A/N: Sheesh. Today just didn't go how it was suppose to. Lol. But thanks so everyone who reviewed the last chapter. I really appreciate it. I'm so glad you guys are enjoying the story as much as you are. You all brighten my day.
And break out the tissues. You're gonna need them.
Chapter Ten
Tony is finally given the report that Special Agent Balboa filed two weeks after he first mentioned it to Dr. Roberts.
Some of the stuff is blacked out like you see in those spy movies but Tony knows they only did that because he has probably lost his clearance and is technically unable to see what happened to the suspected terrorist that killed McGee and Ziva but someone must have messed up because one line isn't completely blotted out and even though it doesn't take the hurt away, Tony is satisfied that the man that killed his friends is dead.
When he gets out, he's going to thank Special Agent Balboa for leaving that line visible.
But Tony reads the report and is…content to discover that most of what he remembers is what actually happened.
Ziva and McGee died instantly, and he doesn't want to know if they found any body parts. He's sad that he missed McGee's funeral and Ziva service but he knows they would understand.
He continues reading about little stuff, like what the bomb was made up of and where they determined it was placed. Then there's reports on how the house was damaged, stuff like that and Tony reads everything that isn't blotted out.
After that, he gets to the part about himself. Apparently, he didn't go completely off the rocker right away because by the look of the report, he answered a few of Special Agent Balboa's questions while he was at the hospital waiting.
Tony doesn't remember this, probably never will, but it's there in front of him in black and white.
Finally, he gets to the part about Gibbs.
Tony stops reading the report there, scared to see what he will find. He doesn't want to read it.
And if that makes him a coward then so be it because right now, the little hope he has that Gibbs might be alive is a small flame that is slowly growing.
And even if it might be a delusion on his part, he doesn't want to put out the fire just yet.
"Have you finished the report yet Tony?" Dr. Roberts asks him the next day. Tony shakes his head.
"I can't finish it," Tony whispers, "I just...I can't."
Dr. Roberts looks at Tony and in his eyes, Tony doesn't see any pity. He's glad for that. He hates pity.
"Would you like Dr. Mallard or Abigail to be here with you? Or do you think it's something you can handle at Dr. Mallard's house?" Dr. Roberts asks and Tony can't detect a hint of a condescending tone. Dr. Roberts, even though he is a head doctor, is a pretty okay guy.
"I think," Tony smoothes his hair and takes a deep breath, "I think I want to go to the place where it happened."
Dr. Roberts probably wasn't expecting that answer because his eyes widen and he is silent for a moment as he thinks about how to answer that.
"If you think you're ready," he finally answers Tony.
"Yes," Tony nods his head, "I think I am."
Ducky picks him up three days later. Abby is at work and can't come but he doesn't mind. Abby hates having other lab techs do her work and Tony doesn't want her to be there if he freaks out, which considering the circumstances, is a high possibility.
Tony has the report in his hand. He hasn't finished it, not yet anyway, and the little flicker of hope in his chest has grown exponentially since he first remembered Gibbs might not be dead. Might.
Ducky is quiet on the ride over there, only stopping once to let Tony puke on the side of the road. Tony recovers quickly though, and apologizes to Ducky. But Ducky just smiles and tells him that he can make him another meal when they return home.
Tony nods and agrees and hopes that he can go back home with Ducky afterwards
When they finally pull up to the house, the lot is mostly empty. Parts of the house are still up, charred but stable.
The debris surrounding the house are gone, cleared away for evidence or because they presented a hazard.
But the house is mostly there, parts of it anyway. Tony can see where constructions crews are preparing to bulldoze it down and he wonders if any of them will know what happened here. He wonders if they'll know that the Major Crime Response Team of the Naval Criminal Investigative Service in Washington D.C. was blown and torn apart by what happened here.
Tony walks towards the house, his mind flashing back to that day. His fingers were still salty, from the bag of chips, and he was still starving and wanting that sandwich and McGee was making fun of him as he tried to lick his salty fingers clean and juggle all his gear at the same time.
Ziva had messed up an idiom, he remembers, but he doesn't remember what idiom it was or if he or McGee corrected her.
But McGee and Ziva had walked in first and had gone up the stairs, McGee shouting down a quick remark to Tony before disappearing.
It had been the last time he had seen either of them and Tony's takes comfort in the fact that they had both been smiling.
He walks through the hole that had probably been the front door and enters what was probably the living room. Tony had finally set his gear down on the dresser, after Gibbs had cleared it for anything that might be useful.
Then Tony had discovered the batteries on his camera were low and had smiled shyly when Gibbs and given him a glare because Tony knew that Gibbs knew he was also going back to the truck to scarf down his sandwich.
"Be right back Boss," Tony whispers just like he had yelled so long ago, the memory vivid as he looks at the remnants of what use to be a house.
"Hurry up DiNozzo," Tony remembers that Gibbs had grumbled as he walked into the kitchen, walked away from him.
Opening the report to the last page quickly before he losses the nerve, Tony wipes the tears falling from his face angrily as he tries to read the last few paragraphs.
The lead Special Agent, Leroy Jethro Gibbs, was thrown through the kitchen window by the blast. He received a concussion, numerous cuts and abrasions to his face and upper torso, as well as first and second degree burns to his arms, neck and face.
None of his wounds were fatal however and paramedics at the seen…
Tony lets out a small yell of complete happiness when he reads that.
Feeling the flame of hope burst into an inferno, Tony runs back outside, knowing that Ducky is going to be there waiting and since the report is true Ducky won't mind taking him-
But both Ducky and…was that Mike? Both are looking away from him, talking to each other with their backs turned towards him.
"Mike?" Tony calls out happily. He hasn't seen Mike in awhile and he can't wait to tell Mike that-
But when Mike turns, Tony's jaw drops and even more tears fill his eyes. His legs suddenly become like that awful Jell-O he hates so much and his chest hurts, the good kind of hurt that makes you smile, but Mike was…Mike was-
"Boss!" Tony yells with all his heart and runs to the shorter man like he did when the house went boom.
But this time Boss isn't hurt and he's safe and Tony's safe and Tony just can't believe-
"I'm so sorry!" Tony cries out as he finally buries his head into the crook of Gibbs' neck. Boss smells like he always had smelt from before, like woodchips and Old Spice and bourbon and the smell alone makes Tony choke on his next words so he has to wait for a few seconds before he can talk and breathe again, "I'm sorry I left you and that I didn't-that I thought and I called you Mike and I didn't know," because Tony thought Boss had been gone but Boss had been there always, watching out for him and waiting till he got better, waiting and letting Tony heal in his own way even if it must have broken Gibbs' soul that Tony had looked at him but hadn't see him, "I'm so sorry I forgot and that they're gone and I didn't-I didn't-"
"Shhh," Tony hears Gibbs whisper softly into Tony's ear as he smoothes Tony's hair and lets him cry happy and sad tears for a long, long time, "It's okay Tony."
And Gibbs is hugging him and right now that's all Tony's ever wanted for so long and he's crying so much his whole body hurts but he doesn't want to stop because he's afraid that when he does he's going to look and Gibbs is going to be Mike or be gone and then really Tony won't be able to ever be okay again.
But then Tony feels Gibbs tap him on the back of the head just like he always did and Tony starts laughing because only Gibbs knows how to do it just right and no one else has ever shown him that loving someone didn't always mean you had to give hugs and smile with your mouth.
"I love you Boss," Tony pulls back just a little to see Gibbs' blue eyes, knowing that for Gibbs, the smile is always in the eyes.
Gibbs' eyes are shiny with tears and his eyes are wrinkled around the corner but Tony knows that those are the exact wrinkles he was looking for.
"I love you too DiNozzo," Gibbs tells him.
And Tony believes him because Gibbs would never lie about something like that.
And even though McGee and Ziva are gone, Gibbs is here and for once in his life, Tony isn't going to be the last one.
Isn't going to be all alone.
A/N2: Epilogue will be up Friday.