said...I haven't read or heard about anything that makes it possible, but if there's any way I can help, I will."
Hermione smiled softly, even through the pain that talking about it caused. If anyone could make her feel better, it was Ginny. Harry might understand, but he wasn't a woman. "I know...but it's not going to make a difference. Whatever child I might have won't have me as a biological mother."
Why does life have to be so cruel to her? Ginny wondered. Of all the people she knew, Hermione would probably make the best mother, and though he was a bit thick at times, Ron would be a good father. Why did it have to be like this? Hermione had certainly paid her dues to the world...why couldn't it just give this one thing back? "What happened to you that it has to be like this?"
Hermione shook her head. "I don't know, and I really don't want to talk about it."
"I know it's not the same thing, but I know Harry will name you our first child's godmother."
Did that make things better or worse? Was it better to be a half of a mother, or not at all? It seemed like a choice between bad and worse. "Thank you." That was all Hermione could think to say.
Ginny stood, though she and Hermione's talk had lasted a lot shorter than she'd intended. "Well, I know you like to have some time alone when you're reading, so I'm going to go see if Madam Pomfrey needs me. I wish things would have worked out differently, but I'm here if you want to talk about anything."
Hermione nodded, though she was already retreating back into the book. That was her safe place, a place where her worldly problems didn't matter. Ginny left quietly, very disturbed by her friend's lack of emotion. She'd been quite happy since the war ended, but now she was reverting back to the war-torn Hermione, the one that shut everything out and drowned herself in facts in order to survive.
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"Ron, can you please try to stop thinking about it? You're keeping me awake." Hermione was lying behind her husband with her arms wrapped around him, quite oddly given their height difference. This wasn't how they normally slept - normally he was facing her, but tonight he apparently wanted to be left alone. Problem was, Hermione couldn't sleep if she knew something was wrong with him.
"No." His voice was stubborn. "I can't stop thinking about what he did to her. You saw her when she thought he was going to be with Gabrielle...I can't let him do that to her again."
Hermione sighed. For once, she actually wished Ron was a bit smarter when it came to emotion. "You know you're going to lose a sister if you keep this up."
"Why? Why would she choose him when he left her more than once over me who's always been there for her?"
She rolled her eyes, happy that Ron couldn't see her. "Ron, you don't get it. She doesn't want you to keep her away from Harry, even if he does hurt her. She wants to take that risk because he's worth it - though I don't think it's much of a risk, given that Harry won't let her go again."
"That's what you think. You didn't think he would stay gone very long after You-Know-Who's defeat, either."
"He had some deep problems to deal with! Neither you nor I know what happened inside that manor, but when he came out, he had to spend forever in recovery of the Cruciatus! How can you blame him for that?"
Ron was silent for a moment. "He didn't have to run though. As soon as he was able, he disappeared without an explanation."
This argument wasn't going anywhere, and Hermione knew it. "I wish you could see their relationship now, as it is, instead of that warped vision you have. They're so happy together, I don't see how you could ever wish them apart. Even if you didn't care one bit about Harry, it amazes me how you would hurt Ginny to 'protect' her."
"Better a little now than a lot later."
She sighed again, wondering what he would do to Harry tomorrow...and for that matter, what he would prod Harry into doing to him. Over anything else, she knew Harry would be able to maintain a cool head and let Ron vent his frustration about most anything, but if he attacked Harry and Ginny's relationship, there was no telling what might happen.
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The next afternoon came way too early for Harry and Ginny. They'd spent most of the morning in bed together, since both of them were still getting used to the idea and it felt rather...nice. But time waits for no one, and by a quarter of four, the couple was out on the grounds, making sure there was a place big enough for the Golden Trio's mock duel. Though news of the event would spread almost instantaneously after the club let out, the four had decided to keep the lesson a secret because Harry didn't want the entire school showing up.
Ron (who looked rather sulky) and Hermione met them outside, the latter with a smile.
"Looks like a nice day," she observed, though she had a cloak wrapped about her to ward off the chill that fell across the grounds. Winter was approaching with an unexplained haste, as it was already Halloween and it would soon be November and the Quidditch season would begin.
"It is," Ginny agreed, smiling in her usual cheer. She was determined not to let her brother get to her. "Looks like some of the students are already here," she said, spotting a small bunch of Gryffindors about fifty feet away.
Harry ignored them, turning instead to Hermione. "I think what I'm going to do is have you and I duel for a couple minutes, and then have Ron join us as your reinforcements."
She nodded. "Sounds like a good idea. What are you teaching them? Is there anything I shouldn't use?"
Harry shook his head. "That what I've been trying to show them - use anything within your power to win. The Unforgivables, of course, are off-limits, but none of them would know how anyway."
Hermione shivered at the mention, throwing an uneasy glance at Ginny. She hadn't forgotten about Harry's lapse in judgment when it came to that. "You all right with that Ron?"
"Yeah, sure." He wasn't even really paying much attention. Not that any of them were surprised, but it still made for an awkward silence. More of the students started showing up, and Harry excused himself to go greet most of them.
At five past four, Harry called the meeting to order after magically amplifying his voice.
"I think it is time you learn something that I hope you'll never need." He'd prepared most of this speech with Ginny in bed that morning. She'd asked a good question - why does this seem to be turning into an advanced self-defense class, rather than a dueling club?
"If and when you're outnumbered, you'll need to fight smart and fast to overcome the odds. I've asked a few friends to come help me demonstrate what I mean." A general rumble started through the crowd as they realized what this meant. As much as some of them had asked, Harry hadn't shown more than a spell or two in any class, and certainly hadn't dueled. Many of them were itching to see why everyone seemed to think he was the most powerful wizard in the world.
"Hermione will start by dueling me one-on-one, and she will be joined by Ron later as 'reinforcements.' The rules will be the same - though I will have to disarm or otherwise disable both of them to win."
The murmurs in the crowd increased as Hermione and Harry bowed to each other, then pulled their wands out. "Ginny is here to moderate the duel, and to be on hand should anything unexpected happen," Harry told the crowd, who fast made a semi-circle around the duelists. Ron stood half-way between Hermione and the edge of the circle.
"Are you both ready?" Ginny asked, her voice also clear for the audience.
Harry and Hermione both nodded.
"Tonare!" Ginny cried, and a blast like thunder issued from her wand, signaling the start of the duel.
"Stupefy!" Hermione really didn't think she'd get that lucky, but she had to try. However, instead of blocking it, Harry was simply gone. It took her a moment to find him, some fifteen feet to the left of where he'd been standing. How did he move that...
"Expelliarmus!" Harry said, a bit louder than usual. The duel was for the students benefit, and he wanted them to know what spells they were using.
"Protego!" Her shield barely held and she was forced to move, consciously putting her back to the open grasses away from the students.
The two dueled for a while, trading harmless spells and fencing beautifully until Ron decided to jump in.
"Reducto!" His voice cried, his wand pointing at Harry, who only just had enough time to conjure a shield that was blasted apart by the spell. Hermione gaped at Ron - he could have killed Harry! The Reductor Spell was meant to blast solid objects apart - and Harry was most definitely solid.
The two combatants repositioned to take in the newcomer as the crowd watched in silence. Harry was hidden behind another, larger shield that looked very much like the one Lord Voldemort himself had used against Dumbledore in the Department of Mysteries.
"Too scared to come out, Potter?" Ron teased. Hermione gave him another glare.
"Only because I don't want to make a fool of you, Weasley," Harry shot back, joking. Ron however, was not, and Hermione knew she had to end this fast.
"Reducio!" She cried, shrinking Harry's shield to nothing larger than a postage stamp. She followed quickly with another spell Harry had never heard of. "Exoculo!"
Suddenly, his eyes sealed shut, and his hearing was completely dead. Nothing. He couldn't hear the low murmurs of the crowd, and he could no longer see Hermione or Ron standing in front of him. So he did the only thing that came to mind.
"Expecto Patronum!" For all those watching, a brilliant silver stag erupted from his wand, standing in front of him and taking Ron's next curse for Harry. All Harry could feel was the protector covering him in a soft happiness, one that calmed him and protected him, giving him a moment to think. He made a small motion with his wand, casting a non-verbal spell and dashing away in a direction he knew Ron and Hermione weren't. As he ran, his mind ran through a list of counterspells, though unknown magic was harder to deal with. Well, there was always one he could try.
"Finite," he whispered, but the spell's effects seemed to not want to go away. He repeated the incantation, putting all of his magical power behind it. His eyes burned and his ears rang from the power of the counter spell, but light flooded back into his senses and he turned just in time to get a face full of Disarming Spell from Hermione. His wand flew several yards as he was knocked flat on his back, a collective gasp reaching his ears from the crowd. Harry picked his head up to see Ron taking a stroll over to his wand, a grin on his face. No! I won't let him win!
Harry threw his hand out, stretching for his wand. "Accio Wand!"
Stunned silence befell everyone but Harry. The wand jumped from its position on the grass into the wizard's hand, and before anyone else could comprehend what had happened, Harry flicked his wand at Hermione, thinking Levicorpus! and pulling her fifteen feet into the air, her wand falling out of her hand in surprise. Harry turned to Ron.
"Incarcerous!" Unfortunately, the redheaded wizard had recovered enough to deflect the spell. Hermione dangled freely through this, reaching out for her wand but falling a good nine feet short. Ginny had to do all she could not to laugh.
"Accio Wand!" Harry shouted again, this time grabbing Hermione's wand and shoving it in his own wand's usual place in his robes. Ron yelled again, but Harry didn't catch the incantation before he felt himself trying to shrink. It was an incredibly clumsy attack, Harry decided, for he had time to think before warding off Ron's attempt at transfiguring him. There was a reason people didn't transfigure each other in duels - the magic was too easily stopped by a proper wizard. Harry conjured his silver shield back in front of him in time to catch another attempt from Ron to disarm him.
"Come off it Harry...that trick is getting so old..."
Harry's attention was on Hermione though - he let her down softly as Ginny came over to retrieve her. His attention turned back to Ron as he let out his next insult.
"You just going to run away your whole life?"
Harry didn't answer. It wouldn't do any good to encourage him. Ron let out another Reductor curse, blowing away his shield. This needed to end, and it needed to end fast.
"Serpensortia!" Harry called. A huge bang made the crowd jump, followed by an enormous black cobra's soft hiss, which made even the brave Gryffindors back up even more. Ron's eyes grew to three times their normal size as Harry hissed at the snake. It didn't take intelligence to know what he was doing - Harry's pointing finger was a dead giveaway.
The snake slithered toward a retreating Ron, who stumbled and fell over his robe. It hissed again, coiling for a lunge. Ron twisted out of the way, barely able to cast a shield charm to stop a stunner from Harry's wand. The snake, oddly enough, seemed to back up, but Ron didn't ask any questions.
"Diffindo!" The snake's head was severed from its body, causing it to fall to the ground. Harry didn't waste this opportunity either, attempting to put Ron in a full-body bind hex, but it was barely deflected. Apparently Quidditch wasn't the only thing Ron had studied in the last year. Both wizards retreated from each other, getting far enough away that spells would be easy to deflect.
"You going to give up?" Ron asked with feigned politeness.
Harry shook his head. "Not the type to run."
Ron laughed. "I'm sure you're not...though I must say, you convinced most of us you were."
Harry blinked. Why is he bringing this up now? Can't this wait until we're away from students? "Ron, I'm not going to let you hurt me, so if you want to take your anger out, we can find somewhere to talk."
"Yeah, right. Just stall for time while you make up some story to cover for yourself. Maybe you should start being responsible and living up to your past."
Harry took a deep breath. He knew he had to remain calm, even through Ron's idiocy. He envisioned Ron as just another Death Eater, trying to evoke an emotional response out of him. They slowly circled the dueling ring, with Ginny and Hermione safely on the side, looking very worried. They both knew how this could end up if Harry wasn't able to control Ron.
"I've tried Ron, but you won't give me a chance."
He didn't seem to have a reply to that. "Maybe you should have thought of that before you left, because some of us thought you were a friend who wouldn't leave when things got rough."
"I had some issues, I know that. But Hermione has given me a chance to prove I'm not going to do it again, why won't you?"
"Because I don't want you to hurt us again! You don't know what you did to my family!"
Harry would have sighed if he wasn't watching Ron closely for any hint of an attack. The wizard seemed to be content for verbal assault for now, but there was no telling when that might change. "You were all right with me at the beginning of the summer. What changed?"
Ron hesitated again. Harry knew exactly what had changed, but he wasn't sure Ron would announce it to the crowd. And yet, he did. "You started taking advantage of my sister."
Harry and Ginny had about equal reactions to this. Hermione had to restrain Ginny from hexing her brother on the spot. "Maybe if you would stop strangling her you would see that I'm what she wants."
A place deep inside of Ginny lit up with passion at hearing Harry. It was one thing to know she loved him...it was something completely different to hear him proclaim it to someone who wanted to kill him for it. At that moment, in her eyes, Harry Potter could do no wrong. Unfortunately, that was suddenly put to the test.
"Incendio!" Ron cried, lighting Harry's robes on fire from head to toe. Hermione and Ginny gasped, too shocked and worried to be angry at Ron for burning Harry alive. The flaming figure stood before them for a moment, then one arm raised.
"Aguamenti," Harry whispered, but no one heard him. All anyone saw was a stream of water douse Harry's now blackened robes, and his burned figure emerge in their eyesight, slightly before he turned to Ron. The extreme pain of the heat and cold on his skin only fueled his next curse.
"Sectumsempra," he said, his voice cold and unfeeling. It was enough for Ginny and Hermione to catch the incantation, but only because they'd heard it before.
Ron's shield charm wasn't nearly enough. The spell sliced through it like butter, slashing two lines across his chest, blood spurting everywhere a moment after Harry's hateful word. It was another moment before anyone moved. After what seemed like ages, Ginny ran over to Ron's side (he was now on the ground, crying out in extreme pain) while Hermione stared at Harry in utter disbelief. Harry himself looked down at his wand as if in realization. Another moment, a bang, black smoke, and he was gone. The only thing left was Hermione's wand, which fell to the grass right where he'd been standing.
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Ginny had healed Ron the best she could, but the wounds were too deep for her limited training. Hermione conjured a stretcher to take him to the hospital wing, then remained behind to handle the students, who all were pale with fear. She sent them back to their common rooms, praying she would have a little time before people came asking what had happened to Harry.
She met Ginny in the hospital wing some fifteen minutes later, finding the youngest Weasley in tears.
"Why did they have to do this?!"
Hermione quickly wrapped her arm around Ginny's shoulders, pulling her into a room that didn't contain Ron.
"Ginny, Ron is just too angry. It's his fault - Harry tried to reason with him."
"I know that! But Harry would never have done anything if it wasn't for me!" The thought seemed to renew the tears, and it was a good few minutes before she trusted her voice again. "I'm the only reason this happened...it's my fault!"
"Ginny, you can't think like that. You can't fault yourself for existing - Harry and Ron have control over their actions, just like you do. It's their fault they went at each other."
Ginny actually glared at her. "Harry was only defending himself. Don't you try and stick up for Ron - it's not Harry's fault he's a much more powerful wizard."
Hermione was taken aback by the vehemence with which Ginny spoke. She was right, sort of, but what made her want to defend Harry over Ron? Ron was her brother...she couldn't just write him off like that. "Ron's still your brother..."
"I don't know about that, after what he did today. I think I could even get over him attacking Harry. But what he said...about...about..." she trailed off, sniffing and wiping tears once again. "...About Harry taking advantage of me...I don't think I'll ever forgive him for that."
Hermione wrapped her friend in a full hug, hoping to calm her. "That's not what Harry would want...he wants forgiveness from Ron...and he would want you to give it to him."
Ginny didn't say anything to that. She knew that was what Harry would want, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. Not now. "You know what the worst part about it is? Harry is sitting somewhere, probably wanting to kill himself for what he did."
Hermione sighed, because Ginny was right. He didn't disapparate away, but he'd disappeared just like he did. He couldn't have had his invisibility cloak on him, so he must have used some sort of invisibility spell, or just moved so fast no one could see him. Hermione seriously doubted the latter, so he could be in the room right now and neither of them would know it.
"You think maybe we should go look for him?"
Ginny looked up. "You think we could find him?"
"Do you have the Marauder's Map?"
"The what?"
Hermione bit her lip. She didn't know Harry hadn't told her about that. "I'll show you when we get up to your room. There's nothing we can do for Ron, let's go now."
Ginny nodded, though she wasn't sure she would have stayed for Ron. He would be okay, if a little scarred. Harry she wasn't so sure about.
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"Ah..." Hermione held up a worn looking piece of parchment after going through Harry's belongings. Ginny had let her in the room, expressing mild distress when Hermione took it as her right to search Harry's things, but she quickly let up, hoping Hermione wouldn't notice that there was only one bed in the room.
"I solemnly swear I am up to no good," Hermione said, tapping the parchment with her wand. Ginny gave her a funny look, but stared as the parchment began to cover over in ink. However, it wasn't a map like Hermione had suggested. It was Harry's handwriting.
Hermione, and Ginny if you're there - don't come looking for me. I have the map, and you couldn't find me if you had it. In fact, you couldn't get to me even if you knew where I was. I'll be back sometime, but I don't know when. I'm really sorry about Ron...I hope he doesn't scar.
Harry
"What does that mean?" Hermione wondered aloud, rereading the note. "He must be off the grounds. The map shows every room in the castle, even ones that only the teachers and Head Boy and Girl are supposed to know about." It helped that one of the map's creators had been a Head Boy.
Ginny looked as though she was about to burst into tears all over again. Did he really think he needed to leave Hogwarts to get away from everything? Is he running from me like I run from him? She fell onto the bed, burying her face in a pillow, suddenly wanting to forget everything that happened that Halloween.
Hermione looked down at her friend, sighing softly. It was best just to leave her alone, like she so graciously had in the library only a night ago. She quietly stepped out of the room, making sure to close the door before exiting back through the portrait hole.
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Neither Harry nor Ginny showed up for Halloween dinner. Naturally, Hermione faced all kinds of questions from the Hogwarts staff, but she couldn't tell them any more than Harry couldn't be found and Ginny was in her room, pretending to not be hungry.
However, Ginny was not in her room as Hermione believed. Part of Harry's note had struck her as odd...you couldn't get to me even if you knew where I was. Both she and Hermione had their apparition licenses, so Harry couldn't be talking about distance. Ginny had a horrible feeling she knew where he was, and that's what led her to Moaning Myrtle's bathroom. Harry would believe he was the only one who could get down...there, but he'd forgotten about one thing. Ginny found the broken tap with the engraving of a snake, shuddering as she remembered the last time she came down to the Chamber of Secrets.
If Harry wanted to be alone, this definitely was the place he would go. Only a parselmouth could open the chamber, or so he thought. He had forgotten a pureblood who'd had help from the heir of Slytherin himself could open the chamber as well. Ginny raised her arm to parallel to the floor and pulled out her wand, dragging the tip across her inner arm. Her blood dripped down onto the snake, which lit softly. She began chanting quietly, reciting an incantation burned into her memory by a diary six years before. It must have taken thirty seconds, but the tap glowed white and the entrance finally slid open as Ginny healed her wound.
The destruction from Harry and Ron's rescue attempt was still there; not that anyone would have wanted to fix it. Harry had refused to let anyone in the chamber after his encounter, and Dumbledore had honored his wishes, much to the surprise of the staff. Ginny made her way through the hole Ron had cleared all those years ago, walking down the dark tunnel, memories shivering down her spine. She couldn't remember setting the basilisk loose specifically, but she remembered Tom bringing her down here, and she remembered Harry coming to save her life.
She reached the doors leading the inner chamber, but they were already open. This confirmed Ginny's hunch about Harry. She saw him sitting on one of Salazar Slytherin's massive stone feet, or rather, curled in the curve that was the front of his ankle. He didn't seem to be aware of anything - Ginny wondered briefly if he was sleeping. He had been down here for a good three and a half hours with nothing to do but think, and that couldn't be a good thing. Her footsteps sounded quietly against the stone floor as she approached him, but he didn't look up.
"Harry?" Her voice was as soft and smooth as she could make it.
He looked up, and when he saw her, fear and surprise flashed over his expression. "How did you get down here?"
She smiled weakly. "You forget I walked myself down here when Tom wanted me to."
Anger flashed over the surprise, obscuring it. "You shouldn't have come down here. How did you know where I went?"
Ginny walked quietly over and sat on Slytherin's other foot, looking straight at him. "I wanted to see if you were okay. You don't want me running from you when I have a problem, and it wouldn't be fair if I let you."
"You would never slash someone into tiny pieces," Harry replied bitterly.
Good, at least he's not going to avoid it, she thought. "He set you on fire, Harry. He brought up things that happened ages ago. And...he attacked me, Harry. I don't expect you to act rationally when that happens. You know how I would react if someone ever hurt you."
"No...you don't understand. Ron was defenseless...it doesn't matter what he did, I should have controlled myself. It's my responsibility."
"What are you talking about? Ron's not defenseless, and it's not like you used an Unforgivable on him...you just did what you needed to win."
"That's not the point." Harry sighed, and then continued darkly. "Winning doesn't matter if you kill your supposed best friend. Though I guess I don't have to worry about that anymore."
Ginny bit her lower lip, wondering how to get through to him. She chided herself for not knowing him well enough, for not being able to be there for him when he needed her. This was something a good lover would be able to do, and apparently she wasn't one.
"Harry...I want you to know that if it ever comes down to you and Ron, you mean more to me than he ever will. If I ever have to choose between you, I'll take you."
That only made Harry feel worse. "I don't want you to have to choose! You shouldn't have to even think about it!" His voice raised, trying to get into Ginny's head, then lowered, as if accepting a hard truth. "Trust me, you won't ever have to leave your family to be with me."
Ginny stared at him, feeling a slight bit angry despite herself. "Harry, if you ever think about leaving me again, I will hunt you down and force you to be with me. You don't have a choice."
"Oh? And what are you going to do? Force a love potion down my throat?"
"I just might! Though I won't have to, because I know you love me, and I wish you'd stop trying to get out of it!"
"Is that what you think I'm doing? Getting out of it? You think I like doing this? No! I'm doing this because Ron is right - I've hurt your family enough, and I'm not going to be the cause of a split between you and him. He cares about you, and I don't want to take you away from him."
Ginny suddenly stood, staring down and him, about ready to slap him. "Harry! Get this through your head! I'm not going anywhere, even if it means I have to never speak to Ron again! This isn't about him!"
"It has everything to do with him, Ginny!" Harry rose to meet her, and towered over her, but she didn't back down.
"Why? Why can't it just be about you and me?"
"Because it isn't. It can't be. I can't be with you if my best mate wants to kill me for it."
"Are you saying Ron is more important to you than I am?"
He didn't respond to that. Of course he wasn't - Ginny was the only person who really mattered at the end. She had been the one to keep him from losing his mind to the Cruciatus, though he'd never told her that, and he probably never would.
"No one is more important than you," Harry said quietly, sitting back down. Ginny's anger softened as she knew she'd gotten her point across.
"Then why do you insist on finding reasons to not be with me? It seems like every time there is a problem, you somehow turn it into you can't be with me."
Harry wanted to deny the truth to that, but he couldn't. He'd been doing it ever since he broke up with her the day of Dumbledore's funeral, and it wasn't an easy habit to break.
"I care about what Ron thinks, okay? I don't want to lose my best friend."
Ginny sighed. She couldn't argue with that...not from the man who had stared down Lord Voldemort himself. It wasn't fear of power that made him afraid of Ron and her brothers...it was fear of rejection.
"Is that it?" She had the sneaking suspicion that was only a cover for what was really on his mind.
"I don't deserve you," Harry said finally. There, he'd come out with it. He'd told her the thing that was bothering him most, the thing he knew she would get irritated at him for even suggesting. And she did.
"Harry..." She made a frustrated noise. "I don't care if you don't deserve me. Do you want me to be happy or not?"
He looked up at her, eyes wide. He'd never thought of it that way. Sure, he knew she loved him and wanted him, but he hadn't realized she didn't think she could be happy without him. She was a very beautiful woman, and would have no problem finding another man to be with, someone who could treat her right. Someone who could give her everything thing she wanted.
"You could be happy with someone else. Someone who can give you what you want."
Ginny looked confused. "What can't you give me?"
Harry merely looked at her, sorrow in his eyes. He waited for her to figure it out, but she seemed to be stubborn about it. It wasn't something he could just say, it felt too weird. Comprehension gradually floated onto Ginny's face, then followed by exasperation.
"You can't possibly think that's a problem? Tell me this isn't about something that stupid."
He shifted uncomfortably. "You wouldn't be insistent about it if it wasn't...and it's not just that...it's that I'm not giving you something I can."
Ginny walked over to him and pushed his shoulders back, crawling on top of him. Harry didn't resist, even as the cold stone touched his back, contrasting her warm body against him. Her eyes met his, the mellow Ginny tucked quietly behind the fierce warrior that he knew she could be.
"Harry, please listen to me. I don't care if you never want to be with me in that way. I don't, I promise. If it bothers you that much, I'll stop suggesting because I don't want to lose you. Something like that shouldn't get in the way of us."
Harry struggled with himself. He was trying, hard, to break the habit of finding reasons he and Ginny couldn't be together. It was a small war inside of him, and she could see it in his eyes. He wasn't looking at her, but more through her. She gave him a moment to think, then leaned down to softly kiss his lips. Her hand slid gently onto his cheek to keep him from moving, her hair falling like a veil on both sides of them. After a moment, Harry returned the kiss, weakly, then pulled away.
"I'm so confused...things aren't supposed to work out..."
Ginny smiled softly. That was true - nothing in Harry's life had ever seemed to work out, no matter what happened. But she knew that was about to change, because she wouldn't let him go, and they would be together forever. This was one thing that wouldn't go wrong, even if everything else did.
"I know they aren't, but you've always said I'm different. Maybe you were right...maybe I'm the one thing that does work."
Harry looked up at her with longing. "I really hope you're right."
"I know I'm right," she said, leaning down to kiss him again. They were locked together for what seemed like hours, before Ginny finally had to pull back and rest. He seemed relaxed...not happy, but at least relaxed. She supposed that was as much as could be expected, given the situation.
"Can...can I ask you something?"
Harry looked mildly surprised. "You know you can ask me anything."
Ginny bit her lip again, and Harry knew he wasn't going to like her question. She only did that when she was under emotional pressure. "Do you know why you're afraid to be with me?" She looked away, then added, "...in that way?"
Harry's voice came before he could stop it. "I'm afraid of close physical contact because...of certain things that happened to me when I was younger." Where did that come from? Harry wondered, but he knew it was true. That was the unexplained thing that made his blood run cold whenever she attempted to pull off his clothes.
"Wha...What happened?" Ginny asked, already afraid she knew the answer.
Harry shook his head. "I don't want to talk about it...it's not worth it."
She knew she was right. "They...it only was...you didn't get..." She couldn't finish the sentence, but Harry knew what she was getting at. Whatever the Dursley's had been, they weren't sexual abusers. Physical, yes, but not that.
"No...they weren't that kind of people," Harry said, closing his eyes against the images that floated past. "Just...the close contact...hurts because that's all I had for a long time..."
Ginny cried openly into his shoulder, wrapping him tightly in her arms. "I'm so sorry Harry..." She didn't know what else to say; there wasn't anything that she could say to that. He tried to comfort her by rubbing her back, but nothing could stop her tears for him. It was something she couldn't imagine, as she'd grown up in a perfect, loving home that, while it had it's rough spots, had always been there for her when she needed it.
Some time later, she lifted her head off his shoulder, her eyes red and swollen, looking stunningly beautiful in Harry's eyes. "I'm sorry...just...I can't handle the thought of someone hurting you like that..."
He nodded. "I've gotten past it...don't think about it too much. I know who my real family is, and I know that they'll never treat me like that."
That brought a weak smile to her face in spite of everything. Her arms hung loosely about his neck, her thumb stroking his skin just below the back of his hair. She couldn't think of anything to say. It was a long moment before either of them spoke again.
"Ginny?"
Nothing but love was in her eyes as she looked at him, taking in every feature of his face, her slender fingers caressing his cheek affectionately. "Yes, my love?"
Harry had to fight down a snigger at her over-romanticism, and truth be told, so did Ginny. "You know that I will get over this, right?"
She tilted her head. "Get over what?"
"This...thing. Someday I'm going to realize that I can't stop myself from shagging you senseless."
She giggled, nuzzling his nose with hers. "You know we're going to have to do it down here, right?"
Harry looked up at her with genuine surprise. "What?"
Nothing could stop the smile that lit up in delight. It was so...Ginny. One part happiness, one part love, and one part mischievous glee. "I'm going to shag you in the Chamber of Secrets. We'll add to the legend."
Something about her just seemed to infect him with her daring. All of his bad memories of the chamber disappeared with the look on her face. "You're crazy."
She giggled again. "Maybe, but it doesn't change how much I love you."
Harry smiled, wrapping his arms around her waist. "I love you too."
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Ginny gripped Harry's hand comfortingly as they reached the door to the Hospital Wing. It was about an hour after their conversation in the chamber, after Harry had gotten cleaned up and she had tended to his burns. They hadn't been bad, and she was helped by the fact Harry had done quite a job healing himself right after the duel. She wondered briefly where he'd learned first aid, but it seemed like an obvious skill for a Dark Wizard hunter.
She quietly pushed the door open, walking Harry over to Ron's bed, keeping her hand tightly around his. Ron was awake, though it looked as though he wasn't in any hurry to move. Harry's spell had nearly sliced open his heart, missing by mere millimeters.
"Hey Ron," Ginny said, forcing a smile onto her face. "How are you feeling?"
Ron's eyes were on Harry the whole time, an incomprehensible look in them. It was as if he was seeing him in a whole new light. "Horrible, really."
Ginny sighed. He only said that because of Harry's presence. She pulled her hand up and rested it on Ron's bed, forcing Harry's hand with her. Ron didn't fail to notice, but didn't say anything.
"Look Ron, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have lost my temper with you," Harry apologized, unable to meet his friend's eyes. Ron thought for a moment before responding.
"I attacked you first. I got what I deserved." That was probably as close to an apology as he would get, but Harry accepted it as such.
"I want you to know I'm not going to leave again, if you don't push me to." Ginny glared at her boyfriend, but didn't say anything as he continued. "I still want to be a part of your family, but I'm not going to force myself upon you if you don't want me."
This wasn't what Ginny had agreed to let him say. It took all of her self-control to not turn on him.
"Don't let me keep you away. Everyone else seems to have already accepted you back," Ron said bitterly.
Harry sighed, looking down at his and Ginny's intertwined hands. "I don't want that though...I can't hang around your family if you don't want me there - I'll feel like I'm intruding."
Ron, with great effort, looked over at Ginny. Even he could see the disappointment and pain in her eyes. "I don't think I really have a choice. Even if I didn't want you around, I'd have to pretend because I don't want Ginny to disown me."
An awkward silence followed that revelation. What was Ron thinking? Didn't he want to be friends again? He made it seem like he was only tolerating Harry because of Ginny, and honestly, Harry wondered if that wasn't the truth. It seemed terribly ironic that his reason for hating him was also the reason to tolerate him.
"Ron...when are you going to realize your overprotectiveness makes you into a huge prat?"
He stared at his sister. "I just don't want you to get hurt!"
"Then stop trying to protect me! Trying to keep Harry away from me hurts!"
Ron fell silent, a stubborn look on his face. Harry wondered if he couldn't see his mistakes, or if he simply refused to admit he was wrong. He seriously hoped it was the latter, but if he couldn't, maybe Hermione would talk sense into him after a while.
Both Harry and Ginny could see that Ron wasn't going to talk much more, and if he did, he was irritated. They said their goodbyes and left him in peace, deciding to return to Gryffindor tower. The walk was silent; neither of them said much. Both of them were just ready for this Halloween to be over.
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Harry called Dobby to the room to deliver them dinner; the little house-elf had been in charge of caring for their room and had brought them dinner on other occasions. The couple made light conversation with the house-elf, but none of it was enthusiastic. After dinner was over and Dobby was gone, they took turns in the bathroom, readying for bed.
They crawled together under the blankets, wrapping in and around each other. Harry reached up and brushed a strand of orange hair out of her face.
"I'm sorry things have to be hard right now."
She shook her head. "As long as I have you, nothing seems that bad."
Harry closed his eyes, feeling her lips on his soon after. He returned her affection, his hand resting on her side as she buried her head in his neck after wrapping her arms around his chest. He felt her breathing become soft and even against his skin, and he was not long in following her into a light slumber.