When You Wish To Be Wanted
By: Yidkirkin
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
SPOILERS
It was the day after their excursion into Simple Diet Hill, and early that morning Takimaru sat them both onto Del's saddle and they rode over to Eco Land, where the nearest Gourmet ID clinic was located. Takimaru checked Harry in with the receptionist immediately, but since they were early they took the time to go to one of the town's few non-Fauna based shops. There they found him a suitable hammock for his bedroom, along with a thin blanket for his Swag that was made out of a material that could warm or cool itself depending on the weather (it had been a tad expensive, but Takimaru wasn't about to tell Harry that).
On their way back to the clinic they briefly met Nonchy on the street, and Harry chattered away at him comfortably about his time with Monchy in Skill Garden. Before they parted, the mayor asked Harry to come see him the next time he saw Monchy, as he liked to hear about his brother from those who visited him. Harry promised he would before Takimaru needed to hurry them along, managing to get them back to the waiting room with a few minutes to spare.
"Verily, it is as secure a thing as one can get," Takimaru explained to him on their way to Eco Land that morning, to keep him from nodding off. "It records everything to do with what you have eaten in the past, from when you ate something to how many bites you took to eat it –and for those with Gourmet Cells it can tell what foods you have eaten in the past that you are compatible with. Amara-sensei is going to put in a request for that information along with whatever else needed, so if it is approved you can keep it with you."
"Do I have to get it done again?" Harry asked.
"It should be updated every three years. Back some time ago many a terrible incident could have been far off and unseen had people kept up with it, but presently people are keen to have it in their thoughts. Some people still do not, of course," Takimaru explained, thinking of the Cooking Fest battle and what Komatsu told him had happened with the GT Robo at the Gourmet Coliseum.
When it came time for the procedure, Harry was settled neatly into the scanner without his backpack or Takimaru's comforting presence, but tried to ignore that for the sake of the Gourmologist who was bustling around and explaining a number of things to him before it all got started. He listened intently to how the procedure worked even though he didn't understand much of it, assured the young man that he would be fine in the enclosed space for how long it would take (two hours plus the typical twenty minutes since he'd never had it done before) and when offered either a CD to listen to or a movie to watch, he'd chosen the movie.
Robin Hood was a children's movie about a Gourmet Hunter and Chef who lived in the forests of a long ago kingdom and stole Ingredients from the pastures of the rich to feed the poor. The movie was animated and colourful, had funny songs and followed Robin and Little John's adventures as Combo Partners trying to outrun the Sheriff and the Prince, and at the same time save the lovely Maid Marian –and Harry liked it immensely. He wondered if there had been a real person like Robin or if it was just a story someone made up, and resolved to ask Takimaru as soon as they were done here.
By midway through the scanning Harry had started to feel a little drowsy, and he only managed to hold on long enough to see the end of the movie before he finally nodded off –lulled to sleep by the last notes of the final song. It seemed as if only minutes passed before someone was lightly shaking his shoulder and calling for him to wake, but he was so comfortable that he really didn't want to.
"Here, I shall get him," A more familiar voice said from further back, and a split second later Harry was being lifted up and out of the scanning bed and into Takimaru's arms –Harry could tell that it was him because he smelled like old paper and metal. As he woke up he wondered hazily why that was, but soon forgot that thought as Takimaru settled him upright onto a chair and he was pulled back into coherency.
"Good day, sir," The Gourmologist said to him cheerily, drawing Harry's attention away from scrubbing at his eyes. "Before we print out your ID card, I have to ask you some questions, okay Harry? Do you think you're up for that?"
"Mmhm," Harry nodded, shouldering his backpack swiftly –he felt uncomfortable, unsafe, without it there.
"Alright, let's start with something easy. Your first name is Harry, spelled H-A-R-R-Y?" When Harry nodded, the still-unnamed man typed away into his computer. "Do you have a last name?"
Harry stalled, seized by a well known and unwelcome nervousness when it came to that subject. "Uh... uh, I. Po- I do-nnn. I-I..."
"He shall eventually. We will so change it when it arises," Takimaru said, coming to his rescue and placing a steady hand on his shoulder to center him. "May we move on, Monroe-san?"
"Sure!" Monroe chirped, either disregarding Harry's nerves or not noticing them at all. "Alright, your current guardian-"
The rest of the questions were easier on him, but Harry was still jittery from the 'last name' inquiry even after they had left the clinic ten minutes later. He had thought that he had gotten better at dealing with it, but as Takimaru hoisted the both of them up onto Del's back and they started to make their way back to the Lodgings, he continued to quake as if caught in a chill wind. Takimaru hugged him close with one arm and Harry started to sniffle against his will.
"M'sorry," He said quietly into Takimaru's elbow, feeling him sigh gently and squeeze him even tighter after a beat of silence.
"Nay again, nothing to be sorry for. Does it bring back bad memories?" Harry nodded and sniffed again.
"My mum and dad aren't alive anymore," Harry admitted in a tiny voice. "Aunt Petunia told me that they didn't have jobs and got drunk and crashed the car, and that's how I got my forehead scar when I was littler. She always –always says my dad was the one to make my mum like that. And when she and Uncle Vernon have –have sherry in the evenings, I try not to listen but I can still hear her c-cuss him out, and –a-and I can hear it when I h-ear my name, too."
Takimaru let out a breath and soothed Harry the best he could, managing to calm him after only a few minutes of tears but not feeling as if it were sufficient. He knew that Harry was going to have his important talk with Aimaru when they returned, but he wanted him to have some time to fully wind down before that –so when the stables came into sight some time later, he swiftly moved Del into the pasture and scooped Harry out of the saddle.
They walked in the opposite direction to the administrative building, back to the caretaker entrance to the Gopher Cow nest where Yukimaru was still supervising. The blue-haired Knight expressed some worry over Harry's puffy eyes initially, but when Takimaru explained that Harry just needed a friend to sit with for a few minutes he understood and went to call for Kir-eh. The Cow padded up out of the nearest tunnel after several minutes of waiting, chittering at Yukimaru and once again trailed by a little black furball.
"Ye may go into their area for a while, Ha-kun," Yukimaru told him as Bonnet snuffed and snorted excitedly at the sight of Harry. The calf scuttled backwards as Harry climbed through the fence, white ribbon around its neck swaying at the movement –and when Harry sat on the ground Bonnet whirred and recreated his position from the day before, only this time with its front four limbs on Harry's lap as well.
While Harry was relaxing, Yukimaru stood again off to the side with Takimaru and carefully groomed Kir-eh with one of the long brushes; inwardly amused because he could tell that both of the parents were watching their children attentively even from here. A few minutes passed with only the occasional hiccup or whirr from Harry and Bonnet, when Yukimaru decided to address the elephant in the room.
"Is it simply he gets worked up easily?" Yukimaru asked in concern, glancing again at the puffiness around his eyes and the sickly look to Harry's skin. "I do remember passing the guest room once whilst looking for Aimaru-san, and I did think I heard crying then, too."
"He is emotional, and –honest. He may develop anxiety that will be... worse, than mine was," said Takimaru. "But he as well opens up to people readily, and –he does not trust them, to be sure, but he wishes to. I think in that respect he will have a better time in recovering."
"And he is kind to the Fauna. That is a good mark with any child," Yukimaru said, smiling as Bonnet elicited a giggling burst from Harry by flicking him in the nose with his tongue; Harry tried to blow on the calf's nose in retaliation, but before he could manage it, Bonnet had bowled him over and they both ended up scuffling around the pen in what looked to be a game of chase. "If he turns out anything like ye, he will be just fine, no matter where life takes him."
"...Yukimaru-san, forgive my saying so, but you were not so sentimental in the past," Yukimaru looked at him with a raised eyebrow but an open expression, not appearing offended. "Mayhap it is just that we have not seen each other in so long, but I cannot help wondering –has something happened?"
"Nothing but time; like a wine, the longer I sit the fruitier I become," Yukimaru jested lightly. "It's happening to ye too, truly, of course. It will do that to wine and to people both –the things we were known for and those we didn't know we had grow stronger with age. But that just makes people more interesting, I do think," Yukimaru looked back at Harry. "And because of that, I've started to rethink some of my decisions. But as of right now, there isn't anything I'm dissatisfied with in my life."
"I am glad to hear you say so. Should you need anything, feel free to ask it of me," Takimaru offered, smiling as well when the calf did a strange motion that allowed it to turn around so swiftly that Harry was caught in an instant, laughing as he fell into the dust. "I think if we stay any longer Aimaru-san will be wondering what is keeping us. I suppose we shall be talking an awful lot now, would you not say?"
Yukimaru laughed and clapped Takimaru on the shoulder. "I think we shall! Ha-kun! Bonnet!"
Yukimaru's call startled the two out of their little world, and within seconds they were both hurrying up to the fence. Without missing a beat Kir-eh used her tail to scoop Bonnet away and started to groom the calf, while Harry (smiling and flushed) quickly climbed through the fence and back to Takimaru.
"We must get you to Aimaru-san, Ha-kun," Takimaru said in explanation, dusting off his charge's clothes and straightening out his now uneven backpack straps.
"Okay. Thank you for calling up Bonnet and Kir-eh, Yukimaru-san!" Harry said, letting the caretaker pat his head.
"No problem at all. I'll see ye later," Yukimaru answered, and with that Harry and Takimaru started to make their way back down the stairs and over towards the main buildings. It took them no time at all to navigate the halls to Aimaru's rooms with Takimaru leading them –when they reached the open door, Aimaru was sitting at his desk and writing something out, but soon stopped when he noticed their presence.
"Taki, Ha-chan, right on time. Sorry, I'm of the mind to finish this and am so close..." He said quickly, motioning at the chairs in the middle of the room before he went back to his papers. Takimaru led Harry over to them and made sure he was settled down, but then explained that this was a talk just for Harry and that Takimaru would be picking him up in a few hours for dinner.
"So until such time, listen to Aimaru-san, yes, Harry?" Takimaru said, and waited until Harry agreed before he stood to leave. "I shall see you in a while, then."
Aimaru continued to write for a good five minutes after Takimaru let himself out, but once he was finished Harry sat up attentively, prompting his 'grandfather' to send a warm look his way. It was another minute before Aimaru was completely done with his business, then he stood and walked around his desk to sit at the chair directly on Harry's right, setting his elbows on his knees and regarding Harry fondly.
"How have you been settling in since we got back, Ha-chan? Any trouble? I'm told by Yukimaru that you've made a new friend up in the caves," Harry nodded, brightening at the thought of the Gopher Cow.
"Everything's been really great. All of the people I've been meeting are very nice and... different, also, but not in a bad way! I like it. Especially Bonnet –that's the Gopher Cow calf that Yukimaru-san let me name and play together with," Harry grinned shyly at Aimaru and patted the shoulder straps of his pack. "It's kind of hard playing while wearing my bag, but I'll get used to it soon. So, uh, that's the only thing I've been having trouble with."
"I'm only glad there hasn't been more," Aimaru told him. "Harry, this talk I am to have with you, it is very important you understand what I'm going to impart. So if you find yourself confused by anything, tell me straight away, yes?"
"Yes."
"Good. Well then, firstly, I have only a few expectations of you; it is important that you do your best to follow these, hence," Harry straightened at this and tried to focus completely so he wouldn't forget. "What I expect from you is that you eat properly when you can, be honest when asked a question, take your responsibilities seriously, and do your best to regain –and keep –your health. Do all of that, and I will be happy."
"...I will," said Harry promptly –inwardly surprised that that was all.
"Now I will tell to you those things that you will be responsible for. Your backpack and everything inside it are your possessions, and will help you in the future if you care for them properly; so treat them well and don't take them for granted," Harry nodded and gripped the fabric of his backpack strap –but before they moved on he asked Aimaru a question.
"What does 'take them for granted' mean?"
"It means, 'to assume something will always be there, and forget that one is lucky just to have it'. For example, 'one is lucky to have running water, and should not treat it as something that will always be around whenever it is needed –because one day it might not be.' Does that make sense?" When Harry affirmed that he understood the concept, Aimaru moved on. "More will come later, but soon you shall learn meditation, how to focus, the theory of pre-shot routines, and mindfulness, which will help manage your Cells. These lessons will help you when you start learning how to really use your Gourmet Cells, so you should take them seriously."
"As well, in your bag there are two letters, one from me and one from Takimaru. It may not be nice to think about, but it is very possible that your Gourmet Cells will spirit you away again, at least for a little while. Whence that happens, and if you find yourself in your relative's company, you must give these letters to your aunt and uncle and have them read both. It shall be scary, but I know you can be brave and the letters may help with how you're treated; do you think you can do this for me?" Aimaru asked as he cradled Harry's hand, noticing immediately that Harry had drained of some colour at the thought of asking those people to do anything. Harry shivered a bit but took several deep breaths to calm himself down, turning Aimaru's encouraging words over in his mind as he did.
"I can do it, Ai-ojiisan. I will," He said, trying to convince himself more than anyone; Aimaru didn't drop his hand, but Harry's pulse calmed down and so he went on.
"When you return from your relatives', we don't know where you'll land. As soon as you can safely do so, you either call someone here and tell us where you are, or find a Gourmet Policeman and tell them that there's a watch bulletin out for 'Harry under care of Takimaru'. I shall write that down for you to put in your wallet so you'll remember, but that's what I need you to do if you show up in a strange place. And," Here Aimaru chuckled a bit. "As I'm sure you've heard from Yukimaru, Gopher Cows like big families. I'd like you to go up and spend some time with Bonnet every few days; there is no Fauna as loyal as one you grow older with. Bonnet will be a good friend to you, just as Toro is to me and Del is for Taki."
Harry agreed earnestly to those requests, recovering quickly from his brief fright. Aimaru then went on to mention that a friend of his named Toriko would be seeing him to familiarize with his scent and cells so that they could find him easily if they needed to, which Harry was also fine with. Before Aimaru moved on to the last part of the talk, he took a moment to write down what he had gone over along with the watch bulletin information onto a slip of paper and make sure that Harry tucked it into his bag right away.
"Lastly, I will promise you a few things, and these I will uphold myself. And if I ever go against them or break them, you shall tell me so I can mend it."
"Harry, you will always have a place here, no matter where you go or who you grow into, no matter if I disagree with your decisions or if you do something wrong, no matter what. You will always be safe here besides, and if you ever feel unsafe then I will do what I must to change that," Harry was wide eyed, startled by the unexpected –and moreover, almost unthinkable –prospect of this give and take between him and the Knight's leader. "You may choose the life you wish to lead, and you will never be forced into being a Knight or following the Faith if you wish for otherwise. I will treat you fairly; like any other child we take in I will not spoil you or be strict with you, and I will do my best to help you in your life. But you are also my grandson, so you should come to me when you wish to, and I shall love you as I love your father."
"Do you mean it?" Harry whispered.
"Take it to heart that I do," Aimaru pulled his chair closer and Harry hesitated only a moment before he clambered up to sit with him, settling down into a hug. "Do you want to know what I told Takimaru, after he asked me what he should do with his life?"
"What?"
"'As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands. One for helping yourself, and the other for helping others.' It's something the former leader of the Knights, Tanitsuke, used to have written on his classroom chalkboard when I was very young. I learnt much later that it was a quote from a famous actress and Gourmet Humanitarian," Aimaru let Harry fidget to get comfortable and then leaned back to relax into the chair –suddenly he was reminded of those late nights around the time Takimaru had first come to live with him, when his son's anxiety had spiked and he hadn't been able to sleep until Aimaru had held him. "The Knights are holden to a duty of charity, but the truth of the Faith is that there is just as much an obligation to yourself as to those around you. Promise me you'll remember that?"
"I promise."
Vvv
For the next few days, Harry trailed after Takimaru wherever the Knight went in order to settle in and learn the layout of his new home. Every day they rose a bit after sunrise in the morning, bathed and meditated for an hour, and then went to visit Oumaru for a proper breakfast. Their routine for the rest of the day was spotty at best except for keeping regular mealtimes; one day might have Harry practicing his writing while Takimaru had a conference call with Match or Teppei, and the next would find Takimaru taking him to visit with Bonnet and Yukimaru before they moved on to first aid training, knife handling, or laundry.
But even with the unpredictable schedule, Harry appeared happier and more energetic with every day that passed –there were bumps in the road, to be sure, but everything was so new and fascinating to him that those obstacles seemed to pass him by as if they weren't ever there.
In actuality, it was Takimaru who had a difficult time adjusting to the new presence in his life; the Knight had received his second tier tattoos soon after Harry and Aimaru's private talk, and upon the promotion his responsibilities when it came to Nerg and Jiddal increased while at the same time he attempted to spend as much time as possible with Harry. The experience of suddenly having a child –it was so different than he had envisioned it would be in his youth before the Knights, and was challenging in ways he would've never given mind to if he wasn't in the thick of it.
Regardless of Harry's agreeable demeanour he was by no means an easy boy to raise (although Takimaru held no delusions that raising children was a walk in the park). Amara had reviewed his Gourmet ID records and found more deficiencies than she had originally detected, so Harry was set up on a strict nutrient-rich and Cell Compatible diet for the times he could be, and given a few more once-a-day pills for when he couldn't. The seven year old also suffered from bouts of anxiety and stress attacks related to things that reminded him of his aunt and uncle, or if he thought that he had somehow done something wrong, and those episodes tended to occur hours after he encountered the trigger, late at night.
Whenever they happened, Harry would go from extremely touch aversive to extremely clingy within the span of minutes or hours, and then he would snap out of it abruptly. The ensuing breakdowns Harry endured in his fright at how he acted broke Takimaru's heart.
Thankfully he was prepared to some degree to handle Harry's needs, having gone through similar struggles at nearly the same age. Though he tried his best, Takimaru had been a needy, affectionate child in his bad times, and the occasions where Harry would become apathetic or aversive to contact left him floundering quietly until he fumbled through a routine that could draw Harry out of his night time fits a little easier.
He eventually noticed patterns in what calmed Harry faster or what pulled him out of his head, especially once he consulted with Satoumaru about coping mechanisms he could introduce until Harry was stable enough to start long term therapy. He responded well to Takimaru lowly murmuring about the places he had visited in the Human World, and if he ever talked about Gourmet Cell users Harry nearly always surfaced within minutes, whether he was listless or hysterical.
In the daytime Harry liked to keep himself busy with the few classes he attended so far or the other tasks he was learning, recognizing that if his mind was occupied he was less likely to be set off by encountering a trigger unexpectedly. Takimaru soon learnt that distraction was one of the most effective methods to help his ward, and that along with the partly steady routine and stable, supportive environment he was likely to recover as well as Takimaru himself had.
About two weeks after his Gourmet ID reading and several days after receiving the card in the mail, Harry was progressing well with his few endeavours –he could enter a light meditative state on his own, had memorized his daily focus exercises, and had chosen pre-shot routine basics for his Personal Study Choice; it was a continuation of the theory classes, and Aimaru had explained to him that it would further help with his focus and mindfulness practice. He had even been entrusted with a Beginner's Guide for pre-shots, and kept it securely in his backpack whenever he wasn't reading it, just in case. The only things he was having trouble grasping were his mindfulness exercises (which was completely understandable and would likely take months for him to even begin to pick up), the techniques for grounding himself during a panic attack, and the rudimentary Gourmet Cell manipulation sessions that Aimaru had tried to coax him into. It would probably take Harry even longer to draw out his abilities than it would another child if he kept returning to live with his relatives, and inwardly Aimaru cursed Harry's "guardians" every time those brief periods of Cell encouragement ended in tears or terror.
"Otousan, what do you do for a job?" Harry asked, sitting on the stool in front of the sink so he could wash his face and brush his teeth before bed. "You –uh, you've been here with me all the time, so I was just wondering."
"Technically I do not have a set job," Takimaru hedged. He was standing by Harry's hammock, making sure that the ropes at each corner were still holding steady after being in use for a few weeks, and grinned in amusement at the scandalized little gasp Harry let out. "The Knights are a subset of the Gourmet Religion, yes, but as well we are a humanitarian aid group and a coalition of Gourmet Hunters, so we receive certain benefits from the government due to those things. Sometimes I will capture an ingredient for a client; sometimes I will be hired by the IGO to accompany their employees for one reason or another. For the past few years I have been occupied by the situation in Nerg City and the Jiddal Kingdom."
"What's that?" Harry inquired between rinses.
"The Jiddal Kingdom is a very desolate country, controlled by the Underground Cooking World and the Gourmet Mafia ever since the King abandoned it near to six years ago. I am... friends with Match-san, the Don of the Gourmet Mafia, and as a favour to him I contacted the IGO and bade them to have myself as a liaison to try and get both Jiddal and Nerg City's ecosystems back to their former health," Takimaru busied himself with smoothing the comforters on the hammock for lack of anything else. "I am paid by the IGO as a liaison, and since Aimaru assigned to me the overseer of the entire effort I am supported through the Knights, also. I have been easing off on my duties recently except for the phone calls, because I wish to be around as much as possible whilst you are getting used to it here."
"...Oh," Harry said quietly, setting his toothbrush down slowly. Then, "Will you work when I'm not here?"
"...Yes," Takimaru said honestly. "Not for too long, of course, and I shall return as swiftly as I can when you do. But I did give my word that I would see this through and I shall not disappoint Match-san or Teppei-san by neglecting a promise. Are you alright with that?"
"...yeah, I am," Harry answered after a minute of thought, turning around so he could look at Takimaru fully. "...promises are important, right? You've got to remember the promises you make, right?"
Takimaru regarded Harry a bit quizzically, wondering about the specificity of the questions, but he ultimately nodded in agreement. "Truly, you are right. You have said it exactly, Ha-kun... are you done over there?"
Harry hopped off of the stool and then swayed for a moment, gripping his bag tightly as he still hadn't quite adjusted to the new weight throwing his balance off. "I'm all set!"
It was lucky that Harry was such a stationary sleeper, otherwise the trick they had devised to keep his bag with him (a string tied round his ankle that connected to the pack's straps) would have disrupted his sleep more than it did any good. As it was, by now tying the sturdy twine had become a part of their bedtime routine, as was Harry giving Takimaru a tight hug every time the Knight lifted him up into the hammock.
Perhaps, Takimaru hoped, one day it would feel strange to not do so every day.
Over the course of another few weeks, Harry finally started to settle properly –Takimaru woke up one day to his charge already meditating and waiting to head to the baths, the lethargy he'd battled up to now suddenly gone. That he hadn't suffered a night terror should have been something of an indication –like a switch had been flipped –but less subtle was the way Harry's voice rose in volume even when he was speaking normally, the slowly lessening stutters and stops in his speech, the way he had been asking increasing amounts of questions as if he'd never hesitated before in his life.
Not to say he was a different child –even with the slightly louder, more confident way to him, his panic attacks still came, his triggers still affected him, he still cried easily, was still humble and bashful to a fault. But something had changed, something had made him think, even a little bit, that he was safe here... or maybe it was inexplicable, no reason to it beyond it just being the way he would progress.
Over a month after returning to Simple Diet Hill from the Craftsman's Forest, Takimaru and Harry were walking back to their rooms from visiting Yukimaru and Bonnet when it happened. Harry stopped dead in his tracks and his hands flew up to grab at his stomach, face pale and panicked as he locked eyes with Takimaru. He opened his mouth to say something, but the light was already bleeding into his vision –from Takimaru's perspective a yellow-orange glow fully covered one of Harry's eyes and quickly made its way towards the other. Takimaru took a step in his direction even as Harry flickered in and out of sight; but there wasn't anything he could do before the seven year old blurred at the edges, flickered again, and then vanished from the courtyard entirely.