A/N: Ooooh. We all like pretty boy kisses. Glad we're in agreement on that.

Edward had an uncanny ability to fall asleep no matter what was going on. He hadn't always been that way. Once upon a time, he spent many a night wide awake because his brain was too active to let him Asleep. As he got older, it seemed like the times his mind should be the most active coincided with the times his body got the most lethargic.

Sharing a kiss with his best friend should have kept Edward up all night, but it didn't. As always, Jasper had been focused on Edward's well-being. They cuddled on the couch, and when Edward began to nod off, Jasper tilted his head up for a sweet kiss. He suggested they needed to get some rest and pulled Edward with him to his feet.

Once Edward got to his room, he'd tried to sort out his spinning thoughts, but it only made him more tired. He was asleep before he consciously realized he was falling, and when he opened his eyes again, it was morning.

Edward sat up and shoved his fists into his eyes, rubbing hard. It took a minute for the night before to catch up to him. When it did, his mouth went dry.

Shit. He'd kissed his best friend-something he'd dreamt about since puberty hit-and now he had to deal with what that meant. He kissed Jasper, and Jasper kissed him back.

Edward glanced at the clock, and he made a startled noise. It was almost noon. How had he slept that long? He stood up and took a step toward the door before his uncertain thoughts caught up with him. He stumbled to a halt and wrung his hands together.

What was he going to say? What was he going to do?

Well, who was to say Jasper was even awake? Edward crept the rest of the way to the door and eased it open. He started when he realized Jasper was peering out his door in much the same way. They both laughed, a nervous titter, and opened their doors. "Hey," Jasper said.

"Hi." Edward ducked his head. He might have been annoyed at how bashful he felt, but there was a warm glow at the center of his chest keeping such feelings away.

"I'm glad you're awake."

Edward looked Jasper over with a critical eye. "Did you sleep at all?"

"Uh. No. Not really."

It was difficult to swallow with a parched throat. He rubbed at his neck. "I, um… What kept you up?"

Jasper held his breath for a second, but then he exhaled with a gust, laughing. "See… I kind of made out with my best friend last night."

"I don't know if I should have done that. Not because I didn't… uh… I liked it… a lot. But you're still on the rebound from Peter. Aren't you?"

His friend shook his head slowly. "Edward… Peter was, in a way, the rebound for you."

"What? How?"

Jasper rubbed the back of his neck. "Come on. We should probably sit down."

Edward followed Jasper to the living room. He wasn't sure what he should do. Was it okay to sit next to Jasper? Did other people know how to act in these situations?

Jasper saved him by holding his hand out in an offering. When Edward took his hand, Jasper pulled him down beside him on the couch. He didn't let go. He dropped his gaze down to their hands as he played with Edward's fingers. "My crush on you? I never lost it."

"I… what?"

Jasper raised his head, his eyes pleading.

Edward swallowed hard. "I… you mean from high school?"

"Um. Yeah. Yeah, since then." Edward found himself face to face with the top of Jasper's head as his friend hurried on. "It's like I said before, you intimidated me, because you were braver than me."

"Braver." The word left a bitter taste on his tongue.

"Come on, Edward. I'm twenty-two. I've known I was gay since I was fourteen, and last week was the first time I've ever said those words out loud."

"I thought about that. I don't understand why you couldn't tell me after I told you freshman year."

"Because you told me you were gay and in the next breath, you told me you were in l…"

Edward recoiled. He yanked his hand from Jasper's, his throat tight. Right. The best night of his life. "Okay." It took some effort to regulate his breathing. "But after. It's been years." Bit by bit, as his thoughts unfroze, Edward was increasingly horrified. "Were you… Were you waiting for me?"

"I don't know. I really don't. It wasn't a conscious decision, you know? It wasn't supposed to go on for so many years." Jasper ran a hand through his hair. "I couldn't tell you. Not at first. Then, I guess I got used to not thinking about it."

"It?"

"My, uh… love life, I guess. That was what Alice made me see. That I wasn't even thinking about relationships."

Edward wrung his hands. "And when you saw, instead of telling me how you felt, you tried to… what? Get over me?" The words were awkward. He couldn't quite wrap his mind around the idea there was something to get over.

"I didn't know there was something to get under."

Edward flinched. His heart pounded hard.

"Ah, hell. Edward." Jasper reached a hand out but seemed to think better of it. "I didn't mean to make it sound like that."

"No." Edward wrapped his arms around his shoulders. "That's what we're talking about, isn't it? That's the difference between friendship and…" A wave of dizziness crashed over him.

Jasper scooted closer to him. He reached out slowly and rested his hand on Edward's knee. He squeezed. "What are we talking about?"

"I… shit. I don't know how to do this."

"It's just me." Jasper moved his hand to cover Edward's. "Why don't you start by telling me why you kissed me, because I gotta tell you, it kept me up last night."

That was what Edward had been trying to reason out when exhaustion hit him the night before. Even then, Edward's eyelids felt heavier. "I didn't know I wanted to do it until I did it. But, uh… I mean, it makes sense. Doesn't it makes sense?"

"Edward." Jasper shifted again. He was close enough now that his leg bumped up against Edward's. He cupped his cheek, his touch tender. "You need to tell me exactly what you want."

"I…" Edward closed his eyes. It was easier to let the words solidify into thoughts when he could pretend he was dreaming. "I didn't think about it either. My love life, I mean. I…" He took a deep breath. "It's pathetic, right? I had one bad experience with, um… with sex, and I've been like the kid who scraped his knee once on the jungle gym and won't get back on."

"That…" Jasper sounded upset for reasons Edward couldn't figure. "It's not pathetic. It's far from. But anyway, you're still not being clear." He readjusted his hand on Edward's cheek, urging him to look up. He only spoke again when Edward opened his eyes. "Is that what you want? With me?"

It took a few seconds for Edward to find his voice. He tilted his head against Jasper's palm. "I do." His words were barely audible. "I really do."

Jasper leaned in and kissed him. It was a soft, chaste, kiss that only lingered a second before he pulled back, stroking his chin with a reverent touch. "You know, the whole relationship thing… It's about more than sex."

Edward winced as a sudden memory of Aro hit him. His ex had talked of nothing but sex. It's what people do when they love each other, Edward. How else will you know how much I love you?

He shook his head to rid himself of the unwanted memory. Aro was old news. Jasper was in front of him, kissing him. He didn't want to acknowledge the terror that went down his spine on the heels of excitement. They mingled, meshed. But he was so sick of being scared all the time, and this was Jasper.

"Get real. It's not like we need to get to know each other first," Edward said, trying to joke. "It's natural to want to express how you feel, right?"

Jasper tilted his head up with a gentle touch. "Yeah. Yeah, of course, but that doesn't make sex a foregone conclusion." He huffed and dropped his hand to Edward's neck. "We have time. I'm not going anywhere."

"Yeah. You never have." Edward's lips tugged down at the corners.

Jasper's fingers made delicious circles at the nape of Edward's neck. "Hey." He grinned. "It was worth it."

"I just… I know I'm a mess, Jasper. I don't know why anyone would want me for a boyfriend. I mean…" He flushed. "I mean, I don't know what you would call…" He gestured between them. "I don't know if you want-"

"Has anyone ever told you you talk too much?" Jasper closed the distance separating them and kissed Edward soundly.

Edward let Jasper lead. He waited. He expected Jasper to turn their kiss more aggressive, but he didn't. He waited for Jasper's hands to wander downward, but they remained tangled in Edward's hair.

Moment by moment, Edward stopped overthinking things. He melted against Jasper and wound his arms around the other man's body, pulling him closer. He gave himself over, letting his lips take and give… whatever felt right.

This felt right. Good.

It could have been hours before they had to part. It had been long enough Edward's mouth tingled at the edges. Still, Jasper didn't pull away. He leaned his head against Edward's and peppered kisses about his face.

And then he yawned.

"Oh, man," Jasper said around his second yawn.

"Am I boring you already?" Edward's mood was buoyed.

Jasper laughed and kissed him again. "Sorry. Long night, remember?"

Edward hesitated. "Take a nap."

"I don't know." Jasper kissed his cheek. "I feel pretty comfy right here."

It clicked then that this was real. This was happening. And it felt good. It felt better than anything had in a long time… maybe ever. He cleared his throat. "You don't have to go anywhere. Lay down."

Jasper did. He rested his head in Edward's lap and sighed with contentedness when Edward began combing his fingers through his hair. He was asleep in minutes. Edward watched him for a while longer before his head bowed and sleep took him too.

~0~

Jasper was freaking out. He was giddy as a school boy, but he was also freaking out.

After he woke up from his nap-Edward's fingers still in his hair-they'd gotten around to eating. It was that wonderful kind of awkward with shy smiles and gasps at accidental touches. They'd had so many meals before, and yet none like this.

Edward had asked him why a thousand times a thousand different ways. Why did Jasper want him? And that was part of why Jasper was freaking out. Blissful as it was to enjoy Edward's kisses, he couldn't pretend he'd just embarked on a normal relationship. The biggest problem with that-and there were many-was that of the two of them, only Jasper was aware of the nature of their issues.

He let them have that weekend, but Monday, when he was away from Edward, he couldn't think through the guilt and uncertainty. He called in sick to work and found himself pacing outside the shop Alice owned. He walked from the parking lot to the front of the shop and back again several times over, trying to convince himself to get in his car and leave.

"Jasper?" Mid-trip back to his car, Alice caught up with him. "What are you doing? Honey, you look like a madman. Slow down."

He threw his arms around her tiny form and held her close.

"You're shaking," Alice said. Her hands rubbed from his lower back up to his shoulders. "You're scaring me. What is it?"

The weight of the secret he'd carried alone for too long had finally gotten too heavy. It was irrational. It hadn't happened to him, and yet here he was on the verge of a breakdown, as though he were the one who'd been through a great trauma.

"Jasper. I can't understand you." Alice pulled back and took his face in her hands. "Is there some emergency? Do you need an ambulance or the police? Is someone hurt?"

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm down. "I'm fine."

Alice laughed and put her arm around his waist. "Sure you are. Come on. Let's get you to my office where we can talk."

He let her guide him through the store to her office in the back. She gave him a gentle push, and he slumped down in the chair opposite hers. He leaned forward on her desk, his head cradled in his arms. The only sound in the room for the next few minutes was his erratic breathing and Alice moving around. He raised his head when she set something fragrant near him. "Tea. Hot. Drink." When he tried to drink too fast and scalded the hell out of his tongue, she clucked. "Slowly. Calm down."

Jasper sipped. After a few minutes he felt calmer. "Thanks. I'm sorry."

"Don't ever apologize for needing a friend." She rested her hand on the table, palm up. Jasper hated the way his hand shook as he threaded their fingers together. "Now talk to me."

He opened his mouth with every intention to lie, but his tongue tied. He tried again and again found himself scrambling for words. All his breath left him in a long huff, and his shoulders sagged. "I need to tell you something I have no right to tell you." His throat tightened, and he had to swallow several times before he could speak again. "And I really need you to promise you won't say anything to anyone."

"Oh… okay."

"I mean it, Alice. No one. Not Bella. Especially not Bella."

"I said okay." She squeezed his hands. "You can trust me."

"I know. I know I can." He closed his eyes and took shallow breaths. "Edward… Edward was raped."

Her eyes bulged. "What? Wh-" She stood. "Where is he? We need-"

"Not now." He loved that her immediate response was to help him. "It was a long time ago. His first boyfriend."

"Oh." Alice sat again and took his hand. "That's horrible."

"Yeah." Jasper was dizzy, off balance without the weight of that secret on his shoulders. And once he started, he found he couldn't stop. He told the story. He told her about his guilt because he should have done something else. Something more.

Hadn't Aro given him the creeps from minute one? He should have told someone.

"Jasper. He was your best friend's boyfriend. How could you have known? How could you have known he would hurt Edward like that? You're not a mindreader, sweetheart. You did more than so many would when you said something to him." She stood and made her way around the desk. She took the seat beside him instead, angling her body toward his. "Look at me." The command was gentle. When he raised his head, she stroked his cheeks, looking him right in the eyes. "This wasn't your fault. None of it was your fault."

"I… Oh, God." Tears took him by surprise. He hadn't realized until that moment how badly he needed to hear those words. He crumpled forward, letting her wrap her arms around him. She rocked him.

"You're a good man, Jasper. A much better friend than most of us could ever hope to have."

Jasper laughed without humor. "Maybe I was. Maybe I was until two days ago." He disentangled himself from her arms and sat back in his own chair. He rubbed his hand over his eyes. "I fucked up. I really think I fucked up."

He told her about that weekend and hung his head, waiting for her condemnation.

"Is that the end of the story?"

Jasper raised his head. "Uh. Yeah."

"Okay. I seem to have missed the part where you fucked up."

He gaped at her. "I… Edward… I have no right trying to do this with him."

"What makes you say that?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

"Obviously not."

"Edward… I mean, he has so many issues."

"He does. Which is why it's ideal for him to be in a relationship with someone who understands things can't be as…smooth as they might be with someone else."

He stared, trying to process her words. "You think it's a good idea for Edward to have a boyfriend at all?"

"Are you suggesting being raped means Edward can never have a loving, healthy relationship? Like he doesn't deserve one?"

"No! Of course that's not what I'm saying. He deserves love. He deserves everything."

She rested her hands on his knees. "Of course he does. Jasper, listen to me. From what you've told me, this was Edward's choice. He chose you. He wants you."

"He's…" Jasper swallowed hard, trying to find the right words. "He's so damaged. I don't want to hurt him. I don't want to make it worse."

"If I could, I would fix the timing of this." Her hands squeezed and rubbed his knees in a comforting motion, and Jasper was grateful. Her touch kept him grounded. "I wish I could turn back time and find whatever combination of words and situation would have let him get help back then, when it happened. But life never works that way, you know? It never works in the right order.

"You can't make these choices for Edward. You can't make him see what he doesn't want to see. You can't make him get help. You can't put conditions on your acceptance. That's your choice, and you have to make it now. Take him as is, or decide now it's not something you want to deal with." Her smile was small but genuine. "It's an understandable choice, you know, to not want to take this on. It won't be easy. But something tells me you're up for the challenge."

"He's not a challenge. He's not something to be overcome."

"No. He's not. But this thing that's taken hold of both of you is." She stroked his cheeks with a tender touch. "I'm so glad you told me, Jasper. I can't imagine how hard it's been to keep this secret all on your own. It explains a lot. So much. About both of you."

"Both of us? Nothing happened to me."

"Yes it did." She brushed her thumb beneath his eyes, wiping away the remnants of his tears. "It's such an insidious thing, what happened to him. How could it not get under your skin? It's why you think you should have been able to stop it. You know, horrible as it is, if some asshole had grabbed him off the street, dragged him into a dark alley, you could have told yourself there was nothing you could do. And maybe, just maybe, Edward might have realized he deserved help. But you met the man. You watched them together. And you've blamed yourself for a long time. The 'what if' game will drive you crazy if you let it, Jasper."

Jasper looked down. He realized only then he was wringing his hands. It reminded him of Edward. "You really think we can do this?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I do. I know you love him. It's going to take love and patience. You have both. Is he worth it?"

"Of course. Of course he is."

"Don't let him forget it." She leaned forward and hugged him. "And don't forget. You're worth it, too. And you have me now. Anything you need to say, any time you need to vent. You have me."

He hugged her back, probably too tightly. "Thank you, Alice."

A/N: So. We're in this now. No turning back. Are you with me?

Thanks to my girls and to you, my beautiful readers.

How we feeling now?