Author's Beginning Note Thingy: Mushy-gushyness ahead! I heard some say that it's not... but I myself find this chapter to have just a little too much reflective angsting (stupid Vincent). Oh well, it got done what it needed to get done... and if you agree with me, hang in there, you're almost at the end! The next chapter will offer a much more elegant version of mushy-gushyness with (Dun dun dun!) the date! (God, am I cliche or what?)
P.S. This chapter edited a few times because of the two chapters before it being added in retrospect. Please warn me of any possible discrepancies you might see... my heart wasn't really in it when I edited, I just wanted to get the new chappy up.
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So, so much had passed since that night that Cloud had rescued Vincent after his fall from the heavens, a whole year, in fact, since he'd seen the blonde swordsman. The ShinRa mansion was still off-limits to him, and probably would remain so for as long as ShinRa was still around. So the gunman, not particularly wanting to become stranded on the northern continent again, instead took up residence very near the mansion, in the little mako-cave within the mountains. The very place that Cloud had brought him that fateful night... a whole year went by, and he hadn't left it.
It probably wasn't the best place for him, right then, in his conflicted state of mind... but the serene quiet and gentle glow of the lifestream there had always had a calming effect on him... as did Lucrecia. And now he had someone to talk to. Sort of...
Long days were spent leaning up against the base of the huge pillar on the far side of the cave, where Lucrecia was... his cellphone had long since run out of batteries as he sat there, just thinking. He didn't know why he'd come back here, after all that had changed...
Surely by now, Cloud knew... In retrospect, Vincent realized how maybe the mercenary had figured it out even before he himself had. All he knew was that Lucrecia or no Lucrecia, whether in his thoughts, in his dreams, or in person as she was just behind him... unlike previous times, when one thought about her slipped into his mind, it no longer dominated everything. Even when the gunman tried to focus his thoughts on her, he'd find himself wandering off, distracted, at times, by the thought of the mercenary...
He wanted nothing more than to get the ex-Soldier to cease his aimless wanderings. He knew how much the man must be hurting... he'd been through that before himself. He knew the anguish there was after each death, he knew the anticlimactic letdown after revenge was taken... it was as if he and Cloud had expected Lucrecia and Zack or Aeris to rise from their graves and personally thank them after the death of Hojo and Sephiroth... but no, obviously that never happened.
He knew all too well that crash after all the anticipation leading up to vengeance... the feeling of having nothing else to do. When their lives had revolved, for so long, around killing one individual, when anything and everything they did took them closer to that goal, what now, did they have left to strive for? There was nothing but emptiness and confusion. Lack of purpose. Vincent, after all, simply went back into hiding. Cloud had never been in hiding in the first place, and the gunman prayed to the planet that it didn't mean his self-created exile didn't last all the longer because of it.
He also prayed that someway, beyond all imagination, that the swordsman could heal... but yet again, he knew all too well what that would take. What he didn't know was whether or not the man was up to the task. He hoped desperately that Cloud was willing to let one more try to fill up the emptiness in his broken heart. That he had room left for another face and name. That he had the trust, still, to give his entire being over to this person for safekeeping, for the last time. And that he, Vincent Valentine, would be the one it was given to... because he would not betray him.
-
Meanwhile, Cloud was waiting, and the wait was horrible. He didn't know how he'd made it this long. He'd had three years on his own to think about what he felt... indeed, the man had realized a thing or two about Vincent before Vincent did, and that was part of the reason he had to get away... but only part.
It hadn't taken much, a couple realizations, a lot of reminiscing, and then, one final act had tipped the scales all over the edge, and in Vincent's favor. If only he knew it...
Cloud was always watching... he watched ShinRa mansion as a child, positive several times over that there was some manner of inhabitants in it... he watched Tifa leave town and nearly die falling off the unstable ropebridge... he watched Sephiroth's progress to insanity when he returned to Nibelheim, he watched his town destroyed, his friends and family murdered, he watched his lover be experimented on ruthlessly, and finally die to save him. He watched Aeris die, he watched Tifa hovering over him day and night while he was bound to a wheelchair...
It was how he was able to copy Zack's personality so accurately, it was how he was able to fabricate the lies of his past so well. It was how he knew exactly what to do and when in battle, and that same inactivity was what most often led to those who were close to him getting hurt. At the same time, though, it was what let him get closest to Vincent than he had been to anyone else before.
With the gunman, he knew the difference between a one beat pause, and a two beat pause in speech, he knew the difference between silence as Vincent glanced to the left, and silence as Vincent glanced to the right. He could see, almost sense without seeing every miniscule movement of his ruby eyes, he saw the slightest twitch of the man's human hand towards his gun whenever he was nervous.
And most of all, he practically knew what Vincent was thinking just by what he was looking at, and the way he was looking at it. More than telepathy, it was that behind his stoic mask of a face, the eyes that few seldom bothered to see into revealed absolutely everything...
It was during one key battle that Cloud learned the truth to the ex-Turk.
-
Bahamut was hovering in the sky over Midgar, and the city was as good as gone if someone didn't kill it. That someone was him.
He couldn't do it alone. He'd relied on the help of his companions to get him up to the creature so that he could destroy it. And he saw each of them carefully calculate their movements before they'd jumped, how much strength they'd need to get to him, how far down they'd have to fall for a landing. He saw Cid artfully swing his spear with just the perfect aim and timing, he saw Nanaki leap off the support beams of a building, and sink his fangs into a selected place on the fabric of his shirt, where he would not hurt Cloud, yet at the same time still be able to force him upward against the pull of gravity. He watched as Yuffie spun through the air and caught his foot before heaving it upward.
And he looked up. Far in the distance, he saw Tifa leaping, climbing, climbing, climbing farther up than he knew he could reach, even with the momentum Yuffie had given him. And then he knew why, as he saw the next step along the way...
He looked directly into the eyes of Vincent, and the man was looking directly at him. As he rose up toward him, he saw no wavering in the gunman's gaze, it was fixed wholly on him. The man knelt, hunched over on a ledge, simply watching the swordsman come nearer and nearer, and in his silence, he said everything...
You can do this, don't be afraid, I trust you, do you trust me?
And then, he jumped. He took a blind leap into the air, Cloud saw the silhouette of a body against the blue light of Bahamut's raw power, as it fell down, arms outstretched as if to embrace him. And still in Vincent's eyes he could see reflected, as he drew closer, no thought of where he was falling, or how far, not even a care if he would survive the landing, he saw only himself... as if he, Cloud Strife, were the only thing on the face of the planet right now that Vincent cared about...
...he couldn't let him do this. He couldn't let him blindly throw his life away as the others had done. He reached up, reached out, as if by taking this man's hand, he'd stop his descent. He felt the warmth of Vincent's skin touch his own, and in that split second there was the exchange of an enigmatic little smile, before he whirled around, and threw Cloud yet further up.
With the screams below, and the roar up ahead, and the air rushing past his ears, he still managed to make out one word: "Fly."
He hadn't the heart to look back. On Vincent's order, and on the faith that the gunman would correct the fatal angle of his fall, and with the inability to watch another loved one perish if he failed to do so, Cloud didn't look back.
-
Vincent had survived... he was too stubborn to die just yet, after living so long... But in that moment, every doubt, every care Cloud had in the world had been washed away in the sheer desire to save him, Cetra only knew how many times Vincent had done that favor for him in the past... he hadn't been keeping track, but he was positive that at that he currently owed his life, or at least his mental well being at least once to the ex-Turk.
When the battle was all over, Cloud remembered an old, old promise he'd made to himself, a sort of silent vow. He smiled at the thought... he had the money, he had the time, and he had the reason... now all he needed was the man. Two more years would come in his way... one spent with the world again in turmoil, Vincent caught right up in the middle... ၴhe second was more of a buffer that the two had silently agreed to. That they had taken to get their thoughts straight, and he didn't know about Vincent, but the swordsman had counted down every last moment of it until this day. This day, as he stood poised before the entrance of Lucrecia's cave, he got to see him again.
-
"Are you dreaming? Hey... are you dreaming?" Vincent looked up, craning his neck slowly, wary of possible pains from dozing off in an odd, upright position. He blearily blinked sleep from his eyes and tried to discern who was calling to him.
"Strife...?" he breathed, thinking he'd recognized the voice before he'd gotten an adequate view of the person.
"Yeah, that's right... you've been away so long, I would've thought you'd forgotten..." he said softly.
Vincent watched him curiously, as he drew closer, then shook his head, "No, I didn't forget, I just needed to..."
"What?" Cloud asked, "Vincent, you were always the one telling me not to hide, and look at you..."
The gunman hung his head shamefully, "I..." he began, "...needed some time to..."
"Oh, stop..." the swordsman said sternly, "...you've had all the time in the world, Vincent, to do whatever it is you needed to do. And honestly, if you insist on hiding somewhere, you could at least pick some place that's..." he looked up at the body of the woman the gunman loved, "...not so morbid." he finished, thinking of the man's first resting place, in the cob-web coated mausoleum of ShinRa mansion. Though in a way he silently thanked Vincent for staying here... appreciative that he hadn't had to search the world over for him, that he'd stayed right where he'd left him.
Vincent sighed, "I suppose you're right." he agreed. "But I can't even go back to ShinRa mansion anymore. Where was I supposed to go?"
"Tifa would've put you up ages ago, and you know it." he frowned.
"I wasn't particularly keen on living in a house with two relatively small children..." the gunman responded with a wince.
"True... part of the reason I was never there for long." he looked away. Vincent couldn't help but smirk.
"Or you could've come and stayed in the church with me." Cloud continued, "Or not even there, somewhere else. We could've gotten a cheap apartment together. Two people paying is better than one... I could supplement us with my delivery service and you could-..." he stopped, looking up at Vincent "...-do... whatever you could do..."
Vincent looked up hopefully, though as usual trying to mask it, "You would... do that for me? I know you've got a couple places you can choose from, but-" he was cut off.
"Actually, there's been something else I've been meaning to do for you..." Cloud mumbled with a sly smile.
To this, Vincent granted him a wary look... he'd seldom seen that expression on the swordsman's face, and whenever it was there, it usually didn't mean something good. "What...?" he asked cautiously.
"You'll have to get out of here to see." Cloud responded, and he began to answer back, before the blonde continued, holding a hand out for the gunman, "...and promise me... that you'll never come back."
At this, Vincent halted. He glanced back mournfully at Lucrecia... then something hit him.
-
He felt the wind push away, and dry off his tears as he fell down. What was Cloud doing? What was he thinking? Saving a city was noble, yes, but flying straight into the path of a fully-charged blast from Bahamut...? That was suicide to anyone!
...yet he understood. He'd been there before. When one fell, and fell and fell to the point of anguish where you still had the common sense to know that killing yourself was entirely stupid, but had no will left to keep on living. It was then that you did something daring like this, because after all... dying in a blaze of glory, to save the lives of others was not suicide, it was heroism. There was such a fine line...
But when he saw the look in Cloud's eyes, everything changed. At the same time, it seemed, both their attitudes switched. The man no longer wanted to die, he wanted to win, and Vincent no longer wanted to fight, he wanted to run. So he fell. He fell away from the growing power behind him, and fell towards Cloud.
But Cloud reached up. In that moment, where the ex-Turk had completely given up his long pursuit, the ex-Soldier had turned things around by simply reaching out to him, saying... I want to stay. I've been running so long, don't you start running too.
And Vincent smiled. If that was what Cloud wanted... if he was sure he would live through this, and come for him again in the end... then he trusted him.
"Fly."
-
So that was why he left again... that was why his spirits fell. It had confused the gunman himself for the longest time, and now it only embarrassed him. After all Cloud had done for him, aiding him in his own battles, he had to pose this final test... he couldn't have just trusted Cloud, he had to really see if the man would come and get him...
...and here he was. He did come after all. Vincent looked back at Lucrecia behind him, and remembered his own thoughts long ago, that had come to him while talking to Tifa: ...when someone strikes you as deeply and strongly, and leaves you as suddenly and sorrowfully as Aeris or Lucrecia did, there is no simple moving on after revenge. You need a replacement. Someone to fill that empty part of you that you didn't realize was there until you met them, and can't live with now that they're gone.
There was nothing he could do for Lucrecia anymore... and nothing she could do for him. And here was a living, breathing human being, yearning for his presence, and needing his company, for love, for living, forever, and his payment for coming along... perhaps, happiness? Happiness like he'd felt back when he and Lucrecia had done the same for one another.
Vincent looked down, barely smiled, and took Cloud's hand.