Chapter 10: Deluded Happiness
It was early in the morning. That much I knew. I think it was like around seven-ish when I woke up, because I felt as though the sun was staring straight at me. I am serious; the light was shining through my window and there was nothing to stop it from invading my room since my curtains were packed and ready to go. Along with my covers for my bed, my clothes that I yanked from my closet and dressers. Everything was almost packed; I just needed the essentials like my toothbrush and a few other things. I pushed myself to the other side of my queen-sized bed expecting to feel Sam's weight on the other end, but she wasn't there. I forgot that she went over to Mel's. I guess she probably went to stay with her mom, huh. I stretched and yawned, grabbing the alarm clock to see what time it was.
It said… ten in the morning? Wow, Sam's sleeping-in habits are kicking in at the wrong time. I should have been up hours ago to finish packing.
I ran to the shower and quickly cleaned off the grogginess, making sure not to waste any time. I washed for ten minutes it seemed and quickly changed. I was in the mood for something pink, being that the day was so pretty. Everything had to be packed by Sunday night, because that's when I would be leaving. I would leave to start my life in New York. I couldn't contain my excitement from actually doing something with my life so quickly. I thought I would be like so many out there that got their degrees and just waited for a phone call from any place that they could get hired. But nope, here I was, getting ready to leave. I was just so… Happy. Happy that things were going good, that I was going to move in with Griffin, and be with him for as long as we could stand each other. Trust me, that's going to be hard enough with that Pee Wee Babies obsession he has. All I know is if he even thinks about sleeping with them that will probably be the last straw. But until then, I'll still be smiling and be happy that I was going to start my life alongside him.
A knock on the door stopped my thoughts of happiness and pleasure that was just around the corner for me. I just didn't have time for any visitors at the moment. I ran toward the door and swung it open.
"Jesse. What a surprise." I said, neither sarcastic nor pleasing. I just didn't have time right now to care. Sunday was less than four days away. I had to pack quickly, but even more important was that I also needed to go find Spencer. He was still acting like such a baby. Did he honestly think I would stay with him forever?
"Hey Carly. Can I come in? I have something to ask you real quick. And to let you know about Sam." I sighed, and moved to the side of the door, allowing him to enter. If it was something about Sam I knew it held some importance, so of course I had to make time for that. Plus I was curious as to what he wanted to ask me. Gossip always has time unfortunately.
"So what's up?" I asked him, glancing at the clock. Fifteen minutes after ten. Time was being friendly. I looked at him, his face very stern, but he was trying to play it off. It was strange; I have never seen a face like that on him, because he would always be smiling. Sadness on Jesse's face was rare. But something I couldn't put my finger on told me that he wasn't sad. It was something more. That must mean that something was wrong. Maybe something happened between him and Sam, and that's why she went over to Melanie's? Maybe he wanted to ask me why she left to Melanie's? Or maybe he wondered if she was here in the apartment?
"All your stuff is packed and ready?" He asked, observing the boxes and a few duffels that were in the middle of the living room. I wanted to crack a joke but something told me he was not really in a laughing mood. Which again, was very odd, and so unlike Jesse. He just kept looking around, avoiding my eyes. I raised my eyebrow in curiosity. That really couldn't have been the reason he was here. He knew I was moving away but his interests in me rested the minute Sam would enter the room, then all his attention would gravitate toward her. I wasn't jealous of her, because I had Griffin. I was just annoyed that they would do their public displays of affection in front of me. Sam would always try not to, but with little success, as Jesse would keep bringing his lips up to hers. Gag.
"That's why you came? To see if I was ready to leave?" I asked, a little laughter escaping my mouth. "Can't wait for Sam to be all yours I see." I snorted. Good luck with that, she will still have her best friend Freddie here. And he wasn't getting anywhere out of her life any time soon, by the way they would always hang around each other nowadays.
"No, she already is all mine… But that's not the reason I came over. I just thought it would be a good ice breaker." He said. Well now that the ice was broken, I was just waiting for him to get on with it. I walked into the kitchen, having him follow me, as I was getting out some milk and a cereal. I didn't really care which one, and I'm sure Jesse wasn't hungry but I was. I just woke up and I needed my strength for today. Jesse sat down on the seat by the kitchen table, his hands intertwined together on the table. Again, he was not acting normal. He would always pull his hands behind his back or something. It would be his act of being so carefree. But now here without Sam, he was acting so different. As I poured the milk in the bowl, Jesse started talking.
"I need to know…" he began. I just waited. I could see this wasn't easy for him to come right out and ask me something. It must be serious. Screw it, packing can wait. I looked over to where he was sitting and his stare was so concentrated, it was kind of intimidating.
"Need to know?" I asked, not sure what he wanted to know. I found myself sitting next to him, trying to crack any code that he was holding in his mind. There are many things people need to know about others. But what he wanted to know dealt with Sam. He wanted to know, no. He needed to know something about her.
"…I need to know what Sam tells you about me." He said. Well this was interesting but not enough to pique my interest. I didn't know Sam's true feelings about anyone, seeing as though she never liked talking about these things humans call emotions. She was more like an iceberg, and showed affection rarely. I loved hugging her and she didn't. I loved being close to her and Freddie, and she would most likely pull away. Feelings and Sam just didn't really mix well. The only time she would ever show affection was when she was pressured into it, like when Jesse would pressure her, changing her personality altogether. Whether if it was for the better, I would rather not answer that.
"Jesse, is that what you really wanted to ask me?" I questioned him, my smile never disappearing from my face. "Because if its not then whatever it is, just come out and say it." I encouraged him. "If its not that important then I guess it can wait." I began eating my Toasty O's by putting a spoonful in my mouth.
"Fine." He said getting up and walking back and forth, like if he wanted to leave, but was more intent on staying. He turned around. Guess he thought it would have better to stay and ask this million-dollar question. "What do you know that is going on between Sam and Fred?" I chocked on my food, and looked at him with a little surprised look. And a bit off guard as well. Sam and Freddie? What about them? They were friends again, making each other miserable in their own special ways. Why did he want to know about that?
"What is there to know Jesse?" I asked him, calmly. He looked pained. Like if that wasn't the answer that he was looking for.
"You remember yesterday when I came over?" he began. I nodded, recalling that I asked Sam to answer the door, after I was talking to her about Jesse and if she saw him at all since he returned. Come to think of it, Sam was acting weird also yesterday. And when Jesse came over she was still not acting like herself. She looked guilty, much like Jesse was. He looked as though he should feel embarrassed to even be thinking that Sam and Freddie could be anything but friends. "Well, I was shocked to see her here actually, and she had this smile that left as soon as she saw that it was me at the door." He told me. Now I was the one that was feeling uneasy. A smile that was on Sam to only be erased when she saw Jesse, who only gave her these feelings of smiling uncontrollably made no sense to me. I couldn't even imagine how it was for him.
"It's like she was expecting someone else to come through…" he trailed off, expecting me to put her to blame. There was no way I was going to do that. I shook my head.
"I don't understand." I admitted. "What is there to know about them other than they are friends. They were dating but then… well you know how that has gone. Probably more than I do." I said. He wouldn't look at me. His gaze wasn't fixated on anything; it was just flickering to different objects in my- I mean soon to be brother's apartment. "Look," I got up from my cereal and walked up to him, trying to think of a way to comfort him without touching him. I wasn't really sure how to do that, so I just patted his back. "What happened between them ended the day she met you Jesse. I don't see why you are worried about it. Just give her time." I turned around, and Jesse spoke again.
"Do you know why she left to Melanie's house yesterday?" he asked me.
"I knew that she left because Freddie told me last night." As soon as I said it I knew that wasn't the right thing to say. His eyes looked like they were opening for the first time.
"How did Freddie know about her leaving?" he asked, a little angrier than a normal person would ask. I was starting to feel very uncomfortable with this situation.
"She told him yesterday."
"When?"
"On her way over to see you." I lied. I honestly didn't know when she told Freddie that she was heading over to see Melanie, but to say that it was late would have been a dumb answer. Sometime during the day would have made better (not to mention appropriate) sense. It was his turn to raise his eyebrow up in curiosity.
"…That would make some sense. But why didn't she let you know?"
"I am busy with packing. I even held her back a bit to help me with some last minute help." I said. I did hold her back a bit. He sighed.
"That's why she said she was running late to meet me. Because you were packing up so you can prepare the going away party."
Going away party? I wasn't having a going away party. I just wanted to have a dinner with my closest friends, than to go out with a bang. Why didn't Sam tell me about this? Why must she put more pressure on me? And Jesse was doing nothing to alleviate the stress as he was sitting here talking to me about his suspicions.
"Look Carly," he sat down, bringing me down to his eye level. His eyes were so hazel and green and animated, but now as he was talking to me they looked grey and hopeless. "You know how much I love Sam. I really do want to be with her. But I just can't help but think, that she might still have feelings for the guy that across this apartment. There I said it."
This time there was no shock to his words. I understood his affliction. I went through it when I found out Griffin was hanging out with an old friend. When I told him I didn't like it that he was hanging out with her alone, he told her that the only time he would be with her was when I would be around them as well. She never spoke to him again, calling me jealous and possessive. But that wasn't the case. I just couldn't love Griffin enough to know his friends, like he knew mine.
"Jesse, I-"
"I need you to tell me the truth Carly. I need to know where we stand, so I can choose to keep her or fight for her."
Where we stand. Out of everything that he was telling me, those three little words stood out farther than anything he has mentioned so far. It sounded so familiar. Something that Sam said not to long ago. It was when we started talking again. After what happened at the airport with her and Freddie. Now it was my turn to ask for some answers.
"Who's idea was it to have you go to the airport when Freddie landed Jesse? Yours or Sam's?" I let it out before it escaped my conscious. Jesse sighed, letting his hands run through his jet-black hair. That little sigh told me everything. It was never Sam's plan to take him with her. She wanted to give Freddie time; she wanted to wait. It was his idea all along. And here I was blaming her for it. I forgave her about it soon after, but there was still that hurt that she gave Freddie that I just never forgot about.
"I convinced her to have me come along, so Freddie would understand." He explained.
"Understand what exactly."
"That she isn't his anymore. That she's mine." He said, making her sound like property other than a human being. I never saw that before. A man talking about their significant others as their property. His love for her was not normal. If I could describe it, it was a borderline of obsession. And yet why was Sam still with him? His insecurities about himself were dangerous, as though he might snap any day that she would do something that would displease him. Just like now.
"She wouldn't cheat on you." I said, trying to keep his mind sane. By the way he sounded when he said that she was his ran a cold shiver up my spine, and so I thought, going straight into his suspicions and plucking that thought seemed like the best idea at the moment.
"I know, not while he was gone at least because I kept her busy." He said, confidence spilling after every syllable. "I would always pull her away from computers, tell her to put the phone away. Everything that would keep contact with him. And she would listen, without a second thought. I had to Carly." He said, as if that was more than a good enough excuse. I wanted to laugh in his face. "You just don't know how much I love her, and how much I want to be with her. Even if it means having her to give up her best friend. It's like what you did with Griffin."
"No, not in a million years is that the same thing." I said standing up to defend myself. "How do you even know about that?" I told Sam, but I never expected her to have told Jesse.
"She told me about you two. She told me your whole life story, she tells me everything if I want to know about it. All I have to do is ask, and boom, she spills secrets like a loose dam made by retarded beavers." He got up, making me take a step back. How I wish I could have yelled for Freddie right now. "And it is the same, whether you want to see it or not. You didn't want Griffin with anyone else for fear of losing him. That's the same reason I want her with me and not hanging out with the Benson guy that lives across from you." His finger pointed towards the door. I don't know why but I felt scared. Like if he ever did find out that there was something going on between the two of them, he would have hurt Freddie or Sam. Or worse. "Because I don't want to lose her. She makes me happy in ways I never thought I could be." I got up and kept my distance, but he closed it quickly, standing no more than a few feet from me. I wanted to panic, but knew that it was better to not even think about panicking, because he would hurt his girlfriend's best friend… at least with the way he was looking at me he looked like he would.
"You will tell me if you notice anything Carly. You have to tell me." He said. I couldn't believe that he was going to tell me to spy on her for him. I didn't even know him to call him a best friend. Not even a friend in general. I just knew him to be my best friend's boyfriend. But know that I think about it, I would rather call him my best friend's psychotic and neurotic boyfriend. "There is no way in hell I'm going to lose her to someone like him. He had his shot, lost, and now it's my turn. And believe me when I say, I will win." He reached inside his pocket and I closed my eyes, thinking he was going to pull out a gun or something. But more than anything I closed my eyes in prayer, I was actually praying that he wouldn't hurt me. Please God don't let him hurt me. When I didn't feel him move or anything, I opened my eyes a little bit and saw something shiny in front of me. When I opened them fully, I saw it was a ring.
"I proposed to her last night."
Proposed? He asked Sam to marry him?
"Marry you?" I said aloud. I couldn't picture Sam married. Not that she didn't have that potential, just that she always seemed like the type to fear commitments. Not to mention that this guy is just out of his mind in love with her. And I don't mean that in a good way.
"Yeah, but she didn't say yes but she didn't say no, so that's got to mean something doesn't it?" He looked at me, expecting me to say that he had a point. But truthfully I didn't know anything to say to that. I knew Sam like the back of my hand. But when it came to Jesse, she didn't like talking about him with me. Which was weird. We could talk about anything really, but not this. Now that I think about it, she probably did it because he told her never to say more than what was needed. He was holding her by a thread, and with Freddie in the picture, he assumed that she would see him the way that he is showing himself to me, and will cut that thread herself.
"I…don't know." I said. I was at a loss of words, literally, because everything that he was telling me was not at all the way I pictured him to be. Around Sam, he was so collected. Without her, he was at a breaking point. He was bending so far for Sam to be calm and happy. He has been playing her to the point that she herself can't see him the way he is around others.
"At your party, I'm going to ask her again. In front of Freddie and everyone else, so they can see that I'll never leave her. But more importantly to show everyone that she'll be mine." He told me of his plan. I gulped, and waited for him to pull away from me. "Or are you going to cancel it?" he said, putting the ring back inside his pocket. I wasn't even planning on having a party. But now, for the sake of everyone's well being, I should begin planning. For Sam's sake more than anyone.
"It's going to be a small get together." I said. He turned around to face me. "I didn't want to have a big party, like I told Sam last night." I gripped my fist, to stop from shaking. I don't know how much longer I could hold it before I would collapse on the floor. He headed for the door, stopped, and turned around, flashing me a smile. That's the Jesse I knew, happy go lucky Jesse, that smiled at the world. Not the one that was telling me that Sam would never be anyone's but his, his depressed but possessed look was gone, replaced with his optimistic one. How he could change his personality so swiftly left me speechless.
"I forgot to tell you, Sam stayed over at Melanie's yesterday. That's basically why I came over really." And was out the door.
No tears were coming out of my eyes. No screams were escaping from my mouth. I was just standing as still as a statue, hoping that I could hear the elevator door ring. But I couldn't. I didn't have that good of hearing. A knock came through the door and I froze again.
"Carly? It's Freddie, you home?"
That's when I knew that it was okay; Jesse was gone. I dropped to the floor, my body collapsed from the discovery and interrogation I underwent just right now. And my world closed in around me.
A/N: Whew! I was trying to see how I could further explain Jesse, but without the loving eyes that Sam always sees him in. So I thought a Carly POV would be the perfect one (since Freddie doesn't talk to him and all that). He sure doesn't sound like a good guy does he? Well review telling me what you guys thought of this chapter and all that good stuff and until next time. :)