A/N: Tenth chapter woo how relevant! Dedicated to Phil, my baby boy has finally reached 3 mil! Proud of you, Phil. Also shoutout to fletcheratls on wattpad bc I got loads and loads of new followers off their terrible, terrible (sorry fam) 5sos fanfic (I've seen your other stuff though and it's pretty good) but yeah shoutout bc I suddenly have 41+ followers I mean wow ok

~Phil~

His lips are seconds from pressing against mine, and electric currents run through my veins, my hands almost shake and I am so very ready. His hand is wrapped around my neck, and it's taking all my self control not to pull him closer to me, I feel like I'm trudging through molasses and it's been an eternity of waiting. I can feel him breathing, hear his heartbeats intermingle with mine, and all I can think is that he is the most wonderful, beautiful thing on this planet, I am so lucky to be in this moment right here, right now. I am walking on stars.

His breath hitches, and he opens his eyes, I can feel him exhale quietly.

Oh.

I pull back gently, I don't want him to think I'm pressuring him into this, I want to kiss him so badly but I won't. Not until he lets me. Not until it's not just me kissing him, it's us kissing each other. One sided kissing doesn't work.

I let my hands slip off his shoulders and into my lap, staring down at them.

"I'm sorry," I say quietly, and he withdraws his hands from my neck, folding them in his lap.

We sit like this for a while, cross legged across from each other, and I continue to stare down at my hands. Silence slices through the atmosphere, and there's nothing to break the awkwardness that has instilled itself in the air. Decades pass. I don't look up.

"I'm sorry." I repeat. He doesn't look at me, "I'm sorry."

Still nothing.

After a while, I see his legs shift, and he stands, walks over towards the kitchen. I hear his footsteps pad softly away from me, I say, "Dan, I'm sorr-"

"Stop saying that!" He shouts in a sudden outburst, "Stop... saying that. Please."

I almost apologize before I catch myself, and hold my tongue. I hear him open the fridge, pull something out, he sits down at the counter. He doesn't say anything. He just sits quietly at the counter. Slowly, I stand from the couch, untangling my legs and brushing off my shirt. I can feel his eyes on me as I cross to the door, unhooking my coat off the hook in the wall.

He's still staring at me, I can tell. Trying my hardest not to let any tears drop from my brimming eyes, I open the door, hearing the familiar creak, and shut it behind me. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and I dissolve into tears as soon as I'm in the elevator, the doors sliding shut behind me. I lean back against the railing, trying to blink up at the ceiling so that I might stop crying. It doesn't work.

The doors ping, and slide open, but it's not my floor. A young man with curly brown hair and light green eyes walks in, shrugging a jacket off. I try to dry my eyes best I can without being noticeable, but he still looks at me, concerned.

"Hey, are you alright?"

I smile, "Yeah, just had a little argument, that's all."

Little.

He raises his eyebrows at me, "Are you sure? Where are you going, do you want me to walk you?"

I kind of do, but I shrug, like I don't care, "Sure. I live in Brookside, just by Oak."

The elevator doors ding open and I walk out, he falls in pace next to me.

"So," he says, "What happened? Only if you want to tell me, though, of course, I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable.

I just look down quietly, "Nothing, really. I thought someone loved me back, but they don't."

He runs his hand through his hair, "I know the feeling, but trust me, it'll get better. What's your name, by the way?"

"I'm Phil," I say, offering a handshake, and he takes it, replying, "PJ, pleased to meet you. So this girl that you're after, you don't think she likes you?"

I sigh, kicking a pebble with my shoe, "No, I don't think he does."

I see the moment cross his face, the oh moment. He recovers quickly, replying, "Yeah, I know the feeling. My boy, he's something special too." He smiles at me, "We started out kinda like you guys, actually."

It's my turn to wear the oh.

I turn to look at him as we walk, "So, what's your boy like? Mine's pretty special, too. Well, I guess he's not mine. Not yet, anyways, maybe not ever."

"Come on, don't talk like that, I'm sure that he likes you! My boy, Chris, I didn't think he liked me at all. Thing is, I was wrong, so you never know!" He shakes his head, "I'm real lucky to have him, you know. Honestly, I have no idea how I managed to end up with him, he's way out of my league."

He says exactly what I'm thinking, he says, "He's the most beautiful thing that I've ever seen."

I pause, "He's the most beautiful thing that I've ever seen."

And as he goes on about how he's the luckiest person alive, to meet this spectacular boy, just to know him, I understand exactly how he feels.

~Dan~

Jesus fucking Christ, fuck me. Fuck.

I sit barefoot on the couch with my knees pulled up to my chest, same as I've been for thirty minutes since he left.

Fuck.

Almost. I almost kissed him. I was so, so close, he smelled like peppermint and vanilla. His eyes were the most beautiful things I have ever seen, I was drowning in them and now I can't breathe anymore. I groan into the pillow, throwing it across the room, why did I do that? I mean, what the fuck Dan? Why do you always have to go and mess these things up, I mean what the fuck?

I roll over, onto my stomach, and pull out my phone, swiping through the lockscreen. To call or not to call, that is the question. Not to call, I decide, popping open the Tumblr app again. I was on Tumblr the first time I met him, I think. The second time, he was on Twitter. Shit app, Twitter. I don't tend to do well with character limits.

Speaking of which, I still haven't told him I found his YouTube channel. It's called AmazingPhil, he actually posts some good stuff, god, I'm a stalker. Well, I mean, technically I did wake up to find him in my apartment, so maybe I'm not the stalker. Thing is, this is good, right? Well, not good, but at least I know that he likes me now. Does he?

I can't tell, I honestly can't, I don't know how he feels about me but all I know is that he probably thinks that I hate him now, and I've fucked the entire situation up, Jesus Christ, what have I done. Everything was going perfectly, but of course, if it all went well then it certainly wasn't me who was about to kiss him. Something always goes wrong, always, I ought to have learned that. I lay back down on the couch.

I should send flowers.

Nah, that's stupid.

Maybe I just won't say anything?

Nah, that's stupid too.

Maybe I'll just let the entire thing kind of die down? I mean, it's not the best solution, but what else do I have? I basically ran away from a kiss, and now he thinks that we're platonic. Bros. Dudes. Guys. Men. Mates.

Yeah, no.

I should do something. But what? What do I do? God, I can't think straight, I mean, I can't be straight. I'm still fuzzy from his breath and the adrenaline of the situation, I think I'll just wait it out. Pretend it didn't happen. But wouldn't that make him feel like I don't care?

But I do care, I just don't want to make it awkward!

So... What now? Do I just... wait for it to blow over?

I shake my head, I don't know anymore. All I know is that I should have kissed him, and I didn't. Fuck you, Dan, I think. Fuck you.