A/N: new chappie! enjoy!

Chapter 10: Breakdown

His screaming bounced off the stone walls as she knelt down over him with a knee to his chest, her attention on his arm as she raised her sword high then brought it back down. His blood splattered over her face as she hit the bone and he screamed again in agony.

"Bastard!" she screamed, raising the blade and bringing it back down on his arm again, his scream resonating through her body and making a thrilling chill run up her spine. "Don't like it much on the receiving end, do you, goddamn sadist! Asshole! Beg me to stop! Beg me!"

Deirdra gasped as her eyes shot open and she sat straight up, her heart pounding, her body covered in a cold sweat. She felt shaky all over and her surroundings wouldn't stop spinning as she lifted a hand to her aching head, closing her eyes again. She ran a shaky hand through her tangled red hair before chancing to open her eyes again to examine her surroundings.

The first thing she realized was that she was lying in a bed, her clothes replaced with a simple nightgown. The second thing she noticed was the beauty and openness of the room she was in…simple furniture and instead of walls there were columns with gossamer curtains hanging down like drapes, billowing in the breeze that passed through. The architecture looked familiar as she gazed around the room then slowly shifted to shuffle toward the edge of the bed and let her legs dangle above the floor.

Her first thought went to Riddick, Fisher and Faith. Where were they? Her second thought was, where was she? Why did this all look so familiar?

The sounds of chattering from outside on the street was comforting. She heard conversations and shouts of people selling things, and children playing, which led to another question: Why would Riddick bring her to a place with people? It was no secret that he loved his solitude, so why would he risk being seen or chance having to talk to people and explain their situation to the owner of this lovely home?

The creak of a door opening slowly caught her attention and she looked to her left to see a crack reveal between the double doors leading into the room. One brown eye was peeking through the crack, and she could tell by the height of the partial face she saw that the girl was a teenager.

"Hello," Deirdra called with a small smile. "Is this your room?"

"Yes," the girl replied, slowly opening the door and stepping in to reveal her beautiful dress that was surpassed by her beautiful, fresh face, her ringlet hair pulled into a fluffy ponytail, and there was something oddly familiar about this girl as she stepped in with a glass of water in her hand. "I was just checking on you. I was told to bring this for you and set it next to the bed, in case you woke up."

"And who told you that?" Deirdra asked as she took the glass, deciding to find out what Riddick used for a cover story to get this lovely young woman to let them stay here.

"Riddick," the girl replied without hesitation as Deirdra took a drink, and the red head nearly spewed her sip but managed not to before turning a look of wide-eyed disbelief at the girl. "Oh, and Fisher wanted me to tell you not to get up right away. They went to fix up the ship and prepare it for your journey, and Faith went to the market with my mother."

It took Deirdra a moment to recover from her shock before she asked, "Have we…met you before?"

"Yes," the girl smiled with a nod. "I'm sorry. I forgot, I was just a child then. My name is Ziza. My father was Imam. I think Riddick calls him…the Holy Man."

The memory of watching Riddick standing by a grave with a little girl and a grieving woman in the rain on Helion Prime came to Deirdra's mind's eye. It was just after she had just met Riddick and convinced him to remain Lord Marshal. This little girl had thanked him for ridding her home planet of the Necromongers."I remember now," Deirdra smiled. "You turned out gorgeous."

"Thank you," Ziza smiled with a small nod.

"I'm a bit surprised we're here though," Deirdra admitted, taking another sip of her water before continuing, "I thought Riddick would've flew us straight back to…where we came from."

"He said the ship was low on full from the first trip," Ziza explained. "There was just enough to get you all here. I doubt Riddick would have stayed as long as he has if not for your condition."

Deirdra frowned in wonder before asking, "How long have I been asleep?"

"Nearly two days, now," Ziza replied, making Deirdra's eyes widen in disbelief. "Riddick explained that you were severely fatigued."

"Y-Yeah," Deirdra breathed. "I guess I was."

"I think I would be too after fighting such a fearsome beast as one of those hellhounds Fisher described," Ziza replied, sitting next to Deirdra on the mattress who looked to the girl in wide-eyed wonder. "I cannot imagine even seeing something like that. How terrifying it must have been. Thank goodness we were able to clean you up before you awoke. It would have been frightening for you to wake up covered in that thing's blood, I'm sure."

That's when it became clear to Deirdra that Riddick and Fisher had made up some bullshit story about her fighting a beast instead of the truth…that she'd killed the man that had tormented her in more depraved ways than this poor girl could never even fathom. Suddenly, the dream that had woken her up flashed through her mind again and the full weight of what she had done sat heavily on her shoulders. Tears sprang to her eyes and her hands shook as she took another sip of water before she turned her face slightly from Ziza in shame.

"If you wouldn't mind…I'd like to be alone for a while," she murmured, making Ziza turn a frown of wonder to her as she made the excuse, "I'm…still a little tired. I think I'll sleep a bit more while Riddick and the others are busy."

"Are you hungry?" Ziza wondered. "I can bring something before I leave you to rest."

"No, this water is fine," Deirdra replied, giving a soft sniffle as Ziza stood up and made her way to the door, but she stopped before stepping out completely.

"Shall I send Riddick in when he returns?" Ziza wondered. "Or Fisher or Faith?"

Deirdra said nothing for a moment as she stared into her glass of water before she finally murmured, "When Riddick comes back…you can send him in. But only him, ok?"

"I understand," Ziza nodded before stepping out of the room and closing the door behind her.

Once the door was shut, and Deirdra was sure Ziza had made her way down the hall and out of earshot, she set her glass on the stand next to the bed, laid down and curled into a ball, still shaking as she allowed the tears she'd been holding back to flow freely. It was hitting her now that she had killed the man that had done things to her no one should ever be subjected to. He'd made her suffer the entire time she was locked away in his fortress, and now she'd killed him.

She was relieved that he was dead…but the way she'd gone about it was what frightened her. She never thought she could be so sadistic. She had told Riddick she would never enjoy killing, but for a moment, while she'd been cutting through Olmstead's flesh with her short sword and hearing his cries of pain and despair…she had enjoyed it far more than she was willing to admit. To finally inflict such pain on the man who had made her suffer for his pleasure had made her giddy in that moment, and she hated herself for it.

Riddick would be angry, she knew it. He would say he told her so, and that Fisher was going to end up the same way and he would blame himself for her response to killing Olmstead the way she did. 'If she hadn't met him…' he would say.

Deirdra knew better. She knew it had nothing to do with Riddick. She had spent some time mulling over how she would kill Olmstead if she ever had the opportunity. She had thought of skinning him alive, or feeding him to his animals, or letting the prisoners have their way with him. But she had settled one day, on a whim, that chipping him up while he was still alive was the best idea instead. After all, every time he came for her, that's what it felt like. As if he was cutting a piece of something important from her body but in the most brutal and slowest way he could think of.

No, she wouldn't let Riddick take responsibility for her depraved thoughts, or actions. That was all her. She had never told Aereon, or even Valin about her thoughts of revenge against Lord Uri Olmstead. Valin never even knew about where Aereon had picked her up, and that's how Deirdra had wanted it. She was glad now that she didn't confess to him, otherwise he might have used that against her as well, in the end. She could only trust Riddick with every detail of that living hell.

She curled into herself even further, willing the memories playing over and over again in her head. The man was gone, why wouldn't the memories stop? She'd saved who knew how many more people he would've have tortured if she hadn't killed him, and yet she felt sick to her stomach. The image of the way she'd left him as she walked out of that arena, covered in his blood, his hounds racing past her to get to him, and his last scream fading into the sounds of crunching and ripping sent her over the edge.

Deirdra scrambled toward the stand next to the bed where a bowl sat just in time to hurl her stomach contents into it, her fingers clutching the stand until her knuckles turned white. She didn't notice the door to the room open when her stomach churned once more and emptied itself into the bowl, and part of her noticed it was getting a bit too full. The figure at the door strode toward her as she tried catching her breath, staring down at the bowl full of her puke.

"You're gonna fall on your ass."

Deirdra glanced to her right to see Riddick standing next to her as he took the arm closest to him and helped her sit down on the bed again.

"Your concern for my well-being is overwhelming," she shot back before sighing as she sat and he sat next to her. He lifted a hand and was surprisingly gentle when he moved some of her hair from her sweat-sheened face before just as gently brushing something from the corner of her mouth. The gestures made her shoot a wide-eyed stare of wonder at him, which in turn made him frown at her before she blurted, "Don't do that."

"What?" he questioned.

"Be so damn affectionate," she retorted, looking to the stand and leaning over for her glass of water. "It's not you."

"What? You want me to slap you for puking up your guts?"

"Of course not," she muttered, taking a drink of water then gave a small sigh, mumbling, "Never mind."

"What do you want, Girl?"

"Nothing," she nearly snapped then sighed once more, staring down into her glass of water. "Just…sit here with me, ok?"

"Fine," Riddick muttered, pulling out one of his shivs and twirling it in his fingers.

They sat in silence for a moment as Deirdra glanced over at him, watching him twirl the blade until it made her dizzy and she looked to her water before she could hurl again.

"I killed him," she murmured, making Riddick stop and look to her, sliding his shiv back into its sheath.

"Yeah," he nodded.

"I mean…I hacked him into pieces and…his dogs ate him," she corrected and he watched her closely. "I can't…get the images out of my head. I mean…I've killed people but, not like that. I was…"

She trailed off, still staring into her glass of water before he guessed what she was trying to say.

"You enjoyed it," he finished for her and she swallowed before nodding, slowly. "I would have too if you'd have let me get my hands on him."

He expected her to yell at him. To tell him she was being serious, (even though he was too) but instead, she sat there, still staring into her water.

"Is this…what you were afraid would happen to me?" she shuddered, just above a whisper and he didn't need any other explanation, but she still added, "That I would enjoy killing? This is what you don't want to happen to Fisher, too, right? And then he…"

She trailed off again, her head bowed as he still watched her, and she could feel his silver gaze boring into her.

"You were right," she breathed, tears streaming down her cheeks and dropping into her water. "We've been living the way you do, and now the very thing I promised wouldn't happen has happened. I'm so sorry, Riddick. Just…wait until I'm over this shit to tell me 'I told you so,' ok?"

"I ain't gonna say that."

Deirdra frowned, looking to him again in wonder before whispering, "Why not?"

"If you really enjoyed doing that you wouldn't be like this," he retorted, waving a hand at her. "Puking your guts, not looking me in the eye. Hell, if you really enjoyed it, I wouldn't be able to get you to shut up…or off me, 'cause you'd be all over me."

"I don't know about that," she murmured.

Riddick took the glass she was still staring at from her hands and leaned around her to set it on the stand and grabbed her chin to bring her gaze to his, making her eyes shoot wide in surprise.

"You really think I'd be sitting here right now if you enjoyed it the way you think you did?" he questioned, making her eyes finally meet his as they filled with tears. "I'd have left. I wouldn't want to see the killer I'd turned you into."

"Then why are you still here?" she couldn't help but wonder in a soft voice.

"Because that feeling you had wasn't the thrill of the kill," he murmured, and Deirdra couldn't help but shudder as his voice hit her ear like a hammer, his hand releasing her chin. "It was revenge, Deirdra. You were finally getting even for what he did to you. You made him pay for it with his life with your own hands. He wasn't some soldier following orders, or even an innocent man that got in the way…he was a depraved piece of shit that hurt you and other people. Getting revenge, and enjoying the kill aren't the same."

She shuddered again, this time with a sob, and bowed her head as she fell forward against his chest, crying into his shirt as one of her hands fisted it, but he didn't care. He sighed through his nose and pulled her sideways onto his lap as she still clung to him, her face still buried in his chest. They said nothing as she sobbed, quietly and Riddick wrapped an arm around her shoulders to keep her from falling off of his lap, his other arm around her waist. After a moment, Deirdra's sobs started to fade and soon she was sitting quietly, letting Riddick hold her close, neither one saying a word.

Deirdra shifted slightly in Riddick's lap before chancing to break the silence, saying, "Fisher killed that merc so easily."

"He took out the mercs on UV 1, too," Riddick replied, simply.

"Is he…turning into the killer you thought he would?" she whispered.

"Not by the way he's been acting," he muttered, making her frown and finally look up at him with tear-stained cheeks and glassy eyes. "He's been whining to his girl the entire time you've been out about what he did. If it were me, I'd have thrown you against a wall and screwed you after killing that bastard."

"Yeah, because everything goes back to sex with you, doesn't it, you horny bastard," she retorted, shifting to let her feet down and stand from his lap, but his hands slid to her hips to keep her close. "I'm gonna go talk to him."

She turned toward the door but his hands remained firm on her hips, not letting her step away and she turned a bored stare to him.

"Riddick, let me go."

He only shook his head without a word, pulling her even closer and making her frown in wonder as she stepped between his knees, her hands resting on his shoulders.

"You were out for two days, Deirdra," he stated as her eyes met his and she couldn't help but smile at the concern she found in those bright pools of silver, but what he said next made her smile fall. "When I was watching you, you were talking in your sleep. You screamed a couple of times, begging somebody to stop."

His grip tightened on her hips as looked away from him, not wanting him to see the tears coming back at the memories running through her mind.

"I wanted to kill him myself for everything he did to you," he ground out, making her nod in response that she knew, and understood, but she couldn't voice the words over the lump forming in her throat. "Why didn't you let me ghost the bastard?"

Deirdra took in a shaking breath before leaning forward, wrapping her arms around his neck and resting her head next to his before she spoke.

"He was my demon to exorcise, Riddick," she shuddered, her arms tightening around him. "I think part of you knew that, and that's why you didn't argue with me when I told you to let everyone else out of the cells…right?"

"Maybe," he muttered, unmoving. "But…I knew you'd be like this if you did it. That's why I told you to get the Kid and his girl back to the ship."

"If it's any consolation, Fisher didn't listen to me either when I told him to get to the ship either."

"Damn, the two of you are some kind of stupid, aren't you?"

Deirdra gave a small scoff that in turn made him frown only slightly before she pulled back to look down at him, her hands sliding to his face as she stared at him with a small smile.

"You weren't just a little happy to see us?" she smirked, making him give a growl deep in his throat that made her unable to help but snicker. "Thank you."

"What the hell for?" he asked, a slight frown over his brow as she leaned down and kissed the crease between his brows.

"For not babying me," she whispered. She suddenly felt his grip tighten on her hips and saw a shift in his eyes, making her frown in wonder as she asked, "What's the matter?"

He said nothing for a moment before he replied in a low tone, "We had a doctor look at you while you were passed out."

Deirdra's eyes widened slightly and swallowed hard, sensing from the look in his eyes and tension in his frame that whatever the doctor found out, it was bad.

"Why?" she whispered.

"Because you were out for two days, Girl, what else was I supposed to do?" he snarled. "Fisher and Ziza were both nagging at me to do something."

She nodded in understanding before murmuring, "So…what did he find?"

He clenched his teeth, making the muscle in his jaw twitch and she gave a small frown when he turned his gaze away, but he still held onto her.

"Riddick?"

"You told me everything that bastard did to you, right?"

Deirdra's frown deepened before she gave a nod adding, "You know I can't hide anything from you. Why are you asking me this? What did the doctor tell you?"

She cupped his chin in her hands to pull his gaze back to hers, trying to read what he was thinking. He was upset by this, whatever it was, she could tell. She was the only one that ever could.

"He said…that bastard did something when you were his prisoner," Riddick ground out, making her eyes widen in panic at what he would say next.

She had told him before that she had seen Olmstead experiment on the girls in their sleep. She never once thought he had done anything like that to her. He had liked to see her suffer while she was fully conscious.

"Should I be sitting down for this?" she wondered, honestly and watched the Adam's apple bob as he swallowed, hard.

He finally nodded without a word, but he still wouldn't let her go to let her move away to sit next to him. She realized he wanted her as close as possible and decided to perch herself on his knee where he wrapped his arms around her waist to keep her there, her arms wrapping around his neck as she watched him. The muscle in his jaw twitched again as he ground his teeth, his nostrils flaring only slightly before she lifted a hand and gently tugged on his chin to bring his gaze to hers.

"The doctor gave you a full body scan," he murmured low and she kept his gaze as she lowered her hand from his chin, waiting for him to continue. His silver gaze scanned her face, his stomach turning at the thought of what he was about to say. He knew how she'd react. He couldn't help but nearly whisper, "The bastard sterilized you, Deirdra. That's why I was never able to knock you up."

Her eyes widened in shock and instantly filled with tears as her brown gaze was locked with his silver one. He didn't need to say another word. He knew explaining it wouldn't help, and trying to console her wouldn't work either. He had to wait until it sunk in and she either pushed him away or pulled him closer. He saw the shift in her eyes as a frown slowly formed over her brow and she started shaking her head.

"No," she breathed, still shaking her head, one of her hands fisting his shirt. "No, I…I would've known. I would've known if he did something like that. The doctor's equipment must've shorted or something."

"I talked to Faith," Riddick explained, his voice calm, and low. "She said that some of the girls she talked to there had the same things done to them. He did it while they were sleeping and didn't tell them. The only way they found out was through the other girls he had locked up that saw them get taken away to be worked on."

Deirdra shook her head, looking away from him, still refusing to believe it. She stood from his knee and he finally released her from his arms, letting her pace away from him, her back facing him before she stopped and he only watched as her shoulders began to shudder. She hugged herself as she still shook her head, shuddering with quiet sobs.

In her mind's eye, the future she'd hoped for instantly changed. Images of a little bundle resembling herself and Riddick dissolved. Child's laughter faded, and now all she could think of was the empty feeling in the pit of her stomach, and the ache of a life that would go unfulfilled.

"Why…?" she shuddered, drawing Riddick's focus to her as she remained unmoving. "Why…me?"

He took a deep breath and stood, chancing to make his way toward her and stand right behind her, staring down at her red hair, tangled from two days of sleep.

"Same reason he wanted me for a mount on his goddamn wall," he replied. "Same reason he tried to break you when you were there. You're Furyan."

"That can't be the only reason," she reasoned, shaking her head and turning to him with tears rolling down her cheeks. "You don't really think that was it, do you? There had to be more."

"Yeah, he was a sick bastard," he retorted, reflexively lifting a hand to brush some tears away with his thumb. "Guys like that only have one reason to do anything. Because they enjoy it."

She stared up at him for a moment before jerking with a sob and leaning into him, pulling him close as his arms enveloped her, protecting her current vulnerability from whatever he could, his rage boiling over at the realization that he couldn't protect her from her past. He felt her start to sag against him, her legs starting to give way from her exhaustion, and he swept her off her feet to carry her back to the bed, sitting on the edge of the mattress to hold her in his lap again, as she had been earlier.

"Get some more sleep," he urged her as her sobs started to quiet again. "You'll need your rest so we can figure out where we're gonna go next."

She only nodded and shuffled off of his lap to crawl into a ball on the bed and Riddick stood to cover her with the sheet before taking the bowl from the nightstand she'd spewed in to dump it out.

"Riddick," she called in a small voice that made him stop in his tracks, his heart clenching so tight he couldn't breathe at the tone in her voice. He hated it when she sounded so helpless. It wasn't like her.

"Yeah?" he called back.

"Can you…stay here and hold me till I fall asleep?" she hoped.

She wasn't sure what he'd say, if he said anything, and she felt her heart drop as more tears formed in her eyes when she heard the door open then shut as she was sure he left the room. She buried her face into the pillow and jerked with another sob, thinking he'd finally reached his limit with her. He didn't want her anymore after everything he'd found out, she was certain. How could he? She was damaged goods. Sloppy seconds. After everything she'd done and been through, why would he want her?

Deirdra gasped when she heard the door open again and shut her eyes tight, curling in on herself and pretending to be asleep. She gave a small frown when she heard the thunk of porcelain against wood, then felt the bed sink behind her before it shifted and a heavy arm rested across her waist, another snaking under her to wrap around her and pull her into the body they were attached to. She couldn't help but smile before she quickly rolled over to face Riddick, tucking her head under his chin as he lay on his side, his arms still around her, their legs tangling together until they were comfortably nestled together.

"I thought you were sick of me," she admitted, her eyes closed as she nuzzled into his chest.

"Couldn't be if I wanted to," he replied, making her smile widen before she drifted off to sleep to the sound of his heart beating in his chest…the heart she knew he had all along.

A/N: don't hate me! it's not over yet, just chill, yeah? ok? no yelling? good. reviews?