Just this one time
It's a never ending mantra that lingers in her mind…. just this one time…. for one night she will let it happen, let the world wait just this one time. Her eyes catch the last bits of dancing flame of the dying candles, the room slowly but surely sinking into dark. The breath barely moves in her lungs as she stares up at the ceiling, debating whether or not she should move from this bliss, but then again maybe just this once she won't. Her lips feel swollen, her skin still tingling, her hair splayed out like an ink blot on the white silk pillow. In body she feels wonderful, but in her mind and heart there is torment. What happens tomorrow, or the next day or the day after that. Most likely she will distract herself other things, burying this burning in her soul. Yet, maybe just this one time it can flame, just for another minute she will revel in it.
A slight shiver runs up her spine so she tugs the light sheet over her body. A heavy sleepy breath ghosts against her cheek and she can't help the light smile that pulls at her lips. A warm palm moves to settle on her bare stomach. Her eyes turn to him, peaceful in his slumber, void of that pained expression he wore a few hours earlier. It didn't seem real, his lips crashing into hers, the desperation in his hands as he gripped the base of her neck. Her body responded on it's own, and just this one time she forgot the hesitating fear in her mind. Time stood still, for a moment, for those incredible few hours nothing else mattered.
Her gaze flickers around his face, if this is it, she want's to absorb every part of him. From his sandy brown hair that is tousled, to the slope of his nose, cut of his jaw hidden by the coarse stubble, the pink softness of his lips. Her fingers itch to touch him, just to feel his smooth skin one more time before it's all over.
Gently so not to rouse him she turns onto her hip, his palms falling easily into the dip of her back, settling lightly on the dimples at the base of her spine. She hears his light hum as he sinks deeper into the mattress. That flame deep down burns hot now, being this close to him, just this one time it can flourish.
What could it have been, if she found him earlier, if this circumstance was different. Would they be happy; of that she has no doubt. Where would they have been right now, if the past was changed? Maybe they would be in the Enchanted Forest, tucked away in a cabin together, living their days with children's laughter filling the forest. What would they have looked like? The image of a little Robin dances through her mind, blonde, blue eyed, taking after his father as they shot apples off a tree stump with matching bows. A little girl, with curly brown locks, picking flowers in a sundress. She's certain they would both have his dimples.
A tear escapes her eyes before she can tamp the emotion down. It's not fair to her heart to think of a future that wouldn't come to pass, but then again, just this one time she will create it; a life with her soulmate.
She has to move, pull back, give some space between them, fully knowing if she lets herself fall any further it will be to hard to let him leave again. He seems to have another idea though and as she starts to quietly shuffle away, turning her back to him, he fills that distance. Moving to tug her close, pulling her flush to his warm chest, his fingers findings hers, interlacing them over her chest. For a second she wonders if he is awake, the way his nose buries into her hair, but he exhales deep, cradling her a fraction tighter before settling back into his sleep once more.
This can't happen, she already knows she loves him, but nothing will come of it. She should move, but maybe just this one time …. for the last few precious hours she can savor being with him.
Her eyes flutter closed, and she moves, closer to him, after all, it's only just this one time.