She woke up to the familiar beeping sound of the heart monitor she's been used to hearing her entire life as a doctor. Only this time, she was the one lying on the hard mattress, covered with the stiff white sheets, seeing nothing but the ceiling above her. She tried to move to her side to find something that'll explain why and how she ended up here but was held back by an excruciating pain in her chest that made her groan in pain.
"You're awake", she heard someone say from across the room. She turned her head slowly to see Ruby, Paul's sister, leaning across the door. Her eyes bloodshot and swollen, as she sniffed back her tears wiping them away with the palm of her hands.
"Wha-", Meredith started to say before a wave of agony washed over her dry burning throat.
"Shhh", Ruby comforted her as she set her hand on her shoulder. "You don't have to speak just yet. You're okay. You were in a car accident-", she said as her voice shook,"-and now you're okay".
Meredith blinked at her back in desperation to speak.
"I'll get you some ice chips to suck on", she nodded as she left the room.
Meredith observed her surroundings. The IV dripped slowly in her veins giving her a drugged sense of reality. She glanced around her room noticing the bouquet of flowers and gifts that were neatly arranged on the counters. A blanket was draped on the sofa beside her indicating that someone was with her the entire time she was down which she still had no idea how long that was. Last thing she remembered is having her sixth shot of tequila at Joe's before getting a call from.. she didn't quite remember.
"Here you go", Ruby announced interrupting her thoughts, as she put an ice chip in her mouth.
Meredith took in the ice chip before she attempted to speak again. "Wh-what happened?"
"A drunk driver crashed into your car, Mer", she elaborated choking back the tears as she tried to get a hold of herself. "He hit the rear passenger side".
"M-my side?", Meredith asked still struggling to grasp what she's been told. "Passenger side. You mean my side."
Ruby shook her head. She paused as she hesitated, contemplating whether it was the right time to break the news that the love of her life had died.
Meredith stared at her blankly as she noticed the look. The look that she, herself, gave the family and friends of her patients when she told them that their loved ones didn't make it. The look she gave her patients when she told them they didn't have much left to live. That was when she knew she has lost yet another important person in her life, and by the way Ruby acted, she knew exactly who that was. "Paul was driving. Wasn't he?", Meredith asked coldly not tearing her eyes off of Ruby's. "Paul is dead".
"Yes", she answered sympathetically pausing to gauge her reaction only to be met by silence. "He was and h-he is".
"Okay", she said almost too cold-heartedly.
Ruby watched her stare at her hands. She didn't expect her to break down in tears. She didn't expect her to show any emotions. This was the way she was. Ruby just dropped a bomb on her and she didn't even bat an eye.
"Miss Grey. I was told you're finally awake. You got us worried there for a minute", Dr. Bennett said happily as he entered the room breaking the silence. He picked up her file to point out her prognosis. "Have you been told how long you've been down?"
"Not really"
Dr. Bennett cleared his throat as he prepared to talk. "During your accident, your head hit the windshield. The sheer force caused your brain to collide against the internal hard bone of your skull causing a-"
"Subarachnoid hemmorhage", she interrupted. "How bad was it?"
"Thankfully, your skull wasn't fractured. There was minimal bleeding on the subarachnoid which is why you slipped into a coma. But so far, there are no signs of neurological deficits or permanent damage. You should feel extremely lucky", he added, his gentle voice reassuring. "We'll be monitoring you closely for any change and I'll have Dr. Parker here perform further neurological exams on you".
Meredith nodded. "How long have I been out?", she asked.
"Five weeks".
Five weeks. Which meant it's been probably five weeks since Paul died. She probably missed the funeral which she somehow was thankful for because she's always hated funerals. She'd always had the idea that funerals were a callous exploiting of the vulnerable state that alive people are in.
She stared at the bandages that covered her chest under her gown and those on her arms and legs.
"You sustained some pretty serious injuries", Dr. Bennett spoke up. "The accident caused a diaphragmatic rupture. We were able to do a laparotomy to repair the diaphragm. There was no herniation of any abdominal organs into the chest cavity and the lacerations are healing perfectly. Again, you were lucky".
Meredith attempted to smile at his comment despite her pain. The physical and the emotional.
Meredith dragged her body out of bed wincing as her feet met the cold floor. She forced her legs to move forward stripping as she climbed into the shower. She hated showers. They were so quiet and relaxing which gave her much time to think about her miserable life. She turned on the shower allowing the warm water to run down her aching body. No transition, not even the pull of muscles as she stared down at her feet watching the water go down the drain. She didn't know what to do. Where to go from here. She wanted to end things with Nathan but she couldn't. She couldn't even imagine him walking out of her life. A horrid and painful hollowness filled her abdomen as she swallowed hard over the lump in her throat, willing the flashbacks from the night before to dissipate. She lazily reached for the shampoo bottle squirting some into her hand and onto her hair. Today was going to be okay.
"I've been calling you all morning!", Amelia said as she followed Meredith into the elevator.
"I was in the shower", she answered. "Must have not heard the phone".
"You look terrible", Amelia pointed out as she noticed the dark circles around her puffy eyes.
"Thanks. Rough night, I guess"
"So.. did you invite Nathan over for thanksgiving dinner?"
"Yes..", Meredith lied, "He has plans. Family and stuff. You know.."
"Mhmm. Well maybe next time"
"Yeah. Maybe", she shrugged.
"Incoming!", Kepner shouted entering the elevator as they exited it. "We need you two", she said motioning at Amelia and Meredith to get back in. "Building collapsed with its residents in it. Need as much hands as possible".
"Oh my god!", Amelia responded in shock. "Edwards, cancel all my surgeries for today then find me in the ER", she called out after Edwards before the elevator doors closed.
The three doctors entered the bustling ER where victims came in one after the other.
"I've got this one!", Meredith yelled rushing after one of the gurneys into the trauma room.
"Jane doe. Was found under a pile of rubble. Lost consciousness 15 minutes ago. She's in repiratory distress, was having labored breathing and her blood pressure is dropping. Possible spinal injuries to the lower lumbar spine", the paramedic informed Meredith signaling at the neck collar he used to immoblize the patient's spine.
"Can you double check if she has something on her that'll help us identify her?", she asked the nurse who attempted to search her clothes.
"Nothing helpful", she answered tossing the contents of he pockets into a plastic bag.
Meredith sighed. "Her blood pressure is awfully low. This is not good if her spinal cord is injured", she shook her head as she read the monitor. "We need to stabilize her before we take her for a CT", she told the nurse who immediately handed her the pushed the drug she ordered.
Meredith sat with a tray of food on her lap as she observed the comatose patient infront of her. For the past couple of months, ever since Alex discovered his spacious room that came in with free cable, it became their usual place to hang out in during lunch breaks. The patient seemed awfully peaceful. She often wondered what his story was. Why he never had visitors over. What got him to this state.
"Hey!", said Alex as he fell on the couch beside her. "What're you up to?"
"Just got out of surgery, enjoying my salad", she answered as she poked at the lettuce with a frown.
Alex chuckled at her response knowing her dislike for healthy food. "Obviously".
"Where's Amelia?"
"I think I saw her name on the board.. so maybe in surgery"
"Good"
"Good?"
"Good cause I don't feel like being questioned right now"
"Oh. Nathan."
"How did you know abou-?", she asked surprisingly before she resumed back to her meal. "Ofcourse"
"She said something about meeting him at the airport and how much of a 'gentleman' he was"
"Yeah", she rolled he eyes.
"So..?", he started to ask. "What happened?"
"Don't.. not you too"
"Okay", he nodded.
"I just.. can't with him", she told him.
"Uh-huh"
"He's just so funny and smart and perfect-"
"So I've heard", he said in between her rants.
"but so.. nevermind"
"Come on, let it all out"
She sighed. "I freaked out. Last night"
"Over what?"
"He was snooping"
"Okay.."
"Well not snooping snooping-"
"not snooping.."
"He was in my office.. looking at the picture of Paul and I, you know the one.."
"Oh"
"Oh?"
"So you freaked out because you felt guilty"
"Why would I feel guilty?"
"Because you had another guy over for the first time since..", he pointed out, "and then the picture... it reminded you of him"
"No", she shook her head. "That's not it. I freaked out because I don't like it when people don't mind their own business"
"Uh-huh"
"Ugh whatever", she huffed getting out of her seat. " I need to check on my patient"
"You do that", he laughed.
"How's she doing?", Meredith asked the intern monitoring her patient.
"She's stable, doing well"
"Any updates on her family?"
"We hung her picture on the board of unidentified patients. No one seems to recognize her yet", he sighed.
"Her face is pretty damaged, but.. someone will eventually ask about her", she assured him. "You go home. Get some rest. I can take over".
"Dr. Grey, you don't have-"
"I have some paperwork to do anyway. It'll keep me busy", she smiled politely.
"Okay then. Thank you", he smiled back before he left the room.
Meredith stared out at the hallway. The calm after the storm. This morning the hospital was raging with doctors and nurses rushing after patients and gurneys.. and now it was over. Except for the waiting rooms where families and friends waited impatiently for news about their loved ones. She looked at the patient before her, her face completely damaged and unrecognizable. She wondered what she'd feel like the moment she wakes up. How she'd react when she looks at her face. Or when she learns her injuries have left her permanently disabled. She wondered if someone will ever show up for her. Or if she even has someone to show up for her. Meredith sighed. She didn't wanna be there when she woke up. She didn't wanna be the one to break down the news to her because she knew exactly what it felt like to be the one who wakes up to the worst news of her life.