**This story was my first ever fanfic, in fall 2014. I did a MAJOR revision in January 2016, so even if you're read it before, you may want to start again with chapter 1. I promise it's now significantly better.**

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or ideas from The Killing. It's all just for fun.

Spoilers: Watch the series finale before reading this!

A/N: This one's a little cheesy, so I apologize, but Linden needs to get in touch with her feelings and all that, so... Oh, and it makes me cry every single time I read it (I kinda like cheesy sometimes).

It had been three weeks since Sarah arrived in Chicago. She'd gotten to spend time with Jack for the first time in quite a while, which had been good for her. No, she hadn't been the best mom to him when he was growing up, and even as a teenager she hadn't really been there for him, but she had missed him terribly since he'd moved in with his dad. He had grown into such a gentleman, and she was so proud of him. It still amazed her that he was in college!

Still, Chicago wasn't her home. She had had a lovely visit, but it was time to move on. Three weeks was the longest she'd been anywhere in the past five years, and she was beginning to feel restless. She hadn't quite decided where she was going next, but she was thinking of heading west. It would be the first time she'd been west of Chicago in nearly five years. Maybe it was time.

…

"Mom, you should call Holder. He misses you."

"Jack, he didn't say that."

"I can just tell."

"You know it's not that simple…"

"Mom, I can just tell. The same way I can tell that you miss him."

She'd sighed then, because what could she say? The kid was far too wise and far too observant for his age.

…

Jack's words from the previous day rang in her ears as she packed up and checked out of her hotel room that morning. It seemed so simple to Jack… But he didn't know the whole story, how much more complicated it was than that. She knew that Jack had kept in touch with Holder, though she didn't know how often they talked or what they talked about. The one thing she did know was that he hadn't divulged anything to Jack that she wouldn't want him to about the past. After all, he hadn't ratted her out to Reddick when Reddick had been pressuring him to confess, not even to save himself from going to jail. There was no way he was going to tell Jack anything he shouldn't.

Oh, now you trust him? A bit late, don't you think? She winced slightly, knowing that it was the truth. Could've, should've, would've… they didn't help her now.

It made her happy and sad at the same time (and maybe a tiny bit jealous, which, of course, made no sense) to think about Jack and Holder having stayed in touch. Like everything in her life, it was just too much to sort out. She just had to let it go.

That morning Linden met Jack for breakfast at a coffee shop downtown. She marveled once again at how much he had grown in the past few years. Jack, of course, had become more than a little bit familiar with the sentimental look on her face over the past few weeks. "Mom, stop!" he groaned. He knew she was going to cry when she left. He wondered if he would too. Since he'd spent so much time wondering where she was and if she was OK over the past few years, he'd come to feel very protective of her. Sarah just smiled. So many things in her life were so hard, but against all odds she still had Jack, and he had turned out better than she ever would have imagined, despite having had her for a mother.

Though she hated to leave, eventually the time came for Jack to get to class. She hugged him tightly, suddenly regretting that she had decided to leave Chicago, and promised that they'd see each other again soon.

"When?" Jack had asked. They'd work that out later, she'd promised. She didn't really have a plan, which didn't surprise Jack at all. He stood on the sidewalk and watched her walk down the street towards her car, not moving until she turned the corner a few blocks away. Wasn't it supposed to be the other way around? Wasn't she supposed to worry about him?

Linden looked straight ahead as she walked down the sidewalk to her car. She desperately wanted to look back and see Jack's face one more time, but she didn't want him to see her crying. He already worried about her far more than he should. It was supposed to be the other way around! As soon as she stepped around the corner, she stopped and leaned against the side of the building, taking a deep breath and composing herself before she continued walking.

Jack sighed and turned to cross the street along with the throng of morning pedestrians. One day at a time. That's what Holder had said.

Linden was about an hour outside of the city when she stopped at a gas station. She reached into her purse for her wallet, and her fingers found an unexpected envelope. Puzzled, she pulled it out to find "Mom" scrawled across the front in Jack's somewhat legible handwriting. What is this kid up to? she wondered. In any case, it was a thoughtful surprise.

She was a little taken aback when she opened the card, which had a picture of a sunrise and no text on the front, to see that he had filled the entire inside with writing, which also spilled onto the back side of the card. What's all this? she wondered, still shocked by what she held in her hands. Her eyes scanned the words quickly, and what she read took her breath away.

Dear Mom,

I know I'm your kid, and it's weird to think about giving you advice. I'm sure it's just as weird for you, too. But we've never been a normal family, and there's a few things I think you should know.

First, I know you don't want me to, but I worry about you. You're the tough cop, even now that you're not a cop anymore. You don't let anybody mess with you, and that's awesome. But you don't need to prove anything to anyone. Everyone needs someone sometimes, and I don't want you to go through life alone. I guess what I'm saying is… You need to let someone in. It wasn't Regi, or Dad, or even me. But mom, you don't have to do it all on your own. No one should have to do that. I know you're scared – it's ok to admit that. You taught me that. And yes, bad things can happen when you get close to people. But good things can happen, too. You taught me that it's ok to be scared. If you're not scared, you can't be brave. And you're the bravest person I know.

Second, you might not realize it, but there was a time when you were happy. It wasn't all the time, of course, there's always stuff that pisses people off. And you can't deny you get really pissed off, mostly because you care so much. Do you wanna guess when the time was when you were happy, or should I tell you? I guess I should probably tell you, since I'm sure you'll say you have no idea… I don't think you'd know happy if it bit you on the nose.

I'm sure you don't realize it, but you were happy when you worked with Holder. Yes, really. I know you two got pretty darn pissed at each other sometimes, and I know, you were just partners, nothing else. It didn't matter. You were happy when you were with him, whether you realized it or not. Which was amazing because you were working a depressing as hell job, investigating dead people and putting your lives in danger basically every day. I know that the idea of happiness is like a foreign concept to you, so I figured you needed someone to identify it for you.

Don't get me wrong, your job sucked. And you let yourself get too involved, like you always do, and you forgot about me. A LOT. I'm not mad about that last part. I mean, I was at the time. But I look back now, and I know that you did your best. As for letting yourself get too involved, it was the way that you showed you cared. I didn't understand it then, but I know you were doing the best you could to make the world safe. For me, and for everyone else. That's like, what superheroes do.

You should know how often Holder has told me over the years how amazing you were at being a cop. Yes, I know that you know I still talk to him. Do you know he's the only guy you ever hung around with that I ever liked, even a little bit? And I liked him a LOT. I still do. He was the only one who never saw me as being in the way, like all the rest of them. He saw me as a person. And he cared - about both of us. He still does.

Mom, you can't run forever. I know you're scared, and you feel like it's too late. But remember when I left for Chicago the first time, how you told me I was so strong? I'm strong because of you, mom. I'm strong because you taught me how to be, because you are too. You push people away because you're scared, but you don't have to be. You've had a lot of shitty luck in your life, but you have to believe me when I say that not everyone is going to leave. I'm far away, yes, but I'm always here. And deep down I think you know that Holder wouldn't either. He's been there for me for as long as we've known him, whether you guys were on speaking terms or not.

I know that none of this is my business, but I'm not a little kid anymore. And I know you're thinking that I don't understand, and that it's complicated. BUT IT'S NOT.

I thought maybe I should tell you this stuff, because I think you really needed to hear it. Just please think about it. I know you feel like it's too late, but I promise you, it's not.

Love,

Jack

Linden rested her forehead wearily against the steering wheel. Tears had started forming in her eyes by the time she was halfway through Jack's message. How did her little boy get so grown up? And how was he so wise that he could see exactly what she was thinking?

She rarely ever sent texts, since her phone was so old and texting took so long, but at that moment she pulled out her phone, and typed out a text to Jack. Simply, "I love you." He could apparently read her mind, so there was no need to say any more than that.

It was time to go somewhere and think. Linden was actually feeling tired of running for the first time in five years. Did that mean something? Consulting one of the many, many maps from her collection in the backseat (GPS? Why bother?), she quickly decided where she was going next, at least for a few days. Then she finally located her wallet and filled the car with gas, all that time repeating her son's words in her head and wondering if he could be right. Was it possible that it wasn't too late?

She had another very long drive ahead of her, and she was leaving immediately.