Hey everyone! I'm actually getting excited about what is to come, so I'm hoping that these chapters will come out sooner. Happy reading!
Hawkeye walked out of the bathroom and down the hall back to the office room. The boys had continued talking while she was calming down. She had taken a long moment to look in the mirror to readjust herself.
While she was on the way to the offices, she saw Alphonse. He seemed to be a little upset over something. Even though she hadn't seen Ed in a while, she knew that they both had aged so much over the years. Especially since Alphonse hadn't had a body for years, it aged quickly, which was a strange experience.
"Hey, Alphonse," Hawkeye said. "How's it going?"
He shrugged. "I just got off the phone with Ed. He was supposed to be coming back to Central tomorrow, but apparently, he's having some issues that is making it to where he can't come home for another week at the latest."
She pursed her lips and put a hand on his shoulder. "I'm sure he'd be home if he could. Why would he be coming here, though? I would have thought that he would go home if anything."
Al nodded. "Yeah, I guess. I know that Winry would really want to see him too, but I'm the one that asked him to come. I have something for him."
Hawkeye gave him a soft look. She could tell that he had a lot on his mind, which was why his thoughts weren't cohesively coming together. She knew how that was. There was an 87% chance that that was exactly how she was, too, just in a more visible way.
"How's the meeting going?" he asked.
She took a deep breath. "We're actually being really productive, which is better than I thought we'd be. I figured I'd be a mess on the floor at this point," she joked, but it wasn't really a joke. "I needed a moment before I could get back in the heat of things. We're coming up with some sort of plan."
"Let me know if I can help," he told her before walking away.
Hawkeye stayed still in the hallway, looking around to find something to distract her. She dreaded going back into that room. She was fine just discussing what had happened in the mess of it all. She was fine recounting what happened for the twentieth time since they had been rescued. She was fine discussing what her mental health was doing to her physically.
She was not fine talking about what to do next.
Next was her getting back out there. Next was Mustang risking his life for her. Next was an uncertain measure that she didn't think she could take, but there was no way that this mission was going to get completed without her. The only reason that Mustang was still alive was because of her and vice versa. Without the other, they would crumble.
She knew that he wasn't back to 100%. She knew he was still having issues. She knew she needed to push through hers so that he could push through his, but there almost seemed no point. She was afraid that everything would go back to how it was in their prison. She was afraid of being alone with no one to lean on.
She truly depended on him. She always had. It was because of that dependence that she was able to promise him so easily that she had his back. She had no other choice. She knew no one else could do a better job at making sure that he was alive and sane than she could.
A warm hand holding her own pulled her out of her thoughts. She looked up to see brown eyes triaging her mental state. She looked up to see a soft smile which made her inner voices relax. She looked up to see that she didn't need to worry about anything for the moment. He was here with her.
"Hey," he said in a quiet voice. "I missed you in there. Talk to me."
His comforting voice almost sounded like a command. She hadn't really talked a lot about her thought processes when her mind was everywhere. Come to think of it, Mustang never really asked her to talk about it, but he always listened when she wanted to. Though, this train of thought was a little different than her usual ones. Instead of just dreading the past, now she was having to fear the future. Maybe that's why it was so different to him.
"Talking about what to do next was a little too much for me," she explained. "I think I'm okay now. I talked to Al for a little bit. Though, I don't know who was the more concerned one of the two of us," she joked lightly before making eye contact with him again. "I think I'm just afraid of what could happen. I thought that the mission was going to be quick and easy, but that's practically the opposite of what happened. I'm a mess."
He chuckled. "For the record, you've always been a mess. Do you remember the first birthday of yours that I was there for? I was surprised that your father ever let me in the house again."
She remembered what he was referring to. He had gotten her a small gift to say thanks for all of the walks that she had taken with him. It was one of the books that she had told him that her father used to read to her, but the book had disappeared somewhere along all of her father's research.
They had started to alternate nights. One night they would take a walk, and the next night they would read a story together. This night was a walking night, but she really wanted to read the book. They came to the conclusion that they would read it as they took a walk. He was just glad that she liked the present. A lot of times, when he did something for her that either related to her father or somehow correlated to her mother's passing, she would shut him out for a few days until he could make her laugh hard enough that she'd forget whatever he did.
This night, though, was perfect for their little walk. It wasn't too cold or too warm, and the stars lit up the night just perfectly. They were outside the house somewhere in the backyard walking, while she held the book and, for once, was reading to him. She gave the characters in the book so many quirky voices, he could only assume that it was how it was read to her. He appreciated it a lot more thinking of it that way.
Riza appreciated him too. Even though they had their differences, she knew that he really tried to make sure that whatever this relationship was between them worked. He never faltered from his studies, but he never faltered from being her best friend.
Suddenly, while she was caught up in her thoughts and the words on the paper, she yelped as her foot slid in a small hole in the ground. The loose dirt made it easy for her weight to be a disadvantage. The dirt was up to her mid-calf, and it was near impossible for her to pull herself up at the angle she was at.
She wanted to kill Roy as he laughed at her. She swore that she had never heard him laugh so hard in his life. While it was kind of funny, she was not in the mood to be laughed at.
"Roy, get me out of here," she held up a hand to him.
He grabbed onto her hand, still laughing, and pulled her up. In a type of revenge, once she was in a position where she could find a footing, she let go of his hand, causing him to fall. She didn't let go quickly enough, since he still had the time to grab her hand again and pull her down with him. She landed on him with a thud.
"Hey, what was that for?" She said with a playful snarl.
But then she heard her father's voice.
Hawkeye smiled a bit at Mustang and nodded. "Yeah, I remember. I remember all of the chores that I had to do around the house so that I'd stay busy enough not to hang around you anymore."
Keeping his hand still on hers, Mustang put his hand on her side and used it to pull her a little closer to him. "You still managed to do alright and take a few more midnight strolls with me didn't you?" He continued when she nodded. "Think of this like that. I know it isn't, but just go with it for me. You were doing something that you thought was the right thing to do, and something got messed up along the way. Just like you continued to walk with me, I know that you can push through and continue with this mission." He squeezed her hand reassuringly. "This is your mission, The Elizabeth Project, and I'll be damned if I see such a good case name go to waste."
There were a few moments of pure silence before she squeezed his hand back. She let everything he said settle in even the darkest corners of her mind. Mustang was right. She needed to push through this.
"Before we go home, can we go out to eat?" She asked him in a quiet voice, since she was still processing everything. She needed to take this leap of faith with him. "I think I can do this. I need to try."
Hawkeye was confused for a moment when he looked around the halls before he replied. But instead of replying with a yes or a no, he used the hand on her side to pull her against him. He hadn't really touched her in anything more than a platonic way since they had gotten back. She knew he wasn't for her sake, but none of that really scarred her. It caused her initial mental fall, but it mostly just made her head worry about more than it needed to. The way he undesirably touched her, just made her long for a touch that she never knew if she was ever going to feel again. But here it was, right in front of her.
Before she could protest, even though she really didn't want to, Mustang put his lips against hers in an eager kiss. They hadn't shared a kiss like this since they were in New Optain. So many things had changed since then. They both knew that they couldn't keep this up. No matter how much they wanted to spend the rest of the afternoon just the two of them right here in this hallway, kissing like they never had, there were other people in this building. People who would love an opportunity to see this.
Just like he was the one to pull her in, he was also the one that pulled away. Without opening her eyes, she took a deep breath and hugged him tightly. This was okay. This was always okay.
"I love you so much," Mustang whispered in her ear as he hugged her back. He thought back to the letter he had found from her in his desk. He figured when she said that she loved him that it wasn't in that way, but he had been meaning to say it for so long. It felt so right to let her know. "I'd be happy to relieve you of your position once we're done with this mission. I'm sure you need the biggest break after all of this."
She shivered a little in his arms, and he didn't know if that was in response to the first part of what he said or the latter. He held her a little tighter, not wanting to let go. He was a little concerned with her silence, but knew that it wasn't out of the ordinary.
Before she replied, if she was even going to, Havoc called from down the hall. He couldn't hear exactly what was being said, but he knew if Havoc turned the corner and saw them like this, that he was never going to let it go.
Mustang pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead before letting her go. She didn't look at him when she stepped back, and there was a small pang that hurt his heart. He lifted her chin, forcing her to look up at him.
He soon realized that she had been shivering because she was holding back tears, and he could see it in her eyes. The hurt he felt disappeared as he slowly sat down with her on the floor. He held her close to him in his arms. Let Havoc think whatever he wanted to. Her feelings came first.
Hearing that Mustang loved her mostly confused Hawkeye more than anything. She knew that he did. There was no doubt anywhere in her mind of anything else. She was confused of how she should react. She was extremely happy to hear the words, but solidifying his feelings for her and her feelings for him just made this mission to end everything so that the world could be peaceful mean that much more. It meant that there was an added motive to end it all.
It meant that she had that much more to be scared over.
She heard Havoc approach, but she had no words in her that she wanted him to hear. As good of a friend as he was, there were just some moments that he didn't need to hear every word of. This was definitely one of them.
But he never actually came up to them. She assumed that Mustang waved him away with some gesture. She knew that he wanted this privacy too.
"I remember the first time that I saw you in Ishbal," he said in a low voice. "I was shocked that after everything you had also joined the military, but I was also in such awe of the strength that that must have taken. I could see that you had put up barriers and walls just so that you could appear as strong as I already knew you were. No one else there was going to know just how much strength it took for you to enlist, much less actually make it into the military." He moved his hand so that it was holding one of the one's clutching his arm. He used that arm to press her against him, her back against his front.
"I remember the first time you asked me to burn your back," he continued in his deep, gravelly voice. "I thought you were crazy. I already knew you were, but this was a whole new level. When I finally accepted your offer to get rid of the research, I was so amazed that you got through all of it without even batting an eye. I knew you were strong, but geez, Riza, you really threw me for a loop.
"I remember when you thought that Lust had killed me," his voice dropped to a whisper. "I remember seeing how devastated you were as you emptied your clip. I could feel every emotion that you were feeling as it filled the room. I remember the look on your face when I stepped into the room. You were so strong while also seeming so defeated. I don't think any of these other guys would have emptied their chamber even once just by hearing that I was dead. I knew then that I made the best decision that I ever could make by making you my right hand man. I knew that you really always had my back- not that I ever doubted you."
He stopped his story when he thought he heard her laughing. She leaned her head back against his shoulder as she chuckled.
"When I saw you, with anger all in your face and your side cauterized in a gross manner, I remember thinking to myself, 'Shit, now I'll have to go through this all over again later,'" Hawkeye told him. "Little did I know that I was going to be the one potentially on the chopping block."
"That day was a nightmare, literally," Mustang said. "I couldn't stop dreaming about it until the first day that you started staying with me overnight in the hospital. I felt so bad about you in the other room, injured from something you had no part in."
"That was my part in it all," she told him. "It could have only been me."
He pressed a soft kiss to her cheek. "There's an empty conference room just down the hall if you'd rather go there, instead of just lying here in the middle of the hallway."
She looked over at him. "What about the meeting with the rest of them? Don't we need to finish that first?"
"No," he said, shaking his head. "We've established that we're just going to wait until they make a move, considering how we still don't really know anything. It just seems like the safest option."
Hawkeye nodded and moved off of him. She stood up and offered a hand out to him. He took it and stood up as well. She would much rather stay on the floor and be comfortable with him, but she knew it would be better if they moved to the conference room.
Hand in hand, they walked to the conference room that was just down the hall. Mustang pulled open the large wooden door and let her walk in first before letting it fall closed. She took a look around the room. It had been a while since she had given a presentation or sat through one in one of the conference rooms here. She was going to have to once this thing was done.
Mustang locked the door before walking over to her. He was never going to get tired of seeing her now that he had his sight back. In his eyes, she was the only thing worth seeing. He took her hand and pulled her over to one of the couches near the side of the room. They both needed a break from talking about what was to come. He just wanted to talk about her for a bit.
He sat down on the couch and kept his arm out as an invitation for her to lean on him like she had in the hallway, which she did. He held her close and waited for her to speak first. He just wanted to enjoy a moment of piece with his favorite Captain. Something happened in between her leaving the meeting and this moment that changed her aura. She seemed better, even if just slightly.
"So you got my letter," she said in a quiet voice. He couldn't tell if she was happy or sad about it.
Mustang nodded and wrapped his arms tightly around her. "I did," he told her as he rested his chin on her shoulder. "I don't blame you. Even before all of this that happened, I don't blame you. The military wasn't and still isn't you."
Hawkeye shrugged. She honestly wanted out then because she didn't know what else she could do in the military that would be beneficial for her. Sure, they would have some issues every now and then, but the Ishbalan conflict was pretty much resolved, and the homunculi were gone. That didn't mean that she wouldn't ever come back if she needed to. She just wanted to try something different.
"The military doesn't change because of one person," he continued. "Yet, it sure as hell doesn't have an issue changing people. I know I'm not the same person that I was when I was under your father's training. So much has happened since then." He spoke into her neck, making her shudder from the sudden warmth. "I think you're the only person that I've seen stay unchanged. Even with these last few weeks with your mental struggle, you have managed to stay you. Just more of what's in here has come out." He put his hand over her heart and kept it there.
She leaned her head back onto the couch, away from his head. "I don't know if that's true. I certainly changed before I enlisted so that I could make sure that I could do it, since I had to do it." She put her hand over his that was on her chest. "This has always been what guided my actions. I just built up so many walls that no one could tell."
There was another silence that fell over them. They both wanted this silence. It felt right. There were so many things to say that not saying them made them that much more valuable. They could talk about their pasts all day. They had before. Yet, now, they both wanted so much more than that.
"I love you, Riza," the words escaped from his lips, killing the silence. "I always have, but I don't think I knew what these feelings were until two weeks ago. Even way back then, when I thought I was going to lose you, I knew I loved you, but it didn't hit me as that emotion. All I have ever really known is loss and lust, and it wasn't until I saw you, the first time I could see after everything. You barely had any clothes on, and you had cuts all over you. I could only imagine what had happened in our time apart." He took a deep breath. "I hurt for you. I was mad- no, I was angry. But during it all, the only thing in my mind was 'How could they do this to the woman I love?'"
Riza closed her eyes, trying to avoid saying it back, even though she did love him with all of her heart. "I don't even know how many times it happened. There came a moment when I realized it wasn't the first time, and from them on, I could remember. I didn't need to remember the details of what happened because my body remembered for me. Time moved so differently, and all I could sense was his hands on me." She shivered just at the thought. "They just kept telling me that if I didn't resist or if I cooperated, then you'd be given a lesser treatment. I couldn't imagine what they were doing to you. You were always gone for so long, and my mind just-"
"We don't have to think about what happened then," he told her. "We are here in Central. We are safe, and we don't have to worry about anything right now."
She nodded slightly and clutched the hand that was over her heart. She was extremely grateful for all of the things that he had done for her in her life. Just being with him now and allowing there to be a silence which separated them from the world, made her love him that much more.
"Thank you, Roy," she said as she looked over at him. He was already watching her, and their eyes met. "I don't know where I'd be if you weren't so stubborn and insisted that you come along with me."
Roy gave a small smirk. "You'd be either breaking my heart or stressing it out. I'm glad that you aren't doing that."
Riza moved her hand off of his and put it on his chest. Even through all of the skin and muscle, she could still feel his heart beat. It wasn't relatively fast, but she could feel the beat picking up pace. She knew hers was too. Anytime he was close to her like this her heart would race. She never knew what to expect, but in this moment, she was glad that there were no expectations.
He took the opportunity of them being in such close quarters to really hold her close as he kissed her cheek, making his way towards her ear. She caught on to what was happening and tilted her head away so he could do whatever he wanted. They didn't have many intimate moments like this, whether it was before he joined the military or during their mission. Their make-out sessions usually just stuck to that. It was never much about pleasure for each other but usually a want to pleasure themselves.
There had only been one other time that they came close to anything other than either a platonic kiss or a short, but romantic, make-out session. It was a little after the first time that they had a more than platonic kiss. They had grown so close that it was easy to do something either flirty or romantic and consider it platonic. But they definitely had their moments where it was anything but platonic.
It was one night after dinner, she was picking out a new book to read, since they had finished the one the night before. He had just finished cleaning the dishes. It was in the winter time, and their sky light window had broken, so the house was usually chilly. His wet hands because especially cold in the wind that blew through the house.
Roy walked up behind her and slipped his hands just barely under her shirt, but enough for his hands to be completely on her sides. Riza yelped, dropping the book she had in her hands. She tried to push his hands off of her.
"Your hands are freezing!" She cried out. "Get them off of me!"
He smirked and moved his hands higher up her shirt. She squirmed in his grasp, pushing back against him. He continued to move his hands up her shirt. He wasn't going to be doing anything inappropriate, but he felt like he had the room to tease. If she really didn't want him to, she would say something.
The only reason he felt comfortable doing this in her father's home was because he was out of town. Roy assumed it was for research reasons, but he never said. He also never said when he was getting back, but since he had left that afternoon, he felt confident that he had the time for this.
"Roy Mustang!" She said with a laugh. His hands weren't cold any longer, but she'd keep up the façade. "Unhand me!"
As he moved his hands higher, it came to his attention that she wasn't wearing the bra he could have sworn she was wearing at dinner before her father left. He knew that she purposely did this for him. He knew that she wanted this too.
"What are you going to do if I don't?" He whispered to the back of her ear as his thumb traced the curve beneath her breast. He could feel her breaths getting sharper. "I don't think you have the will to stop me."
She continued to push back against him until he hit the wall. He took the opportunity of the sudden force against his back to push his hands onto her breasts entirely. He could feel her start to melt almost as he massaged her chest. She had stifled a moan as he rubbed his thumbs over her nipples, but eventually, she did, letting him know that whatever he was doing was good.
Just thinking about that day aroused him, even now. Right now, the timing probably wasn't appropriate, but as they sat on the couch in the conference room, he couldn't help but gently bite her earlobe as she pressed up against him. Getting aroused wasn't going to be something that he could avoid if she kept this up.
Roy stopped messing with her earlobe and leaned back. He smiled at her and continued to hold her close. It was for the best that nothing got started up here since they still had to go talk to people who would definitely know.
Riza moved over to the other side of the couch, much to his disappointment. She winked at him and held out her hand to him. She was going to make this work. She was determined to make sure that she could be okay once they left this room. She could do it.
He took her hand and laughed as she pulled him over to her. He laid his head on her chest and smiled. There was a lot he could do in this position.
She wrapped her arms around him and held him to her. She liked this, feeling like she wasn't the one needing to be held. It was a sense of power that she hadn't felt in a while. She ran a hand through his hair and grabbed a fist full of it, pulling back slightly so he'd look back up at her.
"I love you too, Roy."