I'm not saying I love you,
I'm not saying I don't.
I'm not saying I trust you,
I'm not saying I won't.
I'm not saying I need you,
The day I say that, I'll rue.
There's a lot of things I'm not saying,
Because I know they're all too true.
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IcePrincess013
-iheartyou-
I didn't bother telling anyone about what happened. Richie new, of course, that I was upset. He knew something happened with Kendall that made me want to rip a poster of him and his friends, but he didn't ask beyond that. Regina was still angry about that, though. I told her it was just weird, seeing him in real life then coming home to see his pictures lining my walls. I told her it made me feel like a stalker.
Really, it made me sick to my stomach.
There were many reasons I hated myself, at this point. The first being the fact that I let it slip I'd started to fall in love with him, though that was not how I worded it – no matter how much I wish I had. The second being that I wasted my time on some hot shot, rock star, dream boat when I knew that I would only be in L.A. for a month, and therefore wasted a good portion of my vacation on some asshole cheater.
But Kendall wasn't an asshole cheater. He was amazing. And that was the third reason I hated myself. No matter what I did, I couldn't hate Kendall Knight. I tricked myself into believing that he really hadn't meant to hurt me, or Jo for that matter. He honestly just…made a mistake. And, naively, I believed he would come for me.
And he may have. I wouldn't know though, my phone had been in the same state for four days now. Sitting, battery separated from the rest, on my desk. I often contemplated turning it back on – just to see if he'd even tried to contact me. However, it seemed every time I started to actually do it, Richie would show up in the doorway and stop me. Richie also removed my iPod from my possession, claiming I would 'Drown myself in sad songs, wasting the remainder of the vacation, instead of getting over the jerk and having some fun'. He was right. That's exactly what I would have done.
Celine Dion was calling my name.
So, with no phone to re-read old texts and listen to old voicemails and no iPod to put 'My Heart Will Go On' on repeat, I found a different alternative. Every day, before anyone was awake, I'd creep out of the house and down to the beach – or, rather, the spot Kendall and I met. For an hour, I'd sit there just watching the wave, listening to the seagulls and silently crying.
This feeling, frankly, sucked. And there was no escaping it. The closest escape I had was this – sitting next to a seemingly endless body of water.
For the first time, in the four day span that I'd made this a routine thing, I decided to actually get in the water. So, standing, I kicked off my flip flops and ran at full speed to the ocean. A few beach early joggers passed me as I dived in, not bothering to take in a breath. I stayed under for a while – probably longer than I should. But, for some reason, I didn't want to come up. And I wouldn't have, had someone not pulled me up.
"Are you trying to kill yourself?"
I didn't know who it was, but I pushed them back – spitting up water and sputtering like an idiot, "I hadn't thought about it."
Whoever it was let out a small chuckle, "He described you perfectly."
I finally looked up, meeting the brown eyes of whoever was talking to me, laughing at me, and stopping me from enjoying my swim. It was Logan, or who I remembered as Logan. I glared, "If by 'he' you mean Kendall, then there's no way. He doesn't even know me."
Logan's smile fell, "I'm sorry."
"Why are you sorry?" I scoffed, running my hands along my goose bump covered arms, "You didn't do anything."
He nodded, running a hand through his hair, "Exactly. Look, I know this is kind of weird, me being here, but I came on behalf of Kendall."
"Then you'll have no trouble leaving on his behalf, will you?" I pushed past him, pulling myself from the water and grabbing my shoes. I had every intention of the conversation ending there. Logan, obviously, had other plans. He grabbed my arm, "Look, it's sweet of you to be doing this for him. But, if I can be honest, I'm not going to forgive him. So, please, just leave."
"Audra." Logan sighed, "He's crazy about you. He's going crazy without you. I've never seen him like this. The other guys, they agree. Kendall isn't Kendall when he's not with you. Kendall was hardly Kendall anymore until he met you. Just, think about it, please?"
"It's not that easy. I don't expect you to know."
"I don't know, I'll admit that. Just call him, or something."
Beep. Beep. Beep.
I rolled over, slapping my alarm. That dream happened every night, for four days now. The only difference is it had been Carlos the night before, and James the night before that. They were haunting me. Without thinking, my legs lead me to my desk, my hands picked up my phone and battery, and just like that, at 5 o'clock in the morning, I was calling Kendall Knight.
Three rings and fifty heart-attacks later, he answered, "Hello?"
"Ken-Kendall?" I breathed, nervously, "It's me. It's Audra – uh – AJ Boswell."
-iheartyou-
She called. She really called. It seemed stupid to be so worked up, especially when she called at five in the morning, but she called. How many times can you say called in one sentence?
Kendall was freaking out, of course, he pulled on some jeans, threw on a t-shirt, slipped on his vans and was out the door with not even a note of explanation.
"Meet me at the beach," She said. "Where we met."
Like Kendall needed to be reminded of such place. He'd visited there, every day for the past four days, after he was done at Rocque Records.
He knew exactly where to go.
However, when he got there, it wasn't what he was expecting. Given, Audra running down the beach in slow motion, dressed in a white gown, with her arms spread wide open repeating his name, "Kendall! Oh, Kendall! Keeennnnddaaaalll.", seemed highly unlikely. But she wasn't even smiling. She didn't say his name once, let alone look at him.
Audra just stared at the water for the extent of their conversation.
"Hey." He said, warily, stuffing his hands in his pockets.
"I forgive you."
"What?"
"I forgive you. But, I want you to stop calling me, okay?" she sighed, "It's too much."
"AJ, what are you talking about?"
"And don't call me that. My name is Audra." Audra turned to him, but she didn't look at him. She kept her eyes on the water that met her bare feet, "Forget about me. Forget about this. Forget about whatever we had. Forget about the summer, the past week and a half. Just pretend I never even existed. I'll do the same. Then maybe, one day, we can be friends."
"Aud-"
"No. Just leave now. Goodbye."
With that, she left. Audra just walked away and Kendall stood there, kicking sand and cursing under his breath. Sure, he could have chased after her. But he knew, if there was any chance of him seeing her again, he'd have to just let her go for a while.
The problem was, Kendall didn't know if he could do that.
-iheartyou-
Jo Taylor was, for lack of a better word, devastated. Of course, wouldn't you be? Given the circumstances, she had a certain right to be. This explained why she requested a break from filming. Luckily, since her Uncle was the director, she was granted said wish. Still, when Kendall Knight came knocking on her apartment door only days after she'd discovered he was cheating on her, she had to answer.
This was bound to be good.
"I'm sorry." He sighed, stepping in.
"Please, come in." Jo scoffed, sarcastically, closing the door and crossing her arms, "What do you want?"
"I want to apologize." Kendall said, looking to her eyes, "For everything."
"I'm listening."
"Okay," he let out a breath, "I meant to end it…with you. And, I know, that sounds horrible. But, we both know it was going to happen. Between your movie, the tour, everything, you know? We got through it before, sure but…." Kendall stopped his pacing, "I'm just…sorry."
"I forgive you."
Kendall's head shot up, "Really?" Jo nodded. He stepped forward, wrapping her in a hug, "Jo."
"I saw you looking at her last night. You love her." Jo said, simply. And more calmly than Kendall would have thought, "You're good together."
"You think?"
Jo smiled, "Get her back. She's who you belong with."
Kendall gave Jo another hug, held her at arm's length, then ran out the door. He was going to get Audra back.
author's note: words cannot describe how amazing you guys are. i got over twenty reviews. seriously? i love you.
so now, i'm just letting you review at your own free will. although, beating your record would be pretty cool, don't you think?
muchos, muchos, MUCHOOOSSS gracias to:
waterwicca: if she doesn't review this chapter first, i'd be very. VERY surprised. love it, girl. loooveee it.
jadestar1: i tried uploading fast! but those darn midterms got in my way!
christinainwonderland: hope this was detailed enough for you.
imakatertot: jo sucks. enough said. but LUH-HOVE FRIENDS! me and my friends were just comparing our lives to friends, i ended up being Pheobe (:
sammy-nick: you just accidently pushed my laptop back with your feet, you jerk. we're watching The Nanny and NOT Believe It, Or Not: Fact or Fiction - stupid recording. i love you (:
RunBabyRun8132: love Phantom, i mean, who doesn't?
Miyu101: i only wish i had a brother to beat up old ex-boyfriends. sheesh.
IcePrincess013: Audall, original. I like it (:
Phantom Reviewer: YOU SHALL WAIT NO LONGER!
and a VERY SPECIAL THANK YOU to the WONDERFUL VeganZombie! You guys remember that story? Something Yet to Learn. Yeah, she wrote that. AND IT'S AMAZING! AND SHE'S AMAZING! And that girl, oh boy, she reviewed every chapter. Attacked my inbox with wonderful post-exam goodies. And for that, i love her. Boy, i feel like i just met Muhammad Ali - oh wait, i HAVE. he lives in Berrien Springs, MI. which is literally fifteen minutes away from me. (please don't come find me) but, and i kid you not, when i was little he put me on his shoulder in the McDonalds because i was scared of him. how AMAZING is that?
anyway. take the poll on my page to vote on the couple name (:
and tell me who the most famous person you've ever met was in your review