Chapter 9

AN: Well, I realised that updating on a regular schedule is not for me. A bunch of stuff is going on at home right now, along with last minute school projects, I've just been crazy busy. I planned on updating after school was finished, but then a bunch of other stuff happened, and I lost interest in this story for awhile, but now I'm back :D. Also, there is only one chapter left after this one :O. Wow, I can't believe it's almost finished... I'm thinking of starting either a sequel to this or the back story type thing for 99 reminders, but I'm not 100 percent sure yet...anyways, enough about my boring life, here is chapter 9!

Disclaimer: Obvs I don't own Degrassi!

This chapter will be alternating POV's a few times, just sayin'

Eli's POV

I opened my eyes and sat up, confused. In my attempt to forget everything, I must have fallen asleep. I ran my hands through my surely messy hair and glanced over to the red letters displayed on my alarm clock. 4:42, it read. What a perfect time to wake up, I thought sarcastically. I groaned and stood up. Like a raging headache, everything that had happened in the past 24 hours came flooding back into my mind. Telling Clare$, how upset she was after, mentioning of Julia's memorial. Followed by Sophie's taunting face. I looked- more like glared at the wall, not really seeing it.

I thought about the memorial. Would it be a bad idea to go? Would it only make matters worse, or would it help me clear my mind? Julia was after the only one who could calm me down when I got like this. I scratched my head angrily and flopped onto my bed. I couldn't understand how life could go from so perfect to everything crashing down in less than 24 hours.

Sophie. It always comes back to her. Sleeping with her was the worst mistake of my life, it fucked up everything. I stood up once again, not being able to bare sitting still. Without thinking I punch the wall; hard. I cringed as the pain from the hit coursed through my body. It felt good though, to feel something other the pure self- loathing.

"Honey, are you alright!" My Mother's worried voice called out.

I rolled my eyes; all the woman ever did was worry.

"I'm fine." I called back, bleakly.

I started to pace, once again debating what I would be doing tomorrow. The more I thought, the more going to the memorial seemed like a better idea. Hell, why not go visit her now?

"Fuck it," I muttered, getting up without a second thought, I slammed my door shut, and hurried past my parents, out the door and straight to the graveyard.

Getting to the cemetery and not causing an accident was a challenge, but I managed. Finally, Morty was parked outside the small graveyard. I took a deep breath and walked through the gates towards the familiar grave. Once I found it, I sat in front of the small, granite grave, almost instantly, I felt calmer. For a few minutes, all I could do was stare at the bleak letters "Julia Gray 1994-2010" They read. I spent the first week after her death here. Only leaving when it became dark, and then only when I was forced away by my father. Of course only to return the next morning.

"I really, really miss you." I whispered, placing my hand on the grave. "I can't believe it's almost been a year."

I rarely talked aloud to her, only when I needed to vent, now being one of those times.

"I finally started to move on. I met a girl, she was perfect. In a way, she kind of reminded me of you. You both were stubborn as hell." I chuckled humourlessly before continuing. "But also you're both completely different. I really loved her. It doesn't matter anymore though, I fucked up big time. Last night, I made love to her. It was perfect and then, this morning, being the dumbass I am, I told her everything, about you, the baby...Sophie." I believed Julia had forgiven me about Sophie, I told her about it a month after the accident, and I just knew she understood. "She was so understanding up until I told her about Sophie. I just don't get it, why did it upset her so much? I mean, I know I'm a horrible person, a monster, but you'd think she would have reacted to the rest of the story too. Why is love so hard Jules?" I groaned and sat back against the grave. "I just don't know anymore," I mumbled, closing my eyes.

Clare's Pov

I couldn't breathe. The tears rolled down my face in huge amounts. They had started to fall as soon as Eli left and still hadn't stopped. I was curled up in a ball, facing the wall on my bed. Of all the things Eli could have done, he had to have done this. I thought this time would be different, I thought giving Love a second chance wouldn't be so bad. Clearly, I was wrong.

I thought of KC, I thought of how he left me when I needed him the most, how he went and got the stupid blonde bitch knocked up when my sister's plane crashed. When my sister died. A part of me said Eli was just like KC. But another part said it was different. I wanted to believe that part, I really did. But would it just blow up in my face? I choked out a sob and rolled over. I looked at my clock 5:54. Mom would be home any minute now. I needed to get up and make myself look presentable, I needed to stop crying and forget about Eli. At least for the time being.

I tried to take deep, calming breaths as I drug myself to the bathroom. I washed the remainder of my make-up off and ran a brush through my unruly curls. Even after this, I still looked like hell. In a final effort to make myself presentable, I did my best to plaster a smile on my face. I did my best to make it look real, but failed.

I groaned as I heard the door open, my mom was home. I knew she'd expect a greeting, I had to go downstairs. I scuffed down the hall, hoping I could contain myself until I was out of my mother's view.

I stopped at the top of the stairs, mom was digging through her purse. I waited awkwardly for her to look up. After a moment she did. "Oh, hi sweetheart. Did you make out alright?"

I bit my lip and forced a smile, nodding. "Everything was great."

"Oh, that's good, " She said, not really appearing to be listening. "I'm just going to go unpack. I'll put on supper in a bit," She seemed distracted as she gently pushed past me and headed to her room.

I heard her door close and took that as a sign to go back to my room. That was weird, I thought, flopping onto my bed. She usually rather chatty when she comes back from grandma's, and she rarely closes her bedroom door. I shrugged it off, not wanting to think. I closed my eyes hoping I would fall asleep. Escape from everyone; Eli, KC, My mom, just get away from it all.

I awoke to mom calling my down to dinner; there was an edge to her voice and I know something was up. I walked into the kitchen where mom already had the table set, food on the plates. She was sitting at the foot of the table, staring blankly ahead. I cautiously sat across from her. She looked at me for a moment before quickly mutter grace. Afterwards, she silently picked up her fork and began to eat.

"...how was grandma's?"I asked, trying to start a conversation.

"Alright." She answered bleakly.

"Ah," I responded, hoping she'd say something more; she didn't.

My plate was nearly empty before she spoke up again.

"So, your father is settling in nicely at the condo,"

I looked up. "Is that so?"

"Yeah and um. I think he's going to stay a little while longer."

So this is why she was being so quiet. "And how long is awhile?" I questioned, fearing I already knew the answer.

Mom hesitated, just as I expected. "Well, I'm not sure..." She trailed off.

I looked at her, wanting her to continue.

She sighed. "Clare, honey. I'm so sorry. I did a horrible thing last night. I wanted things to work so badly and I- I slept with you father last night. When we woke up, he told me this was it and that he wasn't coming back until after the divorce, and then only to get his things." Tears began to stream down her face.

I wanted to comfort her, I should have. But I couldn't. I was shocked. Shocked she was telling me this, shocked my father would do something like that. I was also rather upset myself, not know when I would get to see my dad again.

"I-I'm going to go upstairs." I muttered, quickly standing up. My mom nodded before placing her head in her hands. I couldn't bear to look at her as I rushed from the kitchen.

Once I was in the comfort of my own room, I let my own tears fall. I glanced at my phone, it was times like this I would call Eli. He'd to talk to me as long as I needed, calm me down. Or he'd come get me, and he'd make me forget everything. It hadn't even been a day and I already missed him like crazy. I leaned backwards, hitting my head against the wall. Why did absolutely everything have to go wrong at the same time?

I groaned and laid down, hoping for my only escape.

Eli's POV

I awoke abruptly from a dreamless sleep. It took me a moment to adjust to the darkness that now surrounded me. I released I had fallen asleep at Julia's grave, I mentally shrugged, it's not like this was the first time or anything. I slowly stood up, brushing dirt off of the bottom of my pants. I left a kiss on the grave and headed to my car.

I started Morty, and glanced over at the dim clock on the dashboard 12:36. Well, I was here later than intended. Luckily it wasn't like it mattered; I sure as hell didn't have any place to be. At least not until tomorrow.

All too soon, I was home again. The living room light was still one, meaning my parents were still up, probably watching TV. I swear to god if it's porn... I thought, shuddering as I remember the countless times I had walked in on my parents during their...intimate moments.

I cautiously opened the door, listening for moans or anything of the sort before turning around the corner. To my surprise, only my father was still up, and he was reading. That was weird, I didn't even know he owned a book.

I sat in the chair across from us, neither of us speaking. Bullfrog casually turned the page of his book, dog earring the corner moments later and closing the book, putting it aside. "So, what were you up to this afternoon?" He asked, crossing his legs.

"I, uh. I went to see Julia." I stammered out, not sure why, it wasn't like I wasn't allowed to go to her grave.

"I see... and did that make you feel any better? I noticed you've been kind of down since you came back from Clare's, is everything alright, bud?"

"Clare, and I-" I trailed off, debating if I should tell the exact truth or not. I mean this is my dad. He's loud, obnoxious, annoying and sometime a complete jackass. But I love him, and I always feel more comfortable talking about my girl problems with him, rather than mom, we have that special "Guy bond". I took a deep breath, and continued.

"We had sex."

He leaned forward. "And I'm guessing this isn't something I should be congratulating you on?"

I slowly shook my head. "It was amazing dad. To finally feel that close to her, I felt like nothing could take her from me, like I she really trusted me, like I trusted her."

Bullfrog nodded, edging me to go on.

"And, the next morning, we were so happy. I knew this would be the time to tell her about Julia. I expected her to be upset, angry, anything. Instead, she was totally understanding. And then I made the mistake of telling her about Sophie."

"Oh." Was all he said. I continued my rant.

"She told me to leave, to get out. She looked so broken over that one thing. I just didn't understand. I wanted to comfort her, but I couldn't. I got up and left like the fucking coward I am."

"Did you ever think that may have been the right thing to do?" Bullfrog responded thoughtfully.

"The right thing, eh? How could that possibly have been the right thing to do?"

"Just shut up for a second, so I can explain. It's obvious that something has happened Clare, and she was reminded of it when you told her about Sophie. Perhaps she was in the same situation at some point, maybe not in the same position as you, but as someone. She needs space to figure things out. She needs to calm down, and give herself time to stop comparing the situations. After that, is your cue to swoop in and remind her just why you love her."

I sat in awe. " When did you become such a relationship guru?"

Bullfrog shrugged. "Your mom likes to read her magazines out loud.

I laughed, really laughed, for the first time since I left Clare's. Maybe he was right. But what if he wasn't? How could I know this was what I needed to do?

"Well, Thanks for everything." I said earnestly. " I think I'm going to call it a night, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Oh, what kind of father would I be if I didn't give you girl advice every now and then? Night." He picked up his book, resuming his reading.

"Hey dad, I didn't know you were that much of a reader." Walking towards him. I might as well ask before going to bed.

He put the book down, and looked at me momentarily. "I'm not. But I wanted to talk to you when you got home, and I figured it wouldn't be nearly as heart-warming if you walked in on my jerking off instead." He laughed, all composure from our conversation gone; normal bullfrog was back.

I laughed, along as he ruffled my hair. " Night Kiddo."

"Night!" I called over my shoulder, as I went upstairs. I quickly changed and climbed into bed, even though I'd already slept twice today, I was exhausted. I wondered what Clare was doing. I'm guessing she was already asleep. I wondered if she missed me as much as I missed her. God, I can't believe I had just seen her this morning. I remember just have lovely she looked this morning, her face full of pure happiness. That's the last thing I remembered before dosing off. That beautiful face.

I stood in front of the mirror, straightening my tie- again. It seemed I only wore this tux for situations involving Julia. That sophomore dance she just had to go too, her birthday dinner, her funeral. I took one last look at my reflection, before grabbing my keys and hurrying outside.

I couldn't back out now. I was going to the memorial. It was 10:30 now. There would be a brief service at her gravesite, and a small gathering afterwards, at the grays. Where lunch and snacks would be served. That part I didn't quite understood. I never really understood the whole "after party" to funerals or anything involving death. It was almost as though they were celebrating, even though that was the last thing they should be doing. I was still going to go, even if just for a few minutes, I didn't want to seem rude. They were kind enough to invite me, considering I was the reason their daughter was dead. And I hadn't bothered to call, or write or anything since the accident. Wow. I thought. I suck.

Soon enough I pulled my car up in front of the gates like yesterday, only today; several other cars were parked here as well.

I got out, and immediately began walking, but stopped about halfway there. There was a fairly large group of people surrounding the grave. Many were holding bouquets of flowers, or various other types of gifts. Of course I didn't think of bringing anything, dumbass. I began walking again, it was time to man up.

I was about ten feet away, when I recognised a face. It was Sophie. She looked almost the same as the last time I had seen her. Dark hair, layered around her face, Black make-up creating a smoky look around her eyes. Her slim figure was clad in black as well, but then again, most people here were wearing black. She was talking with her father, along with another unfamiliar woman. Almost instantly, Sophie looked up, as if feeling my gaze.

"Eli!" She cried. Running towards me. Her arms flung around my neck, I awkwardly wrapped mine around her waist.

"Sophie!" I said, half-heartedly. "It's nice to see you too?" It sounded more like a question rather than a statement.

"I really missed you, it's been so quiet around the house without you." She giggled. "You look great by the way.

I laughed-once again awkwardly. Why didn't I remember her being quite so...bubbly? I gently pushed her away, hoping not to offend her.

"Well, we were just about to get started, let's head back." Sophie took my hand, pulling me towards the group. We stopped beside her dad. I wasn't sure how this would play out. Did he hate me? Had I been forgiven? Did he ever blame me to began with.

So many questions floated through my head, none of them being answered by his greeting. "Afternoon Eli, glad to see you could join us."

What was that suppose to mean? Was he just trying to be civil? Or was he genuinely glad I was here?

I tried my best to smile back. " Hello Mr. Millar, I'm honoured that you invited me."

He nodded. "You were important to Julia. You have every right to be here."

I smiled once more, before looking straight ahead at her gravestone, attempting not to look as awkward as I felt.

Eventually the service began and all eyes were on the guy in the weird robe. He preached on and on about forgiveness, remembrance, and all that religion stuff I knew for a fact Julia would care less about.

To be honest, I didn't pay one bit of attention to the guy. I didn't even realise it was over until I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Sophie.

"It's over Eli, time to head back to our place for a little after gathering."

"An after gathering? Like a party? Why?" I didn't get why anyone would want to "celebrate death."

Sophie shrugged. "I don't know, it'll be nice to have everyone in one place for a bit. To socialize and what not. I'm sure it's what Julia would have wanted.

I resisted the roll my eyes. "Of course it would be."

Sophie smiled, oblivious to the sarcasm in my tone. "So you're coming, right?"

I thought about skipping, I mean I really didn't need to go, I'd just make things more awkward than they had to be. But for some reason, I felt as though I had to go. There was just something, or someone telling me to go.

"Sure." I smiled. "See you in a bit."

Well, I was right about the awkward. I'd been here about half an hour and the only thing I had done was stand in the corner sipping punch and receiving dirty looks from relatives were still under the illusion that I killed Julia.

I was at the point where I was ready to leave, when Mr. Millar decided to join my corner party of one.

"How've you been?" He asked, trying to break the ice.

I shrugged. How do I respond? Depressed, Lonely, self loathing? Oh, I was getting better for a while, until I totally fucked it up with the girl of my dreams. "I've been alright."

He raised an eyebrow at me. "Are you sure, you really don't seem "Alright"."

"Okay, it's been pretty tough." I admitted, taking another sip of punch.

Julia's Dad nodded. "It's been tough on all of us. "

It was silent, both of us merely taking in our surroundings. I'd always like Mr. Millar. He was similar to Julia- personality wise of course. They both tended to get caught up in their own little world.

"Have you made any friends at Degrassi?" He asked suddenly.

" A few." Well, two, most likely one now. "But I messed up majorly; I highly doubt the girl that meant the most to me will even speak to me at this point."

He turned to face me. "A girl eh? And why is that?"

A bit my lip. Should I really be having this conversation at my Ex- girlfriend's memorial- with her father? Who cares, I need to talk to someone.

"I told her everything. About Julia, and it was all too much I guess."

"Whoa, wait..." he cut me off. "She broke it off with you, because you told her you ex girlfriend died in a car crash?"

"Among other things." I muttered.

"Do you think maybe she's not worth it Eli? If she dumps you as soon as things get deep-"

It was my turn to cut him off. "No, that not it. She's amazing. Kind, forgiving, loving, smart, beautiful-"I started to get a bit carried away describing Clare, I was going to make a fool of myself, so I shut up.

Mr. Millar thought for a moment. "Well, do you think maybe she was just in shock? That was a lot of information to take it at once. You might have overwhelmed her. Or maybe something set her off. Something you said, reminded her of something that happened to her? There are quite a few possibilities." He paused, laughing. "Julia did say you always we one to over- react. Look, if she's really worth it, like you said, you are going to have to fight for her. Let her know just how much she means to you. Beg, Plead. Everything you could possibly think off. You do it."

I stood, not sure how to respond, he was absolutely right, but how in the hell did I just get girl advice from my Dead Ex's father.

He laughed, as if able to read my expression. "I know it's weird to discuss this with me, but I always thought of you as a son Eli, and I want you to be happy, and so would Julia. So go, get the girl, you deserve her." He made a gesture towards, the door.

"Now?"

He nodded. "The sooner, the better."

I slowly left the party, quickly thanking the Millar's. This had to work; I had to get Clare back.

Again, I'd like to apologize for how long it took me to updated. I hope to never take this long again :P. But I'd still appreciate it if you were to read/review exc :D and in case you were wondering, I changed my penname. It was originally JustineGoldsworthy, it is now Blackrosesawait :).

-Justine