Huge thanks to mirandapooley, daisesndaffidols, rickkate3, Carmen Rodriguez, purplangel, fanfar3, trekkie1214, jazzyjenn5, ParkerAlexis88, Sophiebartowski, and JennaMckane for the reviews and to everyone else who alerted and favorited this. I wrote and rewrote this chapter like five times, hopefully you all like it!
A short time after the sun set Ryan stood outside the door to his apartment trying to figure out what to say to make this better with Alexis. He had gone over every possible scenario and to the best of his knowledge he had messed up so badly he was pretty sure he couldn't fix this. Flowers had caught his eye in a shop window on his way home but that would just be insulting, colorful weeds did not make it ok for him to be an ass. He unlocked the door and stepped in half expecting to be assaulted with a kitchen utensil or pelted with his comic collection but all was calm and quiet, almost eerily so. With some trepidation he began looking around and nearly jumped out of his skin when Alexis's voice sounded from behind him.
"How was work?"
He whipped around, "I..wh.. what? Work? Uh, work was fine." Smooth.
She offered a weak smile as she slipped on her shoes and carefully avoided eye contact, "That's good. Devlin's in his room and I didn't make dinner tonight."
"That's fine, did today go alright?" he asked carefully.
"Everything's fine. I'm a little tired though so I'm going home, I'll see you tomorrow morning." He opened his mouth but she was already slipping out the door. This was bad, a silent woman was never a good thing. Yelling he could deal with, same with just plain bitchiness but the silent treatment meant there was nothing to work with. The problem was obvious, the solution was not.
With a knot in his chest he walked to his son's room and dropped down on the bed next to him. "What do you do when you hurt someone Dev? How do you make it better?"
Devlin turned away from his tv and stared at his dad, "Why did you hurt them daddy?"
Ryan laid down and smiled when his son climbed on top of him and stared down at his face, "I thought I was doing the right thing but it turns out it was the wrong thing."
"So it was an accident? You have to tell them you're sorry, they'll understand."
Envy at the simplicity of a five-year-old mind filled Ryan, if only life was that simple. "What if the person doesn't understand?"
Devlin gave his dad a very serious look, "Then you have to make them." Ryan's eyebrows rose at the pure conviction in the statement and he just stared at his son's profile when he turned back to stare at the tv. How do you make someone understand something? "Daddy we need to bake cookies."
He smiled in amusement at the change in topic, "Oh we need to, and why is that?"
"Cookies make people happy and Lex wasn't happy today. She tried to hide it but I could tell she was crying. We have to make her happy daddy." He floundered as Devlin continued, "Do you know why she was crying? Lex was happy when we left her house."
"Yeah bud, I have a pretty good idea why she was crying," he said hoarsely. "Why don't we have some dinner then we can make cookies?" The answer appeased the blonde haired boy for the time being and with a kiss to his cheek Ryan grabbed him and headed to the kitchen.
The next day was a horrible repeat of the day before, leading with a tense morning and followed by a disastrous day. He was quiet which caused Esposito to be concerned which in turn made Castle curious and Beckett irate that no one was paying attention to the case. Someone had accidentally rubbed against the murder board sometime during the night erasing half of it and the computers were lagging so bad that Ryan and Esposito had to physically go through every single file which ended up taking the better part of the evening. Because of all the distractions and interruptions no one was able to leave the precinct until after ten.
When Ryan got home he for once was thankful that Devlin was already in bed because this tension with Alexis was eating him alive. Not wasting any time he threw his coat onto the couch and headed to the kitchen where he could hear movement. "Hey," he greeted quietly from the doorway, his hands stuffed into his pockets and his shoulders hunched, insecurity and vulnerability obvious in his stance.
Her back was turned and she paused at the sound of his voice for a moment before continuing to wipe off the counter, "How was work?" All couldn't be lost if she still cared enough to ask that particular question.
He shrugged dismissively, "Alright, not the best. How was your day?"
She set the sponge down and wiped her hands on a dishtowel, still not turning. "Fine, Devlin had a good day. We went to the park for a bit after getting ice cream."
"He loves the park but that's not what I asked. How was your day?"
She finally turned and a deep frown covered her beautiful face, "Not my best. So everything's done and I'm going home."
Alexis tried to step around him but he sidestepped at the last second and held his hands up, "Don't. Stay please?" Seeing her reluctance he went for it, after all being direct was sometimes the best option. "We need to talk about Friday, I don't like all this tension between us."
Alexis wrapped her arms around herself and nodded softly as her frown morphed into a tired expression, "I don't either. Look, I get that it was a mistake…"
"Woah," Ryan interrupted. "I never said that. Do you think it was a mistake?"
She finally looked up and shook her head, a small spec of hope blossoming in her heart. With little confidence but a hopeful heart she stepped forward and met his gaze, his azure eyes widening as she entered his personal space. "Kevin I…" This was harder than she thought. "I like you, a lot more than just a friend." The silence that followed was brutal but she held her ground and refused to back down, one way or another when she left tonight she was going to know exactly where they stood.
"This can't happen," he said in a voice so low she barely heard. His heart screamed at him to shut up but his mind just wouldn't stop.
"Why can't this happen? Give me a good reason and I'll let it go," she whispered.
She could tell the words he was about to speak were giving him a bad taste in his mouth, "There's a lot of reasons. You're Castle's daughter, you're younger than me, you're Dev's nanny and he likes you and I don't want to mess that up." He swallowed thickly, "I don't want to mess us up."
Alexis rubbed her hand down the side of his face and watched as his eyes drifted shut and he leaned into the touch. "You're allowed to be happy Kevin, to be selfish sometimes."
Ryan's arm barely moved as his fingers ghosted over her arm in a tentative touch, his expression unsure as his eyes opened again. He looked at the goose bumps that were appearing on her milky skin as his fingers ran over it and his chin trembled slightly as he spoke, "I think you should go."
She stepped even closer until they were almost touching, only a sliver of space between them. "What if I don't want to? For once in your life don't think about consequences, just take what you want."
His hand slid up her arm until gently cupping her face and a moment later his lips were softly pressed against hers. The kiss was slow, unsure, and timid but as it continued both slowly relaxed and melted into each other. Fear still engulfed him but this felt right, he felt safe wrapped around her. She didn't judge him or make him be someone he's not, she just took him as he was. He was a broken man and sometimes it felt that he would never be whole again but in this exact moment, with Alexis pressed against him and his son safely sleeping in his room he had faith that everything would one day be ok.
Alexis smiled against his lips and felt him do the same before pulling back slightly to take in his relaxed features. This was how a first kiss was supposed to be, not a drunken mess like before. He dropped his head again, unable to stop kissing her now that he felt he finally could, was finally allowed. Small hands appeared at his sides and after tugging his dress shirt out of his slacks agile fingers began to slowly undo every button, fingernails gently scraping against his skin with every movement.
A small huff of laughter sounded from her lips when he lifted her shirt over her head with a soft smile, the material dropping to the floor next to the tie she had removed a moment before. The moment was perfect, light and fun, smiles on both their faces and small laughs sounding every so often.
Feather light kisses across her bare shoulders made her bite her lip to not make any sounds, her hands shaking in anticipation as she unbuckled his belt. Her fingers hooked trough his belt loops and she began to lightly tug him towards his room, keeping a careful watch on his expression for any sign that she should stop.
Every step closer to the bedroom Alexis became a little more apprehensive. She wanted this, no doubt in her mind, but small irrational fears began to worm into her conscious. What if he didn't like her body? What if her little experience in the bedroom wasn't good enough? What if...
"Stop thinking," he whispered as his fingers fiddled with her lavender bra strap. "You're perfect."
A blush crept up her neck and cheeks, "You're too smart for your own good." He grinned in response and sealed their lips together again as they reached the doorway.
The sound of a phone ringing brought reality crashing down on them both and Alexis reluctantly released him but didn't move away. Ryan ignored the offending object and just stared at the woman that was finally his, his hands gently tracing down her arms. "You're so beautiful."
Alexis smiled softly and rubbed her hand through his disheveled hair as she looked at his deep blue eyes, his blown pupils more of a compliment than any words could be. Her other hand snaked into his pocket and grabbed his phone before holding it up, "You should answer this."
"I know," he whispered as he placed a feather light kiss on her lips and removed his hands from her soft skin. "Ryan," he answered huskily, his eyes still locked with hers.
Alexis watched as his eyes widened slightly and all lust evaporated in an instant. He listened intently before finally exclaiming, "I'll meet you at the corner." Hanging up he dropped the phone back into his pocket and looked at Alexis, "I have to go, they found the guy we're looking for. Javi's on his way."
She quickly helped him fix his shirt and belt, "Don't worry about anything, I'll stay here until you get back. Go get your guy."
He nodded and grabbed his keys before running towards the door, only pausing once he was already halfway out, "Lex I'm sorry about…"
She shook her head, "Go, I'll be here when you get back." He bit his lip and ran back over before kissing her again and pulling back with an expression of pure joy. "I'll see you when I get back," he said quickly before running out of the apartment.
Alexis ran to his room and dropped down on the bed before shoving her face into a pillow and releasing a squeal of excitement. When she rolled over she stared at the ceiling with a smile so big her cheeks were starting to ache. Her mind started to race and she jumped up and walked over to the mirror to fix her appearance for when he came back. Once satisfied she walked into the living room and sat down on the couch after slipping her shirt back on, her eyes constantly flickering to the time displayed on the cable box. Her smile slowly fell as she wondered if they were ready for this but after a few seconds her smile returned. They had known each other a while now and while they hadn't really been intimate the bond was still there. This could only bring them closer and she prayed that he would learn to love her as much as she loved him.
Almost an hour later her phone rang and she rushed to answer it, her fingers fumbling as she hurriedly pressed the lime green button not even checking to see who it was. "Hello?"
There was a thick silence before her dad's strained voice came over the line, "Honey."
A sick feeling engulfed her as she anxiously asked, "Dad what happened? What's wrong?"
"There was an accident, Ryan's been shot."