Hey, everyone! Missed me? Well, Sound Slayer is back. Unfortunately, this chapter could not be any funnier as I lost the chapter that I was supposed to post now. *sobs* Oh, anyway, I shall now enumerate my list of excuses before you all hit me with a sledgehammer, a mallet or decapitate me by running a metal wire through my neck or impale me Xaldin's lances or whack me with a bronze flute or shove a gunblade right in my mouth.
Xaldin: Why are my lances in your sentence?
Tayuya: And why did you say something about bronze flutes? You got something against woodwind instruments?
Hei: Metal wire? Isn't that my weapon?
Leon: And why is my gunblade mentioned?
Tayuya and Hei, what the heck are you two doing here? *points at Tayuya* Shouldn't you be in a Naruto fanfic by now? *points at Hei* And shouldn't you be in a Darker Than Black fanfic?
Tayuya and Hei: Sheesh. All right. *leaves*
Anyways, so as I was saying, I'm going to enumerate my excuses. Number One would be school because I just finished my finals, term paper and the fast track program's crap subjects that no one gives a sh*t about. Number Two, Facebook! I'm sorry. I go nuts over Farmville, Mafia Wars and Happy Aquarium. I don't know but they always manage to trick me into playing them instead of writing. Number Three, Naruto-Arena! Yes, this too tricks me. I feel so guilty. And last but not the least is Youtube! Man, all the videos there always trick me!
Xaldin: They should care... why?
Uhh... anyways, there are a couple of videos that I want you guys to see. Actually a lot of videos. Hehe... but I shall put them up later. For now... I shall start with the chapter... with the Sue! Okay? Have fun.
Xaldin: Do you hear that?
Hear what?
Xaldin: Noise! *points up*
Leon: Yeah... must be those hyper Nobodies in your organization.
Xaldin: Not my organization. Xemnas's.
Whatever... I'll check it out. *goes upstairs* Uhhh... why do I suddenly hear Pussycat Dolls on the boom box? Guys? Hello? Is anyone in my room? *knocks on door* Hmm... no one's answering. *pushes door open*
Demyx, Axel and Roxas: "Don't cha wish your boyfriend was hot like me. Don't cha wish your boyfriend was a Nobody. Don't cha. Don't cha, baby. Don't cha wish your boyfriend was raw like me. Don't cha wish your boyfriend was fun like me. Don't cha. Don't cha."
What the freaking infernal blazes are you guys singing?
Demyx: *hurriedly turns off the boom box* Nothing.
And why the flipping flapjacks are you singing Pussycat Dolls? There is no file in my iPod or any other gadget here that has a PCD song.
Axel: Umm...
Axel! Spit it out! You're the only responsible adult here so you better tell me why there was a PCD song blaring from the sound system.
Axel: But...
But what? And where do you think you're going, Roxas? *blocks Roxas from the door*
Roxas: I need to use the bathroom.
Well, I'm sorry, buster! Unless Axel can tell me why there was a PCD song playing, you're not going anywhere!
Demyx: Why does he have to explain again?
Number One, I can't have all of you messing around with my computer. Number Two, I'm just dumbfounded why you guys were playing it in the first place. Number Three, I need to know because I am the dictator in this fic. *evil laughter*
Roxas: You're evil!
Thank you… but hey! What is that? *points at an abominable poster tacked on the wall*
Roxas: I swear it wasn't me.
What the heck is wrong with you people? Pairing Vexen with any other Organization member is just… disturbing. *shudders* Hello? Vexen's more of the bachelor type of guy! And he'll stay that way because I said so.
Axel: *rolls eyes*
The only pairing I acknowledge in the Organization XIII is AkuRoku. Period!
Demyx: Awesome! You don't support Zemyx? Or XigDem? Or any pairing with me?
Uhh… why not, right? Besides, everyone knows Demyx of all the other people on the Organization is the least likely person to know a darn thing about romance. Next to Larxene and Marluxia, of course. Those two will never get tired of plotting to take over stuff. Anyways, who put that poster up there?
Axel: Not me…
Whatever… okay, guys. While we sort this one out, here's the chapter. Enjoy! Now, Roxas, where do you think you're going to be going in that? Come here, buster, and I'll give you a lesson why you shouldn't be stealing my clothes! We're not even the same size!
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In a near death state, the girl lay sprawling on the ground. The feel of the soft grass underneath her and the warm breeze gently caressing her… it was quite peculiar to how she shrugged off her injuries after being exposed to these environmental conditions within seconds. The sound of rustling leaves filled the air as the breeze came by once more. And then, the girl finally regained consciousness and sat up straight, wondering where she is.
She looked around and only saw a dense forest of trees. Aside from that, she could tell that every move that she makes here could trigger a sort of trap or something. Judging by the severe silence of the place, she could tell that someone or some people were observing her.
Hold it! Hold it! What the heck is a Naruto setting doing here? And why is she in the Forest of Death? I thought we left her at the Enchanted Dominion.
(One Winged Angel starts playing)
The girl jumped back in shock as the booming sound of a familiar Final Fantasy battle theme is heard in the background and soon appeared a man with long silver hair and a seven-foot-long katana.
Hey! Who invited Sephiroth?
"Excuse me, mister." The girl gave Sephiroth a wide smile. "But do you have any idea where I am?"
"Listen, miss… uhh… kiddo. I even don't know where I am. I'm looking for a spiky-haired blonde with a huge sword. Seen him?" Sephiroth asked arrogantly.
What the? Someone's messing with the time-space continuum!
(The Extreme starts playing while One Winged Angel stops)
"Right you are," said a white-haired female in a red dress as she teleported in front of the girl. "Messing with time and space is a lot of fun."
"Excuse me. But who are you? And why do you butt in when Sephiroth and I were talking?" the girl asked the woman politely.
"You don't know who I am?" The woman flapped the two black wings on her back and started laughing. "I am Ultimecia, the Sorceress Fusilier, Mistress of Time and Space, the Villain of Final Fantasy VIII."
"Sorry, ma'am. Never heard of you before."
"What? Insolent child! Have you never played Final Fantasy VIII before? That was one of the best Final Fantasy games for Playstation 1!"
Yeah! I should know because FFVIII did look awesome. And sad to say, not even FFIX matched FFVIII's awesomeness.
"Very well then. If I fight with you, maybe it will jog your memory back!" The Sorceress then started firing purple magical bolts at the girl who amazingly dodge-rolled every single bit of it despite not having any formal training in combat before.
"Huh? This is a Sue!" Sephiroth shouted out, now enraged due to the fact that there is a Sue in front of him. "And I kill and/or exterminate Sues!"
Sephy, that just didn't quite match there. Oh, can I call you Seraph? It sounds cute-sy. *giggles*
"Die, Sue!" Sephiroth started to execute his Octoslash.
"There's no running from this pain! Regret on it!" Ultimecia, on the other hand, summoned a field of energy shaped like a circle from the ground and sent it at the girl as well.
The girl continued to mystically evade both villains' attacks. And this made the two villains angry. Very angry, causing both of them to enter their EX Burst modes.
Hey! Okay, first, Naruto… now, Dissidia? Okay, getting out of hand here. By the power vested in my keyboard, I declare that you two shall kick somebody else's sorry *ss instead of this Sue.
At once, the two villains were enveloped in a bluish-white glow. And in a blink of an eye, they disappeared, leaving no trace of them ever being here.
"Okay… now I better go get directions from somebody who does know where I am…" The girl walked off.
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"Whew! Finally! I'm out of that stinking forest!" The girl sighed in relief. "Fresh air and whatever nearby town, here I come!"
"Out of the forest and into my trap!" a girl's voice called out to her.
"What trap?" As soon as she said these words, she felt several metal wires wrapping around her. Seconds later, she couldn't even move and the metal wires tightened around her, disrupting her center of gravity and causing her to fall on her butt.
"This trap." A black-haired girl came out from the shadows, holding three senbon needles in her right hand. "Now, hold still while I make quick work out of you!" She approached the girl with a menacing look on her face.
"Just what do you think you're going to do with me?"
"I'm bringing you back to the Hidden Village of Sound as a substitute sacrifice for Master Orochimaru's Impure World Resurrection because I myself refuse to be a sacrifice. And you're the perfect replacement for me. Can I have your name?"
"Yoko Kitty Diamond Usagi Yuna Mississippi April May June Ono… but… I don't want to die either."
"Face it, pumpkin. If you had enough time to beautify yourself, why didn't you have enough time to train yourself to detect traps and ambush attacks? Face it, kid. You're coming with me and you're going to die." She yanked on Kitty's hair and started to drag her back to the Hidden Village of Sound.
"Ouch! That hurts! That hurts! My hair! My perfectly beautiful hair!" Kitty complained.
"Shut up, fool. There's no way I'm going to fall for that trick and unless you want me to turn you into a porcupine, you better shut up!" Kin was unfazed by Kitty's cries for pity.
And she continued to drag the poor helpless tied-up Sue along the ground.
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Meanwhile, back in the Hidden Village of Sound, the Sound Four were bickering with a couple of unfamiliar characters. Their voices were reaching critical level; their anger was very evident on their faces.
Note to self, never make Tayuya guest star in this fic… like, again!
"What the hell do you mean by porshe labor? God! You're even worse than someone who has braces!" The red-haired girl screamed at the top of her lungs. "Know what, Jirobo? It's quite stupid to think how 16th century people in any part of the world were able to create Porsche cars! Stupidity must be a virtue for you guys," she says sarcastically.
Her three other companions were keeping their silence as she was technically very dangerous when angered.
"And what is up with logic disregarding grammar, you mother-frigger! Who the hell would be able to understand a thing without proper grammar? Grammar is a way of life and for crying out loud, it connect people together!" She continued to rant. "And you really think that diamonds will stay as diamonds when they are in volcanoes. Oh my freaking God! Heat and pressure can cause a substance to change its molecular structure! Basic chemistry, you little friggers! Is that so hard to think about?
"And if you trash grammar in logical reasoning, you're also going to trash proper spelling? Dude, apprehension is spelled A-P-P-R-E-N-H-E-N-S-I-O-N not A-P-P-H-E-N-S-I-O-N. And why do you say terms "'cherms"? It's bad enough that you talk with a lisp but you have to change the letter 't' with a gayer sound. Yeah, so we now call tomatoes as "chomachoes", tympani as "chimpani", tortillas as "chorchillas", and Tinkerbell as "Chinkerbell". Whoop-de-frakking-doo!
"And what's this phreelim are you talking about? Is it about getting free limbs? But it doesn't look like that since you said something like 'Everything I discass will come out in the phreelim!"
I think he meant he was giving out several clones of my classmate who happens to be Tracy Lim! Yes! So he must be issuing her out to all the lustful guys in the varsity out there… unless he meant our prelim exams.
"And why the hell do you even bring vegetables in an airport? I myself don't know what that vegetable is but everyone knows that vegetables are strictly prohibited in your baggage. And you're not supposed to bring them especially when you're heading to U.S. territories as they are way stricter than the U.S. mainland security!
"And you piece of garbage, it's Irish girl not iris! Josephine Brackett or Bracken, whoever she is, is of Irish descent not made out of those parts of the eye. Sheesh! And what the hell is a pilasapi? Frakk you so badly! It's philosophy, you idiot!"
Uhh… okay, she's going to explode! Run!
"That's enough, Tayuya!" the black-haired man with brown skin told her. "Look, Kin's here with her replacement! If you want, you can send them to kingdom come with your Doki."
"Yeah, good idea." She took out her flute and started playing the last tune that the two men who were arguing with her would ever hear.
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Well, that wasn't so bad.
Axel: What do you mean it's not so bad? It's horrible!
If you mean horrible, then you must mean you and Roxas silently sneaking off and making out! You two disappeared for two chapters and ended up making out, you know!
Roxas: It's not my fault. Axel started it!
Oh, shut up. Anyways, thank you, voters, for voting! AkuDemyfan, if Axel and Demyx or any other bunch of the Organization get a tie in the votes, that will be the time they perform their killing duties together. And right now, Vexen's winning!
Vexen: *pops out* Yes! In your face, you other popular members of the Organization!
Vexen! Be nice to them. If fan girls and fan boys suddenly go here and beat you up with stolen keyblades, it's not my problem.
Vexen: Fine…
By the way, I would like to thank Jupiter-Lightning for giving us Kitty to kill and another Sue. Twiliteyes93 deserves a thank you too for contributing one more Sue to the roster. Yesh!
Demyx: Can I jam on my sitar now?
Wait, Demyx! One more thing, does anybody support the theory that Larxene, Demyx and/or Marluxia are siblings? They seem to act like family. Larxene and Demyx have the resemblance and the innate sibling animosity between them while Marluxia is like Larxene's better half in the brains of the operation. Besides, doesn't Marly act brotherly enough to Larxene? *muffled giggle*
Demyx: ???
Anyways, here are some funny videos/clips which you need to look for in Youtube if you're ever bored:
1. Kingdom Hearts Ultimate Team-Up (All of them!)
2. Caramelldansen (I really burst a gut laughing at the Dissidia, Kingdom Hearts and Yu-Gi-Oh ones)
3. Caipirinha (Only Dissidia has this, I think.)
4. Organization XIII doing the Tarzan and Jane song
5. Organization XIII doing the Sailor Song
6. Team Marluxia's Rockin'
7. and many more
Those are all I can remember… for now. Expect more funny videos to be referred to you guys. *laughs*
Roxas: Are you endorsing us or something?
Uhh… promoting the fact that video games are beyond the epic word "awesome"! So yeah, please review. Voting is still up. And yeah, I know this chapter is crazy. Not to mention the fact that I just placed my most annoying professors in Tayuya's argument scene! Yeah, that really happened like last week.
Axel: Ummm… lemonade! *sips some lemonade from a bottle*
Roxas: Axel! Don't drink that!
Demyx: O_o
Vexen: O_O
Okay… see you guys next time in this disastrous fic where anything can get bashed. Oh rats! I forgot to bash Naruto's three main characters. Maybe next chapter? *grins* So if you like Naruto, Sakura and/or Sasuke, I strongly advise you not to take the next chapter seriously as I will kill them off like I did with Twilight's main cast. Kapish?
Ultimecia: There are manners even in battle.
Cloud of Darkness: Do not fear. The Void consumes all.
Kuja: You think you can dominate me.
Dominate? *chuckles*
Kuja: What's wrong with that? *executes Ultima*
Ahhhh! Nothing! Run for my life! The crazy M-rated villains of Dissidia are here! Ahhhh! *runs away*
Ultimecia, Cloud of Darkness and Kuja: *crashes the place*