Rachel's staring back at me. This is the first time I've seen her since she walked out to find Ross. The sight hurts worse than I thought. Her eyes are welled up with tears already. I know this is going to be an awful conversation. As much as I want to avoid this, I need something, some closure, some reason as to why.

I step aside to say she can come in. She walks in and I close the door carefully. She turns to me, holding her elbows. She looks distraught, like she can't find good enough words to say to me. And she can't, the only words that could ever be good enough would be "I only want you and I've made a horrible mistake".

We stand in silence for a while. I take a deep breath, it's shaky.

"Joey," she whispers in a broken voice. I hate that she's so sad, I hate it because I can't be mad at her when I'm seeing her like this. I mean, I am mad at her, but seeing her like this, just makes me want to cry.

I feel like I hurt her and that's not fair.

"I want to start by… by saying I'm really sorry," she chokes out.

I look down and clench my jaw, trying not to let her broken voice or watery eyes sway me.

"I…I never expected what happened," she pauses, trying to keep it together.

"I know we should have had this talk sooner, I just…I couldn't believe it myself and…and the last thing I want is to hurt you Joey," she tells me.

I still bite my tongue; afraid I'll either yell or sound like I'm about to cry.

She hates my silence though. She steps towards me and her next sentence sounds more desperate, like if she doesn't explain herself better, she'll lose me forever.

"It happened so fast and even though I really loved being with you, I did, I loved every day we had. You were so sweet Joey," she keeps buttering me up, but I can already tell what the endpoint of this conversation is.

"It's just, Ross and I have so much history. And when I found out he was…in love with me… it changed my feelings completely. I'm sorry, I don't know how it happened so fast, but it did."

I swallow a large lump, realizing this is way harder to hear than I expected.

"I really like you Joey, I don't want to lose you, but…but I have to see…if Ross and I can be something," she says. "I hope you can understand."

I start to nod my head slowly. I knew this was coming, I knew there was no hope.

"I'm sorry Joey, I feel like I can't explain it well enough."

I realize I could yell at her or try to win her back, but it would be a lot of wasted effort. I'm hurt, I really am, but I get it. I get she had history with Ross and when someone like that proclaims their love for you, well I guess I can see how that could change your mind. And maybe if Rachel hadn't waited, if she had come to talk to me right away, maybe I wouldn't have seen this then, maybe I would have shouted a lot and fought for her. Now, I'm calmer, I've had time to digest this awful thing.

"I get it," I finally speak.

She waits a moment.

"Are you mad at me?" she asks.

"Yes," I say honestly and she looks fearfully at me, not able to speak.

"But for avoiding me, for just walking out and leaving me in the dark," I explain.

I stop and she waits for me.

"But I forgive you for realizing you have feelings for Ross."

She calms down; I see it in her face. I know now she honestly does care about me, which does make me feel better. Now, I don't feel like she just used me.

"Thank you Joey," she whispers sincerely.

She walks slowly over to me. I think she wants to hug me, but is unsure of how I will react. I watch her as she slowly contemplates putting her arms out.

We stand a few inches away from each other in silence, as she still hasn't built up to courage to hug me. But I could never resist being in her arms, even if I did lose her too soon.

I put my arms out and she dives into them, gripping onto my shirt tightly and resting her head on my shoulder. I hold onto her knowing I'm always going to miss her even though I'm sure we'll all stay friends. I'll see her all the time and things will get better, but I'll still look at her and hurt a little. That's the sad truth of it.

"I wish you two the best," I whisper softly in her ear.

I think I feel a tear or two drop onto my shirt.

"Thank you," she whispers back.

It's over, I did it. I saw Rachel, I talked to her. I officially have confirmation it is over between us and I got my closure. It still stings, but I'm getting through. It was worse before I talked to her, I felt betrayed and ignored and was dreading the moment I would have to see her all at once. Now, a weight has been lifted off my shoulder and I can move on, even though she still lives right across the hall from me.

I wake up late this morning. It's Sunday, that means cartoons. Yes, I still do that, who wouldn't? Boring people, that's who.

Chandler walks out and finds me eating my cereal while sitting in front of the TV.

"Hey," he laughs at the screen.

"Hey," I answer and take another spoonful.

He watches the show with me for a few minutes.

"So, what are you doing today?" I ask him out of curiosity.

"Uh, I have a date today actually," he informs me.

"Oh yeah?" I respond probably more surprised than I should have. He rolls his eyes at my stunned tone.

"Yes, with Stephanie, remember her?"

"Stephanie — from the club? That was weeks ago, why haven't you done it sooner?"

"We tried, she had to cancel for family emergencies, her mom had to have some minor surgery and stuff," he tells me.

"Oh, wow. Is that why it's on a Sunday now?" I ask.

"Yeah, we're just having lunch and maybe going to the park."

"Mm, it's a lot harder to score afternoon sex, unless it's a guy," I ponder out loud.

He gives me an unbelievable glare and I shrug.

"What, okay fine, I'm kidding," I say, but I'm not. "Well that's great, man. I almost forgot about her," I add and he doesn't fail to give me another notable glare. That one was my bad.

"Sorry, it's just…a lot happened since then," I remark and he frowns and looks down.

"Yeah, I wasn't gonna really bring it up, but you asked."

"No, it's fine, I'm happy for you," I say honestly.

"Thanks man," Chandler says. "I'm gonna jump in the shower."

I nod and he heads into the bathroom.

Suddenly, I feel very lonely. I guess it's because when I decided I lost Rachel, even before we talked, I had been having thoughts about Chandler. I guess I just convinced myself he might end up being bi and might want to experiment. I probably shouldn't have drawn conclusions out of thin air, just because he asked a simple question. Well, now he has a date and I'm happy for him I am. I want him to have sex with Stephanie, I think, but the thought makes me shiver unexpectedly. Which is weird, but I brush it off and return to my cereal and cartoons.

Author's Note: Hey everyone, just wanted to let everyone be aware that if any of you are a fan of Matt LeBlanc's show "Episodes" I started a story for it, after getting the category approved on here! It's very exciting, so if you know the show, please check out my story on my page, thanks so much!