A/N: I don't know. I just, don't know.
This chapter is whatever and I am feeling a bit whatever and whatever.
I know what Im going to do with this story now. So it's just getting there, and to get there we need to have a chapter or two like this one. And I'm sorry... :(
But I love you. And I just posted a oneshot I think you should check out. Literally just 7,000 words of smut. James/Kendall/Logan threesome whatup. Read it. Don't judge me...
Ok. Read now. and I love you. Oh I already said that.
P.S Have you guys noticed I'm Americanning this up for you? Writing "Mom" instead of "Mum" almost makes me writhe in pain.
Chapter 10 - Hold Me.
Logan stares up at the sun, it's hot and it's bright but it's different. He had almost forgotten what a Texas sun looked like, and whilst he knows the logic of that is ridiculous, it doesn't change his mind.
He doesn't notice he's completely stopped at a standstill until he is being shoved from behind, muttering words of apology to the plane passengers who push past. Places to go, people to see. Whereas Logan is putting off walking inside that terminal as long as possible.
Logan lets out a deep breath as he steps inside the gate lounge, eyes scanning around him for a familiar face.
And he is met with one.
His instinct reaction is to smile. To wave and laugh and run into the arms of his Mother who he hasn't seen for so long, but the look on her face makes Logan's blood run cold and his feet root themselves to where they stand.
Her face is dead, her matching chocolate eyes cold, and she looks at Logan as though he is no one, as though he is scum. Logan wills his legs to move, tightening the strap of the bag on his shoulder and walking forwards. It takes what feels like forever to finally reach her, weaving through the people and crowds and the hugs and tears of those reunited.
"Hi Mom" Logan breathes, unsure of his own voice.
At first she doesn't say a word, her eyes drifting once, twice, up and down Logan's exterior and remaining lifeless and cold.
"Logan" She says eventually, the tone in her voice making tears spring to the corner of Logan's eyes.
Without another syllable she turns away, Logan giving himself all of two seconds before he starts to follow the woman who he thought was meant to love him unconditionally.
This was his Mother, the woman who had been there for him, had loved him, his whole life. The woman who he trusted like no other, the woman who made him cookies when he was younger, the woman who mirrored his dimpled smile with eyes crinkling when she laughed, the woman who had cried when he got on the plane for Los Angeles, hugging him tight and begging him to be safe.
This was not the same woman.
The drive home is silent, and dead, and Logan doesn't even register the places he knew so well flash past the window. He shuts his eyes, but only for a second, for when they are shut he is met with green eyes and a dimpled smile, and he can almost hear that laugh. Logan shoots a hand to his chest, clutching hard and trying to control his breath, feeling like one more thought spared to the green eyed boy will have his chest falling apart and crumbling to the floor.
His mother glances sideways for a fraction of a second, but she doesn't say anything. She doesn't care for the tears in Logan's eyes or his hand held to his heart.
"We're here" She says bluntly, snapping Logan out of his daydreams as she pulls into the large Texas ranch that Logan once called home.
Logan's been gone for what feels like years, but as he stands here now, it's like he never left. If he feels the hot dry air on his skin and lets it fill his lungs, and lets the memories flood back to him it's like he can almost forget his whole life in L.A.
Almost.
"Is anyone home?" Logan asks in a small voice, taking his suitcase from the trunk of the car and slamming it shut.
"Just Rachel" His Mom replies, reaching for her keys and not even looking at Logan whilst she speaks.
Logan's heart swells, slightly, at the thought of his sister. He had missed her the most, and he knows that to just hear her voice now will help heal some of the pain he has created for himself.
When Logan enters the house, he smells that familiar scent of cinnamon, pine and vanilla; reminding him that he is home.
Logan's Mom throws her bag and keys down on the table before she disappears quickly into the kitchen, and Logan is left to stand there feeling like a stranger in his own home.
He hears a door close from down the hall and holds his breath, hearing footsteps come closer and closer until a girl rounds the corner into the living room to stand directing opposite him.
Rachel Mitchell.
She's just like Logan remembers, not that she would have changed much in a year, but her silky brown hair remains long, her skin pale and her eyes sparkling.
"Rach" Logan breathes, moving forward to wrap his arms around his twin and never ever let go.
But she stops him.
"Hi" She says bluntly, lifting her hands up to stop him from coming any closer.
Logan's heart dies in his chest, taking in her cold features that match his Mother's, but anger being matched with completely and utter disappointment.
"H-how have you –"
"How could you Logan?" She interrupts, "How could you do this to our family?"
Logan's voice dies in his throat, and Rachel continues to speak.
"Do you realise what you've done? I thought I knew you Logan... You're my brother and I... I thought... I don't know. I can barely even stand to look at you, can't stand to think of you as the twin who I have shared so many Birthday's with, so much laughter, so much happiness... I can't stand to think of you like that now that I know what you've been doing, and who you've been doing. I just... how could you?"
Logan doesn't attempt to wipe at the soft tears that fall, he simply stands there and watches the girl who he thought would love him no matter what.
And it's then Logan realises; he truly has no one in this world anymore.
The phone rings. And it rings. And it rings. On and on in drones, the sound loud and mocking, trying to force Kendall to answer it, to give in.
"Shut. Up!" Kendall grunts, burying his head under his pillow and willing the sound to stop.
It doesn't.
Kendall groans, turning over and reaching out for the phone that has remained on the bed side table for what feels like an eternity.
He doesn't need to look at the screen to know who is calling.
"Hi" He mumbles, closing his eyes and lifting a hand to his face.
"Kendall! Fucking hell, finally. What the fuck man? I was about a day away from calling the cops and fucking filling a missing persons report. Where the hell are you? I know Logan got kicked out, I know they know, and I swear to God Kendall, if you've run away with him and you've just left me without so much as one word of goodbye, I will kick your face in"
"James" Kendall sighs, rubbing his tired eyes.
"No, don't you 'James' me. I've been worried sick for a fucking week Kendall, where are you?"
"He's gone" Kendall whispers, feeling that familiar lump that has never really left, form in throat.
"What are you –"
"He left me, James" Kendall says softly with a sob, reaching out to the empty side of the hotel bed to grab the now near destroyed piece of paper he has been clutching for nearly a week.
"Kendall where are you? I'm coming to get you"
Kendall doesn't bother fighting anymore, instead muttering out the hotel and shutting the phone before rolling over in bed and letting the sobs consume him.
Kendall didn't even realize he'd fallen back asleep until he feels a strong pair of arms wrapped around his middle. He opens his eyes with a start, relaxing when he is met with familiar hazel.
"How did you get in?" Kendall mumbles, wrapping his arms around James and pulling himself in closer, wanting to cry from the warmth and security he had so desperately been craving.
"The door was unlocked Kendall. You know that's very dangerous?"
"Whatever" Kendall replies, his voice cracking as he buries his head into James' strong chest and let's his sobs consume him.
"Oh Kendall" James sighs, his voice laced with pain and concern for his best friend.
James doesn't speak after that, simply holding Kendall and letting the blonde boy stain his shirt with his tears. They lay like that for awhile, James letting Kendall get it all out of his system before he starts to ask questions.
"What happened?" James asks softly, after what feels like forever, playing with the matted strands of Kendall's hair and running smooth circles into his back.
"He left me" Kendall whispers into James' shirt, clutching at the material. "He left me James"
"Logan?"
Kendall almost scoffs. "Who else?"
"Tell me"
"He... he... Well, fuck, I don't know. I went to see him, and he had gone, I knew they had found out and they were sending him home. I went to LAX and stopped him. I told him I loved him and that I wanted him to stay, and he said yes. And it was beautiful and amazing and incredible and we came here and... ugh, James, it was perfect. We had sex, and held each other afterwards and talked about our future together. Talked about the little house with the flowers out the front and the piano and the photos and –"
Kendall lets the tears consume him once more.
"James, he told me he loved me, so many times. He held my hand in his and said that he was mine, forever..."
"So what happened?" James whispers, pulling Kendall back slightly to look into his eyes and raising a hand to his cheek to brush away the tears.
"When I woke up in the morning, I reached out for him, to pull him back into my arms, and he was gone. When I opened my eyes I saw a single piece of folded paper sitting on his pillow, and it was like... it was like I already knew"
Kendall moves out of James' strong hold for a second, reaching behind him to get the now crumpled and tear stained letter and put it into James' hands.
James reads it slowly, and Kendall can see that with each word he reads his heart breaks. He doesn't want to break James' heart.
"Oh Kendall, I'm so sorry" James cries softly, pulling Kendall into him and kissing his cheeks where the tears have fallen.
"I don't know what to do James" Kendall whispers, kissing James in return. "What am I supposed to do without him?"
James can't answer that, he knows there is nothing he could say to help Kendall right now, instead he presses their lips together and kisses Kendall soft and sweet.
Kendall kisses him back, savouring the taste of James on his lips and finding his hand to intertwine their fingers.
"Don't leave me James" Kendall whispers against the brunette's lips, "I couldn't handle it if you ever left me, please"
"I won't leave you" James whispers in return, "I promise. I love you."
And Kendall knows there is no lie in his words.
He thought that Logan wasn't lying when he told Kendall the same, told him that he loved him and would never leave, but there was always a part of Kendall that knew...
Knew that they were never going to be, and now, he must let Logan become a memory.
But he doesn't know if he can.