The auditorium was quieter than Rachel had heard it in a long time. This was the best place to think aloud and have her thoughts remain. This was her sanctuary, her safe place, her home. In her hands, she fumbled with the letter Quinn had left in her locker a few days ago. It left her wanting to be with Quinn more than anything. But Finn had caught her by surprise that day, which left her feeling remorse; remorse for potential hurt feelings. Remorse for her own foolishness. This can't be real. It can't be happening, she thought.
Over and over, Rachel imagined that Quinn had reached an all-time low in an attempt to break her and Finn up once and for all. A ploy that could only be reached by the most evil souls in which Quinn would confess love for Rachel and pretend to want her, thus revealing Rachel's true heart in a most earnest and open reciprocation of those feelings.
However, the more she played with the idea, the more implausible it became. What she felt every time Quinn touched her; every look, every simple brush, every kiss; she knew that this was something that had not been granted to her since she'd been with Finn. And why had it taken their engagement to procure a reaction from Quinn? Did she think it impossible that he would propose? Why would she do this to me now? I don't understand! No matter what I do, someone gets hurt. And I don't know if I can live with that. I've hurt so many people in the past. I only want to do the right thing, but I don't even know what that is anymore and it's all her fault! Rachel's anger boiled up inside of her as these thoughts raced through her mind. She resolved to tell Quinn what she was feeling and she vowed to hold nothing back.
"Are you ok?" a small voice from backstage echoed in Rachel's sanctuary. Quinn stepped out of the darkness with a look of concern on her face. Everything Rachel wanted to say, every angry thought or feeling of uncertainty vanished at the sight of the slender blonde.
"You startled me," replied Rachel, turning away from the open auditorium and bowing her head.
"I just came here to think…but you look like you have quite a bit on your mind. Care to share?" Rachel felt Quinn inching closer and closer until the tips of their shoes touched.
"I don't know," she sighed.
"Of course you don't," said Quinn, rather irritated. She turned to retreat backstage but Rachel caught her hand and pulled her close again.
"I don't know…because this," Rachel put her hand on Quinn's chest, near her heart, "us…it's what I want. Silence. Not the kind that Rachel greeted when she entered her safe place. A different kind of silence that could only be broken by something much more powerful than words.
"What's the catch," questioned the blonde.
"There is no catch." For the first time since they'd been standing there, Rachel's eyes met Quinn's. "I read your letter. I've been reading it every day," she continued. "And you're absolutely right: I haven't been honest with myself. But…but now I think it's time. It's time I was honest with myself…and with you. I don't know if I'm ok because you…have completely captivated me. I don't want to be with anyone else, Quinn."
"You…you really mean that?" Quinn asked, trying not to let the sappiness seep through her pores.
"I do! And I'll do whatever it takes for you to believe that. I promise."
Quinn beamed at the small brunette, her green eyes penetrating the brown eyes that stood a few inches below her. I love you, Rachel. I love you so much," she breathed, closing the gap between them with the mother of all kisses…
"Rachel?" Quinn's voice came from behind her. Rachel opened her eyes and found herself kneeling in the center of the stage facing the emptiness of her safe haven. "Rachel, are you ok?"
"Quinn?" Rachel tried to blink away the tears. She felt herself being pulled up from the floor. Facing the blonde, she buried her face in her hands and began to panic with tears. "Quinn, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry…" she sobbed.
"Sshh…it's ok," Quinn whispered as she held her. "It's ok."
There they stood. Rachel's sanctuary had transformed into a place of mourning. She knew she couldn't keep Quinn hanging on forever. She didn't want to do that to her. It wouldn't be fair. But she didn't want to let her go either. For now, while she let her anxiety out, she let Quinn hold her and tell her it was going to ok; even if it wasn't. Rachel's sanctuary, her safe place, her home, was the place where she and Quinn would part ways. An empty auditorium was where they would say 'goodbye.'