Name: Off the map – Chapter Ten

Rating: T

A/N: Last chapter!

Hotch came by the next morning. Dressed in blue Jeans and a black polo shirt, he reminded Emily of the Aaron Hotchner she got to know in Italy.

They sat down on the couch.

Hotch didn't look at her, when he started to talk about, what was on his mind.

"In the last weeks I have been unfairly hard on you. There is no excuse for my behavior and I hope you will accept my apology. I promise you that I will not go on like this. I can't offer you an excuse, because there isn't any, but I can try to explain myself. When we came back from Italy we agreed to keep things at a professional distance. I don't want that anymore. I'm watching you having nightmares and I feel helpless, because we don't talk anymore. I miss you, but instead of talking to you about it, I hurt you. I want us to be friends again. I want you to let me help you."

Emily was left speechless. She never expected Hotch to ever open up about how he felt to her.

"I miss you too" was all she could say while taking his hand. For a moment they just looked into each others eyes, searching for the friendship they were missing.

"So where do we go from here?"Emily finally whispered.

"How about a glass of wine on Monday after work. Just you and me and we talk."

"Sounds good."

On Monday they left work together and went to bar, were the whole team liked to go to. It had a cozy and relaxed atmosphere and made you feel at home. Hotch and Emily found a table and ordered some drinks. First things were a bit uncomfortable, because they hadn't done this in a while, but after a while they started to relax and talking became easier. The evening ended with Hotch and Emily agreeing that this had been a good idea and that they wanted to repeat it. From then on they tried to meet for a drink or just a short conversation over coffee every week. On one of this occasions Hotch finally got Emily to talk to him about her nightmares.

A month later they got a new case. The moment Emily learned that the team was going to Boston, she new this one was going to be special for both her and Hotch. Boston had been Foyets hunting ground and it was also the place Ian Doyle had tortured her.

Boston PD had found four dead man with missing hearts in the last two month and there was no doubt that there would be a more, if they couldn't stop the UnSub. The BAU team met with the local detectives, who had been working the case. Somehow the information about the missing hearts had leaked to the press, and now the media had named the UnSub the heart stealer killer. It was never a good thing, if the media showed that much interest in a case, because you couldn't predict how the UnSub would react to attention. So one of the first things to do was to calm down the media. Hotch took care of that himself, while started working the case. At the end of the day the BAU team had come to the conclusion, that they dealt with a female UnSub. The next day they were ready to give their profile to the local cops.

Emily had been a bit off all day. She didn't want to distract her colleagues, so she didn't mention to them, what had happened in the morning. When she had went to the break room to get some coffee, she had heard two policemen talk about the last time the team had come to Boston. It was when Emily had went after Doyle. They had talked about how Jack Fahey had been shot on the roof and in that moment a wave of emotions had hit her. Everything had come back to her. From how her heart had stopped, when she thought Doyle would have Dave or Ashley killed to how she felt when they told her that Ian Doyle had gotten away.

She had fought hard to block the thoughts from her mind, so she could concentrate on the case. When she was finally alone in her hotel room, she set down on her bed and cried. It was the first time since Paul shot Doyle that she let her feelings about Doyle out. Until now she had not aloud herself to face all the emotions inside her. She had been so focused on catching Doyle and on how others had been effected that she never dealt with how she herself had been effected. She let the tears run down her face and gripped a pillow to hold on to. Somewhere far away she heard her cell phone ring, but she was unable to answer it. Not soon after the ringing stopped someone knocked on her door. She didn't want to open it, but she knocking become louder and louder. Then she heard Hotch voice calling her name. Still shaking she opened the door. It took Hotch only one look at her teary face to close the door behind them and pull her into his arms.

"What happened?" he whispered.

"Nothing. It just all came back to me."

"Shh, it's okay." Hotch guided Emily to the bed and helped her sit down, before he sat next to her. Once more he wrapped his arms around her. Emily immediately started to calm down. His presence alone was like a protective blanket around her that sheltered her from her stormy emotions. She let her head rest on his shoulder and listened to his soothing voice.

"It's okay," Hotch repeated.

"It happens. It has to. Other wise it will eat you up from inside."

"Foyet" Emily guessed.

"I thought I had to be strong for Jack, that I couldn't allow myself to deal with what Foyet did to me, but I learned, that you have to face your demons to accept that it's over."

"I'm so afraid..." Emily breathed.

"Don't worry. You are strong. I know you. You will get over this. You are one of the strongest persons I know."

"Thank you."

Emily looked up at him. He had a concerned look on his face. In that moment Emily realized that no one in the world understood her better and there was no one she rather had here with her right now then him. She leaned up and pressed her lips on Hotch mouth. After a second he responded and kissed her back. As fast as the kiss had started it was over. Hotch broke of and moved away from her. He run a hand over her hair and said:

"I better go. Call me if you need anything."

Emily was left by herself wondering what just happened.

She pored it over and over in the next days and one week after they had returned from Boston, she finally reached a conclusion: she was in love with Hotch, but he had rejected her. After that facing him became almost unbearable for her. In the end she knew what she had to do. One night she waited until the rest of the team had left, before she went up to his office.

"Hoch, you have a minute for me?"

"Sure, sit down."

"I don't know how to say it."

"Take your time."

"You were right about what you said to me in Boston. About facing your demons, so that you can move on. It did help me and it make me think about what I want in my life. I figured what I want the most now is stability. I was dead and on the run. I had lost everything. My friends, my job, my life. All the time I wished for stability, the chance to have a place I can call home again. I'm not just taking about an apartment. I'm mean a place where your heart wants to be. Where someone waits for you, asks you how your day was, wakes up besides you in the morning. Just home. And I want to have kids. After Boston I thought about that now I can stop dreaming about this and actually start living it. But I want someone to start building it with me and I realized I'm not able to do so, if I see you everyday. I can not start something new, if I'm still in love with you. That's why I decided to leave the BAU."

It followed an awkward silence.

Then Hotch said: "Are you sure about this?"

"Yes, I have thought it over and over and it's what I want. I heart that they looking for some to take over a deputy ship at the FBI academy. "

"Teaching."

"Yes, well. I haven't done it before, but I think I can do it."

"I see. Have you talked to anyone about it yet?"

"No. I wanted to talk to you first. I thought I can just come back here and after a while things would go back to as they were before, but I forgot that people changed while I was away. We were all effected by what happened in on way or another, and that will never go away. Instead of holding on to the past, it's time to focus on the future."

"If that's what you want, I'm not going to be in you way. When do you want to talk to the team?"

Emily was a bit stunned. She hadn't expected that Hotch would be so cool about it. She had been prepared for him to ask her to think it over or not go at all, but not for this.

"I don't know."

"I'll see that I talk to Strauss tomorrow, so that I can give you the clear by tomorrow night."

"Great."

"I talk to you tomorrow then." Hotch grabbed a file on his desk and Emily understood that it was time to go.

Still perplexed she left his office and went home.

The next day Hotch called her in his office and told her, that she could start at the academy the following week. He wished her good luck and then gathered the team in the conference room, so Emily could tell them.

The rest of the team was shocked and wouldn't accept that she would leave. Only when she explained herself and pointed out that she was still in town to meet them all all the time, the calmed down.

Her last days with the team went by in a blur. There was lots of hugging, laughing and tears. Everyone made a point to spend as much time as possible with her. Only Hotch stayed out of her way. Emily was sad about it. She had hopped that they would part on good terms, but with him being busy all the time she didn't know on what terms they were parting. She was confused and hurt. When she came to say good-bye on her last day, there was a moment were she thought he would speak about it and tell her what had made him so unapproachable, but it didn't happen. He had just politely asked her if she was looking forward to her new job and wished her good look once more. They talked about it, that right know no new agent would take her place in the team, but that at one point someone new would join the team. Chief Strauss had hinted that if the word got out that there was a free spot at the BAU, there might be some agents interested in it. Emily knew Strauss was right. The BAU was an elite team after all many agents would jump pn the chance to work with them. Her last day with the team ended with dinner at the teams favorite restaurant.

Six weeks later Hotch and Morgan had some business at the academy. They had been asked to give a speech to a group of young police officers about the work of the BAU, so Morgan and Hotch had presented some of their cases and had explained how their profile had helped to catch the UnSub.

Judging from the questions after wards, the two felt that they goten their point across.

"You think they all want to be profilers now?" Morgan asked while him and Hotch walked down the hall.

"I'm happy if they realize when to call us one day."

"Right" Morgan agreed. Sometimes it was frustrating to see how long law enforcement officers waited before they asked for help. They thought it was a sign of weakness, when in actually just meant that they dealt with a case to big for them.

"Hey, Hotch would you mind if we made a quick stop to say hello to an old friend?"

"No, not at all."

Morgan lead the way around some corners and stopped outside a small class room. Inside Emily was just wrapping up her class.

While the students made their way out, Morgan made his way in.

"Hey there, Ms Prentiss."

"Morgan! What are you doing here?" Emily wrapped her arms around Morgan and he gave her a bear hug.

"We were just in the neighborhood and thought we check on the one that got away."

Until then Emily hadn't noticed, that Hotch was standing by the door.

"Hotch" she acknowledged him and they greeted each other with a polite hand shack.

Morgan was on his toes immediately. He looked suspiciously from Emily to Hotch.

"How have you been?" Emily asked nicely.

"Good, thanks for asking."

"Wow, hold on. When was the last time you two spoke to each other?" Morgan jumped in.

The charged silence that followed spoke volumes to Morgan. He was stunned. Ever since Emily left the BAU him and Emily had spoken once a weak to each other, even if it was just a short phone call and he knew that the others had stayed in contact with her as well. That way he had assumed, that Emily and Hotch had also kept contact. There had been no indication to think otherwise.

"You can't be serious, right?" he asked looking from one to the other. Neither was able to look him in the eyes.

"You do realize that Garcias birthday party is next week? She can smell evil vibes from 10 feet away and it will ruin her birthday for her."

"Morgan..."Emily started, but Morgan interrupted her before she could say more.

"Don't Morgan me. I'm going to leave you two alone and you work out what ever is going on here," He gave both Hotch and Emily a warning look to show that he meant every word he said.

"My baby girl will have a great birthday party!" With that said he walked out and closed the door behind him.

Hotch and Emily starred at the now closed door, before Emily slowly turned to Hotch.

"Now, that was quit an exit."

"I can just stay away from the party" Hotch offered.

"Or we talk about why we haven't talked." Emily responded.

Hotch didn't say anything to that.

"You haven't called me, you didn't answer my E-Mails. I think now would be a perfect time to tell me why."

Hotch still kept quite.

"Damn it Hotch! Just tell why you don't talk to me anymore!" Emily cried. She had really enough of it. She send him several e-mails, but after he hadn't answered either she had given up, even so it had hurt. She couldn't get it. Why couldn't they still be friends? Calming down a bit she asked gently:

"Why are you doing this?"

Taking a moment to think first of what to say, Hotch finally said:

"You didn't care what I had to say, why should it matter now."

"What?" Emily was confused by his words.

"When you left." Hotch explained curtly.

"What do you mean?"

"When you left, you didn't care about what I had to say. You just came to me and told me you couldn't work with me any longer. That you wanted to find someone to start a family with. Someone else than me. It didn't matter to you if I had anything to say to that. Once again you left without caring for anyone else's opinion. Same thing as when you went after Doyle."

Hotch turned around and started to leave. Emily needed a moment to understand what he was saying. Then she rushed around him and blocked the door.

"Hotch! Wait! I'm sorry, I just assumed there wasn't anything you could say, that would change the facts. You were my boss and I had feelings for you. After Boston I thought I spare us both the embarrassment."

She paused, then asked with a shaking voice:

"But, what would you have said, if I had asked?"

Hotch looked away, which made Emily step closer to him.

"What would you have said?" Emily whispered afraid of what he might say.

Hotch struggled with himself what he should do. Then he made up his mind and decided to tell her the truth.

"I would have told you that it's hard for me too. To see you everyday, wishing to have you close by my sight, and not being allowed to show you how much I care for you. That I would miss you if you leave, because I can't imagine my live without you. And I would have told you, that if we both want the same things we would find a way to make it work."

Neither one moved an inch. Emily could feel the tears starting to roll down her cheeks. Could she really have been so blind? She closed her eyes and tried to get her composer back. Then she felt his hands on her checks. He washed away tears with his thumbs. When she opened her eyes again he was standing before her with a sad look on his face. He was mourning the chance they had missed.

When he let go of her face and let his hands sink to his sides, Emily knew, that if he would leave now, it would be forever. After today he would never let her in again. He wouldn't just close a door to his feelings, he would close the whole book of their relationship.

So she graped his wrists and pressed her head again his forehead.

"Don't go. Pleas, don't go." When he didn't protest to their closeness, Emily gained hope.

"I'm sorry, that I didn't asked for your opinion. But you are wrong if you think I didn't want you. I only left, because I thought I couldn't have you, I thought you didn't want the same things I wanted. I thought you just wanted us to be friends."

Emily felt her heart racing.

"I still love you."

They lifted their heads to look at each other.

Then they slowly moved in for a kiss.

After that Hotch pressed Emily against his chest and said:

"I can't say that my feelings for you have changed, but a lot has happened. I'm not sure if the ground is not to burned to build a relationship on it. What if we just keep on fighting?"

"Do you want to start a relationship? Because in my eyes that is all that matters."

One weak later Garcia had invited the whole BAU team to a bar to celebrate her birthday. Everyone besides Hotch and Emily was already there. Morgan was standing at the bar and kept an eye on the door. After the events at the academy neither Emily nor Hotch had said anything to him and now he worried that either or both wouldn't show up.

Garcia, who had been laughing with JJ and Will, came over to him and handed him a red cocktail.

"Hey, Mr Grumpy, I want you to drink on of those and then charm me with you perfect smile. And remember it's my birthday, so you have to do what I want."

"Always, baby girl." Morgan said and took a sip from the glass.

"Sweet."

"Me or the cocktail?"

"Both."

Garcia looked around.

"Where is Hotch. Is he still at the office? Uh and I can't see Emily anywhere."

That moment the door opened and Morgan almost spat his drink on the floor.

"Well, look again. There she is." He nodded in the direction of the door.

What followed was a excited scream from Garcia, that raised everyones attention. When she run over to Emily, they all saw what had caused the explosion. Emily, wearing a nice red dress, had just walked in holding hands with Hotch.

"Is this what I think it is?" Garcia asked looking wildly from Emily to Hotch. When both smiled cheerfully and Emily said

" Yes, it is," it a was Garcias cue to throw her arms around Hotch and Emily and cry:

"That's the best birthday gift I ever got!"

What followed was by happy laughter by the the rest of the BAU team and a knowing smile on Rossis face.

That's it. Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed my little story. I at least had fun writing it, even so it took me much longer than I had expected. Until next time, may the sun shine all day long, everything go right and nothing wrong. May those you love bring love back to you, and may all the wishes you wish come true!

Update: I know there are lots of spelling and grammar mistakes in the story. My excuse: English is not my native language. I finally found someone to beta read and I'm hoping to be able to update this story with a beta read version soon.